Nonsense

Posted on May 29, 2015 by joey

My mother had this way of speaking with me at home:
“Guess what I drew today?”
“I don’t know, what did you drawded?”

If that hurts your ears, stop here.

We went heels after our toes and we minded our Ps and Qs and other assorted nonsense.

mofo

We had made up words, which I still use, and now my kids use, but I grew up with a lot of intentionally incorrect verbing. Over the years, all the children have added words to this extended vexing vocabulary. Manipulation of language is fun, and fun with language is my favorite!

Surely you have made up words at your house, too?

I dunno, do you actually call your remote control a remote control? We call it a clickie. All the clickies live together in the remote boat, on my table, with the keenex, yes, I mean keenex, and a basket fulla fings. But if you’re lookin for the tiny scissors, they’re in the chicken.
You’re not really a grandma unless you keep sewing stuffs in a chicken, now are you?

We love fings. Some of our favorite fings are squishy fings and comfy fings.

Bedgasm

Maybe everything is pluralized at your house, too? Toeses, for one? Do you give glomps?

Do you have granny bowls and myow kitties? Don’t even get me started on the whatchamacallits and doohickeys.

The Mister and I walk around the house, “Dat you hairband? Dat you snotty keenex? You so gross like that?”
“Dis you tea from three days ago? So hard carry to kitchen? So heavy cup? You grow special mold in bedroom? Grow special next to open lotion? Make mold smell like nilla?”
“Why you so gross like that?”

shirt

Ells and esses are often silent here. DID YOU CATCH THAT? Haha!
So we use yipgoss, yip balm, and yiptick, and we use poons to eat ice cream, pecially Moo, who needs orange pastic poons, cause sensory issues, or we assume, as she screams at her siblings, “Stop craping your fork!”

Some words are just too long or are easier in another language.
Why say flashlight when you can say torch?
Why say you’re on your way when you can say en route?
Why type tomorrow when you can type demain?
We go out for shushi and get carry out Chinois.
We eat brunch, and also linner, but never in the same day.
Who would choose to say down-filled comforter when duvet is so easy?

My gramma always said, “Let’s get the boat on the show!”
My mother says, “Let’s shall, shall we?”
FIL says, “Get a move on!”
I say, “Allons!”
The Mister says, “Hurry the fuck up!”

Drew says the children run around all lakka lakka. And whereas you might clean a child’s pacifier because it gets a build-up of muck or gunk, she says ya gotta clean the ming-mings because mung.
I hadda have a ming-ming fairy come take away Sassy’s ming-mings. Hadda put em on the window sill so other just borned babies could have ming-mings. I never could get Sissy to put her fumb on the window sill…

We say fanks, because fanks is the sound of baby Simon sayin thanks with a ming-ming in his mouth. Sometimes we say gratzi, merci, danke, or gracias, but mostly fanks.

True and I text like this:
no one eat oatmeals in blue bowls, now always lello bowls. too big for blue bowls. not too big to sleep with glowworm.
here two packs. with stuffs and fruit on it. don’t slice my nana cause last time you slice it i throwed up. but peel my apple, cause the red poke my teeth.

Maybe your kids get diarrhea, but my kids get slidy poo and True’s kids get hot poops.

chef

Sassy and I have entire conversations which would be hard for anyone outside the house to follow. I like that. Another generation of nonsense.
Sassy is great with language.
She can even read Moo’s mind.
I mean really, as much as I love words, they aren’t always necessary.

ewok

So, wasn’t that fun? Oh, don’t be a sock wet! How much of this nonsense made sense to you? Do you also have unintelligible conversations?

About joey

Neurotic Bitch, Mother, Wife, Writer, Word Whore, Foodie and General Go-To-Girl
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55 Responses to Nonsense

  1. orbthefirst says:
    May 29, 2015 at 12:33 PM

    Yall are drain bamaged. 😛

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Benson says:
    May 29, 2015 at 12:45 PM

    You know this is possibly the strangest post I have seen. Some of these words are familiar to me,but most are strange and alien. So if I may suggest that the next time you write a thingie for your deal please include a guessanary for us dunders that have not a clue.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Sammy D. says:
    May 29, 2015 at 1:12 PM

    Vewy vewy pwecious post. All y’all should have onea them reality shows.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Anxious Mom says:
    May 29, 2015 at 1:35 PM

    I think you lose your English teacher card for that 😉

    My husband and I speak to each other using street slang. It started off being use sarcastically, but then kinda became the norm.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. edwinasepisodes says:
    May 29, 2015 at 1:36 PM

    I loved this post as we are like that in our house. We also have the silent ‘s’, We like to ‘nuggle’ up or the dog is ‘niffing’ about for food!
    I say things like, tighties, trousies, toppie, for clothes for some reason, I have little names for people in the family, and I think it is lovely. a sign of affection.
    🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Maggie Wilson says:
    May 29, 2015 at 2:09 PM

    Dee-lightful. I got most of it. Ya kinda lost me at blue oatmeal, but that was cuz I had tears in my ears.
    I have a few Maggie-isms. Borckolli – (you know, green veggie Moo likes? If I remember correctly.) We call the cat food “Fushies” because hubby couldn’t read my handwriting on the grocery list – supposed to be Friskies. Stuff like that.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. colemining says:
    May 29, 2015 at 3:20 PM

    Our remote control was a ‘bus’- and we used to fight over who got to ‘drive the bus’ all the time. I’m not sure that’s even the most extreme example. Glad to hear we’re not the only ones who love to create language!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Silver in the Barn says:
    May 29, 2015 at 4:06 PM

    Some really smart person once told me that a sign of good mental health in a family is a shared language. Which made me feel quite relieved as we manipulate the English language to conform to our own idea of things as a vehicle for huge laughs. Nobody else would find them in the least amusing, I’m sure.

    Liked by 2 people

    • joeyfullystated says:
      May 29, 2015 at 4:13 PM

      Well I like that! Good mental health can totally move in here, I can’t get enough of good mental health!
      As I wrote this post, I considered people wouldn’t get it, and if they did, they might not think it was funny, but then, how I do, I said Fuck It, and wrote it anyway 🙂

      Like

  9. Petal and Mortar says:
    May 29, 2015 at 4:08 PM

    Now, see, I thought we were nuts because we did this, and in multiple languages, but clearly I’m in good company! I have all kinds of doohickeys, and often call people Whosamadaddy if I can’t remember their name. The rest might have to go into a post 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  10. Nagzilla says:
    May 29, 2015 at 4:24 PM

    We don’t change up language too much (although I do personally prefer sammiches to sandwiches), but we tend to speak in memes or movie or tv quotes. A lot. Like, a lot a lot. And if you’re not into internet memes or our personal favorite shows and flicks, you WILL be lost.

    I also like random idioms that don’t make sense to anybody but our families. Examples would be:
    It’s a horse apiece (translation: I could go either way)
    I’d be willing to bet dollars to donuts (translation: what I’m about to talk about is a sure thing)
    Well Bob’s your uncle (translation: I’m done. Moving on.)
    He/She looks like he/she’s been rode hard and put up wet (translation: has not aged well or is a hot mess)

    Most of the time when I use these, people give me the blank stare.

    Liked by 2 people

    • joeyfullystated says:
      May 29, 2015 at 4:27 PM

      I know those phrases 🙂
      Yes on internet memes and yes to references to shows. Absolutely. Thank you!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Nagzilla says:
        May 29, 2015 at 4:31 PM

        The one that usually gets people is the “rode hard and put up wet”- they think it’s something dirty, so I have to explain that it’s a horseback riding expression.

        Example of someone who’s been rode hard and put up wet: Keith Richards

        Liked by 1 person

  11. John Callaghan says:
    May 29, 2015 at 4:52 PM

    Wow. My wife and I have a dialect that is all our own. I don’t think we have as many words as your family does bet we have quite a few. This was great.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Dan Antion says:
    May 29, 2015 at 5:14 PM

    I love having fun with language. You have some unique stuff in there. We (make that I) speak in plurals like when I tell the dog “we have to wipe them feets” I mean, she has four, that should be more than two. Remember the silly song form Singin’ in the Rain? “Moses supposes his toeses are roses…” I love that song. And, in this house, the remote control is a ‘bipper’ – thanks for the fun post to wrap up a long short week.

    Liked by 2 people

  13. mltrautz@yahoo.com says:
    May 29, 2015 at 11:59 PM

    We eat tips in our house. Only tips will do. Other people might like potato chips, but we eat tips, do you?

    Liked by 1 person

  14. eclecticoddsnsods says:
    May 30, 2015 at 3:57 AM

    I always have totally crazy conversations with my kids with crazy sounds to go with and voices the sad thing is it’s usually only me doing it lol

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Jadi Campbell says:
    May 30, 2015 at 4:07 AM

    In my family the clickie was a clickerdicker.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Pistachios says:
    May 30, 2015 at 8:13 AM

    I used to work with a guy who had a real skill for playing with words, especially purposely mispronouncing everything. He also introduced a lot of new phrases/expressions like “gravy sauce” for anything good (e.g. everything’s gravy sauce), “cool potatoes” as an expression of agreement, and adding “-tion” to words that don’t need it (e.g. “plantation” instead of just “plan”). Communicating with him was always lots of fun – as was reading this post!

    Liked by 1 person

  17. hollie says:
    May 30, 2015 at 10:56 AM

    That’s awesome! We say fanks here, too!

    Liked by 1 person

  18. reocochran says:
    May 30, 2015 at 12:06 PM

    I love the fun in this post! I am one who likes to make up a few words for my grandies to learn. Sometimes we all go on a spurt of making up words. I cannot believe how silly and gross my parents used to be when we were young. I am thinking back upon some of our ‘potty’ words and realize they would be not printable. I also like the ‘fings’ which the littlest of my grandchildren call special items, ‘fings.’ I know what you are talking about above, along with the colloquialisms and slang, too. I use intentional ;backwards speak, when at work, like the hillbillies did in “Beverly.”

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Wide-eyed says:
    May 30, 2015 at 4:46 PM

    Isn’t gabberknocking the worst? Don’t even get me started on dinkies…
    Yub Nub to you too, by the way 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  20. markbialczak says:
    May 30, 2015 at 7:06 PM

    Mightswell talk your own talk in your fam, Joey.

    When we overuse the Q we might get an eargasm.

    I remember when my younger sisters came along they used the Ninnie. I laughed until my folks reminded me I had my DooWop.

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Celine Jeanjean says:
    June 4, 2015 at 3:35 AM

    That made me laugh! We have all sorts of made expressions in my family (all french mind you), and my husband and I also have our own made up words and expressions – like we go food shopping at the supermeerkat, and our dog Poppy is the PMG (popmeister general). I love it, it’s like having a special secret language! Of course if you forget yourself and talk like that in publish people think you’re well weird.

    Liked by 1 person

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  23. La Sabrosona says:
    June 5, 2015 at 2:54 PM

    My family lives in Spanglish and we love to make shit up too. I call my Mexican “daddys” and he calls me “Mommys”. But a new one that I heard recently was my Sister-in-law’s friend calls chicken breasts “chicken tits”. Not quite like your made up words but same idea. Oh yeah and my Mexican and I call poo “Kuhkeesh”.

    Liked by 1 person

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