Years ago, I read several books by Thich Nhat Hanh because the first one was so helpful that I couldn’t resist reading more of them. Soon after, my life was taken over by baby books and then babies. I think I threw Hanh’s books out with the bathwater, so to speak.
Since Thich Nhat Hanh is a Buddhist monk, his books often focus on meditation, gratitude, kindness, mindfulness, acceptance — you know, important stuff that’s super important to the life of neurotics.
The thing that really struck me, and then stuck with me, was this little anecdote about doing dishes. No one wants to do dishes. Everyone wants the dishes done, so they can do whatever comes after the dishes. So we view the dishes as a chore, and we put off doing them, but as they linger there, waiting for us, we cannot properly relax. We give the dishes the power to rob of us our enjoyment, and this causes the dirty dishes to seem malevolent, and this builds our resentment in doing them. We act like washing the dishes will take away the entire evening, when it takes mere minutes.
The key is to do the dishes with joy.
(I’m supposed to do everything with joy, but I haven’t figured this out entirely. How can I learn to have a root canal with joy, or run from yellow jackets with joy, or find joy in tragic events? Gah, I dunno, I’m a work in progress!)
So when I do my dishes, I think about all the things that Thich Nhat Hanh taught me to. The craziest being more dirty dishes are better. Each dirty dish represents bounty. Not just food, taste, and nutrition, but also as an indicator of how many shared that meal with me.
Doing dishes is a prayer of gratitude.
While I do dishes, I am grateful for food, my husband, the job my husband works, our children, our health, our home, hot, running water, a deep sink, my sprayer, my garbage disposal, my Fiestaware, the use of my hands, my sink not being in Georgia, lemon Joy dish soap…
I still do not love to do dishes, but it’s better this way. Doing dishes is the suck if you think about why Sassy uses 3-4 glasses a day, or why Moo left that milk in her room all weekend, or why The Mister screws the travel mug lids on so tight — the answer to that is, “Because they hate you, Joey.”
Yeah, so…
I ironed today.
Ironically, I usta find joy in ironing. I think I enjoyed taking a sloppy mess and making it sharp and crisp. Then suddenly, I had so much ironing to do, that it no longer felt joyous.
Sincerely, there’s a difference between the pleasure of a stiff white shirt for yourself as opposed to a freshly pressed dress that your child will soon cover with watermelon and sweet corn. Don’t even get me started on uniforms or patches. Ugh.
But something happened to me today while I ironed.
An unexpected smile came upon me.
I started thinkin bout The Mister, and how handsome he is in that blue shirt, and how nice it is that he has a job where he wears the nice shirts, and how he does not work split shifts at the goddamned box factory, thank you very much 2002. Instant happiness in gratitude.
My life is rich with beautiful simplicity.
That was full of gratitudes, Joey. I really enjoyed reading it. Gratitudes seems to be like throwing stones in a pond…the ripple effect on what you find to be grateful for is the best.
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Thanks 🙂
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Way to think positively!
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Thanks for the uplifting post! I actually enjoy ironing. I don’t have many shirts that have to be ironed, but the ones that need it, get it with me at the helm of the iron. I do the dishes sometimes, and I think about how happy my wife will be when she discovers that they are done. Of course, I don’t start with a big pile.
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I think your doing dishes thoughts are wonderful, too!
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Lovely! What an awesome reminder. Doing dishes is my least favorite chore, but I’m going to work on doing them with gratitude.
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It really does make me smile 🙂
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Very nice, but your dishes will be easier if you switch to Dawn. And then you can look at getting the dishes done as a new dawn, haha.
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Clever, but I am allergic to Dawn, lol!
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Aw, too bad! It takes grease out of your way!
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So I’ve heard!
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I wonder where my check is? Come on, parent company of Dawn, I’m waiting!
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LOL I have been singin the praises of lemon Joy for years, not earning a single dime 😉
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I’m officially going to stop my weighty endorsements of products until I am compensated accordingly!!!!! 🙂
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I won’t mention a brand if I don’t love them. Even if everyone knows my cable company is somethin like Bombast or Failfast or Cuntass, whatever, I won’t write it! *pumps fist*
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Evil monopoly that never should have been allowed to buy a certain studio and network conglomerate?
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I think you’re thinking of the other one. It’s a regional thing. Worst customer service EVER.
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Does it rhyme with mourner? With momlast? With Farter?
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momlast, ding ding ding!
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No, they aren’t regional, they are the largest in the nation and own a certain peacock network and a certain movie studio. They have franchise agreements in everywhere from the East Coast to Western Washington.
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Oh. Hmm. Well my friends in Cincy have the other.
I didn’t know they owned that bird, or that they owned a studio. All I can say is that I pray for other providers to come into our neighborhood, because they’ve got us as part of their monopoly. We have them as isp, not tv.
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I was a customer service rep at that one, when I lived in Washington the first time. Our hands were tied. One of the worst jobs ever. I was a dispatcher for another one down here until I was unable to work. I know all about cable monopolies and how they keep competition out, and how if they didn’t buy off the politicians, there is no way that their ways of doing business would be legal under any of the Anti-trust laws.
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Insightful. Still dreadful.
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You got that right!
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This is wonderful. I remember when I was elementary age, our dishwasher broke, and my mother, sister, and I had to do the dishes by hand after each meal. Instead of being a chore, it was actually pretty nice, because we had such a good time talking and laughing with each other. Now my boys have to wash the pots that can’t go in the dishwasher (argh, so many are like that nowadays), and they do it while we’re all still in the kitchen. It’s kind of a nice extension of the dinner discussion. So I, too, can see the joy in this task. As for ironing, um, yeah, no joy in that one for me yet…
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My dishwasher died last spring and I’ve no intention of replacing it. I only used it when we had lotsa company.
I aim to get a vintage drainboard sink one day.
At home, my mother and I did clean-up each night and it was kinda nice, our time alone 🙂
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Exactly. (But I think I’ll still keep my dishwasher, especially now that one of my kids is leaving. 😉 )
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HAHA! To each her own! 🙂
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I don’t do joy really but I am a fairly content person. If I have a really good audio book or podcast to listen to then I can do just about anything.
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I just loved this, Joey. I’m happy your sink isn’t in Georgia. Not that I have anything against Georgia (like you do!) but because that made me laugh out loud. Everything in life is how you choose to think about it – even the very worst things. Thank you for this lovely post.
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Thank you for sayin so ❤
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Well, it’s the truth. And I like your Fiestaware too.
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I don’t mind doing the dishes, but the real challenge for me would be to find joy in ironing. I hate it with a passion, I’m terrible at it (I always iron train tracks down sleeves for example), and if anything it gets me stressed and riled up. I do love how you managed to turn that into a moment of gratitude though. Maybe I should try that next time I’m tackling a pile!
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It can’t hurt to try 🙂
I don’t know how you’re bad at ironing. I wish I could help you.
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I wish you could help me too. Really what I need is a fairy godmother, mary poppins type to magically make my iron capable of doing the ironing for me.
Because really. I can do shirt fronts and backs (sometimes I iron creases into them) but sleeves? Forget it. At least the creases I iron in are straighter and less messy than the original ones 🙂
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Haha, well there is that. I section it and smooth the fabric with my hands before I start. If you make a crease you don’t like, just wet it and redo that section until it’s straight.
I really would help you.
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Beautiful post, Joey. Thanks! Finding joy in doing dishes reminded me of Anne of Green Gables. She loved doing dishes. Maybe she was a Buddhist before her time.
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Hah! Gosh, what I don’t remember about Anne, but some things I never could forget!
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I loved this. I used to make baby bottles with joy. It was the one task that I was sorry to see come to an end.
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And there you go … mindful gratitude. Very effective piece, Joey.
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Thank you 🙂
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Thanks so much for this positively inspiring post. You have refocused my perspective. This was replete with genuine gratitude. We could all do with more of it.
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Glad to have connected.
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likewise!
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This is such a wonderful post. I absolutely loved it!
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So glad, thanks 🙂
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Dishes I don’t mind at all. Ironing I try to avoid if at all possible – been there, done that for many years. 🙂
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Thanks for this reminder that the universe is indeed bountiful.
Scrubbing toilets is my dreaded task. I think because I was assigned the duty when I was a short kid and therefore considerably closer to the bowl at chore time. [gag]
Your post reminds me of a book I read during my spiritual spurt days: “After the Ecstasy, the Laundry” by Jack Kornfield. Yeah, we may find enlightenment, or a hint thereof, but always, always, there will be the mundane to greet us after the buzz has gone. My take away is this: while we might strive for the big moment of ecstasy, the more rewarding challenge is approaching the dishes, the laundry, the toilet bowls with joy.
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I think that’s apt. Mindfulness feels hard to find on busy days.
I don’t mind toilets. Mind you, I don’t like it, but I don’t despair at it.
For a long time, I hated floors. I had the worst flooring in Georgia. Light laminate with grooves. Unsealed. Oh the horrors.
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Did you say Fiestaware? That’s mid century modern. I LOVE IT!!!!! I got more from this post, but pretty much got stuck on this one word.
Love,
E
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LOL Yes, I collect the Fiestaware 😛
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Washing dishes was my zone-out time in the old house, there was no place for more than one in the kitchen so I got peace & quiet. I miss that sometimes, but I do love my very slim, efficient dishwasher!
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I love the writings of Thich Nhat Hanh! I avoid ironing at all costs, but love doing the laundry, especially hanging the clothes out on the line, gosh I miss that….
Call me weird, but I actually like doing the dishes. 🙂
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You’re weird, but then I like that about you 🙂
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Haha thanks! 😀
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I’ve tried that approach, but (work in progress) I still haven’t found my zen doing dishes yet. For whatever reason, it is my least favorite of all household chores. But I will continue to try. Thanks for the reminder.
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I love the way you describe doing your dishes with joy. You are so right about how the dishes can almost turn into a hideous beast if you don’t tackle them head on! I just need to get my head around thinking like that!
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It’s tricky, because bleh, so much better to have tea and watch tv, but … this does help some 🙂
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Absolutely! 🙂
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