In Indiana, we have the BMV. I think it’s because they want you to remember the word bureau, as in bureaucracy, but this post isn’t about Indiana’s BMV, it’s about Georgia’s damn DMV.
I had to become a Georgia resident even though I didn’t want to. Military is allowed to keep their home of record, including driver’s licenses and voting precincts, and depending on the state, spouses can too, but not in Georgia!
So, I had to go get a Georgia driver’s license and become a Georgia resident, rather against my will.
I happen to be one of those people who has a birthday around Thanksgiving, so I had no choice but to go many days before my Indiana driver’s license expired. All that was well and good, except Moo and I had a terrible stomach flu at the time. We both had fevers and I had to carry a trash can when leaving the house. Moo sounds like she is dying when she vomits, so that’s great when you want to go unnoticed. In my driver’s license photo circa 2008, an almost five Moo is actually clinging to my leg and crying hysterically, because the lady said it was okay, and wouldn’t be visible. Moo wanted to be held, and I think the lady was doing her best to accommodate us.
Then, because life is cruel, my Georgia driver’s license was set to expire just as we were moving back home to Indiana. I went back to the damn DMV to get my Georgia driver’s license renewed, and stumbled upon a ridiculous bitch who was power-trippin like you would not believe.
She told me she needed to see my marriage license.
I said the rule posted I only need to present a marriage license if I didn’t have a military ID with my married name. (Which I do, which I presented.)
I made quite a fuss about it. In addition to the military ID with Jolene Mottern on it, I already had a Georgia driver’s license with my married name on it. Why would they issue me a license and then deny renewal? Did they think the first time I was at their damn DMV they did it without documentation? Did they think the United States government issued me an ID in my married name without checking all of the paperwork ever?
My military ID, all of my bills, all of my credit cards, insurance cards, my checkbook, my SS card, everything I had with me — all Jolene Mottern.
None of the other damn DMV people would help me and furthermore, THEY ALL IMPLIED THAT I WAS LYING ABOUT BEING MARRIED!
Other patrons of the damn DMV even got in on it.
“I’ve been married for 26 years and I have the paperwork to prove it.”
“Mhm.”
“My daddy spent a fortune on my wedding, so you can be sure he paid for my marriage license.”
“Mmmhm.”
“Too many women actin like they married and they’s just livin in sin, livin off the government.”
“Mmmmhmmm.”
Yes, that’s it. Obviously I am a Yankee Doodle Whore.
I had clearly wandered into some kinda Church Lady circle of Hell.
On another day, I went back to the damn DMV with my marriage license. In fact, I took my entire portable filing cabinet, just in case. I gave all my documents to the lady at the counter, and she slid my marriage license back over, saying, “I don’t need this, Honey. You have military ID right here.”
joeyfullystated 
I hate martinets. I ran into one who wouldn’t let me deposit my wife’s paycheck into our joint checking account. I obviously wasn’t her. Remember, I was making a deposit, not a withdrawal. I drove two blocks to another branch and made the deposit without so much as a question.
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I have worked at a bank, and I’m pretty sure it’s still legal to deposit money in anyone’s account ever.
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Right? That’s what I thought too. DVM is always a nightmare, but your story is over the top.
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Yup! When I trained as a teller one of my supervisiors told me I couldn’t accept a deposit like yours. I knew she was wrong. She ddn’t last long. Those wrking in fiefdoms oive to power-trip whenever possible.
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“Could it be…Satan?!!!”
I hate going to the DMV so badly that I renew everything by mail and have a photo on my license that’s over 10 years old. It looks nothing like me.
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Haha! I’m not sure we have the online renewal for licenses here, but we at least have them for plates, so that’s nice.
We actually go a bit out of town, about 20 minutes from our house, to this tiny town’s BMV, where it’s almost vacant and people are nice. Bit like entering The Twilight Zone, but in a good way!
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There must be a special breed that applies for jobs with motor vehicle departments. We have the same type up here at the local MTO – Ministry of Transport Ontario. Ugh.
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Sorry to hear it’s similar there. So much depends on who you’re dealing with.
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Oh my dear lady you have hit a nerve with this post. Nothing gets me more irritated than a flunky that does not know their own rules. That is why I try to do as much as possible via computer. It is amazing I never was assaulted or arrested in all the times I squared off with the twits that exist in government. The tales are legion.
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Mmhm. Terrible troubles. Policies are only good ones with they’re posted and used properly.
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Thank god in Indiana we can do just about everything online now, that crazy bitch in Georgia needed her head slapped! Why do BMV attendants have to be so stupid!
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Crazy bitch! Yes! Slap the mean right out of her, Gary! 😀
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Because to work their you have to be at the low end of the gene pool!
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The first time I got out of the military I had a Tennessee driver’s license. I went to the BMV to get a new Indiana license. They told me I would have to take a written and driving test to get a license. I informed them that as long as I have an active military id my license does not expire per Tennessee law. I got out of having to take the driving test, but had to take the written test. Oddly enough, the manager of that particular BMV branch was later brought up on charges of fraud. Poetic justice if you ask me. I hate that place!
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Power tripping – that’s THE worst! I just wrote a very polite ‘eff you’ email yesterday, and only because I couldn’t get a hold of anyone on the phone. It’s titled “To Whoever Gives a Damn” – and I don’t care about the grammar either…writing ‘whomever’ sounded very British to me. And then polite eff you’s and then signed off with “Thank you for nothing”. Felt really good. I hate when people in management forget to wear their human outfits and opt for motherfucker ones instead 🙂
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“stumbled upon a ridiculous bitch who was power-trippin like you would not believe.” <- this is my "oh no you don't" population. Female, power-tripping, making everyone's life miserable…oh no you don't. Whether it's the impatient receptionist at the doc's office or the pushy woman at the gym or the disgusted church lady trying to infer that I'm an idiot…oh no you don't. You don't get to do that. And dear Lord, don't get me started on DMVs. To date, California's has been the worst, Nevada's the best, but they all are cumbersome and unpleasant in endless ways. Your post is the only pleasant encounter I've had with a DMV. Thanks for the laugh 😀
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I am glad you stood up to her but I wish you had been successful. People who act with “apparent authority” beyond that which is given to someone in their position by law, cause a lot of problems and cause a lot of grief for citizens. I think in this case, you’re going to inspire/encourage me to tell my DMV story since to tell it as a comment would make my comment longer than your post.
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Oh I look forward to your post!
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How you didn’t manage to pop a blood vessel over this, I don’t know. Kudos to you, because I would’ve been writhing on the floor in need of an emergency blood pressure pill. Okay, maybe I’m exaggerating, but my face would’ve been the color of beets! (And I normally have a wonderfully low blood pressure…)
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I was furious! I really did make a scene. But I must say, we were in the midst of moving and military moving is like regular moving, but with extra strength stress, so it seemed par for the course. Also, I was taking Ativan regularly at that time.
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various establishments ask to speak to me when my husband calls to report something or other…He always asks them, “and how exactly are you sure it’s my wife coming to the phone and not my partner in crime?” They have no answer, it’s just what they are required to do…
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The DMV is one of the circles of hell, I’m convinced. And it takes a certain type of person to work there (read – someone who enjoys torturing others for no apparent reason whatsoever).
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Does anyone ever have a ‘good’ experience at the DMV? And on top of that, the pictures they take are straight from Hell…mine looks like I just came off a three-day crack binge. Jesus!
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Well yeah, I had a good experience before that, and a good experience after that, but that one time…Ugh!
I know, right? In my photo, I look like a peach with eyes and hair.
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Back when I had a license I never had any trouble getting it renewed or anything. I’ve heard many Americans complain about the DMV though and it sounds awful.
And what is with all those clucking hens implying you aren’t married? First off, why would anyone lie about that and secondly, who gives a shit? What are they, the marriage police?
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My thoughts exactly! Who would claim to be married for the sake of propriety in this day and age? Marriage schmarriage, who gives a fuck?!? Church Lady Circle of Hell!
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Hahahahahaha. Some people!
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Look at you, trying to pretend like you’re a military wife. Can’t have that.
And LOL about them giving back your wedding license. Shoulda asked for the queen bitch to vet you 😀
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She wasn’t even there. I asked. And I complained about her. Nice as pie complaining, with a Bless her heart and such a shame 😉
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I had to go get a juice glass of wine to settle down after giggling and laughing so hard, Joey! This is hilarious and yet, I know definitely NOT funny while going through it!
Okay why can’t you renew without a marriage license? I could not wrap my head around this one! Not laughing AT you but At The DMV. Hugs, Robin
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Bravo to you for not strangling anyone.
Personally I’d have just lost it. At the very least I would have stopped the conversation at one point to politely tell her, “I’m sorry but I think I need to continue this conversation with someone who has functioning brain cells.”
But that’s why whenever possible I let Honey do the talking when dealing with any branch of the government or the utilities companies :-\
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I know this was an extremely frustrating day, but the telling of the story is hysterical mostly because all of us have a DMV story of our own. This was priceless. 🙂
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Thank you. It’s been over two years, so I felt like it was far enough behind me.
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Christ, what a bloody palaver! all of that hassle for no reason other than some stupid bitch was having a bad day and needed to think she was important by insisting you have a marriage licence that you don’t even need!
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I KNOW! RAWR!
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I salute you. You are a brave soul for enduring both the DMV and the evil church lady circle.
Bringing your entire filing cabinet is what I learned when I moved to Portland. I had to go to the DMV three times to get my Oregon license like a good girl:
1. Barely passed my written test, but dammit, I passed it. When I received my license in the mail, they botched my birthday. Tried to fix it over the phone. They made me go back to the DMV.
2. I went back. I waited in line for an hour. I didn’t have my birth certificate on me. Had it the first time, but I needed it again. They don’t keep that information on file.
3. Another hour gone from my life. But I prevailed and I now have a valid Oregon driver’s license. The end. 🙂
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Your luck getting the Georgia Peach the first trip, Joey. Good gravy, what a toad.
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