The other day, I was talkin to my mother about how these people I know got divorced and are getting remarried — not to new people, but again to one another, and she said it happens more than people realize. I assumed one of them thought the grass was greener on the other side of the fence, but she said most of the time the couple reaches a point where they disagree too strongly.
My mind was reeling!
The Mister and I disagree almost every day. Last week we fought about a fucking pillow, for cryin out loud!
What if one day one of us gets too riled up about the strength of coffee, how much football is too much football, or whether I really do neeeed more Fiesta bowls?
Scary shit.
I try to imagine him shouting, “If you buy that bowl in lilac, I will leave you!” Then I imagine us both bursting into laughter.
So I asked my mother, “Like what? What’s a difference of opinion they can’t get past?” She didn’t give me an example, even though I very specifically said she didn’t need to name names or give details. She said, “Oh you know, those things you don’t discuss because you know it will only lead to a fight.”
No, I do not know.
My husband is not one of those people.
I do have plenty of people like that in my life, people with whom one must always adhere to polite conversation. Or people who really should stick to polite conversation, but they don’t, so I nod along and I pour more wine to soothe my almost-gnawed-off tongue. Generally, I’m loving people who not only have differences of opinion, but are pleased to disagree. The agree-to-disagree group. It’s much more fun to agree, but sometimes it’s nice to be shown a different way of thinking, you know, cause learning.
I can’t think of anyone I agree with on everything…
On the other hand, I have broken up with people. I may well still care for them, but a person can only take so much. I hid and deleted some people from social media because all they posted was porn, politics, or religion. Mind you, I don’t mind porn, politics, or religion, but if every time I pick up my computer, I hafta deal with an inundation of vulvas, Sarah Palin, and Jesus, well, I do have a threshold!
That being said, I value the right to expression so if you wanna post cartoon pictures of Jesus going down on Sarah Palin then I’ll support your right to do that, even though I do not want to see that. I’m pretty hard to offend, which I’d guess is because I’m offensive to so many.
Too many people are offended by too much. You can read about what offends me here and here, or you can be like, “This post is enough Joey for me today, thanks.”
I’m quite capable of averting my eyes, scrolling on and nodding, because I’m not into drama.
When people come at me, I’ll first go for cheeky and laissez-faire and hope they let it go (my mother in me.) When people continue, I make them regret it, cause I don’t take shit off anyone (my father in me.)
The Mister is the same way. We don’t start shit, and we let others finish, but when they’re done, we’ll speak our minds without mincing words, and if someone wants the last word, we’ll let them have that, too. But we do come with a reputation for being brutally honest. And certainly with one another.
This week I had to break up with someone because he was upset that I didn’t agree with him, and he wanted to break up with me, but he was trying to be nice for the sake of a mutual friend. I couldn’t understand why it was important to him that I agree with him, but he felt my disagreeing with him was rude, and I thought that was quite sad, which he thought was rude. I finally said it was okay, we could break up. Our point of no return was pet food, I guess.
Other clear cuts in my life include, but are not limited to: misplaced blame, invasion of privacy, misplaced blame, misplaced blame, crack pipes, lying, bodily threat, invasion of privacy, plaid sofas, and of course, misplaced blame.
But I’d rather know, wouldn’t you? I wanna know where they stand, and what matters to them, and what they’re made of, rather than to have their truths coated in sugar or covered in lies.
I am grateful The Mister and I have not yet tumbled into divorce over opinions that mattered more than our marriage, but I’m still waiting for someone to give me an example of an opinion that had the power to end a marriage. Because by my way of thinking, it sounds more like the inability to compromise than a matter of opinion.
Okay, you say stuff now.
joeyfullystated 
If you disagreed with me about something like gravity, I might wonder about you. If you disagreed about the value of professional sports, I’d find it hard to take it personally. If people can’t disagree, what’s the point of conversation. The scariest people, in my opinion, are the ones that blindly agree with each other.
By the way, I do know two people who remarried their ex-spouses. They also both got divorced a second time.
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I hold no opinion about gravity, other than like everything else, it’s useful and bad for my chin.
I don’t care much for sports, and I don’t like too many sports on my tv..
Interesting about the re-divorce. Sometime if we were having a beer, maybe you could tell me about that.
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I used to live upstairs from a couple who had serious marriage/trust issues. She was a manic depressive and he was a pill popper.
When my ex asked me one day what I would do if I was in his position because she was constantly on his ass, and going through his stuff, taking all his money, and not even believing he had a job (because he never had any spending money because she took it..)..I told her exactly what I thought. I knew it was decidedly different than what he was actually gonna do..but she had a fit. Said something about me channeling him in weird and creepy ways. When I said that it was just my OPINION to get rid of the crazy chick, and that I doubted hed do it because he loved his kids, that wasnt good enough. Somehow she deserved an apology from me. So, I refused. That was in the beginning of the end of our relationship.
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It’s always sad when you can pinpoint the beginning of the end.
Thank you for sharing this reasoning, because I think this particular opinion defines values, and clearly on that one, you didn’t share the same ones.
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Im better off without her anyway. 🙂
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No doubt!
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Favorite line in this awesome post: “…..well, I do have a threshold.” LOL! I so feel that way about Facebook too. My husband and I have happily been canceling each other’s vote out now for the duration of our long and happy marriage. It’s either “opposites attract” or “birds of a feather flock together”, and it’s good to know which cliche you’re choosing to live.
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Right on. I can’t tell you if we’re more alike or more opposite…*asks him* He thinks we’re more alike in how we handle things. I don’t care to disagree. 😉
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As you may have guessed by now, it is difficult for me to do the smiling and nodding at polite-only conversation for too long. I can, to a point, because I’m a fucking lady, but at some point a person just cracks. My husband and I differed on opinions on basically everything, really. Most of the time, we just agreed to disagree (even though he was always 100% wrong!) but it was definitely not differences of opinions that led to our divorce. Thankfully, I wasn’t dumb enough to marry him a second time.
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Of course he was always 100% wrong. Of course he was, Hollie!
More wine?
🙂
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Lol, why yes, I’d love some! How sweet of you to ask!
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Strangely enough, it seems that I share more common opinions with his wife than I do with him still. She isn’t perfect, but I do hope they work out long term for all of the kids but also I don’t think it would be possible for him to be lucky enough to get three women to agree to marry him. I’ve been meaning to send her some flowers, actually. I don’t think I’ve ever written down and shown her how I appreciate her role in my son’s life. I think a lot of people bring resentment from their own failed marriage into the new one… But I really do value her place in all of our lives..she loves my son like she would her own. Do we have the same ideas on raising kids every single time? No. But we’re getting there, the three of us. 🙂
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That’s wonderful! You are so right. I don’t write about our situation, because it’s mostly over, since the big uns are grown, but I was always the mediator. Somehow, when they deal with one another, reason goes right out the window, lol!
While I raised them I think she appreciated me more than she resented me, and when she could do more, she did.
Our wee ones love her, too, and she cares for them. I don’t think too much love is ever a bad thing!
Maybe you should honor her this mother’s day, for the special care she shows him?
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I think that is a splendid idea!
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Ooooh, she’ll be so surprised! You’ll hafta lemme know how it goes!
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I will for sure and I’ll ask for your input, too before I surprise her.
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My best friend (while she was living) and I would have some knock down drag out words fights. People in our office would stare open mouthed at us. screeching and sometimes cussing at each other. Minutes later when she needed a smoke she would yell into my office, we going to lunch soon? I’m hungry. Yes out of my office and we would get questions as to whether we were still friends and what the fight was over. Oh i disagreed with her and we moved on. That is what friends and spouses do. Neither one of us was into being a yes-woman. I don’t trust people who agree with everything everyone says. People are not 100% the same no matter what.
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I don’t fight so much with other people. It sorta sounds like she was “your person.” I’m sorry for your loss. Thank you for chiming in.
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You always need more Fiesta bowls.
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Right? Like this is even a real decision! Thanks!
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(I hope The Mister understands that this is probably a deal killer for most Fiesta lovers, and it really shouldn’t be tested. Especially not in March)
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So with you on this one. People who agree simply to avoid conflict or upsetting the apple-cart drive me batshit crazy. Speak your fricken mind will ya!. If we disagree, so what? I’ll respect you for standing up for what you believe way more than if you agree with me just to spare my feelings.
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Oh Norm, I so wish I’d thought to use the word respect in my post. You said it perfectly! That’s exactly it. Thanks!
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I may have to break up with you over the image of Jesus going down on Sarah Palin (wher edo you come up with this stuff?!.)
Seriously, though, as a fellow honester, I understand your creed and can only say preach, sista. If people can’t take it, then they need to be broken up with, but you already know and enact this.
The Mister sounds like a keeper. Lilac Fiesta bowls…ha!
Love,
E
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I made it up. I wanted to stay on track. I DID think about Googling it, but I was afraid I’d find somethin that would scar me for life!
Thanks, Elizabeth, I’m glad you’re an honester. 🙂
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Hello dear 🙂 I hope you’re well! I just wanted to let you know that I’ve nominated you for the Creative Bloggers Award! Here’s the link: http://meganhasocd.com/2015/03/06/the-creative-bloggers-award/
Congrats! You deserve it 🙂
Megan
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My husband and I were having a discussion with our step child about her attitude and her perceived rights and freedoms (which at 17 is her getting away with everything and having no rules) and she said she feels the need to lie all the time because of me. Digging a bit we find out she doesn’t like that I can be very blunt and direct when telling the truth and that maybe I shouldn’t just talk to her because maybe she doesn’t want to hear the truth. My husband laughed and said with me you always know where I stand and that I never lie because it breeds mistrust.
I think this would beta opinion that would cause break ups 🙂
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You may be onto something there…
It DOES breed mistrust.
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I always appreciate people that are frank and honest, At least you always know where you stand with them!
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disagreeing is way more fun than agreeing…who needs to talk when you agree? I learn something when we disagree and I think harder, and my brain grows bigger I’m very sure…lol…good post…
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Here’s my opinion on gravity, Joey. Gravity sucks!
I must say that when I was reading your pillow fight post, I was getting to the point where I was thinking that could be a really crippling argument between you and your hubby, something neither will ever forget. Today I see I’m right, on your side, at least, about the forget. It’s good to read that it’s not an issue that’ll cause a D-word rift. You both must have a sense of humor about differences, at least a tad. That helps.
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Thanks, yeah, we’re people of good humor 😀
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