Bitching About Nothing

Posted on February 26, 2016 by joey

On Wednesdays, it’s the Standard Operating Procedure of Joeys to pick the girls up and go to one grocery store or another.
It’s fairly straightforward, and involves only one crisis moment — exiting left from my neighborhood. Honestly, unless you’ve been here, you do not know the struggle. This last Wednesday, the universe challenged my patience. It was not me. It was not my lack of sleep. It was not because I had two dangerously large and caffeinated Mr Pibbs at lunch. It was a conspiracy. No I’m not paranoid, and even if I am, it doesn’t mean I’m wrong.

1. Having not died in a perilous traffic accident, I pulled up in front of Moo’s school. I was the first parent there, Thank You Anxiety Disorder. Vehicles behind me loaded up their spawn and drove around me. I began to fret. (That’s not Anxiety Disorder, that’s motherhood.) I turned to see the teacher, and some of Moo’s friends, one of whom appeared to be talking to a pillar. I got out of the car and shouted over to the people, “Is there a Moo over there?” Oh hahaha, Moo was behind the pillar. Yes, yes, let’s all laugh at how funny that was.
“Did you want to take her home today?” Ahahaha. Hysterical.

2. Dropped a recently emptied Sadie off with The Mister at home.

3. Parked in the lot to wait for Sassy, who was 15 minutes late, because her bus had to pick up another bus of kids. Given our bus issues, can you even imagine?!? Of course you can!

4. Drove. A man in an SUV wanted me to go 60 in the 35, but I didn’t want to. I felt like 41 was fast enough, so he had to drive all up on my ass until his turn lane appeared. He sped around me in a silver blur so that we could end up side-by-side at the red light. I do not understand these sorts of people. They are bad for my nerves.

5. Stopped at White Castle to get a milkshake, a Sprite, a Coke, and a chicken sammich thing. I do not know the sizes of milkshakes at White Castle, but I know Sassy never wants a small. If you order a large soda at White Castle, they basically give you a giant bucket with a straw. It won’t fit in your cup holder. I did not want to give Sassy a giant bucket of milkshake. If you ask the dumb bitch working the drive-thru what size the milkshakes are, she will tell you “sma, me-um, ge” because special drive-thru language.
“Yes, but what ounces?”
I waited almost five minutes while she said she’d find out, then she told me to order when ready.
“I still don’t know how many ounces.”
I waited again.
“One, ty-one, and forty-one.”
I ordered a me-um.
When I pulled to the window, and handed her my debit card, she told me to hold on because she needed to make change. But I had a debit card.
Finally, we got our goods and turned the corner to Aldi.

6. I was trying to get my straw out of the wrapper with my stupid hands when Moo informed me I had a text from The Mister.

puppy_what1puppy_what2puppy_what

I couldn’t even. Does that not read as if he let the dog scratch and cry at the door for about an hour?!? Couples know, sometimes things happen occasionally, make ya wonder who it is you married. I have been on both sides of that mystical conundrum.

7. At Aldi, some fucking window shopper was in front of me every time I turned around. She stood between me and the entire cookie selection, between me and the entire canned vegetable selection, between me and aaaalllll the cucumbers.
I’ll admit, the first few times I went to Aldi, I gawked like I’d met the wizard, to the point where Sassy claimed I was her mentally-challenged auntie who had never seen organic apples for less than $1 a pound, but I wasn’t in anyone’s way!
Eventually, we were in someone’s way, and as she was huffing, “EXCUSE ME!” I actually felt fucking glad about it. I took pleasure in it like, oh good! my turn to be an inconvenient pain in the ass! I waited for Moo to get the cart out of her way while I smiled smugly.
I have never been in such a low place in my humanity before.
I made comment to the girls that it was best these thing happen to me, because by this point, my husband would be nearing homicidal JAKE SMASH and shit.

8. When it was time to pay, Moo had not put my debit card back in the right place and I had to have an anxiety attack, because I surely had more than $40 worth of groceries and that’s all the more cash I had. Aldi doesn’t take credit cards. Do you know the panic?

9. Leaving Aldi, I sat at one of the shortest lights in the city. Two to three cars get through each green light. I waited four lights.

10. I told the people I’d had enough of Adele’s music, because seriously, some of those songs are just so fucking sad, make ya wanna drive off the bridge, and I was not in the mood. Moo said she couldn’t choose anything because we didn’t have wifi. I talked between my teeth about how iTunes doesn’t need wifi to play the music, “It’s on now! Just pick a different song! GIVE IT TO YOUR SISTER!”
Sister didn’t make it stop. She didn’t make it stop. She just kept scrolling while Adele sang on! Aaah, the agony!
“ARE YOU PICKING A THING?!?”
“I pick a fing.”
Phew!
Between that and the debit card issue, I don’t think Moo is shotgun-riding material.

I had to get home! I had to get away from the madness! I had to get back to my sad, nervous dog, who, as it turned out, had stopped barking as soon as The Mister opened the door, not after an hour, but straight away, because he was not completely incompetent, he just texts poorly.

You can tell me about your stupid first world problems, or that time your Wednesday was a hump of crap. I’ll be here for you.

About joey

Neurotic Bitch, Mother, Wife, Writer, Word Whore, Foodie and General Go-To-Girl
This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

66 Responses to Bitching About Nothing

  1. Benson says:
    February 26, 2016 at 7:57 AM

    Wow. I won’t call any of the issues you faced a “first world problem.” That term is usually used by some ass hat who thinks that unless the problem is experienced by a member of the third world it is unimportant. Fears are relative,as are the reactions to situations. Good job getting home without any blood letting.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. donofalltrades says:
    February 26, 2016 at 8:18 AM

    I find that entering the public realm is becoming increasingly more difficult with each passing day. Why everyone has to be a douche about every little thing is a mystery to me. Hurry up and drive past that car so we can wait at the same light! Now get right in front of them without using a blinker so you can say, “yay! we moved up one fucking car length and shaved 8 seconds from our commute to nowhere that important!” Idiots.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Ally Bean says:
    February 26, 2016 at 8:41 AM

    People. So annoying. Always in the way. Rarely useful. ‘Tis a miracle and a tribute to your good breeding that you didn’t murder any of them on Wednesday. Honestly, so troublesome.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. coldhandboyack says:
    February 26, 2016 at 9:10 AM

    Oh God, the drivers. Every day they pass in the left turn lanes, use the right turn lanes to get around a couple of cars and insist someone let them back in. It’s rush hour commuting, not NASCAR.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. orbthefirst says:
    February 26, 2016 at 9:15 AM

    I feel like this whole week has been a test.
    First: Broke my new computer trying to update the BIOS. For what it cost, its not worth taking in somewhere to get looked at. Sunk about $350 into it. *cue fits of depression & rage about how I cant seem to keep anything nice, or how I really dont know WTF Im doing..(When I most certainly do, but faulty equipment is faulty equipment. See fit of rage point #1…
    Second: This week grandpa had his first cancer treatment. “We’re not supposed to worry about it.”
    Third: Sadface emoticons on the Windows10 Blue Screen Of Death, are the reason I need blood pressure medicine. ‘Nuff said about that.
    Oh, and yesterday, I picked up a lesbian (we’re friends. It was a bear huggish kind of thing) and put her over my shoulder. Then found out I “scared her because Im not supposed to be that strong.”
    WTF does that even mean?? I dunno.
    There just doesnt seem to be enough Valium this week.
    Theres more, those are just the high points of my “first world issues.”

    I wish I had your issues Joey. Id have a hell of a lot more fun with them.

    P.S. Send Valium

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Red Hot & Saucy says:
    February 26, 2016 at 9:37 AM

    Wow, that was a day! Big hugs xox

    Liked by 1 person

  7. April says:
    February 26, 2016 at 9:44 AM

    Sounds like your Wednesday sucked. You should have stayed home like I did 😀 The only thing that sucked was that the vampire in the basement pitched a little fit over the fact that we were having leftovers for dinner and he was tired of eating leftovers. Yeah, he can make his own meals then.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. meANXIETYme says:
    February 26, 2016 at 9:47 AM

    I’ve never been to Aldi, now I’m afraid to go. 🙂

    I’m quite amazed you made it through all that (especially the Adele part, because…weeping) without pushing someone to the floor or bursting into tears. Good on ya!

    Liked by 2 people

    • joey says:
      February 26, 2016 at 9:55 AM

      Thank you 🙂 I’m amazed I’ve made it through this week!
      You should not fear the Aldi. You should go to Aldi and enjoy the incredibly low prices, particularly on produce and cheese. Not everything is good, but there are many things I always buy there. If you go, take your own bags and a quarter.

      Liked by 1 person

      • meANXIETYme says:
        February 26, 2016 at 10:01 AM

        We don’t have debit cards, so we’d have to have cash. That’s another anxiety inducer like you said…do I have enough cash to buy what’s in the cart? Aaahh! 😉
        But thanks for the info on the quarter. I saw that in another post of yours and thought “Whew, glad she said that!” because we never carry change.

        Liked by 2 people

        • joey says:
          February 26, 2016 at 10:04 AM

          You ever think about how much more we probably spend now that we’re debit card users? I sometimes do. There’s something about cash in hand that makes you see its value…
          So yeah, stop at the ATM. The most I’ve spent at Aldi is $110. Most of the time, my ticket ranges around $70.

          Liked by 2 people

          • meANXIETYme says:
            February 26, 2016 at 10:21 AM

            The only place I don’t pay attention to how much we spend is the grocery store. We buy what we need and that’s that. I mean, we shop for deals and sometimes splurge on things, but I don’t fret over food prices. Everywhere else I watch our money like a hawk.
            That’s why I’d be anxious about paying cash at Aldi’s because I don’t watch price tags on food. I guess when we go we’ll just watch carefully… I’ll let you know how it goes! 🙂

            Liked by 2 people

  9. Fourth Generation Farmgirl says:
    February 26, 2016 at 10:33 AM

    I’m sorry you had a challenging day, but thanks for the laugh! I can completely commiserate with you about the people in the store who are ALWAYS in the way. It totally bugs the crap out of me, too. And, Adele’s new music….ugh. I’m going to need some more sunshine before I can listen to those depressing tunes. 😉

    Liked by 2 people

  10. Judy Martin says:
    February 26, 2016 at 12:39 PM

    Oh God Joey, it sounds a bloody nightmare day! I know I would be getting pretty het up stressed if it were me

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Dan Antion says:
    February 26, 2016 at 12:43 PM

    So, how much trouble will I be in if I admit to having been the working husband component to a stay-at-home-mom who did all that stuff while I complained about “rush hour traffic” that I could most often drive around? A lot? Yeah, I kinda figured. At least I never ride up on some poor woman’s car and I don’t care how long the drive-though takes ‘cuz I park and go inside because it’s easy to do that when you’re the only person in the car. I’m guessing that I’m not helping my cause. Anyway, I enjoyed the post and, just so you know, I was laughing _with_ you.

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:
      February 26, 2016 at 1:52 PM

      Nah, no trouble. My Wednesday trips are usually quite nice. This one made me feel the universe had saved up! lol
      The Mister has had some awful commutes. He’s pretty much worked crazy early though, so all of his have been the return home madness.
      I’m glad you laughed with me 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  12. John Holton says:
    February 26, 2016 at 1:05 PM

    Try shopping on Senior Discount Day. Occasionally you find someone who’s forgotten why they’re there. (To be fair, I space out occasionally, too.)

    I had never heard Adele until recently, when I played that new one by her. You’re right, soundtrack to a suicide…

    Liked by 2 people

  13. LindaGHill says:
    February 26, 2016 at 1:08 PM

    Days like this are what alcohol is for.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Norm 2.0 says:
    February 26, 2016 at 1:52 PM

    Your debit card issues remind me of the time I almost got arrested at the supermarket for indecent exposure. The cashier said “strip down, facing me” Now how was I supposed to know she meant my debit card??!!
    Hope your weekend is better than your Wednesday 😀

    Liked by 2 people

  15. meg68 says:
    February 26, 2016 at 6:19 PM

    Oh HELL YES… Omg I love when you bitch Joey!
    I can totally relate, for this week did so suck!
    Fitty is still carrying on like a fucking lunatic without nicotine, (or any kind of replacement), and actually fired me on Thursday!!
    He’s so lucky I don’t hold grudges. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • joey says:
      February 26, 2016 at 6:26 PM

      Oh FFS! He fired you?!? Wait, does Superwoman live in Australia? Who the hell does he think will replace you?!?
      I can’t even! Help me to even, Meg!!!
      Thank you, btw 🙂
      This week…I’m tellin you…This was the hour of shit I could write about, because the rest of it was even shittier!
      Disclaimer: I did have a delicious cheeseburger, sexy time, and a big fat nap. The rest was shit on a shit sammich with a side of shitty shit.

      Liked by 2 people

  17. rgemom says:
    February 26, 2016 at 7:07 PM

    That was totally my Monday. And Wednesday afternoon. You’d think when your kid is on the golf team, the team might wait the two extra minutes it takes you to get to the course because you have two other kids to pick up from two other schools, but that seems to be asking a bit too much. You might also think the coach, knowing your kid was supposed to be coming, might respond to your text with what hole they’re on so you may deliver your child to his practice, but that too is apparently asking a bit too much. And don’t get me started on technical glitches, people in the grocery store wanting to pay their $19 bill all with change, and the guy behind her who seemed to have never used a debit card before. #notenoughwineintheworld

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Pingback: Friday Favorites #21 | Three's a Herd

  19. Genealogy Jen says:
    February 27, 2016 at 1:35 AM

    Sometimes I imagine ramming my cart into a grocery gawker… and just barely stop myself. If I’m ever arrested, that will probably be for cart assault. Or it will be for strangling a loud chewer. True story. PS Sorry you had a rough week. Brownies soothe most troubles.

    Liked by 1 person

  20. dalecooper57 says:
    February 27, 2016 at 4:49 AM

    …aaaaand relax.

    Liked by 1 person

  21. vanbytheriver says:
    February 27, 2016 at 7:16 AM

    Ordinary life…always the best stories. This was a fun read. Sorry ??? ☺

    Liked by 1 person

  22. John Callaghan says:
    February 27, 2016 at 11:10 AM

    I loved all of this. Funny, funny, stuff. “I gawked like I met the wizard.” That was just a lovely bit of writing.

    Liked by 1 person

  23. Luanne says:
    February 27, 2016 at 3:19 PM

    I have this weird thought about first world problems. So if I mostly have first world problems my whole life (except when people die and stuff like that), does that mean I never get to stand up in front of class and vent? Only people with third world problems? I’m not sure of the answer to this rhetorical questions, but it’s one I’ve pondered a lot.

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:
      February 27, 2016 at 3:28 PM

      I know what you mean. I think it’s important to acknowledge that they’re first world problems before some asshat comes along and points it out. People always want to compare. I don’t. I’m grateful most of my problems are first world ones.

      Like

  24. Sherry says:
    February 28, 2016 at 2:19 PM

    umm…seems like a bad day…I went the other day to McD’s to get a kid who was working for us, a burger for his lunch. He told me to get a #1..I did so…the little idiot behind the window said “do you want it large?” I asked what does that mean? She dinna know…just large…that’s all they told her…We are devolving…I’m sure of it.

    Liked by 1 person

  25. Anxious Mom says:
    February 29, 2016 at 1:37 PM

    lol Moo is getting demoted to the back seat.

    I’m doing my Aldi run today after picking up LM, who also takes forever to come out. Since the school is in town, you gotta park on the street to get the kids, and my kid is the one always holding up the line.

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:
      February 29, 2016 at 2:58 PM

      She so is! At least when Sassy’s going too 😛
      It would never work to have kids walking to the street here. It’d be scary dangerous.
      I’m sorry LM is like that, my boy was too. He’s slightly faster now.

      Liked by 1 person

Comments are closed.