I had such a day yesterday, Tracey compared me to enacting The Comedy of Errors and I couldn’t argue with the correlation.
Dreams and tossing about made sure I slept poorly Sunday night.
6am did not care.
I walked the dog, picked blackberries, fried green tomatoes, did a bit of laundry…
Sadie escaped the fence again. We don’t know how or where exactly, but about a dozen times in the last year, she’s escaped. She doesn’t always choose to escape the back yard, but then, we don’t leave her there often, because we don’t know when she might choose to escape. We want her to enjoy her yard and watching her squirrels and sniffing all the things, but we don’t want her dead in the busy road near our house.
Fortunately, she came running back home as soon as I blew the whistle.
Unfortunately, she had a smell.
Like the smell of a dog who’d rolled around in a week-old diaper pail, but maybe with a hint of something necrotic.
Gnarly.
After about five minutes of her in the house, I had to lead her out onto the porch, secure her leash to the front door, and spray air freshener all about so I could finish eating my lunch without gagging.
Obviously I had to wash the dog.
Unexpectedly. On a Monday. Because dogs are gross.
pretty, clean puppy
I decided to go to the store and pick up a few things.
As I left, my still damp Sadie stood far from the door, giving me the sad face.
I said to The Mister, “She knows, too. Just look at her.”
The Mister asked her, “Is Mama mad at you? Aww, Mama mad at the puppy?!?”
Sadie wagged her tail to him.
“Naughty puppy!” I declared.
She licked her lips and gave me the sad face.
This went on for some time.
She knew I was mad at her.
Off to the store I went.
The local chain grocer uses savings cards. I hate that. When you don’t have a card, they still give you the discounts, even when you curl your lips into a snarl and say, “I don’t have a card and I don’t want a card, thank you,” as if not subjecting yourself to their paperwork is one last bastion against the bureaucracy of marketing.
The cashier said to me, “It will save you a lot of money!”
I thought to myself, no, it will not save me a lot of money. going to a bigger store, where flour costs half as much would save me a lot of money, but she was so bloody sincere and cheerful, I couldn’t bring myself to say it.
I guess they’ve realized they can’t win the I-don’t-have-a-card battle, so the cashier told me to pick a PIN and that would be my card. Super. I saved $1.75. Yay me. Now I can afford to buy five more pounds of flour elsewhere.
Got home, put the flour on the counter, put the yogurt in the fridge, realized my Lysol was in a second bag, left behind at the grocer.
Fuck all.
Drove back to the store.
The cashier of cheer reported that she’d already re-stocked it, but I could go get it. Then she told me a great deal of information about how their computer system operates when things like this happen.
Got my Lysol, drove back home.
As is customary, after shifting emotions through twenty impassioned minutes of the girls blathering on about the dramatic happenings of their days, I gave them chores to do.
They were a bit more hyper than usual yesterday, so I repeated directions several times, and The Mister gave them a powerful speech about minding me.
An important blip in the conversation between Sassy and me:
Me: Put a load of jeans in the washer. Cold–
Sassy: Cold water, permanent press, super load, yeah, I got it.
Me: Don’t forget to put soap in and you don’t need fabric softener, so turn the power rinse off.
Sassy: Right, right, right.
Five minutes later, “What happens if a little bit of bleach goes into a load of jeans?”
Obviously the earth stopped spinning when she asked me this question.
can I not just spray the lysol in peace? shigellosis is goin around, ya know!
I freaked out, pulled a load of wet, potentially bleached jeans from the washer, put them in a basket (flashback to last month’s laundry crisis, also caused by Sassy!) and tossed in white linens instead.
The jeans are all unharmed. I assume the guardian angels of laundry intervened. Sassy’s shirt took a hit though, and had to be thrown away.
Later conversational blip between Sassy and me:
“You are not ready for bleach. Have I ever asked you to use bleach, ever in your life?”
“No ma’am.”
“Notice that as I teach you to do laundry, you are learning one step at a time, and we are still on washing jeans. We will master the art of washing jeans before we move on. One load at a time.”
>nod<
Jeez.
All I wanted to do was disinfect my house, bake yummy things, and make dinner, but nooo, I had to parent. Gah.
Onto baking!
Baking makes me happy.
And eating.
I like eating what I bake, too.
plum & blackberry galette a la mode
So there you have it. Monday, with folly — but also galettes and pies, because I know how to make a bad day better. It’s all in the crust!
joeyfullystated 
*Those* days… like you’re wearing a “Kick Me” sign, or sumthin’.
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Yup!
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Ouch…that’s a rough day…
Spray lysol in peace…hilarious!
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Thank you, Michelle 🙂
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You just made me feel really good about myself. I have no spouse the dog can use against me and don’t have a dog anyway (can’t afford vet bills on disability). I also never had children and therefore never disenjoyed my youngest’s inappropriate bleach use. And my grocer’s cashiers are ordered to ask every customer for a savings card but find that a total chore and look grateful when I tell them “No card” and just move on with the transaction. … Hmm. … Come to think of it, most of my grocer’s cashiers seem to have their minds on heading home to cook, do laundry and wash the dishes after their shift, while they’re working (since their husbands and kids wouldn’t dream of helping out with “women’s work”). I do only my own laundry and that takes about an hour and a half every two or three weeks. Long story short, although there is crap in my life same as in everyone else’s, the kind of crap _you_ go through might send me charging into crowded movie theaters with a chainsaw. I feel blessed that that will never happen. Thanks! 🙂
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Pffft! Hardly psychotic chainsaw-wielding material, but I’m glad you feel better!
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Actually, my universal reaction to even a little bit of stress is to curl up into a ball on the floor, so it’s doubtful I’d even be in a position to pick up the chainsaw in the first place. Plus chaisaws are kinda heavy for me. So, yeah, I’m more catatonia material. Glad that your ability to handle stress is normal.
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I wish you’d read me last fall, when I wrote the post about wanting a chainsaw!
My reaction to stress isn’t really normal, so much as it’s exercised by rearing children! 😛
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I get so annoyed when every store I go to wants to give me a card. All I need is to give out even more information about myself. Plus, I’ll then get an onslaught of promotional mail and email. No thanks.
That dessert looks wonderful! I love a warm baked fruit dish with ice cream. Yum.
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I know, right? I’m so over the cards. SO.MANY.CARDS.
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As long as you can keep laughing or baking, you can get through these days. I caved in and got the card when Doritos were 2-for-the-price-of-1 but ONLY with the card. They gave me two cards so I gave one to my wife. She shops, I get the spam – taking one for the team, that’s me.
And. Everything. Is made better. With. Pie 🙂
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LOL @ Taking one for the team! Good job, Dan!
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Yum, I shoulda just shown up for dinner and dessert. Yes, dogs can smell really bad. But I don’t have any dogs any longer. My cats always smell like flowers, for some reason. Maybe that’s because they can’t go outside. And needless to say I love the laundry image.
Anyway, any day that starts out with blackberries and fried green tomatoes can’t be all bad.
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This was so funny. I know, i should be giving you sympathy but then what would you have to write about? You’re welcome!
PS. don’t fall for that doing it yourself crap because your daughter screws up the laundry. Make HER pay for the clothes she ruined. (That’s why I couldn’t be a Mom – too little patience and too harsh on the punishment. Plus I can barely spell galette let alone make pie crust. You Rock! Comically 🙂
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I seldom require sympathy. Honest.
I didn’t have her repair the laundry, since I fretted over it, but we’ll keep working on learning how to do laundry as I did with her brother and sister.
She was given several other chores, including the ones her sister hadn’t finished. More as a punishment for not listening.
Thank you for the fine compliment 🙂
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Do you deliver? That looks fantastic. I love blackberries but have never baked with them. I saw a recipe for a blackberry/mascarpone hand pie but have yet to make it. I’ll wait for the first cold weekend that I have without Owen and I can bake pies that I can eat while reading and doing other fabulous things like more reading and maybe watching a movie all snuggled up in a blanket.
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You inspire me, you truly do. Only you can make synopsis of your day hysterically funny. Baking sounds like good therapy. Maybe I’ll try it. Would give anything for some blackberry bushes in my yard. Love blackberries almost as much as I hate savings cards!
Fondly (LOL),
Elizabeth
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Hah! Well thanks! Baking is wonderful therapy. Almost as good as gardening.
I only recently found the blackberry bush, the son of the previous owner showed us. It’s surrounded by poison ivy, which I am crazy allergic to. Monday though, The Mister held back the ivy while I picked ❤
I love them too! Love! I usually make cobbler with the blackberries, but since I'm using our bush and not the storebought, it takes a long time to get enough. It's only one bush and it's two years old, so its yield is fairly small.
Thanks as always, for commenting, Fondly Elizabeth.
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Your dog is adorable. And I hate when they ask if I found everything okay. No, I didn’t. You people never carry the things I REALLY want to try. Like durian or human flesh. Am I right?
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LOL!
Durian is something I’d like to try too. I’ll leave the human flesh up to you!
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there is definitely an upside to children…people who must obey you and do shit you don’t want to do…now you go and ruin that fantasy by explaining that while doing it, they often do it wrong, making more work for the principal person…me! Diego the dog does nothing except retrieve the paper in the morning and if given the chance he will shred it for you too, to save you the time. Gosh my life seems normal next to yours. Today that is…and that’s enough for now…thanks! On to Tuesday…or is it Wednesday…must look at my to do list…that will surely explain where I am and what I do next…
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Sorry to be off topic, but is your avatar a downward curving erection?
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Uh….
No.
I don’t even know how to file that question.
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Not your avatar, Joey, but Sherry’s. See the comment I replied to.
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Oh good! LOL
My mind was reelin!
Hers is a blue feather. You must be on your phone, huh?
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Now I’m hungry. Can I come over?
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Yes. Chili spaghetti tonight, and there’s a bit of pie left. The ice cream is finished tho…
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You’ve inspired me to bake today but my waistline is expanding and doesn’t need it. I should be juicing but now I want to bake!! If I gain pounds, it’s all your fault you know 😉
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