I hadda go to the bloody buggery Walmart because my daughter asked for a Lalaloopsy birthday cake, and they carry the kits. I really try not to go to the bloody buggery Walmart, but they make up for certain products my other grocers lack.
I don’t think I’m alone in saying that I feel like I’m always at the store because we’re always out of something. If you’re not like me then you dunno. You just bought groceries for the weekend, but when you go to refill the cat box, you discover the litter container is empty. Empty containers (cause kids) are the household shopper’s worst enemy, because it looks like we have crackers, tea, and tampons BUT WE DON’T. Today you spent $111 at Meijer, but tonight your kid needs posterboard and pipe cleaners? Super. It’s great I bought coffee, but we only have two filters left.
UGH.
It’s a running joke (at my expense) at our house.
I’m not getting better with age.
I’ve never liked shopping. I recall a time when my shopping list was a Post-It with like cat food, Coke, pears, yogurt, and Kleenex on it. Now it’s an entire sheet of paper, with items in sections.
Having anxiety disorder means I don’t do well in bright, loud, crowded places and thus I hate shopping even more than ever. I consider shopping work. Gardening and painting trim are fun, shopping is a bitch. Shopping for anything but books, anyway.
this indicates it’s a personality quirk
Sometimes, The Mister goes out to collect my forgotten items, or if he’s feeling especially generous, he’ll take the entire list. Sometimes he takes a daughter or two along. If he goes out alone, then I must wait by the phone like The Shopping Dispatcher.
“Where are the artichoke hearts?”
“They have maple, original, sage, and Italian.”
“Do you want shredded wheat in individual bags or a box of frosted ones?”
He’s come a long way from thinking leeks are giant green onions.
The baking aisle is his nemesis. There are a lot of different flours. Have you ever tried explaining to someone why yes, you have bread flour, and biscuit flour, and cake flour, but you still need all-purpose flour?
Bit like asking me to pick up motor oil, I suppose. I’m aware we can’t run the vehicles with sunflower oil, but I have no idea what kind of motor oil to buy.
Now, if I know he’s going to be the one shopping before I make the list, then it’s better because I can write very specific detailed lists, or show him a photo, or discuss my caulk preferences ad nauseam.
So anyway, I was at the bloody buggery Walmart and because I was already there, I decided to get groceries. Without a list. That’s about as daring as I get. That’s my without-a-net move, right there. So, again, if you’re like me, you know this involves “Oh crap, I’ve forgotten the cream” as you head two miles to the back of the store. I did that twice. Because “Oh crap, I’m gonna need more eggs,” too. And both times, I passed the same man in the same place.
This man was stooped over his cane. He studied the list with eyes that might have seen 70 or 80 years pass.
I had to stop and help him.
“Can I help you?”
“I need beans.”
“What kinda beans?”
He held a can labeled Frijoles Blancos, “Like these right here, but with pinto beans. They usta come in a big glass jar.”
“Like for beans and cornbread?”
“Yes!”
“Wait right here and lemme see where the big glass jar beans are. I’ll be right back.”
They’re on the bottom shelf of aisle 11.
I took him to the beans and then I swallowed the lump in my throat.
That’s gonna be my husband, y’all.
My poor husband is gonna be staring at products wondering why he can’t read the label and feeling absolutely helpless.
And who will help him?
When I got home, I urgently shared this story with my children and reminded them to always look for ways to help others.
Then I realized I forgot to buy bread crumbs, so our salmon patties will be made with panko instead. Won’t that be fun? You can’t make me go back out. Not on a Saturday.
joeyfullystated 
Oh I hate doing the shopping as well, especially when it is busy and crowded. It just puts me in a dreadful mood, That poor old man, how sweet that you helped him find his beans. So many old people struggle in supermarkets with the high or very low shelves, it does make you wonder what it will be like when we get old and have to go to the bloody buggering shops!
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I know! It’s terrible!
I think I’m more likely to be the kindly cashier who can’t even lift a case of soda
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At least you would help though, I would also try to help but probably end up dropping or breaking something! 🙂
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Haha!
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Mmm beans and cornbread! You’re sweet to help him like that. He might have been there all day. I’ve had nice people retrieve items from high shelves for me. It makes all the difference! Otherwise I’m standing on bottom shelves and/or using other products to flip items off higher shelves. It’s not a good system.
Have you tried placing your order online or over the phone and then picking up at the customer service counter?
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We have PeaPod now, and I’ve looked into it. I’ve friends that do it, so I’m aware of some of the pricing differences. I feel like it’s inevitable, but so long as I’m not working, have a car, and all my mobility, I can’t justify the price over time variable. 😦
We don’t have the kind of service you’re describing.
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Panko should be awesome.
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Ya think? I’m not too sure.
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I’m pretty sure.
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Walmart! I do all sorts of crazy things to avoid Walmart. But my husband, bless him, will be like that man, too, someday.
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It’s deplorable — the ethics, the service, the greed….
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I am laughing at the hilarious way you describe shopping. I did it a lot the years I was babysitting, usually over weekends. Staying at home those years meant a lot of organizing, Joey. I appreciate the working mom’s who came with kids in the dark and came back again in the black of night. I felt for them, I saw my two favorite parents/ clients literally switch gears and function well. The other family who I kept as clients the entire time, not so happy – stressed (stretched) to the max.
The elderly man caught my heartstrings. Thank you for finding his beans in a clear jar combination.
I hate shopping by myself. In the past 9 years I love shopping with my Mom, 2 guys that I dated and my youngest daughter. I go to Walgreens once a week and grocery once. At Walmart or other Big Box stores I wander. I smiled at your Lollalloopsie cake since I have taken photo of one so far grandie. ♡
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When Beauty Queen was my neighbor, we often did our shopping together in the dark of night. I miss that.
The Lalaloopsy cake was a big hit, we’re still eating on it 🙂
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Bloody Buggery Walmart! Now that is an expression for the ages. I try to avoid Walmart like the IRS. It’s too big and crowded. I have always liked shopping. Even when I had a wife and kids I did it;probably because I did the cooking. That was so sweet of you to help that fellow. I have used panko for binding before. Don’t like to I don’t think it works as well. Good luck with the Lollalloopsie cake. Naturally I have no idea what that is.
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I’m gonna give the panko a whirl. I certainly don’t feel better that you’ve tried it and not liked it, this does not bode well for me, given your expertise. Gah.
Lalaloopsy is a kind of toy/doll. They’re precious and Moo has been obsessed with them for years. I’d kinda thought we’d outgrown the character cakes, but no. http://www.lalaloopsy.com/
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No worries. The panko will be fine. When my kids were young my Mom made outlines of Disney characters ,lined them with foil and use them as cake pans and then put in the detail with colored icing. She did than for all the grand kids. Of course that was back when there wasn’t that many.
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I don’t do that stuff anymore. My hands don’t like parchment pastry bags anymore, although they’re easier than the stupid pump one.
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Here here and there there. I used to really enjoy that sort of stuff back when,now not so much. Pumps are chumps.
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I don’t fill in for shopping very often. The Mrs will easily just go without. She’s only cooking for two, so if something has to slip, it’s not a problem. My most recent pickup was for cat litter. She likes to have a change in reserve, just in case. The store she shops at was out, but the one in a neighboring town had a few bags. I got those and some snacks. I always pick up some snacks, which is why I don’t go often. I will be that old man too.
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What you did for that older man was incredibly sweet. Take a moment to realize that you turned his day around with just a few minutes of your time and your kindness. That’s something to behold, Joey, because how many people do you think passed him and gave him not one glance?
Hub and I often shop together because we like spending that time with each other (but we don’t have kids, so we don’t have to balance that time). However, over the years, because of my chronic illnesses, Hub has shopped alone many many times. He does pretty darn well at this point. Also, he cooks alot, so he’s pretty good at getting what we need. BUT, there ARE sometimes when I ask for something different and he brings home something totally not what I had asked for. I’ve learned to find the item on the web and send him a link so he has a description, name, AND picture to shop by! LOL
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Well, I’m not above thinking I did a kindness, and I did think about why an EMPLOYEE hadn’t noticed him…but really, we should all do what we can. No big deal. I’m more worried about whether the future holds people who do what they can…
I think smartphones are fabulous, and The Mister is not above facetiming me to inquire “Which one?”
I think when we don’t have kids at home we will be even more likely to order groceries, lol!
Thanks for being so flattering.
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When we do what we can, hopefully we show people around us that it should be done.
OH NO, please don’t tell my husband to facetime me from the store….ahahahaha!
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I am totally with you on this! I HATE shopping, and I ALWAYS forget things…requiring yet another shopping trip when I thought my penance for the week was complete. Interesting – I’m INFJ. Is it, indeed, a personality quirk??
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I do not know! I’ve always hated it though.
I am so glad you HATE the returns as much as I. Gah, It’s so annoying!!!
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I laughed, I cried, I googled ‘panko’…:)
It sounds delicious…
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Oh good 🙂 Thanks 🙂
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I went to Walmart twice today. And I didn’t even buy groceries. I feel your pain.
They have different flours for all those things? I would have just used all-purpose for everything. o.o
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Mercy. I can’t fathom that. I’m deeply sorry you went there twice on a SATURDAY.
Yes, all different flours, changes texture dramatically.
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Yes to all, especially books. Music used to be added when we still paid for it. I need to commend my amore who can read my 3-lingual shopping lists and has brought ‘miele’ (honey) because it looked like ‘milk’.
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That’s fantastic! 🙂
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oh the shopping wars…My husband is backup Walmart shopper. He goes on Wednesday. I go to my main store on Tuesday. I have to write everything out in detail and he still gets 1/4 of it wrong…NO Parker, Calcium with D is not the same as Calcium with D3…I wrote down D3….when I went to get it myself the NEXT day, the D was one bottle away from the D3…and to the left of the D he go, were 3 D3’s and to the right were 4 D3’s…so don’t tell me you couldn’t find any D3…I despise Walmart but they are undoubtedly cheaper for paper towels, canned foods (which I assume even they can’t fuck with), and crap like that. Husbands are perfectly atrocious at shopping, but it’s still better than doing it yourself….I can’t figure out what mothers teach their sons…it’s sure not what I need them for! HAHAHA
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Hah! You know what I love at Walmart? Their plastic wrap. It’s the best one.
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I used to love certain kinds of shopping, like clothes shopping. Not so much anymore! If I can buy it online then that’s how it gets done. I can totally relate to always being out of things. I have tried a tip from Gretchen Rubin: instead of buying just one replacement when you run out of something, buy two or more. You still might run out but not as often!
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Oh I agree with that, and I do stock up on certain things 🙂
I’m a big fan of online shopping as well!
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Pingback: Thank Heavens for Independent Bookstores | The Write Transition
Once, when we were newly married, Lucie asked me to run to the store for a few items. One of the items was cheese. I’d asked her how much cheese and she jokingly said, “Five pounds.” Only, I didn’t catch it was a joke and, well. That month we had a lot of cheese.
I’ll likely be just as confused as that old man, some day, but I’ll be ill-tempered and scowling and I’ll pick up just-whatever-damn-beans…
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Fair enough, Steve.
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I also hate shopping, and Walmart is the worst. Bless your heart, for helping that elderly gentleman, I’m so glad you were there for him. ❤
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I love to shop, just not actually in stores…um, how is that possible, you might ask (I said might, I am giving you credit!) The internet. Estate and garage sales. Craigslist purchases. Those get me excited. But, grocery shopping or most grumblingly hated…the mall. Ugh. Not a favorite. Too many people. And, I get anxious when I forget stuff while still in the store and already past the forgotten item. I actually debate in my head whether it’s worth going back for it. I always go back. Just after a few minutes of internal debate.
I try to be on the lookout for those needing help, but sometimes my anxiety distracts me.
Also, my husband calls me whenever he goes to the grocery store for me. The first few calls are cute. After that, I am rolling my eyes. But, then I think, treasure this annoyance because someday you’ll want it back.
Fondly,
Elizabeth
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