I Have Whored Myself Out for Less

“I guess you’re alright with him flirtin with me, since I get us all the good deals?”
“Sure.”
“I like him, but not like that. I do get all the good deals.”
“Yep. Well, how do you feel about it?”
“Oh I don’t mind. If I minded, I’d say somethin myself. I wouldn’t need you to do it.”
“Good.”
“I just don’t want you to look over one day, catch him doin it, and freak out on him.”
The Mister grinned.
“Oh no. Why you smile like that? Use words.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t know what that smile means. That could mean you like him too much to freak out on him, or you don’t care how much you like him, you’ll fre– Oh, okay, I see.”
The Mister laughed.
“I will scare the shit out of him.”
“But gah, then we’ll hafta drive all the way over to Irvington…”

We both like this guy. We have a good business relationship.

Yes, there is a certain store owner who always flirts with me, maybe for the sake of his business, maybe he’s just flirty, I don’t know.
The first few times he said somethin, I shrugged it off. The third time, Sassy was with me and I felt compelled to tell The Mister before she made some comment about it. My husband seemed mildly amused.

The Mister goes in there and talks to all the people. ALL THE PEOPLE. I don’t care if there are three people or twenty people, he talks to them all. “Hey Man!” with manly handshakes and all that. Somehow, he remembers their names. Meanwhile, I do the purchasing and I get *giggle* excellent customer service.

I can only think of one other man who’s hit on me when my husband was in the room, but that almost makes it seem more benign, somehow.

My husband is a flirt.  A big flirt. He always has been. I’m not sure he’s been in a professional position to flirt for business purposes, but he is one charming motherfucker, so I wouldn’t be surprised.
I could see that he may have sold tires or brakes to many a woman, using his charm and concern. I can see him leering over a female driver, “Ma’am, I have a wife and three daughters and I would never let any of them drive home like this.”
I don’t know how flirting would have helped in the armed services…at least not for him. Not without a serious lifestyle change.
Maybe there are sexy finance double entendres I don’t know about.
“She said spread. Haha!”
Hell, I dunno.

I once accepted a date with Officer Opie to get out of a ticket. Usually I simply adjust the seat belt in a specific way…
I am guilty of using my feminine wiles.
I assume that’s what they’re there for.
My wiles are gettin old, but they’re still viable, y’all.

I told you I was a bad feminist, didn’t I?

Anyway, I guess if the owner guy thinks me and my red lipstick are sexy and occasionally strokes my ear, we’re both okay with it, because we get excellent customer service, discounts, and free stuff.

Now I expect Robert Redford will show up to offer millions of dollars for one night with me and we’ll find out where The Mister’s line is.

giphy

About joey

Neurotic Bitch, Mother, Wife, Writer, Word Whore, Foodie and General Go-To-Girl
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36 Responses to I Have Whored Myself Out for Less

  1. Josh Wrenn says:

    I am a flirt. Hannah is not. Hannah never believes that people are flirting with her and she is somewhat allowing it by being so friendly. It never occurs to her that really friendly guys might have a motive behind that. It doesn’t usually bug me. Hannah is attractive, she’s going to get hit on. I am less attractive, and I still get hit on. If I do…it must be 10 times as often for her. Flirting is innocent fun until someone deices to take it further, IMO.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Mr Grump laughs if anyone flirts with me as he is not bothered, I am not very good at flirting though anyway and tend to leave that to him!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. garym6059 says:

    Nothing wrong with someone flirting with you, the ego boost is always nice. However if you are like my ex wife and act on it that’s bad bad bad.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. kirizar says:

    Very catchy title. I’m curious where the store is. I could use a little flirting in my life…and if it gets me discounted produce, all the better.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Benson says:

    Now that is one provocative title. Being flirted with is good for you. It boosts your ego and reminds you that others find you desirable, not just your mate. I am by nature a flirt. In college I sold pots and pans and that trait came in real handy. Of course that was so long ago I don’t think I can remember how. My first wife was a bit of a flirt. Of course she crossed the line. Becoming an ex. Are you a conscious flirt or is it just natural? Some folks just have that natural come hither look. The girl just can’t help it.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Dan Antion says:

    Robert doesn’t have a chance.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. baldjake70 says:

    Robert would cease to exist. Flirting is okay. It happens. When lines are crossed then comes the darker side of me, and then we will have to go to the other side of town to get our fings and stuff. You are a beautiful woman, why wouldn’t someone flirt with you. I have used my charm to sell things, and use it now to diffuse situations. It is a great tool to have at my disposal. Of course the other one is intimidation, which is also good at keeping things from escalating out of control. I find charm works best when used early though.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Flirting is natural and fun! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  9. NotAPunkRocker says:

    I have no idea how to flirt (thus current relationship status).

    Now I am trying to think of some finance double entendres. The only one I can come up with is about balancing books. (no, that’s the whole thing).

    Liked by 1 person

  10. hollie says:

    Use all the wiles you want. I must be a bad feminist too because I’m not afraid to bat my eyelashes to get what I want.

    Liked by 2 people

  11. meg68 says:

    I just found and read the Mister’s blog post! How interesting is that?
    Is this new? Is there only gonna be the one post?
    I had no idea he had a blog, but I love the thought of getting both sides of the Joeyful story 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    • meg68 says:

      Also, I LOVE this! Fitty is so shit at pretending he’s not jealous at all. Luckily I never go out and give him reason to have that one extra beer, (I think it’s the 5th), that turns him into “Sullen Man”.
      HE plays in a band and has had whole softball teams expose their “wiles” to him on stage, (yes, that happened).
      We’ve both been on the other side of infidelity, and we both agree we could never inflict that kind of pain on anyone. That’s enough for me 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      I dunno if he’ll ever write anything. He loves a good political rant.
      No, it’s really old.

      Liked by 1 person

  12. George says:

    Getting out of a ticket, free gifts, good customer service and discounts. Is there a down side here that I’m missing?

    Liked by 1 person

  13. mikeull says:

    I have strong opinions on this great topic but I’m new here so I’ll bight my tongue.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Luanne says:

    Hahaha, your husband is one charming piece of work. I can just see him!!!! Hahaha

    Liked by 2 people

  15. When I show my boobs to get a discount I’m usually asked to leave the grocery store.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Pingback: Officer Opie Gets a Date | joeyfullystated

  17. reocochran says:

    I love how you closed this amusing true life crime and bribery will get you . . . post, Joey.
    Yes to Robert Redford for me, but you are young! How about Channing Tatum for a cool million and a hot body? 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Sammy D. says:

    I think it’s that Georgia Peach that rubbed some Southern Belle into your blood making men swoon at your feet. Or something like that.

    I have a 2 degrees of separation true story about Robert Redford. He’s most definitely swoon-worthy.

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      LOL! I think my mother’s southern ways are definitely there, but I don’t think it’s peach or belle, and men seldom swoon.

      I hope you’ll write your Robert Redford bit. I think he’s positively dreamy!

      Liked by 2 people

  19. Prajakta says:

    Yea… even my “morals” go for a toss when it comes through free stuff, quicker service and an occasional chocolate! If only I KNEW how to flirt that’d be great 😛

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Anxious Mom says:

    Maybe my husband and I both should pick up some flirting skills so we can get the good deals 😀

    Like

  21. Matt Roberts says:

    Oh, go for the million! That’s what I’d tell my wife and she’d tell me. Also, I believe in the business flirting. If it helped me or Jen make off good with something, I’m all for it. Besides, The Mister knows you and trusts you, that’s why a guy flirting with you isn’t too big a deal. I trust my wife that way, and would find it amusing if someone flirted with her. Especially if she were getting some good deals because of it lol.

    Liked by 1 person

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