Pressed to Find Gratitude

Posted on May 18, 2015 by joey

Years ago, I read several books by Thich Nhat Hanh because the first one was so helpful that I couldn’t resist reading more of them. Soon after, my life was taken over by baby books and then babies. I think I threw Hanh’s books out with the bathwater, so to speak.

Since Thich Nhat Hanh is a Buddhist monk, his books often focus on meditation, gratitude, kindness, mindfulness, acceptance — you know, important stuff that’s super important to the life of neurotics.
The thing that really struck me, and then stuck with me, was this little anecdote about doing dishes. No one wants to do dishes. Everyone wants the dishes done, so they can do whatever comes after the dishes. So we view the dishes as a chore, and we put off doing them, but as they linger there, waiting for us, we cannot properly relax. We give the dishes the power to rob of us our enjoyment, and this causes the dirty dishes to seem malevolent, and this builds our resentment in doing them. We act like washing the dishes will take away the entire evening, when it takes mere minutes.

The key is to do the dishes with joy.
(I’m supposed to do everything with joy, but I haven’t figured this out entirely. How can I learn to have a root canal with joy, or run from yellow jackets with joy, or find joy in tragic events? Gah, I dunno, I’m a work in progress!)

So when I do my dishes, I think about all the things that Thich Nhat Hanh taught me to. The craziest being more dirty dishes are better. Each dirty dish represents bounty. Not just food, taste, and nutrition, but also as an indicator of how many shared that meal with me.
Doing dishes is a prayer of gratitude.
While I do dishes, I am grateful for food, my husband, the job my husband works, our children, our health, our home, hot, running water, a deep sink, my sprayer, my garbage disposal, my Fiestaware, the use of my hands, my sink not being in Georgia, lemon Joy dish soap…

joy

I still do not love to do dishes, but it’s better this way. Doing dishes is the suck if you think about why Sassy uses 3-4 glasses a day, or why Moo left that milk in her room all weekend, or why The Mister screws the travel mug lids on so tight — the answer to that is, “Because they hate you, Joey.”

Yeah, so…

I ironed today.
Ironically, I usta find joy in ironing. I think I enjoyed taking a sloppy mess and making it sharp and crisp. Then suddenly, I had so much ironing to do, that it no longer felt joyous.
Sincerely, there’s a difference between the pleasure of a stiff white shirt for yourself as opposed to a freshly pressed dress that your child will soon cover with watermelon and sweet corn. Don’t even get me started on uniforms or patches. Ugh.

But something happened to me today while I ironed.
An unexpected smile came upon me.
I started thinkin bout The Mister, and how handsome he is in that blue shirt, and how nice it is that he has a job where he wears the nice shirts, and how he does not work split shifts at the goddamned box factory, thank you very much 2002. Instant happiness in gratitude.

My life is rich with beautiful simplicity.

About joey

Neurotic Bitch, Mother, Wife, Writer, Word Whore, Foodie and General Go-To-Girl
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59 Responses to Pressed to Find Gratitude

  1. meANXIETYme says:
    May 18, 2015 at 6:06 PM

    That was full of gratitudes, Joey. I really enjoyed reading it. Gratitudes seems to be like throwing stones in a pond…the ripple effect on what you find to be grateful for is the best.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Mindy says:
    May 18, 2015 at 6:38 PM

    Way to think positively!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Dan Antion says:
    May 18, 2015 at 6:42 PM

    Thanks for the uplifting post! I actually enjoy ironing. I don’t have many shirts that have to be ironed, but the ones that need it, get it with me at the helm of the iron. I do the dishes sometimes, and I think about how happy my wife will be when she discovers that they are done. Of course, I don’t start with a big pile.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. hollie says:
    May 18, 2015 at 6:47 PM

    Lovely! What an awesome reminder. Doing dishes is my least favorite chore, but I’m going to work on doing them with gratitude.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Josh Wrenn says:
    May 18, 2015 at 6:51 PM

    Very nice, but your dishes will be easier if you switch to Dawn. And then you can look at getting the dishes done as a new dawn, haha.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Carrie Rubin says:
    May 18, 2015 at 6:54 PM

    This is wonderful. I remember when I was elementary age, our dishwasher broke, and my mother, sister, and I had to do the dishes by hand after each meal. Instead of being a chore, it was actually pretty nice, because we had such a good time talking and laughing with each other. Now my boys have to wash the pots that can’t go in the dishwasher (argh, so many are like that nowadays), and they do it while we’re all still in the kitchen. It’s kind of a nice extension of the dinner discussion. So I, too, can see the joy in this task. As for ironing, um, yeah, no joy in that one for me yet…

    Liked by 1 person

  7. John Callaghan says:
    May 18, 2015 at 7:33 PM

    I don’t do joy really but I am a fairly content person. If I have a really good audio book or podcast to listen to then I can do just about anything.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Silver in the Barn says:
    May 18, 2015 at 8:38 PM

    I just loved this, Joey. I’m happy your sink isn’t in Georgia. Not that I have anything against Georgia (like you do!) but because that made me laugh out loud. Everything in life is how you choose to think about it – even the very worst things. Thank you for this lovely post.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Celine Jeanjean says:
    May 18, 2015 at 8:42 PM

    I don’t mind doing the dishes, but the real challenge for me would be to find joy in ironing. I hate it with a passion, I’m terrible at it (I always iron train tracks down sleeves for example), and if anything it gets me stressed and riled up. I do love how you managed to turn that into a moment of gratitude though. Maybe I should try that next time I’m tackling a pile!

    Liked by 1 person

    • joeyfullystated says:
      May 18, 2015 at 8:45 PM

      It can’t hurt to try 🙂
      I don’t know how you’re bad at ironing. I wish I could help you.

      Like

      • Celine Jeanjean says:
        May 18, 2015 at 8:47 PM

        I wish you could help me too. Really what I need is a fairy godmother, mary poppins type to magically make my iron capable of doing the ironing for me.
        Because really. I can do shirt fronts and backs (sometimes I iron creases into them) but sleeves? Forget it. At least the creases I iron in are straighter and less messy than the original ones 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

        • joeyfullystated says:
          May 18, 2015 at 8:50 PM

          Haha, well there is that. I section it and smooth the fabric with my hands before I start. If you make a crease you don’t like, just wet it and redo that section until it’s straight.
          I really would help you.

          Like

  10. DanicaPiche says:
    May 18, 2015 at 8:44 PM

    Beautiful post, Joey. Thanks! Finding joy in doing dishes reminded me of Anne of Green Gables. She loved doing dishes. Maybe she was a Buddhist before her time.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. T. Greenfield says:
    May 18, 2015 at 9:57 PM

    I loved this. I used to make baby bottles with joy. It was the one task that I was sorry to see come to an end.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Sammy D. says:
    May 18, 2015 at 11:09 PM

    And there you go … mindful gratitude. Very effective piece, Joey.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Elle says:
    May 19, 2015 at 12:09 AM

    Thanks so much for this positively inspiring post. You have refocused my perspective. This was replete with genuine gratitude. We could all do with more of it.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Fourth Generation Farmgirl says:
    May 19, 2015 at 6:26 AM

    This is such a wonderful post. I absolutely loved it!

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Judy @ newenglandgardenandthread says:
    May 19, 2015 at 7:31 AM

    Dishes I don’t mind at all. Ironing I try to avoid if at all possible – been there, done that for many years. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Maggie Wilson says:
    May 19, 2015 at 7:48 AM

    Thanks for this reminder that the universe is indeed bountiful.
    Scrubbing toilets is my dreaded task. I think because I was assigned the duty when I was a short kid and therefore considerably closer to the bowl at chore time. [gag]
    Your post reminds me of a book I read during my spiritual spurt days: “After the Ecstasy, the Laundry” by Jack Kornfield. Yeah, we may find enlightenment, or a hint thereof, but always, always, there will be the mundane to greet us after the buzz has gone. My take away is this: while we might strive for the big moment of ecstasy, the more rewarding challenge is approaching the dishes, the laundry, the toilet bowls with joy.

    Liked by 1 person

    • joeyfullystated says:
      May 19, 2015 at 8:19 AM

      I think that’s apt. Mindfulness feels hard to find on busy days.
      I don’t mind toilets. Mind you, I don’t like it, but I don’t despair at it.
      For a long time, I hated floors. I had the worst flooring in Georgia. Light laminate with grooves. Unsealed. Oh the horrors.

      Like

  17. cardamone5 says:
    May 19, 2015 at 9:02 AM

    Did you say Fiestaware? That’s mid century modern. I LOVE IT!!!!! I got more from this post, but pretty much got stuck on this one word.

    Love,
    E

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Petal and Mortar says:
    May 19, 2015 at 9:25 AM

    Washing dishes was my zone-out time in the old house, there was no place for more than one in the kitchen so I got peace & quiet. I miss that sometimes, but I do love my very slim, efficient dishwasher!

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Jewels says:
    May 19, 2015 at 9:56 AM

    I love the writings of Thich Nhat Hanh! I avoid ironing at all costs, but love doing the laundry, especially hanging the clothes out on the line, gosh I miss that….
    Call me weird, but I actually like doing the dishes. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Nagzilla says:
    May 19, 2015 at 12:01 PM

    I’ve tried that approach, but (work in progress) I still haven’t found my zen doing dishes yet. For whatever reason, it is my least favorite of all household chores. But I will continue to try. Thanks for the reminder.

    Liked by 1 person

  21. edwinasepisodes says:
    May 19, 2015 at 12:29 PM

    I love the way you describe doing your dishes with joy. You are so right about how the dishes can almost turn into a hideous beast if you don’t tackle them head on! I just need to get my head around thinking like that!

    Liked by 1 person

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