Or Ahoy. Or Allons. Or After you. Or get your ass in the car. Whatever.
We’re embarking on the journey of A-Z.
I am good with the letters, but not with the numbers. It’s like how I’m good with directions but not with street names.
I am a landmark person.
I take a lot of back roads, and I’ve done it so long, I don’t think about the names. Make a left just past the bent stop sign in the cornfield. Turn right after the leaning tree.
Oh I know what order the big streets on my side of town go and I try to teach them to my kids — Meridian, College, Keystone, Allisonville, Sherman, Emerson, Arlington, Shadeland, Franklin, Post, Mitthoeffer, German Church, Cumberland — if you go east of that, you’re on County Road 800 which is to say, Toto, we’re not in Indy anymore.
I do alright on the southeast side, too, because they have some of the same streets…
But I’m sorta infamous for not bein able to drive west.
The Mister can drive west. Drew can drive west. Beauty Queen can drive west. I can get on 70 and drive to Plainfield. Anything farther, any deviation from I70 and I swear there’s a Bermuda triangle or aliens or laughing Greek gods. Somethin happens to me.
Don’t you think all interstate loops should include signage that indicates YOU ARE HERE? Somethin about 465W turns me into Alice of Wonderland. And there has GOT to be an easier way to get to 74 without driving through the spaghetti bowl. What kinda madman puts an exit every 10 feet where people are drivin 900 mph? Does it even make sense that to go west on one road, you must first go west on another? That seems silly to me.
And don’t you hate it when you’re at the four-story mall with too many wings and too many escalators and you know you parked on yellow bunny floor 2 without even lookin at your ticket, but you’ve been through hours of stimulation overload and no longer know which way’s which? Without those YOU ARE HERE maps, I’d end up out on the street, tryin to make out where the sun is hangin in the sky.
But that’s probably what I’ll do to you if you follow me through April’s A-Z. Hell, that might be what I do to you on the regular. I am not frequently accused of makin sense.
*passes out 3-D glasses*
Let’s Shall, Shall We?
joeyfullystated 
Forgetting where I’ve parked at Circle City mall……..Guilty! Lost past Plainfield LOL #HoosierJokester
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That mall is a clusterfuck. Seventeen years later, and I’m still like, “Where’s the parking garage?!?” Is there only one parking garage? I truly don’t know! AND I STILL MISS THE TEA ROOM!
#thestruggleisreal
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I’ve only been there a couple of times but I echo your sentiments. We ate at this Italian restaurant (name escapes me) and it was delicious. So a year later we drive up there just to eat at that place and poof it was gone.
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Was is Bucca de Beppo perchance?
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Nope, they have one of those in Louisville. Bertolini’s I think is what it was called. Amazing Caesar salad dressing, they had a humongous brick oven they used for their pizza’s.
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Nice! Never heard of it. My next guess was the one I couldn’t remember the name of, behind Castleton mall — they actually had spumoni. Man I miss spumoni. That was surely 100 years ago, though!
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http://www.ibj.com/blogs/3-property-lines/post/1485-bertolini-s-in-circle-centre-closes Found it!
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I looked it up when you said it, but I still don’t remember it. It’s possible it was only here while I was in Georgia.
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Am awful at all kind of directions! Awful. Great start.:-)
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Thanks Deb 🙂
I’m about to run errands, but on familiar territory, ahaha, and I’ll catch up with your post later!
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{Note to self – don’t go anywhere with Joey}
I don’t do *lost* very well. Translation: expect epic meltdown as I try (unsuccessfully) to keep the panic at bay.
If I go anywhere even remotely unfamiliar (which ironically I do on a regular basis), I have both GPS and printed map which I have studied in advance. Yes – I am THAT obsessive.
I don’t know where this fear of *lost* comes from, but it’s not pretty.
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Oh wow. That is drastic. I have anxiety disorder, but I don’t panic when I’m lost. We’re never really lost, especially now that we have phones. I dig adventure off the beaten path. I feel badly for you, because I panic about a lot of things that really don’t matter and I know how much it sucks.
Best we take public transport if you and I ever journey together 😉
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You can’t fool me – just because I have a phone it doesn’t mean I’m not lost 😉
I’ve just become very good at prevention 🙂
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Hello Jolene,
The solution, I guess, I just to avoid the mall altogether. Toxic places, malls, full of sensory overload and crappy merchandise. I enjoy you humorous, rambling writing style. I wonder where you’ll wander next.
@RhondaGilmour from
Late Blooming Rose
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You may be right, but where else can one build a bear and get a soft pretzel? Thanks for dropping by, and for the lovely compliment!
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I’m a bit directionally challenged, but I’ve found that it makes for a more interesting journey sometimes. 😉
Have a nice weekend!
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Me too! I like an adventure, spontaneity works for me. You too, thank you!
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I can tell you what time it is lookin at the sun (give or take 20 minutes) but if I dunno where Lake Michigan is, I dunno where the hell I am.
Thus the reason I carry a map. Inside a bag, strapped under my butt.
All that being said, Im slowly learning my way around outside of my little one horse town, though to tell the difference between one corn field and another, down one “rustic road” (they actually call dirt roads that out here, can you believe that shit??) or another, is..trivial at best. Its more like “that one field we saw that deer in,” or the “road with that nasty turkey farm? Yea that one,” or “that one road where I made you get out and get that turtle off the road..” 😛
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I totally remember you reading the homepage and sayin “rustic roads” were featured, so yes, I do believe!
I’m good with the sun too. And the stars (in my own region) and even the trees, but inside buildings? Omaword, NO.
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I gotta work on the stars thing..theres just sooo many.. 😛
But if I can see the moon? Yea, Ill get us home. On time. 😛
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I’m not the guy you want to ask for directions. I might know where you should go, but I’m gonna mix up the lefts and the rights in there somewhere and you’re gonna get lost as a result.
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I think it’s good to know who we are, Dan. People who can get around and don’t wanna be bothered with complications. Oh wait, is that just me? lol
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Hum, I wonder what it is about west… I hate cloverleaf on/off ramps but they’re not as bad as roundabouts!
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There was a famous story about Pascual Perez, who pitched for the Braves back in the early 1980’s, getting lost on his way to the ballpark on a day he was supposd to pitch. He got on I-285 (like I-465, a road that goes around town), missed his exit, and spent the next two hours driving around town, looking for a way to get on either I-75 or I-85, which he must have crossed several times before he got his bearings….
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I feel for him, I do.
I once missed judging a speech meet because I couldn’t find Ben Davis High School to save my life. *hangs head in shame* There was no GPS then, and I guess at some point I was supposed to exit somewhere and I have never really recovered.
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I used to travel for a living, and in the days before GPS and smartphones I drove around like the Flying Dutchman looking for client sites…
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A Bermuda Triangle, haha!! I feel your pain, directions and navigating are not my thing, even in my own little 10k person town.
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Don’t tell me a turn is coming up…because I will try to turn too early…just tell me TURN NOW DARN YOU! Or something along those lines. 🙂
I’ve learned to take a picture of my car in relation to stores at the outlet mall. I’m officially old and technology-driven.
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Clever about the photo. Do you have Kohl’s? I get lost in Kohl’s. “We came in where the shoes are…”
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Good start, looking forward to reading your A-Z.
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Thank you!
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Excellent start to the pantsin!
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Thanks 🙂
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Well. What Mall are you talking about? I am so confused. I drive all over the city and if I can’t find a convenient place to park I simply don’t go there. I know. I am an old fart that just doesn’t get it. Of course I don’t do Malls. I do use the bus to go downtown. Ok. Tell me me how out of line I am. Hey if you are doing something with your blog of course I will follow. You are Magnet. I am Steel. Get it?
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Very nice, thanks 🙂
Talkin about Circle Center mall. We don’t go often, but we do go. Nothin like a day to eat at Johnny Rockets, build a bear, dessert at Godiva and Starbucks — the kids love big malls.
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Oh. I have been there once to eat at Jackass Flats or some such place. That was probably 20 years ago. When you go Malling you do it right. No Orange Julius or hot pretzel?
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We do get a pretzel from time to time. I don’t think any of us really love Orange Julius.
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The worst is when you have directions and you still get lost – or maybe you don’t do that – I am very well-known for that. I always say the part of the brain that’s responsible for directions, well, I simply don’t have it. Yay for A-Z. Looking forward to your posts 🙂
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Seriously, before my lil ones could read, before I had GPS, I’d write in all caps on a sheet of paper and tape it to my glove compartment.
EXIT 44a
EXIT 193
EXIT 31
So I could look over and know my next exit. Deployments were hard, travel was a relief, but it was hard, too!
Thanks 🙂
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I’m putting my seat belt on.
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Excellent. Find us some groovy tunes, k, John?
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Done and done!
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I’m okay as long as it’s not cloudy. Or dark and moonless. And even then, who can keep up with the damned moon?
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LOL
I keep up with the moon, but sometimes she’s on hiatus!
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I’m really good at direction, except when traveling. I’ll bring you in on the wrong side of town. Every time. It’s probably because the map and GPS doesn’t tell me “there’s a gas station with a bullet-proof window ahead.” You know what I mean?
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I DO know whatcha mean. I’ll think about that when I have guests arriving after dark now, too, thank you for the tip!
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What will you do when the tree’s get cut down? haha You would go crazy in my area, every other corner is a Starbucks or a AM/PM with someone who you can’t understand their wanna be English. I never leave without a full tank of gas when my daughter says, “Don’t worry Mom, I have GPS on my phone”. That stupid bitch on GPS get’s me lost every time! LOL
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Well done on such an awesome start to the challenge
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Thanks so much 🙂
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“A” is all right, let’s get this party started, Joey! I am a landmark direction-giver.
I don’t do well if someone doesn’t take the time to explain this VERY important piece of direction giving: “You have gone too far if you see the Waffle House. . .” (or other recognizable landmark mentioned.) I like to think that I can drive in any direction but used to pick up my daughter in Dayton at UD, only to head West instead of “Home means East.” We finally got the hang of not playing “catch up” until Mom is heading correct direction! I also understand much better about our Columbus loop after going 360 degrees around it. Twice. (Then, I drew it on a piece of paper, Tuttle Crossing Mall is West, Polaris Mall is North, Easton, duh, is East, and Lancaster, Ohio where I lived 6 years is South East. East of straight arrow South 71.) I refer to this once in awhile when I am Midway around. Ha ha!
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I am relieved that you’ve had similar struggles with your own loop! Thank you! Yes!
You know how sometimes you’re on a very busy street and you must stop behind someone turning? That’s what it’s like for us. We live off a very busy thoroughfare. When people leave my house, I usually offer them the shortcut method, which doesn’t save distance, but saves time and danger, lol!
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If I turn around then I will be lost! I am looking forward to coming along on your A-Z journey! Sorry I have got behind with your posts, Joey, I am managing to catch up a bit now! 🙂
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No worries, Judy, always happy to have you visit 😀
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I love visiting your blog 🙂
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😀 Ditto!
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