I can seldom get through a day without asking, “What the fuck is wrong with people?” so it’s not like I’ll be winning a tolerance trophy or anything, but c’mon, I know you understand.
Oh, there will be rants, however, today we shall focus on a specific wtfness:
Why do men throw away umpteen years of marriage?
I am not divorced, therefore, my understanding of divorce is limited to the following:
I am a child of divorce.
My husband is divorced.
I know _____ divorced people. (Like Imma count ’em!)
I can tell you that sometimes divorce is the best possible outcome of a crap marriage, for I have seen the chapters preceding and the resulting successes of those who left when they’d decided they valued their own worth more than their marriage license.
I’m not talkin about those people.
I’m not talkin about people who’ve had a rough go, overcome a lot of crap in counseling, but ultimately decide to part ways and move on as graciously as possible.
I’m not talkin about people who married the wrong people and quickly figured that out and got divorced, no harm, no foul.
I’m talking about the longtime married people who…how to put this politely…one Saturday morning, before soccer practice, take their kids to the local pancake house and LOSE THEIR EVER LOVIN’ MINDS OVER THE COAT CHECK GIRL!
What is that about?
Why is it so common?
Yes, I know, women do it too. I just don’t know any of those women. I seem to be in a place in life? or at an age in life? where this sort of madness around me has reached epidemic proportions, and I wonder if today, instead of grabbing a coffee and a pastry, my husband will decide he’d rather have the barista instead.
This is the world I live in now.
I had assumed The Mister leaving the military accounted for his midlife crisis, but maybe it’s still lingering out there.
Maybe one day I’ll come home to find him making out with the babysitter, telling me he’s sorry and he never meant to hurt me.
Maybe one day he’ll decide his work wife is better than his actual wife.
Maybe he’ll fall in love with a student he drives home one night, the nurse who bandages his knee, or that lady who makes his omelettes with ham AND bacon.
You think this can’t happen? It’s happened to better women.
These men all seem to follow the same script. They leave for younger, less accomplished women, definitely — and as far as I can tell, less attractive women. You see, they may need to be loved in a way their wives just can’t love them. You know, like with BLIND ADORATION. Your wife too good for you.
Yes, we all remember THE FALL when our person was new and we rushed toward tingles and goosebumps. In deeply cliched moments of afterglow, we even sighed and said, “I wish it could stay like this forever.”
However, once monogamy moves into a typical marriage, one has decidedly taken a leap of faith into the hope that ‘It will stay like this Mostly, Definitely on our anniversaries, and at least until one of us dies.’
Babies come and parents die and kids get sick and jobs change and houses are moved and taxes are due again. You work. You sacrifice. You compromise. You celebrate. You set new goals. You parent. You eat. You play. You do date nights and take vacations. You struggle and pray together. You make your way together, enjoying the highs and enduring the lows over however many years.
Then one random day, you’re bewildered by new truths that make the old truths seem like lies. You’re sure you can get through this. This happens all the time. It doesn’t have to be the end.
But it doesn’t stop. Denial abates and you see, this is the end. Divorce.
These men I speak of, they continue with the same script.
“She accepts me as I am.”
“She wants the same things I do.”
“I haven’t been happy in a long time.”
It’s an escape.
It’s an escape from reality, just like any other. Some of us enjoy hobbies and passions that are more the constructive sort, but we all need our escapes.
These are people who are so unhappy, so unfulfilled, they want to become totally new people. They’ll make a fresh start. They’ll do it right this time. They won’t screw it up. They’re older now, more mature. They’ll have new kids with this new person and things will be different. It’ll all be so much better.
UH, not so much. See, if one person can make you unhappy and another person can make you happy, then you’re not doin happiness right. Happiness isn’t a person. Happiness is a choice. It seems like mistaking people for events is a common problem here.
The grass is greener, eh?
The grass is greenest where it’s tended — or at my house, where the dog poops.
It’s what’s DONE to the grass that changes it.
Your grass was green before. It was the strongest, lushest grass you ever did see; that’s why you chose it in the first place. Did you water it during the drought? Did you remove the weeds and reseed it? Did you provide it with a sturdy fence? Did you let people walk all over it? Did you ever even consider adding stepping stones, flowers, or edibles? Did you aerate? Did you remove debris? Did you think to cover it with a tarp when the rains came?
You don’t need new fuckin grass, your sorry ass needs to become a better gardener. But good luck with that new grass, Bro.
When I commented on the post that prompted this one, I wrote, “Well, pardon me, but getting it right is owed to whom it was promised first.” I was so inspired to document my thoughts on this matter.
Have you ever lost your damn mind over the coat check girl? Do you think it’s contagious? genetic? a timeless pattern?
Feel free to vent, wave your hankies, or gossip here.
joeyfullystated 
I think people suck sometimes. And they’re lazy. They figure that starting over with less encumbrances is easier, I think, so they just up and go. “I’ll leave the wife and kids and all those responsibilities behind…” and don’t consider that they’re leaving love and life behind. Fuckers.
Hmm, that wasn’t a particularly brilliant comment I just wrote, but this subject always gets me riled up and I get mad and emotional and my brain doesn’t want to work right. 🙂
LikeLiked by 2 people
I get riled-up, too, obviously.
Like, the first time it happens to a couple you know, it’s shattering. Then as it keeps happening, it’s unnerving! They are fuckface fuckers and their new grass gonna die.
LikeLiked by 5 people
LOL Fuckface fuckers. Yes, yes they are!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Also, you mentioned in another comment about not looking up statistics because it might crank your anxiety. I totally agree with that because like you said in the post, sometimes I will wonder if Hub will find someone else who catches his eye (which I hope is a ridiculous thought) and just go…
Our anxiety makes our brain lie to us. That’s what scares me the most about this…my brain will lie to me about this kind of stuff and then I’ll be lookin’ at Hub funny and he’ll be like “What? WTF did I do?” when really he didn’t do anything at all. 😦
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh I know! Especially when it happens with men about whom you thought Oh He Would Never Do That! Well, I’m married to one of those men, and it does make me nervous. I’ve no knowledge of what happened, just this blindsided feeling along with the wives. It seems anyone can be blindsided, why not me?!? VERY BAD FOR ANXIETY!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, yes, and yes. 😦
LikeLiked by 1 person
LikeLiked by 1 person
Happiness isn’t a person. Happiness is a choice. It seems like mistaking people for events is a common problem here. I love this. Excellent post, my dear.
Makes me wonder though, how much of it has to do with the whole instantaneous gratification we’re getting nowadays from the internet. It’s addictive. Has this behaviour increased in frequency in the past, say, 20 years? It would be interesting to see a statistic.
LikeLiked by 3 people
Thank you!
I wonder that, too. I mean, it seems men trading family for freedom can be found throughout history, but it does seem to be on the up.
I’m sure there are statistics, but my anxiety says I shouldn’t go a lookin.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Good points, Joey! 😄
LikeLiked by 1 person
I feel the same way. It amazes me that people can appear to have it all and just give up after 25 years.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I blame it on Walmart and Sears. “Satisfaction guaranteed or your money back”. When I worked at Sears a woman tried to return used pantyhose and my manager embarrassed the hell out of her saying “Ew, that’s disgusting, they’re worn. You know I can’t resell it! I’ll have to charge you a users fee.”
Seriously though, I think people confuse other people with objects. There’s way too much fantasy (the unhealthy kind) and much less reality circulating through people’s veins.
This is so well-written, excellent post
LikeLiked by 2 people
Yeah, there’s definitely not a money back guarantee on marriage.
Thank you 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Welcome 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
There doesn’t appear to be a lot of male attention to this post, but there is a lot of wisdom here. I’ve watched these same situations, except it’s been a long time since I’ve come across a coat check girl. A Czech girl in a coat, maybe
LikeLiked by 2 people
Heh. Nice pun 😛
I don’t have a lot of male followers. I like to think only the best and brightest men get me, and I scare off all the weak ones, but it might just be cause I’m a bitch.
LikeLiked by 3 people
So much to digest in your very comprehensive post, Joey. I’d think about it a while, and no doubt come up with my own post, or 2, or 17. It’s a very complex issue, for sure. Some would argue that man was never meant to be monogamous ?? Not sure that the statement is just a good/poor excuse for married folks to stray.
Maybe the other question is… why do some folks stay ? It reminded me of a story of the 90 year old couple who approach an attorney to get a divorce. He asks them why they would do this after being married for 70 years. The answer, “we were just waiting for the children to die”. ☺ Seemed like a good place for levity.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Haha! Well those are good parents, hm? Doing it for the children, heh.
The not-meant-to-be-monogamous issue has always struck me as a bit simplistic, but I won’t disagree it may be biologic. Then I’d argue that man chooses many things against his biology.
It is complex. I would read your 2-17 posts about it 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
“Your grass was green before. It was the strongest, lushest grass you ever did see; that’s why you chose it in the first place. Did you water it during the drought? Did you remove the weeds and reseed it? Did you provide it with a sturdy fence? Did you let people walk all over it? Did you ever even consider adding stepping stones, flowers, or edibles? Did you aerate? Did you remove debris? Did you think to cover it with a tarp when the rains came?”
WORD!
LikeLiked by 4 people
Fanks, Jewels. I exhausted my metaphor, but I find it apt 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sometimes life is about making the best of a bad choice, or weighing the cost of correcting an error against living with it, or realising there are no perfect landscapes and we must make the best of where we are and learn to celebrate more than we criticise.
LikeLiked by 3 people
Wise thoughts, thank you, Peter 🙂
LikeLike
I wonder if men are just too damn lazy to do the work. They’d rather run away from the problem than fix it, than address that there even is a problem, like we’re supposed to just read their minds. They’d rather start fresh with a new woman, like hitting the restart button on a video game. Whereas women, we fight until it’s over. I remember a co-worker (very outgoing, the kind of person who would go rock climbing on a Tuesday) completely check-out on life after her husband left her for some hussy on Facebook. Ugh! Men are so fickle!
On a side note, this is one of the main reasons why I LOATHE the word “happy.” Only you can control your happiness. If your entire relationship hangs on whether or not your partner makes you “happy,” good luck EVER being happy. I had an ex who did that to me. Stressful as fuck! He was always trying to make me “happy” to the point that he had no backbone, & if I wasn’t making him “happy” 24/7 he was bitching!
That is NOT the kind of husband I want… I really don’t want a husband… maybe a sperm donor. lol
Call me cynical. lol
LikeLiked by 1 person
Lazy may be part of it, but I really like the video game comparison.
Uh, yeah, I can’t bear that kinda sappy happy per your description. Go get happy somewhere else, Mister.
I was like you. I really was. I thought around 40, maybe a sperm donor… but I’m just as happy married as I was single. Do what makes you happy 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’ve realized recently that I have no freaking clue what’s going on anymore. I now know two women — one separated after 18 years of marriage, one after 15 — and all I can think is WTH?! I am an enormous pain in the ass a good amount of the time and have no idea why hubby puts up with it other than he says he loves me and he’s in it for the long haul. Why did these other guys decide to stop putting in the work??
LikeLiked by 1 person
I am not going to count how many lost minds I’ve encountered over the last five or so years, but it’s too many. It is such a mystery. I wonder about the expectations others had, or how committed they ever were.
I’m glad yours says he’s in it for the long haul.
Everyone deserves to be married to someone who’s in it for the long haul.
Thanks for chimin in today, Laura 🙂
LikeLike
Don’t hold back, Joey. Tell us how you really feel 😉
Kidding aside… this was a great post and I loved your analogy to growing a fine lawn. “Did you remove the weeds and reseed?” … I loved this line. It’s so appropriate. Marriage is hard – really hard, and I think most of us go into it with blinders on.
The good times are easy, but weeding, reseeding, and watering are critical during the hard times – and there are always hard times…. but it’s our attitude that can make it even harder.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I always write how I really feel 😛
It is really hard, but a well-tended lawn makes for some lovely frolics as well 🙂
LikeLike
Those are the perks of course 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
I love this because of it’s accuracy, “You’re bewildered by new truths that make the old truths seem like lies.” It’s sad how often that happens and how easily people are fooled by it. This was a great follow-up post to the comment you made on mine. I must admit, I really liked that comment! So true! The work wife… I thought about that the other day, realizing that men spend more time with their coworkers than they do with their spouse. The same goes for women too though. I think it all goes back to that statement above. That new truth is going to get them burned. They’d be much better off sticking with the REAL and proven truth.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I really appreciate your inspiring this post, and I’m so glad you liked my comment.
My husband has had at least three work wives now, and they’ve all come to be friends for both of us. They’re such exceptional women, I can see why he wouldn’t want to lose touch with them when he no longer works with them.
Staring the real truth must be too big a burden for some.
LikeLike
Men and women do this, and it’s almost always sad. The grass is rarely greener than your grass could be with a little work and the problems you create in the attempt are far worse than most people imagine. I’ve seen it numerous times. I’ll stick with what I have, unless she throws me out.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Good. May she never throw you out! 😛
Also — “problems you create in the attempt are far worse than most people imagine” — Agreed. Sometimes it turns into such a complicated mess.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I sat down and spoke with some female students prior to our class one day. They were telling their tales of married professors that have chased after them, and propositioned them. The ones that they saw with another student at a time they should have been home with their wifes. They were disgusted by it all. I told them it is rather disturbing how often it happens. I went on to say that I often look at those younger than I and admire the beauty of youth. I then told them that the beauty passes in time. The newness wears off. I explained that my wife has seen me at my worst and lowest points. That we have come through so very much. That being said I could never leave her for someone else like that. Whatever issue existed will exist again because you are still there. Plus, at this point all that the youth have is their beauty. They have yet to live and experience life. Why give up a genuine treasure for something that may not amount to anything more than fools gold. They agreed that it was foolishness. Like you said, if the grass is no longer green in your own yard, then become a better gardener and tend to your own shit!
LikeLiked by 3 people
Wow. Quite the diatribe. I must admit I do agree with it. Mostly. I think the whole problem goes back to honor;or the lack of it. When you marry it is supposed to be for life. Some folks don’t see it that way,obviously and bolt for the first young cutie that gives them a slight tingle and that holds true for both sexes. I like your lawn analogy. I think that lawn care should be a job for both parties. When my first wife left me I probably could have been a better gardener,but I didn’t dwell too much on it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
We all could be better anything in hindsight, but the past is past.
I’m glad you agree with it. I don’t always write diatribes, but when I do, they’re scathing and unforgiving. Just too much of it going on, too much for me not to be this way. Madness, I tell you!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Theres a coat check girl..?
I kid. Seriously.
Exs are things best left in the rusty, stabby bleed-y tire fire of our minds. At best.
Obviously I never understood this either, really. You made your bed, sleep in it, as I have it figured.
And obviously I have nothing nice to say on the subject, but I figured Id say something, as I have a daily constant reminder (at the end of my knee) of what can happen when your “other half” decides to just walk, instead of being mature enough to say that “Hey, you know what? This just isnt working for me.”
Nice post.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh Orb… “best left in the rusty, stabby bleed-y tire fire of our minds.” Mmhm, I can see *looks at your knee* why you feel that way. She didn’t deserve you, obvs.
Thanks for saying something.
LikeLiked by 1 person
“Happiness isn’t a person. Happiness is a choice.” Says it all right there! That and, “your sorry ass needs to become a better gardener.” Just, Amen!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you!
Lovely to see you by the by 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
There are a million reasons for divorces – I would have preferred my ex had fallen in love with a hat check girl and left me rather than what actually happened. I tried keeping the grass green for far too long and paid a bitter price! But I agree that no one can make you happy – they can only try their best to make you unhappy if you let them!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m familiar with this, too. It takes two to tend that lawn, and poor you, trying to make up for all that he lacked! I see a lot of that, Jan.
Thanks for sharing.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’ve never thought about this question before. It’s a good one. I’d say that people leave because they have unrealistic expectations about what marriage is all about. Then when those expectations aren’t met, those people, male or female, don’t have the resiliency to deal with the despair so they leave to avoid the bad feelings. Also, the marriages that I’ve seen fall apart are the ones in which one spouse will not allow the other spouse to grow & evolve. This results in enough resentment that someone just gives up and finds the first available ticket out of the marriage, e.g. the hat check girl.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh I think you’re on to something with that “first available ticket.” They needed a catalyst, hm? But then, that seems so…immature and dishonest, cowardly even.
Yours is definitely the least judgmental, most compassionate response and I think that says a lot about your character. I hope one day I will feel less affected, less fearful, and then of course, more accepting. Right now, I’m too angry.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Perhaps the wise ones actually DO fall for the coat check person but choose not to indulge. Both male and female. Because their really IS a whole lot of hurt left in the wake of dumb assiness… no matter how appealing the idea.
Whatever happened to people just having a quick elicit affair to indulge their crisis’?!
Awesome post Ma’am Joey.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, a lot of hurt left in the wake. Yes, a brief affair, perhaps long enough to realize how not worth it it really is? Long enough to appreciate what one already has? Very sensible 😉
And thank you.
LikeLike
hehe… yup…about it. 😉 I do really believe marriage commitments are more than just about ‘fidelity’.
It is the emotional, practical and all the rest commitment that goes into all that time building a sanctuary to call home for many people..together. Flaws and all. We can slip, we can lust, we are human. But to throw a family out for a thrill…hmmm… not so smart. I dunno – touchy topic I imagine. WOuld a woman prefer to have a man have an illicit affair, and remain available for all the other marriage duties (including all the emotional ties etc?) or would she prefer, he be forthright and open and chuck in the towel?
I know ideally… (which is a world we do not live in nor can we behave as such as humans) – neither… however..I am fairly certain it is not JUST men who hit places in relationships where they would do anything to break the monotony of monogamy. I dunno babes… maybe I should write a post on this too! Loads of sides to it that are lovely to delve into.
And – you are welcome.
LikeLiked by 1 person
There are many facets and combinations at play here. As I wrote, I know women do it, too, but I haven’t had that experience — just the men.
Life, marriage, relationships, all very complicated. If you write about it, do let me know.
LikeLike
Human beings are JUST so – hmmmm….what’s the word – ‘weird’? Don’t get me wrong babe – I agree wholeheartedly with this angle AND the frustration behind it. I REALLY do – and it boils my blood too. Not sure if the reasons it boils my blood are honourable or not… because being who I am if I had that done to me, I would likely be filled with regret for all the hot asses I HAD passed up on 😉
But I shall remain the eternal fence sitter, Or is it called devils advocate? 😉 ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
I feel the same. But then, honor doesn’t care what the other person did, now does it?
LikeLike
I like that answer. Double edged sword though. Honour is a funny word – even spelt weirdly. WHOSE honour is the question?
If it is MY own honour I concern myself with then I am likely to do not give shit. If it is someone elses..I am likely to be honourable to them. But some folks reverse that… so I guess – as is the topic – it is all relative. Depends on the lines we draw. ANd what love means to each? I dunno – YOU are the psychology smarty dude-ess. I simply hypothesise – and on that note my brain needs to go to sleep MORE than just hypothetically speaking.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Nite nite 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
Nigh-nigh 🙂
LikeLike
Excellent, beautiful, well-written, absolutely true post.
I’ve been married to Spouse over 17 years, together for 20. Don’t think I’m not afraid some coat check girl will catch his eye. Some days, it takes a lot of work. Some days, it’s easy. But it’s a choice, every single day. With teens in the house watching, I make that very clear to them, as clearly as I tell them I love their dad, even when I don’t like him. Green grass will turn just as brown if you don’t tend it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Right on. Every day it is a choice. Absolutely. Thank you for validating my feelings with your own vulnerability. I really appreciate that.
LikeLiked by 1 person
😊
LikeLike
Pingback: Friday Favorites 3.11.16 | Three's a Herd
You hit the proverbial nail on the head: “It’s an escape. It’s an escape from reality, just like any other…These are people [guys] who are so unhappy, so unfulfilled, they want to become totally new people. They’ll make a fresh start.” And that is why they “need to be loved in a way their wives just can’t love them. You know, like with BLIND ADORATION” because then they actually don’t have to change, which would mean the worst thing at all: they would have to truly look at themselves, who they have truly become; and that scares the shit out them.
“You don’t need new fuckin grass, your sorry ass needs to become a better gardener.” — that would require effort and facing their flaws as a “gardener.” They just another mommy to hug them and say “you’re the most perfect wonderful person in the whole world” REGARDLESS of what they do or don’t do.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Excellent insight. It’s good to have some male insight perspective, because I wonder if men don’t hear more, particularly more useful information, in the resulting aftermath.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sometimes, usually if it a conversation between two friends (who have at least some insight about themselves). although in a group of men there is a tendency for it to be more of the swagger and ego bolstering.
A generalization for sure, but guys are molded / trained / conditioned from youth to be the dominant conqueror in a patriarchal society, and one of the modern signs of being such for older men is to be able to “conqueror”the younger woman. Even if some guy(s) in the group think such a a-hole did something wrong, the group pressure has them giving the guy a high five along with the others. And so the dysfunctional behavior is affirmed and perpetuated.
In such interactions there is also the implied assertion of one’s heterosexuality. Guys tend to be hyper-sensitive about their own sexuality and this kind of behavior is a way to say not only to other guys (and gals), but to himself: “I am not gay.”
It’s all rather pathetic to witness, especially considering the damage and wreckage this behavior creates. The sad part is for most of the guys I would say they are clueless about the internal psychological, emotional dynamics going on. This is further strengthened by the notion that real men don’t do therapy, etc.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks again. Now, see, I don’t mean to down my younger sisters, as I have been one, but I don’t see conquering a younger woman as a prize, probably because I am a woman. I’d see a younger man as a boy. (Son is 22. I can’t even fathom, lol!) I’ve just discussed your comment with my family and my husband agrees, your experience with these matters is apt.
When I was 23?24? I dated a man who was 41 and he told me frequently his friends thought he was crazy. I’m certain when I ended things, that proved them right. However, I think that was unusual for both of us, and maybe his friends were wise.
Older daughter and I think all one needs to do to get a younger woman is be nice and have money. Older women expect more, which perhaps makes them more challenging and overall less desirable.
It is very interesting the way you say they’re clueless about the underlying dynamics.
I really appreciate this dialogue 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I appreciate the opportunity to discuss this. It is a difficult topic to discuss because one has to go with generalizations and there are always nuances and exceptions. Yet it is a topic that gets stuck in my craw because being a guy I know we can be better and yet we as a group going down the same path.
I know the tv show Mad Men is well written and all that, but listening to a lot of guys (and some women), there is a definite nostalgia for the “good old days” when men were in charge and women knew their place. It’s the 21st century and we’re still stuck trying to deal with this. Just like we’re still dealing with the race issue in this country. My head hurts from banging my head against the wall.
I think some of my current passion about this right now, and why I am so rambling and venting, is that there is a lot of these dynamics being put on display at the rallies of Trump supporters. Bunch of young and old white guys who feel that they have been denied what they are entitled to have by virtue of being a white guy.
And those guys who thought that older man was crazy – they may have been coming from the point of view of he’s crazy if he thinks it will be a long-term relationship. which is different than thinking he was crazy for dating a younger woman.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I can see that, about the current white men supporting Trump thing. I’ve noticed there are a lot of people who view strength very differently than I do. Their kind of ‘strength’ never holds back, has no control, no restraint, just boisterous blowhard bully stuff.
I’m not a Mad Men follower, but I can EASILY see how it’s become increasingly difficult for men to know what women want, and not enough see women as worthy of choice. It’s a very complicated situation that requires education and effort, so I’m sure we’ve a long way to go.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Great post and so accurate. I think most of the time the proverbial “hat check girl” is just an avoidance, a way to not deal with a difficult situation or an uncomfortable confrontation. Marriage is work, each and everyday that grass needs tending by both halves of that couple. Some people just choose what they see as the easy way out.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you, Nancy.
LikeLike
I like that- the grass is greener because it’s got more manure there. Everywhere is so full of shit; i wonder too why men throw away their years of marriage- whatever their reasons are. And after living in a country where infidelities are “accepted”, stealing people’s wife/husband is a norm, I’ve come to a conclusion that marriage is over-rated. Seen too many of that here. I hv those wtf moments you mentioned. Lots of wisdom in your post .
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks so much. I appreciate your visit and your commentary.
LikeLiked by 1 person
🙂
LikeLike
Wahaha I only read the first few sentences, and yes, I have been asking myself that exact question WTF! I shall now resume reading.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Right? In traffic, on my tv, on my internet, in my phone — WTF is wrong with people?!?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Great post! So many good truths. I love your writing.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much 🙂
LikeLike
Hey Joey, could I get a picture of that coat check girl? She sounds like something else.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Aw, c’mon John, you have better at home.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hahahahaha
LikeLiked by 1 person
Good answer
LikeLiked by 1 person
😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m standing. I’m clapping!
Hell I look like an idiot over here standing and clapping, but I’m doing it anyway 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh thank you 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thankfully I have 24/7 surveillance on Sam, so that fucker ain’t going nowhere.
LikeLike
Yeah, husband and I are terrified to go out with other couples now because we seem to be the last few married couples left standing. It’s like people get to ago 40 or 12 years of marriage and start looking again. I do understand when it’s a toxic relationship and no amount of therapy is gonnae fix that sh1t, but there are too many where it’s “I’m not happy, they’re not making me happy”. Ain’t nobody’s job to make you happy but your own self! And water your grass. Mow your lawn. Use MiracleGro.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh I feel no better that y’all have experienced the same issues
It really is a thing, isn’t it?!?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Actually, one that really got to me recently was a couple who were splitting up after 45 years of marriage. 2 kids. 5 grandkids. WTF?! We were told by group email: we’re friends but we’re finding ourselves and our own happiness. Does 45 YEARS together mean diddly? Mind-boggled.
LikeLike
:O That IS mind-boggling.
LikeLike
Your thoughts in this mirrored mine exactly! But I prefer the fierceness you used to express it all. It’s a sad world we live in where laziness is somehow rewarded and hard work punished! A very sad world.
LikeLiked by 1 person
True story, thanks Deb.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Fantastic and thought provoking post! I believe many of us feel concern as the years roll by, and we find an older version of ourselves. We all handle it in different ways. But, your post brings to mind something my dad used to say regarding the greener grass issue: “You’re really just trading one set of issues for a different set, because no relationship is easy.” Which bring us back to your wise words about tending your own grass. In my opinion, you make a promise…you keep it. It’s about integrity.
LikeLike
Woah that was a lot to decipher and I’ll speak up on the man side of the equation who lived this same (kind of) scenario. My psycho ex left me for a 49 year old half blind, diabetic, on his fifth wife now, shitty parent. I never went after any greener grass myself and thought I did a pretty good job of keeping the lawn mowed and treated properly at my old house. People just lose there shit I guess, I wish I could say I got left for the 25 year old trainer with 24 inch guns and a Brazilian tan. Nope, a hilljack from Appalachia, it almost killed me but I would never give that bitch the satisfaction now! O.K. I’ll shut up before she finds this comment and takes me to court over something else.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Haha! That was an awesome comment, Gary. She really did lose her shit. Totally. Fifth wife really says it all if you ask me.
But look at you & Miss Madison. You surely got the better end of that deal 😉 I mean, Gary, she’s totally foxy and SUCH a smart lady!
I agree, it’d made more sense if he’da been young and fit, but it’s still someone losin their shit over someone who’s no replacement. I appreciate your story on the opposite side of the spectrum.
Now don’t knock Appalachia, them’s some of my people, now, ya hear? 😛
LikeLiked by 1 person
Your right I apologize on the Appalachia comment. The only thing I didn’t get out of the deal is my daughter because I literally had to scramble for 18 months financially to recover. I got set up a good six months in advance. As for Miss Madison over the crazy bitch hell yes, and she is younger, prettier, and smarter :), but I got lucky on that one. I know it drives someone else batshit crazy just gauging by the comments Sloane has told me. Not to highjack your blog but the funniest thing is MM’s new Volvo was bought at the same exact dealership (no were near home) I bought mine when I was married. I’ve got a younger newer girlfriend who drives a newer same exact model car. #karma
LikeLike
You are always welcome to write as much as you like here.
I know, and although it seems 100 years away, Sloane will not always be a little girl who must do what her mommy says. (Trust me, I’ve dealt with custody issues, and the boy one lives in Indy, not Florida, soooo…)
I did think that Volvo bit was ironic and cute 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
#fistbump
LikeLiked by 1 person
❤ Just love to you for saying it like this. If men are spoilt and want what they want NOW, it's hard. A certain strength of character is needed. It's on us to recognize it in them. And snatch.
LikeLike
Talk about a can of worms, friend, you opened a tractor trailer full. 🙂 Besides all the wonderful reasons noted, I think it has a lot to do with age. They’re afraid of getting older, looking older, acting older, being perceived as older. So, away goes the woman the same age and in comes the younger woman. If he’s looking at this younger person 24/7, he must be younger and more vibrant, right? I hope she brings a supply of magic pills with her. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Fear of age may well be a factor for some. Magic pills indeed. Thanks, Judy 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
All I can say is my 3 exes all wish you were back with them. Including one who told his social worker co-worker, “She makes me sleep on the sofa.” Ha! We used to rush home on the same days he was unfaithful to my having a lunch delight. I counted condoms and each and every time confronted him. Still wrote me 100 sorry letters in 3 months.
Other one, loved me and seemed to fit me in every way but again, wandered off. One day after wonderful special romantic time, while on a trip.
Last one, got depressed, lost his job and sat in a chair. Locked our bills from mailboxin a box. I worked as teacher 5 days a week and 4 nights as a server at Cracker Barrel while working on Master’s degree. Lost house, full-time teaching job, due to 2008 No Child Left Behind deadline (you had to have Masters in what you were teaching), 3 courses short. These were held on school days, no transfers worked out at my two other college choices. Anyway, no romance for years since he was sad, while I was barely breathing. I chose to get divorced and never looked back at my fine sold, but nearly reposssesed, house or husband. I have had nice dates but no lightning bolt sparks. I carry on, hoping for some high school sweetheart or someone nice introducing me to a guy friend. ❤
LikeLike