JusJoJan & SoCS — The Long What

Posted on January 16, 2016 by joey

What do I wanna write?
Hm. Maybe just some rambling. It’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday and I do feel a bit purge-y.

I put my canvas slip-on shoes away and I’ve rubbed oil into my skin and my bottom lip is split like winter’s really here.
But it’s not, because I went out yesterday in my jacket and carried an umbrella and had a fucking panic attack.

I was perfectly happy.

I had slept until 9:30. I had eaten a bowl of Marshmallow Mateys and had a cuppa coffee and big ol glass of orange juice. No, YOU have PMS and want sugar on top of salt with a side of sex and some bloody red meat! I had already done my bloggity things and my photo of the day — Go me!

You can tell a lot about me from how I look, and I don’t mean whether I look happy or sad or whatever, but like, I was wearing my yellow quilted jacket, which is synonymous with happiness because yellow and quilts are my favorites and the fact that I needed the jacket represents how pleased I was that it wasn’t hot and I don’t live in Georgia, where it was some ridiculous temperature like 70. Had my striped scarf on, you know, cause scarves are the kinda thing I can manage to accessorize without feeling like I’m overdone. I made up my face cause it was the first day in 12 that I didn’t have a big red mark over my lip, cause holidays are so carefree and fun that I wouldn’t dream of getting one of my infamous cold sore flares, so it was good to slide some Angel Red across my non-herpetic lips like a healthy human. My hair curled up, but it didn’t frizz or expand too much despite the rain. Not a lot can go wrong when a woman’s hair is right. There is nothing like a good hair day.

Got into Bonnie Blue, turned on Annie Lennox, cause when I’m alone, I try to listen to all the music the rest of my family is not crazy about. Sang my way to Aldi.
A nice man gave me a cart which saved me a quarter. Eggs were $1.49 a dozen; I bought two cartons.
A young woman asked me what the difference was between zucchini and cucumbers, and that’s kinda hard to explain, but ultimately I decided that zucchini is yummier when cooked, cucumber is yummier raw, and suggested she should buy some of both and try it out. Then imagined how a person wouldn’t know what either is like, and this led me to thinking about that roommate I had in college, the home-schooled one who had never watched television, because her parents thought it was evil, and I wondered if this girl’s parents thought garden vegetables were evil.
I let the lady behind me cut, because she had only broccoli and bananas and she was my elder and I had a cart full. But my cart cost $10 less than I expected and I was pretty freakin happy while I bagged my things. I was also happy that unlike the man The Mister let in front of us last time, the lady I let go didn’t come back and whisper a dirty joke in my ear instead of saying thank you like a decent human being.
I took my cart back and slid it in, but left it unlocked to save someone else a quarter. As I left, I saw a lady push it in and take the quarter from it, as well as from the one in front of it. Initially, this upset me, as this was not my intention, but then I decided Fine, if she needed two quarters, she needed two quarters, who am I to complain?

Then  I drove to the bloody buggery Walmart Neighborhood Market because Aldi doesn’t have everything. Like, why did they stop carrying my seltzer?!? Where are those savory frozen pizzas with the goat cheese and basil?!?  Tangy warm goat cheese makes me drool. So, yeah, I hadda go to another grocer.  I listened to Les Mis on the way, cause boy does my family hate that. I’m a good Eponine, not that they give a fuck about Eponine’s troubles.

Parked Bonnie Blue at the back, because they’re building something else over there now, probably something terrible, like another Walmart Neighborhood Market, only with longer lines and without any employees whatsoever, and the only way out of the parking lot is on Fall Creek Parkway (told you I drive on it all the time) and I do not enjoy trying to turn left twice in 10 seconds.
I’m still bitter about the arrival of the bloody buggery Walmart Neighborhood Market, because it literally took the place of our favorite Chinese restaurant and one of the best markets in the city. Fuckers. The pond is still there, but it’s overrun with Canadian Geese. I never see a duck over there anymore. Why are people in Canada so nice and their geese assholes? Besides, when we fed the ducks and asshole geese it was in an idyllic time when we let the children hurl cheap white bread at them and no one was there to shame us and tell us that water fowl are gluten-intolerant or whatever, like how my parents made us have birdseed at our wedding instead of rice, and clearly favored the gastrointestinal issues of birds over their own child’s fertility. No rice for us. I blame those birds for how it took us three years to conceive. Maybe birds have to explode to encourage baby souls, you don’t know.
But they’re building a Meijer at 56th and Keystone, so that’s exciting, although I bet it will be a duck-less venue.

Panic. They should just call it PanicMart, am I right?
oh did the car just move? omg, it’s vertigo! noooo! oh no my heart is going to pop out and go through the windshield. i don’t think our insurance covers that. it’s okay joey, you’ll be dead. won’t matter. oh. oh no, my neck is swelling! can’t breathe. oh for fuck’s sake joey, snap out of it! you’re okay. it’s just anxiety. you’re okay. i’m dying. you’re okay. i’m dying. you’re okay. yes, it’s raining but the roads are fine and it’s daylight and your husband knows where you are and you are going to live through this. one mississippi, two mississippi, three mississippi, but my head is about to fall off, four mississippi, five mississippi, deep breaths, you’re getting better. see you’re fine. six mississippi. that wasn’t so bad, now was it?
oh look, it’s after three. moo must be home.

I used to get to like 29 Mississippi, but I’ve gotten better, so now I’m all patronizing and condescending to myself like you don’t know what.

SoCS and Just Jot it January are both brought to you by LindaGHill and all the cool prompts sit at her lunch table

About joey

Neurotic Bitch, Mother, Wife, Writer, Word Whore, Foodie and General Go-To-Girl
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63 Responses to JusJoJan & SoCS — The Long What

  1. meANXIETYme says:
    January 16, 2016 at 12:38 PM

    I’m impressed it was only six mississippi. And I hate Buggery Walmart, too.

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:
      January 16, 2016 at 12:41 PM

      Thank you! Yes, I really have come a long way. I imagine if I’d begun counting deep breaths at the beginning, I would have started at 100 or more. Before I knew what it was, assuming it was THE END.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. April says:
    January 16, 2016 at 12:41 PM

    I remember my very first panic attack in the middle of one of those Super Stores (not Walmart). Whew, never thought I’d make it out of there fast enough. I’m so envious that you can wear a coat. I’ve worn a sweater twice this winter.

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:
      January 16, 2016 at 12:48 PM

      I understand! It was 30ish, so I wore a long sleeve tee and that quilted jacket. It’s only been bundle-up cold 3-4-5 times this season!
      I wondered if maybe arriving to the store is not my new trigger. It was much better before than during, though, I must admit.

      Like

  3. Dan Antion says:
    January 16, 2016 at 1:24 PM

    I don’t get panic attacks or anything like that but I hate that feeling that my car is moving when I know it’s not. Six-Mississippi doesn’t seem to bad, but I’m guessing it felt more like forever.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Fannie Frankfurter says:
    January 16, 2016 at 2:26 PM

    I’m very concerned about this person who didn’t know the difference between a cucumber and a zucchini.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Judy Martin says:
    January 16, 2016 at 2:28 PM

    Bloody, buggery sodding Walmart! I am sorry you got a panic attack there Joey, especially as you were all happy and cheery in your yellow coat. Stupid,place!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Benson says:
    January 16, 2016 at 2:41 PM

    Well if you want to feed ducks and asshole Canada geese you can always go to Broad Ripple. I starting going to Aldi recently. It is my go to place for cheese and eggs. I shopped at Walmart grocery once. Don’t like it. I prefer Kroger. I bought a pork loin there once and it was printed on the wrapper that it was a product of Canada,USA and Mexico. Too much international co-operation for my pork chop. Thank You. So sorry about your anxiety. My partner suffers from panic attacks as well. Her anxiety has ebbed tremendously because she never leaves the house. I admire you tenacity in dealing with it. I have never had one so I really can’t relate.

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:
      January 16, 2016 at 2:58 PM

      I can’t say I’ve seen ducks in the canal in Broad Ripple. Is that what you meant?
      Yeah, I don’t buy meat at Walmart. I don’t buy much meat, so it’s not an issue, really. The chicken at Aldi is good, ethical chicken and has nice dates on it, marked to last longer, and it does. I almost always buy my fresh young chickens from them. I’ve had good experiences with the pork chops as well. I prefer Meijer and Marsh for beef. Kroger’s not convenient to my locale, but I agree, their meat was always good.
      The cheese at Aldi is outstanding for the price! Have you had their Havarti cheeses? OMG.
      I lol’d at the international cooperation of your pork — I have an old post about tomatoes which is very similar to that!
      Anxiety is a bitch, but I refuse to submit. I love the outdoors, I love certain places. I won’t give up. My condolences to your partner, (and you) she must miss so many experiences.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Deb at The Front Door Project says:
    January 16, 2016 at 2:50 PM

    I’m glad your panic attack was over quickly (although I’m sure it feels like a long time when it’s happening). Do you have any idea what triggers them? In any event – the Walmart Neighborhood Market in our town is being shut down!! And over 250 other Walmart stores are being shut down around the country – so maybe you will be lucky and yours will go away!

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:
      January 16, 2016 at 3:02 PM

      I don’t think you’d really like to read about all my triggers, but yes, I know what they are 🙂
      Thank you.
      On the one hand, I wish all the WMs everywhere would close, but on the other hand, we’d need some new stores, because otherwise, our closest grocer (Marsh) galls me with their pricing.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Deb at The Front Door Project says:
        January 16, 2016 at 3:12 PM

        Yes we do need our budget grocers, don’t we! I just have a thing about Walmart. I feel SO overwhelmed in there. Unorganized, messy, etc.!

        Liked by 1 person

        • joey says:
          January 16, 2016 at 3:15 PM

          It’s awful. The markets are awful about hiring enough people, and the cashiers always look overwhelmed, and girl you know they’re already underpaid, let alone when they’re the SOLE cashier working.
          I buy as much as I can elsewhere, but I don’t want to go to MORE shops. I hate shopping! lol I avoid the big WM as much as possible. I get sensory overload. Ugh.

          Liked by 1 person

          • Deb at The Front Door Project says:
            January 16, 2016 at 3:34 PM

            I hate shopping too, especially grocery shopping! Our kids are literally always like “we have no food” because my husband and I have silent standoffs about who will go to the store next 🙂 my poor children – I tell them when they are parents they can improve upon their upbringing!! We do manage to eat dinner as a family pretty much daily though, so I got that right.

            Liked by 1 person

  8. LindaGHill says:
    January 16, 2016 at 3:42 PM

    I don’t know. Maybe Canadian geese are assholes because they’ve got to fly so far. 😛
    The first time I sent my ex to the store for a zucchini he had to find an employee to help him figure out what a zucchini was. We lived in Quebec. And he’s French. I, subsequently, will never forget what a courgette is. 🙂
    Congrats on the bonus points. If you ever figure out what to do with them, let me know.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. jan says:
    January 16, 2016 at 4:50 PM

    Only 29 Mississippis! Good for you! Nothing like a pond taken over by geese. It’s almost as bad as a Chinese place taken over by Walmart!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. coldhandboyack says:
    January 16, 2016 at 5:50 PM

    Holy cow, you’re all over the board today

    Liked by 1 person

  11. vanbytheriver says:
    January 16, 2016 at 6:04 PM

    I’m so sorry about the panic attack, but that was a pretty amazing piece of consciousness streaming. I was laughing at your gluten-intolerant geese…we have those Canadian geese all over my road…they rule, clogging the road, stalling traffic. They are not intimidated by cars honking. We just wait for them. It was nice to hear of Meijer’s…we had them in Michigan and they were so much better than Walmart, which came later, by the way. ☺

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Anxious Mom says:
    January 16, 2016 at 11:04 PM

    I kid you not, I wrote a post about having a panic attack sitting outside Walmart a couple months ago, then deleted it. I feel for you. ❤ I also kid you not, it wasn't until last year that I had tried both cucumber and zucchini. Never again. Never. Again.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. prior2001 says:
    January 17, 2016 at 3:16 AM

    Oh wow ! Loved so much of this free flowing post – and could relate to a few things – never wear red lipstick – but hate cold sores and had a small one emerge earlier this week – sometimes for me when my omega 3s are low and amino acids not balanced – I get a small one – – and I had just taken some arginine and think that was imbalanced – but getting a small one every now and then is not too bad – as opposed to 25 years ago when a huge one was on my lower lip for a month – and even the toll collectors noticed and one day said “your cold sore is gone” – lol – and so the small cold sore that emerged recently was like argh!!
    and I begged my spouse to go store and get me some lysine – he was back within ten minutes and the lysine always helps – the cold sore did not get any bigger and whew – wish I had that sooner –
    Anyhow – my favorite part of this post was the good hair day – yeah – you said that right – all is well when a good hair day is upon us! 😎💚

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:
      January 17, 2016 at 1:19 PM

      Thank you so much!
      I’m deeply comforted to have a comment by someone who deals with recurrent cold sores. Mine are always triggered by stress, but they’re the least of my health issues, just so annoying! I use Abreva, and sometimes get the Acyclovir from the dr, but this is my first time taking lysine for them. Yes, I got another one poking up now!!! Does the lysine really help? I’m hopeful.
      Sometimes I get swollen lymph nodes and fever with them, but this time I didn’t. A coupla years ago, I was completely deformed for weeks. (When we bought our house. Ugh, happy stress is stress, too!)
      Anyway, thanks for your comment and Like and Follow 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • prior2001 says:
        January 17, 2016 at 1:31 PM

        Well we really need to chat a bit more because while everyone is different – the lysine helps – but all amino acids need to be in balance – and do you know what helped me those decades ago? Protein and amino acids-
        Anyhow – the details are not that fresh right now – and I think I did not get any for like ten years a seriously – it was nice – but then when I recovered from something in 2014 -I took “NAC” and it triggered a few – and then the recent one was triggered my this l arginine supplement iexperimented with – while I was actually waiting for the balanced one to come from back order – and so very grateful my bunds went to store – esp cos I had s speech to give this week and lysine worked !
        Anyhow – cod liver oil is also something to consider – and then with the lysine – be sure to take enough – there is the “rda” which is usually too low – so the “odA” means take enough to make it work.
        One last thing is try olive leaf caps ! It is amazing stuff and has antiviral and antifungal – and did you know that many folks have malabsorption issues which also plays a part / it did for me –

        Liked by 1 person

  15. Lori Carlson says:
    January 17, 2016 at 3:31 AM

    oh how I feel your pain, Joey! I had to do that blasted PanicMart yesterday too. I am fine in my local grocery, but step inside that damn Walmart and it is panic city! Glad you made it out okay 🙂 Loved the ramble of this!

    Liked by 1 person

  16. John Callaghan says:
    January 17, 2016 at 10:13 AM

    Canadian geese are right assholes. Even Canadians find them obnoxious.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Jewels says:
    January 17, 2016 at 1:59 PM

    I quite enjoy your stream of consciousness writing. I lol’d @ “Maybe birds have to explode to encourage baby souls, you don’t know.”

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Elusive Trope says:
    January 17, 2016 at 2:03 PM

    “Maybe birds have to explode to encourage baby souls, you don’t know.” Guilty laugh out loud of the day. 🙂

    My SO will check in with me before asking if I want to go shopping. PanicMart is a great name for the place. Although driving in the parking lot is even more panic attack inducing than inside the place for me – carts everywhere, people driving across the aisles, whipping at laser speed for a spot so they can avoid walking an extra ten yards. The Panic Lot of PanicMart. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Judy @ NewEnglandGardenAndThread says:
    January 17, 2016 at 7:48 PM

    You only made one mistake – you went to Walmart. If I see one more person in their pjs they, I can’t be held responsible for my actions. That being said, what really irks me is that every time I decide I’m just not going there again, it never fails I can’t find something and go there and sure enough they have it.

    Liked by 2 people

    • joey says:
      January 17, 2016 at 9:03 PM

      LOL! We ran out to Target yesterday, and The Mister went in his comfies, dropped us off at the door — BUT! In the Target I saw MANY people in their pj’s! I told my husband I’m not there yet, but gimme 20 years and I may feel differently. Is it so hard to put on trousers? I mean, it’s cold, one can wear a coat…
      And I know! I hate the WM, but as you say, certain things are unavailable / hard to find elsewhere.
      Meijer and Aldi are my preferred stores.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Judy @ NewEnglandGardenAndThread says:
        January 18, 2016 at 7:43 AM

        I think it is my age, but pjs seem to be something personal that you wear at home. If you don’t want to put slacks or jeans on then sweatpants or track pants at least have some body to them and almost everyone alive has a pair to pull on. I really don’t need or want to see that much of a shopper’s body showing through their pjs. LOL

        Like

  20. reocochran says:
    January 17, 2016 at 8:15 PM

    I am fairly peaceful except being late to somewhere, rude people or mean parents. I sm usually at an intersection when the car moving next to me helps me become “queasy.” I like Kroger but am starting to prefer Meijers. Both cost more than Aldi’s.
    I liked the way you had the thoughts about bird seed versus rice, Joey. I am not crazy about the tiny seeds that are millet, which can get into eyes and bother my contacts. Rice was much easier to not get stuck in eyes. I was not aware that rice throwing had something to do with baby msking, Joey. Please do tell. . . 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:
      January 17, 2016 at 10:01 PM

      I really do prefer Meijer and Aldi.
      Rice is an ancient symbol of fertility, and that’s why we shower the newlyweds with it 🙂
      I hadn’t thought about millet as endangering to eyes. How awful that must feel!

      Like

  21. dalecooper57 says:
    January 18, 2016 at 5:21 AM

    We are just starting to get the Canada geese flying in for a winter stopover in Devon. They’re a bit late this year, they usually turn up around Christmas. The local golfers hate them because they trash the course by eating all the grass and shitting everywhere, so that’s one point in their favour.

    Liked by 1 person

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