Troll Talk: A Summary of Our Lunch Chat

Posted on October 5, 2015 by joey

Everyone’s always goin on about the search terms that bring people to their blogs, and mine are boring. People love pretty pussy and I get a lot of traffic for combating head lice. I got somethin last week about head over ass, but that’s about as interesting as it gets. However, I do get bizarre, mean, and lewd comments and emails. I just don’t approve them or respond.
It’s best not to feed the trolls.

The Mister complains of verbal trolls in his online class forums, “They never pick a battle. They pick all the battles!” he says. I laugh. We commiserate on how some people never do learn not everything is worth a fight, or how it’s okay to let sleeping dogs lie, or rather, to let people walk around thinking what they think like the idiots they are.

The Mister’s perspective differs slightly from mine, because I think about young people from a teaching standpoint.
“Isn’t it nice that life hasn’t beaten the passion out of them yet?” I ask. We laugh.
I think even cynics can agree, no one likes a person who plays devil’s advocate all the time. No one likes a person who will come at you, guns ablazin’, purely on the basis of semantics.
Not everything is a See Something Say Something moment.

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When I was little, my father read “Three Billy Goats Gruff” to me with all the voices. I loved it. I had no idea that I would so often encounter trolls as an adult.

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The joy robbers, the thunder stealers, the pick-up artists, the one-uppers, the hyperbolists, the martinets, the nit-pickers, the @-ers, the haters, the weirdos — at least they keep things interesting as we cross the bridge to eat the tasty grass. Prolly not a lot of adventure in Utopia…
How many Anonymous Trolls live in a utopia?

Lemme tell you, we’re not livin in a utopia and Anonymous Trolls think the whole damn internet is their bridge.

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Anonymous Trolls tell me I’m self-absorbed, illiterate, a dirty whore, nobody, a narcissist, an alcoholic, a shitty mom, a redneck, a precocious child. Anonymous wants to do me on the beach in Sarasota. Anonymous feels bad for my husband, because I am a selfish cow. Anonymous tells me my food looks gross, and that I am the ugliest blogger on WordPress. Anonymous says I lie about my age, have cold sores from sucking everyone’s dick, and that I am an attention whore. Anonymous wants me to know I am exploiting my children and exposing them to immorality, and that I will burn in Hell. Anonymous tells me my eyes are beautiful, my skin the perfect canvas for his ejaculate, sends me links, offers to come to Chicago to photograph my feet.

Sometimes I think Anonymous Trolls know me and use my Contact Me like an honesty box to avoid confrontation. Most of the time, I think Anonymous Trolls are strangers without impulse control. Online, you never can tell. Catfish, you know.

This is how The Mister and I got to the One-Liner that will never be Wednesday’s:
“Oh my God, you’re not one of the guys who wants to see my tits, are you?!?”
“No, I am, I just don’t email you about it!”

Then we laughed and laughed.

LaughingDogs

About joey

Neurotic Bitch, Mother, Wife, Writer, Word Whore, Foodie and General Go-To-Girl
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43 Responses to Troll Talk: A Summary of Our Lunch Chat

  1. Carrie Rubin says:
    October 5, 2015 at 1:46 PM

    “no one likes a person who plays devil’s advocate all the time”—Yes, it can be exhausting can’t it? I enjoy a good debate, but as you say, not everything requires one.

    As for your trolls, they’re far more explicit than the few I’ve had are. Guess I can count myself lucky in that regard!

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:
      October 5, 2015 at 1:55 PM

      I enjoy debate as well, but not constant, and certainly not repeating the same topics, beating the dead horse. It’s tiring!
      I count myself lucky, too, because I’ve been privy to the trolls of others. O_o

      Liked by 1 person

  2. IreneDesign2011 says:
    October 5, 2015 at 1:52 PM

    I agree, it helps to ignore them 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. edwinasepisodes says:
    October 5, 2015 at 2:07 PM

    You have had some pretty disgusting and savage trolls Joey. Best thing to do is starve them, oh, and laugh at them.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. dalecooper57 says:
    October 5, 2015 at 2:27 PM

    I always respond to even the most obscene trolling with a variation on the theme of; ” Well, thanks for your input, I’m glad you took the time to comment on something you so clearly hated. Go on, admit it, you love me really”

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Anxious Mom says:
    October 5, 2015 at 2:29 PM

    Wow what awful people. I’d probably quit blogging if I had that bullshit posted/in my inbox.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Josh Wrenn says:
    October 5, 2015 at 2:40 PM

    Funny you posted this today, because this morning I figured out who the person looking for my info is. No threat.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Benson says:
    October 5, 2015 at 3:37 PM

    Wow I can not believe anyone could possibly write anything nasty about you or your posts. Clearly those ass wipes know nothing of truly mean women. Your are right to ignore them,I suppose. Any one who writes stuff like that lives in anonymous ignorance, and comment would merely encourage them. I do like your Mister’s line, straight and to the point.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. John Callaghan says:
    October 5, 2015 at 4:05 PM

    Hoooooooooly shit. Wow. This is awful. You handle much better than I probably would.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Norm 2.0 says:
    October 5, 2015 at 4:48 PM

    Holy crap – I know that ignoring them is better than engaging and giving them the attention they crave, but it can’t be easy when they so clearly need their asses kicked.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Dan Antion says:
    October 5, 2015 at 8:20 PM

    Ignore the trolls. Good approach. Should I be jealous though? Nobody wants to take photos of my feet. I mean, I got feet.

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:
      October 5, 2015 at 9:31 PM

      I dunno. Is there a market for female foot fetish? It seems like there would be, but I’ve not heard of it. And really Dan, do you want to objectify yourself like that? I’ll happily sell photos of my feet, but letting someone else photograph them, well, that has certain unseemly implications. I can’t imagine you want in on that…

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Glazed says:
    October 5, 2015 at 9:18 PM

    I guess one nice thing about this is that they truly are anonymous. You don’t have to live in the same house with them. They aren’t your neighbors (hopefully). And you can leave their abusive comments sitting in limbo, without ever approving them. Too bad the same isn’t true for some non-anonymous trolls.

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:
      October 5, 2015 at 9:38 PM

      Right? It’s hard to take such commentary seriously when it comes in such a cowardly way.
      I rarely encounter the brazen, named troll. And when I do, I still ask myself WTF and ignore it.
      Thanks for the great perspective 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Luanne says:
    October 6, 2015 at 1:51 AM

    Sometimes I think I was happier in the world before I knew there were trolls. I really thought they were just in fairy tales. But no they live somewhere in cyberspace. Your trolls are some nasty beasts. My search terms aren’t usually that good btw. I did like “creepy doll poems” because that was quite apropos. But generally they are pretty boring, asking for somebody else’s website (who I have written about) or how to write memoir.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. markbialczak says:
    October 6, 2015 at 3:32 PM

    Your trolls are nasty, Joey. Horny, too. Egads.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Sherry says:
    October 6, 2015 at 5:01 PM

    you’re delightful…trolll # 673….that’s me…

    Liked by 1 person

  15. abundance in the boondocks says:
    October 6, 2015 at 10:39 PM

    My heart broke a bit when I read about those trolls.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. painkills2 says:
    October 7, 2015 at 6:19 AM

    Everybody hates your trolls, but I wish I had trolls who were that funny. I mean, you can’t take any of that B.S. seriously, and with my sense of humor, I think it would be fun to come up with some interesting responses… maybe even a few limericks. But most of my trolls are just scammers — usually Russian for some reason. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  17. meg68 says:
    October 7, 2015 at 6:02 PM

    I don’t get internet trolls, I get real life one’s. Life’s a bitch.
    However I do get some of the most twisted fuck’s of search engine terms and currently appear to be being stalked by Russia on a daily basis. (Awesome, right?)
    Some of my best search terms?
    “fucking say goodnight”
    “sister xxx with blood”
    “Russians in thongs”
    “breast milk playing”
    “nude Aunties expressing breast milk”
    *and the one that kept me up a few nights..
    ‘hairy nurse body wash patient happy ending”
    So freaks find me – but ignore me on the internet. I’m working on a method to stop them from finding me in real life, but I’m related to most all of ’em (so fuck me, right?)

    Liked by 2 people

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