If It Looks Sweet and It Talks Sweet, It Might Be a Bitch

Y’ever notice the things that are great about you are also the things that get in your way? I noticed this in my early 30’s. First, with other people, like stubborn people. Stubborn people make it work. Stubborn people don’t give up. They’re hard workers. The stubborn people I know are strong and successful and they almost always get their way.
That same tenacity has them holding onto bad decisions, which gets in their way. They avoid change. They may be reluctant to leave bad relationships or to quit jobs that aren’t challenging them anymore.
Like any good introvert, I wondered how this great trait business worked against me. Of course, I found my toolbox as double-edged as anyone else’s.
Stubbornness wasn’t in my toolbox. I thrive in change, and if anything, I give up too easily.

What really works for me and against me is how I appear, what I seem to be vs who I actually am.

This face I have, this voice I have, they’re authentic, but also, kinda like false advertising. The sweet face and voice get me outta tickets, get me appointed to the care and keeping of small children and animals, get people to let their guard down. You can tell by looking at me that I’m a safe person for house keys and wayward emotions.
I’m not saying I’m not a good person, or that I’m not kind, thoughtful, trustworthy, and generally benevolent, but I’m seriously a bitch. I’m not ashamed of being a bitch, it’s just that people don’t suspect I’m a bitch, when I think they really should. I’m rarely mean, but when I am, I am intentionally, thoroughly mean.
I blindside people.
I’m always writing that this isn’t a Nice Lady Blog, because it’s never my intention to blindside people.

In contrast, I envy my husband’s imperious demeanor, because people are scared of him and they leave him the hell alone, even though he’s actually much, much nicer than I am. Instead of blindsiding people, he gets to surprise them.

I guess it’s another way we balance one another out, but what a handy-dandy self-defense, lookin all mean and stuff. *sigh*

dam
What great advantage also works against you?

About joey

Neurotic Bitch, Mother, Wife, Writer, Word Whore, Foodie and General Go-To-Girl
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

42 Responses to If It Looks Sweet and It Talks Sweet, It Might Be a Bitch

  1. Josh Wrenn says:

    My knowledge of trivial facts annoys people. When two people are talking about a subject, and then I interject with more information on that typical subject, I get the nerd glare.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. markbialczak says:

    Interesting stuff, Joey. What I also find is that people don’t always see you the way you see yourself. I’d be going along thinking I’m all approachable in my old job and then somebody would let it slip that some folks thought I was up there on the top shelf, stay away, don’t bother that one. Ah, well.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I think I have one of those “relaxed bitch faces” or “relaxed bastard face.” when I’m not smiling, or just thinking about something, I can look mean or angry. But I’m not.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Mindy says:

    People either think I’m nicer than I am or meaner than I am. My sass is usually what surprises people though!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Benson says:

    Well I am a hardheaded SOB. I am also a fella that loves change. How does that balance? I don’t know you so I don’t think I can call you a bitch. As a matter of fact is bitch a bad thing? I do dig your blog. I think it is funny and informative. So thanks for talking to us.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Anxious Mom says:

    I don’t think I necessarily have a sweet face, but people have no problem approaching me sometimes and will talk incessantly. As someone who hates both being approached by people I don’t know (and some people I do know) and small talk, this irks me. My husband finds it hilarious (since he knows it makes me uncomfortable), especially when I’ve had enough and will abruptly walk off.

    If you don’t have a Head Bitch in Charge tiara for your household, you need one 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Dan Antion says:

    I have to give you credit for “the thing I learned today” I had to look up “imperious” – good word. I’m generally good at problem solving but I have a tendency to try to solve problems that aren’t being presented to me for a solution.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Carrie Rubin says:

    Hmm, I don’t know the answer to your question. I’m too scared of you now to think straight. 😉

    Liked by 3 people

  9. I starred Dan’s comment because I’m much the same. I have a head for lots of trivia and detail. I’m also very helpful. But I don’t always know when it’s best to keep the information to myself and let the other find the answer on their own.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. When I am at work I am always laughing and joking with the patients because it is bad enough for them that thy are in hospital, without them having to see moody and miserable staff. However. when I am just out and about, I have the kind of face that people are always saying to me, “Cheer up love, it may never happen!” That really infuriates me!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. I have had resting bitch face since before it was a thing. I’ve been told countless times that I appear unapproachable and look mean. In truth I am usually in observation mode, and as an introvert I have to gather the energy to make the effort to speak. I want to be sociable and fun, but some days it takes work to get there. Once people know me they are surprised that I am soft-spoken and…nice. It does work in my favor on those not-so-rare occasions when I would prefer to be left in solitude.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Sammy D. says:

    I think we all have a tendency to see what we want to in people and ignore signs we don’t want to see, even when they tell us to our faces like you just did, then we’re surprised/disappointed when we finally see that side of someone.

    I’ll have to think about your question for myself.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Angie Mc says:

    Love it, Joey! I have a similar way about me. All of my kids’ friends say I’m the nicest mom ever while my kids tell them, “You should be scared!” LOL! Look, my goal isn’t to be nice on this planet. My goal is to be kind and truthful. If my kindness confuses people, I can go straight truth. In this sense, it’s the truth that’s brutal, not me 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  14. cardamone5 says:

    I am going to confound your theory (which I think is correct. It’s just that, I have multiple opposite defeating/healthy traits.) I appear harmless and sweet when you first meet me. Laid back and approachable. Likeable even like someone you would trust with small children, etc. But then people get to know me and they either like my real self or they hate me ’cause deep down, I am a serious, directed person who is selfish, holds onto mistakes and is a bitch. I think the selfishness comes from being an only child, and I am trying to overcome it, but when the shit hits the fan and I react, my first instinct is who’s doing me/mine wrong. Fierce. I guess that’s how you’d describe me. But also focused on appearance and pleasing people. What do you want me to be? Let me peer into your face and then I’ll be it. Just so long as we get along, there are no confrontations, and you’re happy.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. I always get approached in the language of wherever I am. I thought the curse was just European but no, it followed me to Dubai. And people keep asking me for directions! Clearly, I NEVER look like a tourist/expat myself. I need to work on my Bitch Resting Face.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. When I listen to someone talk I’m concentrating but have been told I look mad. Not made, just thinking. 🙂 And, if I’m going to do something I try to do it the best I can on that particular day with the equipment or tools I have. This annoys my husband who feels good enough should work most times. When these two ideas collide, the ‘b’ word sometimes applies to me. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  17. reocochran says:

    I am one who listens but adds words and thoughts in my head, so by the time the person is finished I could almost talk paragraphs. I have to watch my ‘chatty Cathy’ behavior! I was never in trouble in school for talking nor do I like to interrupt… But this can be misconstrued and sound self-absorbed…. Smiles! Great conversation opener!

    Liked by 1 person

  18. I am a living breathing example of people perceiving me completely differently from who I actually am. And then they are disappointed in me for not living up to some ideal they’ve imagined which I didn’t put forth in the first place. I remember bumping into an acquaintance at the airport and the first thing out of his mouth was “Barbara is wearing jeans?!?” And I wanted to slug him. Yeah, duh, I wear jeans. Who do you think I am? Sigh.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Hmm I think I’m similar to you in that I’m not quite as I appear to be. I am very nice, and very considerate and I tend to go out of my way to help people — BUT I’m also extremely confrontational if I get proper pissed off. So I also tend to shock people when that does come out (which isn’t very often these days to be fair)

    That photo of the otter really made me laugh btw 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Well, mostly all of us go through this..We hide our basic inner self with a synthetic outer shell…Now just pondering over which are the selfs that I possess 😀 hope to cross each other many more times…

    Liked by 1 person

  21. reocochran says:

    My girlfriend and I repeat something that has been publicized before. Bossy women are ‘bitches’ while Bossy men are bosses. Articulate women are smart but considered ‘snooty,’ at times. While stubborn or strong willed women are considered ‘aggressive’ the other sex is considered, ‘assertive.’ She and I could go on and on, she is happily married to a man who knew she was stubborn and opinionated and appreciated these qualities. I married men who saw me as ‘sweet’ and ‘giving’ but when I requested things, started to find fault with me. I actually had a husband who accused me of changing and he didn’t. He just started to notice I wasn’t so good at ignoring towels on floors and wet glasses resting on antiques without coasters… smiles!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh yes, I am familiar with the sentiments of women who are said to be sweet and giving, and the men who attempt to treat them like doormats. I chose a man who loves the challenging aspects of my assertion, and I am grateful every day.
      Bitches are just better for me. I like knowing where I stand.
      I love your acknowledgement of the sexism in those traits. Thank you for your valuable commentary!

      Liked by 1 person

      • reocochran says:

        So glad I did not rub the owner of this blog off! I would not wish to get her out of sorts. ha ha! I can see we will be fine as fellow blogging friends. I appreciate the acknowlegement back. Big smiles as I leave the library happy!

        Like

  22. Wide-eyed says:

    Dam you Mean Lady.

    Liked by 1 person

Comments are closed.