Dirty, Naughty Produce

Posted on August 10, 2015 by joey

Cucumber was on the list, so The Mister picked up a coupla cucumbers and Sassy picked another one and told him he was doing it wrong.
He said we’d need more cucumber for all of us.

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Sassy told him, “I don’t eat cucumber. Mama wrote, ‘cucumber,’ not ‘cucumbers.’ See? She’d put a two beside it if she wanted two. And Mama doesn’t like the long thin ones, she likes em short and fat.”

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The Mister said it was all he could do not to burst out, “YEAH SHE DOES!” He turned his face away and bit his tongue to hold back his laughter.

These are the kind of things you do to protect your children. Then you can exploit their innocence as blog fodder.

But Sassy’s right, it’s true. I only buy one cucumber at a time and I hate when they only have the longer cucumbers, because inevitably, we don’t eat the whole thing and I hate wasting food.

Feel free to discuss your cucumber preference.

About joey

Neurotic Bitch, Mother, Wife, Writer, Word Whore, Foodie and General Go-To-Girl
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37 Responses to Dirty, Naughty Produce

  1. Maple Tree House says:
    August 10, 2015 at 9:23 AM

    OMG! Too funny! Reminds me of my Rugrat saying “tit” in place of something else. I can’t remember now what it was because it was a few years ago, but it was hilarious!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Benson says:
    August 10, 2015 at 9:36 AM

    Well you went there,didn’t you. I wonder what Sassy’s reaction will be when she realizes she was a subject in one of your posts? Do you ever wonder how her blog would read? Now that would be very readable;I think. Sort of a “About my Mama” kind of thing. Cucumbers? I like the seedless variety.

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:
      August 10, 2015 at 9:57 AM

      One day she might have a blog 😀 I’d be entertained, I’m sure. She’s a funny girl!
      She’ll probably read this. She often reads them. She probably won’t talk about it. She can’t even stand us kissing, she turns her back to us and says, “Keep it like that. Stay happy.”
      I don’t think I’ve ever had a seedless cucumber. I don’t care for seedless watermelons, though, I don’t think they’re as sweet.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Benson says:
        August 10, 2015 at 10:03 AM

        Seedless are also called English and they are very long. I only like them for making sauces and such. For plain eating I’ll take short and squat. How old is Sassy? You have probably told me,but I am obviously very senile.

        Liked by 1 person

        • joey says:
          August 10, 2015 at 10:05 AM

          Haha, she’s 12, very soon to be 13.
          I am not a fan of English cucumbers, and only buy them when that’s all that’s offered — but you know what? I never noticed they’re seedless! :O

          Liked by 1 person

          • Benson says:
            August 10, 2015 at 10:14 AM

            Well English are seedless in that they have tiny seeds. Like a watermelon. I am sure some are more “seedless” than others. Oh my soon to be a teenager. Years of joy ahead;Joy.

            Liked by 1 person

  3. La Sabrosona says:
    August 10, 2015 at 9:49 AM

    Lol…ahem..I never discuss my preference for “produce” 😉

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Maggie Wilson says:
    August 10, 2015 at 10:21 AM

    Not gonna touch this with a ten-foot pole. Nope, can’t make me.

    Liked by 3 people

  6. Sherry says:
    August 10, 2015 at 11:50 AM

    my supermarket puts about a dozen of those salad cukes in a bag…I take out about 4 and buy them. I don’t respond well to packaging that tries to force me to buy more than I want. But I’m addicted to those babies….perfect size and taste..And you daughter will remind you of this post one day…lolll

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Carrie Rubin says:
    August 10, 2015 at 12:08 PM

    “These are the kind of things you do to protect your children. Then you can exploit their innocence as blog fodder.”—Ha, yes, parenting tip #101.

    My kids make fun of me when I refuse to toss even half a leftover tomato or onion. But like you, I don’t like wasting food. Now I can tell them I’m not alone in my produce hoarding.

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:
      August 10, 2015 at 6:10 PM

      Oh, you can be sure there are always leftover onions and tomatoes in our fridge! I use most of it, but we never can finish a big cucumber. I hadn’t planned to grow any until I read about “no-can” pickles. Now I think I might grow a small crop for pickling 😀

      Liked by 1 person

  8. John Callaghan says:
    August 10, 2015 at 12:29 PM

    I have a similar policy when it comes to melons.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. Veronica says:
    August 10, 2015 at 12:50 PM

    Too funny! I would love to pickle them one day. Kids are pickle fanatics! 😂

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Anxious Mom says:
    August 10, 2015 at 12:57 PM

    I’m dying 😂😂

    I’d say I prefer no cucumbers but then you might go “poor Sam.”

    Funny story: a couple years ago, I was out with my friend. Neither of us are very feminine, not by societal standards, both wearing our flannel and boots. People make assumptions. Anyway, she said she needed to stop by the grocery store for something, we went in and what she got was the biggest fucking cucumber they had. It was a monster. Got to checkout and the young man gave us look, then noticed the size of the only item we were checking out, the look on his face was fucking priceless. 😄

    Liked by 1 person

  11. edwinasepisodes says:
    August 10, 2015 at 1:20 PM

    There is nothing wrong with an English cucumber Joey, it is just a matter of taste! However, I will take whatever I can get! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Josh Wrenn says:
    August 10, 2015 at 3:16 PM

    This post was written for the part of me that will always be 13, I think. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Sammy D. says:
    August 10, 2015 at 5:24 PM

    Two is (almost) always one too many.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. rgemom says:
    August 10, 2015 at 5:33 PM

    Heeheehee Love it.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. A @ moylomenterprises says:
    August 11, 2015 at 12:26 AM

    Hilarious!
    Cucumber jokes never get old.
    However, I’ll hold my tongue on this one since anything I say can and will be used against me so I’ll just smile 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Prajakta says:
    August 11, 2015 at 2:04 AM

    I like them sliced long and well-seasoned. And that is all I have to say on this! 😛

    Liked by 1 person

  17. mltrautz@yahoo.com says:
    August 11, 2015 at 7:22 PM

    I only buy one at a time for the same reason. I refuse to comment on my preference. Some things should remain private!

    Liked by 1 person

  18. markbialczak says:
    August 12, 2015 at 8:36 AM

    Sliced and already tossed into the salad is my preference, Joey. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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