House Hunting Is Not for Sissies

I need a real estate agent.  No, I don’t want just any old real estate agent, just like I don’t want some cracker box house that looks like all of its neighbors.  Silly me, I’ve been browsing houses instead of realtors!
Bought our first house in one of those booming look-alike neighborhoods.  Didn’t have a realtor.  Bought our second house on land contract.  Didn’t have a realtor.  So this? this is new.

I’m sure many agents work hard, but my impression thus far is that they do as little as possible, while drownin you in the kind of saccharine speech you can’t stand.  Oh, what’s that? It might just be me? You don’t prefer forthright and genuine?

Called listing agent on first house we liked.  He informed me that the house was currently in escrow and it looked like it would go through.  THEN HE TOLD ME HOW WONDERFUL THE HOUSE WAS!
“Oh that amount of space, for that kind of price, really a great deal.  Still has original…”

I cut him off.

“Dude, are you tryin to sell me a house that is no longer for sale?”
He laughed.
Nice enough guy, but a bit daft, non?
He took all of my information, but didn’t listen to a damn thing I said and sent me a link to a house in a town we don’t want to live in.

Signed up for a site that sends listing alerts.  Received a call from an agent.  Nice guy.  Genuine, pleasant.  Explained our situation.   He asked me ten thousand questions and  put me in touch with a lender.  After a few weeks, I asked him to put an offer on second house we liked.  About two weeks later, I sent him an email asking him about the third house we liked.  Haven’t heard from him, regarding either house, or the cost of tea in China.  It’s been two weeks now.
I truly think he’s just over there, sitting on our bid.

Called listing agent for fourth house we like, not that we don’t still like the first two, but who knows.  He’s very busy.  He’s so busy, he called me back to tell me just how busy he is.  And he said it in this sorta strange smug way as though I wouldn’t understand that he  has a job of monumental importance, and I am incapable of fathoming to what degree of busy he actually is.

he's a busy badass

he’s a busy badass

Then, when I finally spoke to him, he asked me the same ten thousand questions, referred me to his preferred lender, and reminded me again of how busy he is.  He actually said if he didn’t get back to me today, to call him tomorrow, not that he would forget me, but that he is very busy.
I said I needed to move to the area soon, and I needed someone to represent me as a buyer.
He said he had an investor looking to bid $10-20k on fourth house.  Well, if that’s the case, why is he trying to get me financing?!?
Makes me wonder if he’s sitting on investor’s bid..or if he made it up.
“I am a normal person, so I will not be putting down twenty thousand dollars,” I told him.  He’d still like to help.  Of course he would.  He thinks his lender will have more options than those other lenders.  What he means is, he would like his referral fee, please and thank you.

Called the preferred lender pursuant to his email.  Got disconnected.  Called back five minutes later because no one called back.  Got voicemail.

not so muches with the winning..

not so muches with the winning..

Received a follow-up email from Busy Badass, wherein he wrote that he’s delighted to know that his preferred lender and I are playing phone tag.
So lemme get this straight, lender has time to tell Busy Badass that we’re playing phone tag, but not actually time to call me back?!?

i can't hear you..

i can’t hear you..

Furthermore, I cannot get over Busy Badass’s many photos in the email.  Seriously, he must have paid a fortune for his photos and therefore inserts them into everyfuckingthing.  I dunno.  He’s not a bad-lookin guy, aside from his obvious self-adoration…

I am becoming jaded.
And also, sexist.
I can’t help thinking that if I spoke to a woman, she would use her ears and her brain at the same time for a thing we call listening.

JLW knows some guy who knows some people who might know someone in the area we wish to live.  In the meantime, I think I’ll place some calls to female agents in the area.

Cause you know, come Spring, I don’t wanna be livin in a van, down by the river…

eatin government cheese..

eatin government cheese..

About joey

Neurotic Bitch, Mother, Wife, Writer, Word Whore, Foodie and General Go-To-Girl
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4 Responses to House Hunting Is Not for Sissies

  1. meg68 says:

    I love reading your posts, u make me feel normal and sane :p


  2. baldjake70 says:

    So, judging from the post by meg68, I guess you are crazy. Oh well. In my ACAP class now, so I have to sign off of here now. Love you my little neurotic ball of passion.


  3. reocochran says:

    This post is so true! It isn’t easy and it has so many elements involved. This had me chuckling and remembering the last time I went house hunting!

    Liked by 1 person

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