This morning, I woke up in the dark.
The Mister was not in bed.
Realizing I hadn’t set my alarm, I panicked.
I grabbed my phone.
6:56!
Why didn’t he wake me?!?
FUCK!
I threw back the covers, raced down the hall to wake Moo.
I opened her door, turned on her light, and saw that she was not in her bed.
No, she slept in the living room.
That’s right.
Because it’s not a school night.
Because it’s fucking Saturday.

I’ve heard this happens to other people, just, until today, it had never happened to me.

When I posted my magic moment on Facebook, my mother commented, “Tee-hee. Won’t be the last time.”

That is SO concerning, cause you know that woman is always right.

When I was overzealous, cleaning my gas range, I picked up the still-blazing eye. When I called her crying, she sighed and said, “It won’t be the last time.”

When The Mister and I had our first fight and I yelled to her, “I’m so angry! I could wring his neck!” She sighed and said, “Well, it won’t be the last time.”

So now I have three unfortunate incidents to look forward to, thanks to my mother and her infinite wisdom…

*thinks about four children that are all a little bit like her in the most annoying ways*
Nah, that’s a coincidence, right?