Truthful Tuesday: Factoids You Never Wanted to Know About Me

Posted on August 11, 2015 by joey

If you’re one of the twelve people who know my life, this post will be BORING, but if we’re not well-acquainted, here are some true-life confessions:

  • I treat books badly. I scrawl in them, dog-ear their pages, and often spill food and drinks on them.
  • I am the parent of a child who once threw such a temper tantrum at Cracker Barrel, we did not go back for two years.
  • I do not understand the value of clean floor grout.
  • I’m one of those people who sneezes crazy loud and scares the shit out of people.
  • I seldom check personal email. My Yahoo mail has 1325 unread messages and I am a bad person for not forwarding those messages to everyone I know.
  • I don’t like pepperoni. I’ll eat pretty much anything, including liver and brains, but I give pepperoni to the dog. Smells like dog food to me.
  • I love brussel sprouts.
  • I’m one of those terrible breast-flaunting women who freely nursed in public and did so long after my babies could eat real food.  I also used a disgusting breast pump for years. It’s as though I had no shame.
  • I used breast-feeding to get out of jury duty. Twice.
  • Sometimes I eat cheeseburgers from Mickey D’s.
  • I have been on food stamps. Taxpayers paid for Sassy’s birth and the removal of Bubba’s appendix. I think we were worth it.
  • I go way too long between cleaning my ceiling fans. How long? Long enough that I ask The Mister to clean them.
  • I am the kind of woman who sends naked selfies to her husband. And well, that one time to Shay, because I had a weird rash.
  • I drink white wine at room temperature.
  • I do not believe in censorship. I did not grow up with censorship, and I’m perfectly fucking fine.
  • I hoard fabric.
  • I squeeze the toothpaste in the middle. My husband and I do not share toothpaste.
  • I don’t hand-wash my bras.
  • I go to church fairly regularly but regard most church-goers much like one views lepers. A cross will keep me away like garlic keeps vampires away.
  • I’m infamous in my social circle for being a person who lets dishes soak overnight.
  • I am the kind of slut who not only went to Planned Parenthood for care, but who also did volunteer work there.
  • I never used covers on grocery carts to keep my kids free of germs. My kids gnawed on everything, including pacifiers, thumbs, furniture, each other, and the dog.
  • I only shampoo my hair every 2-3-4 days.
  • I let my cats have a bit of milk or cream, even though it’s probably bad for them.
  • I do not put my dog in a seat belt harness. I even let her hang her head out the window.
  • None of my cats wear collars.
  • I screen calls.
  • I’m one of those pathetic parents who medicated my child for ADD.
  • I don’t wear socks with my trainers.
  • I don’t like hot tubs.
  • I prefer to fly in small planes.
  • None of my wine glasses match. And they are all from thrift shops.
  • I vaccinate my children. We only ever get the MMR on a Friday because of reactions some of us have.
  • I have high-water drapes in the living room. The drywall in the house is positively worn-out where they should hang. One day I will pay someone to repair the drywall, or I will sew borders onto the ends of the panels so that people know I know how to hang drapes, or maybe I’ll have custom panels made. That will happen sometime between when I finish painting the trim in the back hallway and when pigs fly.quote-i-m-not-going-to-change-the-way-i-look-or-the-way-i-feel-to-conform-to-anything-i-ve-always-been-a-john-lennon-110554

Do you ever notice how many people are offended by everything that isn’t the way they do it, the way they want it, or the way they think it should be? Has it ever occurred to you that we are all, every single one of us, THOSE PEOPLE to someone?

Now that you know all these wretched things about me, do you have any confessions of your own to make?

About joey

Neurotic Bitch, Mother, Wife, Writer, Word Whore, Foodie and General Go-To-Girl
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22 Responses to Truthful Tuesday: Factoids You Never Wanted to Know About Me

  1. Benson says:
    August 11, 2015 at 12:06 PM

    Well now. Hell everyone has something to confess. My really salacious confessions I will probably take to the grave and no one would believe them any way. Or maybe they would. I like pepperoni myself. I have a 2 pound bag in the freezer,along with about 4 pounds of shredded mozz. You never know when a pizza craving may hit. The rest of my confessions are pretty mundane. More idiosyncrasies really. I can’t swim and have a fear of drowning and yet I once cooked on a oil platform off the coast of California,along time ago. I have been married multiple times and still don’t know why. As you say everyone is that person to someone else.Truthful Tuesday huh? Think it will catch on?

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Red Hot & Saucy says:
    August 11, 2015 at 12:54 PM

    Some I didn’t know, many I did and still chuckle about them today.

    Confessions are good, but many of mine not for public consumption although I will admit that I am such a bad chocoholic that I’ve gone to the store and bought 5 or 6 chocolate bars and eaten them all before I got home.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Anxious Mom says:
    August 11, 2015 at 1:24 PM

    Haha, same on the toothpaste. My husband would get so mad and fix it, then I’d re-fix it to spite him. We no longer share, either. I’m pretty shocked about the church part!

    My confession: I had to rewash my whites six times last week because I kept forgetting to put them in the dryer. The week before it was the kids’ clothes.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. garym6059 says:
    August 11, 2015 at 2:20 PM

    This made my day after dealing with idiots all day. I think this list makes you human!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. mltrautz@yahoo.com says:
    August 11, 2015 at 6:27 PM

    You and I would get along just fine!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Jewels says:
    August 11, 2015 at 6:35 PM

    These were fun Joey! 🙂
    I only wash my hair every 3 – 4 days…

    Liked by 1 person

  7. markbialczak says:
    August 12, 2015 at 8:34 AM

    You is what you is, and I say, hell, yeah! I’m more uptight about toothpaste at the top of the tube and daily shampoo smell than you are, but that’s my stuff, not your concern, that’s for damn sure, Joey.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. jhoudephotography says:
    August 12, 2015 at 9:32 AM

    You sound like a very interesting person to me, very real, I like that. That one really made me smile : “I’m one of those people who sneezes crazy loud and scares the shit out of people.” I am one of those too 🙂 My husband who has vertigo, gets a dizzy spell every time I sneeze!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. meg68 says:
    August 18, 2015 at 5:30 PM

    Yay!! I love these lists.

    Liked by 1 person

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