I went to the store and bought an overflowing cart of groceries.
While I did that, The Mister took the girls to school to pick up their schedules.
I had to push the heavy cart through the store, out of the store, and unload the bags.
He had to fill out paperwork.
We both almost died from the swap of our traditional roles, but it meant we’d have more time as a family later that night.
A great celebration occurred when neither of the girls had been assigned to Ms F– Puckface’s class. Yeah, Puckface, that sounds nicer. Ms Puckface is a wretched teacher. I haven’t actually met the woman, but I’ve discussed her at length with other students and mommies, and her name was often hissed but always cursed unanimously.
I saw her once. I gave her the look.
same look, it’s just older now
Because I’m such a positive light bringer, I wished Ms Puckface would find a romantic companion. Perhaps a good pounding would dislodge the corncob from Ms F– Puckface’s ass. I wondered if a monstrously impressive sex toy was a suitable end-of-year gift for her, okay?
I’m only thinking of ways to help.
The girls told their daddy if they’d been assigned to Ms Puckface, I promised them I would demand reassignment. I went all year without meddling, letting my kid buck-up. There will be other bad teachers, but I’m not interested in another year of her particular brand of bullshit. If pressed, I have tales to tell the admin. Oh I have tales. Mmhm.
The Mister said he could take care of her.
Sassy said he could go in first, as the calm one, with the warning.
The Mister said he’d tell her, “You best unfuck yourself and do your job right. I don’t want to send my wife in here. I’m a Marine and I’m scared of her. We’ve been divorced for twelve years, I just haven’t been able to break it to her yet because I don’t know how she’ll react. I don’t wanna die. Please don’t make me send her in here.”
And then we all laughed and laughed.
Happy Friday Everyone!
joeyfullystated 
That Joey. Always the peace maker. So how old is this teacher?
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She is seemingly ageless. Somewhere between 30 and 120.
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Good age.
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I don’t know what it is, but I don’t remember ever having a teacher like that. I guess I was lucky, because I only remember having good or mediocre teachers.
Then again, I’m old…so either teachers were better back then or I can’t remember shit anymore. 🙂
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It is perhaps my education background, or the fact that we have four kids, but we both can identify a bad teacher in a short period of time.
I had a terrible teacher in 2nd grade and not again til college. Maybe you were lucky?
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I suspicion that I just can’t remember OR I’ve chosen only to remember (and even that is iffy cuz my memory is iffy) the good teachers.
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Congrats!! I think the only thing worse than bad teachers are fire ants.
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There’s some truth there…
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Got to admit that I’m just a little bit sad that there’ll be no story about Joey versus Ms. Puckface. Isn’t it sad how awful teachers seem to never age or go away? It’s like they’re some kind of mutant vampire, sucking the confidence out of kids, living forever by doing so.
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That was a perfect comment, Ally. Look at Ally with the good words. 🙂
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Hheheh, corncob! And I wanted boots for my present! As for the title: on my first and only visit to the USA (well, LA and SF), I was impressed with the huge sign Open House and promptly bought it and took it aboard the plane under my arm. Then I set it in my kitchen window looking in the street for everybody to see. That’s the kind of house I had, people coming and going and meeting and yelling and dancing. I guess it’s luck no American saw that sign.
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😀 Your interpretation of the sign is a fun one!
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Oh joy- good your kids don’t have Puckface. I’m sure she makes everyone miserable. I am hoping my kids manage to avoid some of our Irish versions of her this year. I just don’t understand why they teach if they can’t encourage and support kids.
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ME NEITHER. It’s a mystery.
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Yep, my son had one of those types…someone who was so obviously in the wrong profession. She should have been an accountant or something, anything but a teacher. WTF?!?
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OMG. I love this. As someone who started out with a teaching degree and gave up teaching after two years because of BS… I hate that there are teachers like this, but I love that there are parents like you! And I love how you write about it because that is…awesome 🙂
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Thank you 🙂
I’m glad you enjoyed it!
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“I’m a Marine and I’m scared of her.” Ha ha – that line just cracked me up. I hate those teachers. I had them, our daughter had them and I’m sure they’re still out there. Who hires these people?
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Thanks 🙂 We lol’d so much 🙂
I do believe the bad teachers start out as enthusiastic, then they fade.
Also, sometimes nepotism and coaching, hm?
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I’m not sure the giant sex toy is going to make a difference but go for it!
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Thank you for your support in this matter.
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Ha! The Mister is hilarious. I’m glad your kiddos didn’t end up with her. LM has been lucky with teachers so far (except for Mr. Jock Asshole PE teacher a couple years ago), but I know our time’s coming.
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Maybe, just maybe, he’ll get lucky. With two kids though, well…brace yourselves.
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I lived in an era when “the teacher is always right”…but of course they always aren’t. What a dynamic family you guys are. You raise my hopes that there is yet hope for humanity….HA!
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😀
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The nuns usually learned after Mom would call the convent and give Reverend Mother an earful. I’m impressed if the mere threat of having to deal with you is enough to scare them into submission. Seriously, more parents need to be like you.
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Thanks 🙂
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You and The Mister are obviously a perfectly matched couple. I would hate to get on the wrong side of you tow, but you crack me up with your direct approach 🙂
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Your husband food shops? Mine had to do it the beginning of this year and I might as well have been there. I wrote out the list in my best printing; he took photos of certain items with his cellphone. And still called me from each and every aisle to be sure he was getting what needed to be got! What a riot this post was. Joey, ya’ got a way with words, girl!
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Thank you! Don’t you worry, with proper training, your husband can food shop too!
That’s how The Mister usta be. I may as well have gone, as many times as he called me. He’s gotten MUCH better over the last 13 or so years. I never sent him out until the second set of babies came. I’d say I go most of the time, but much more frequently, and seldom do I buy so much. Sassy was having friends over, and we were out of a lot of non-foods, and we have a pitch-in this weekend — so yeah, lots of stuff. Ugh. So heavy. Wore me out. Too hot, too.
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Training on food shopping..check! On my list of things to do. Thanks, Joey.
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Mmhm, don’t mention it 😉
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Great post. I think I’m in love with your Mister 🙂
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Thanks! 🙂
Everyone’s in love with him, Joanne. He’s utterly likable like that. 😉
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We’ve all crossed the path of a Mrs. P(F)uckface. Glad the girls will escape her pucker mood. Like yours, my husband runs lots ot grocery errands too. That’s cool, right?
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It is cool! 🙂
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Oh my goodness, but thank you for the chuckle and now I’m headed to get a beer for the memories this post invoked. I had one and my daughter had one. It is something you never forget. At least with age, you find the humor but it sure makes for an unnecessarily loooonnnngggg school year. 🙂
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Tenure…there are definitely disadvantages. Some of these teachers hang around way too long, beyond the point where they are good for any one. We only had one…too bad it was Kindergarten. Except for an amazing 1st grade teacher that followed, my child would have hated school for life.
And, I wouldn’t mess with you two either. Funny stuff, Joey. ☺
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Thanks 🙂 A bad kindergarten teacher is the worst. Just the worst. I’m glad 1st grade was so much better! 🙂
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We had a teacher like that. Mrs. Rotten. I don’t remember here real name. Hahaha!
Also, I know your doppelganger from that picture. Crazy!
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Thanks to both you and the Mister for the chuckles this morning. Teachers like that need to be sent to teach in prison, not in public schools.
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Great post. I don’t think the administrators understand there are no do-overs for school years. One Puckface can trash an otherwise brilliant student. They just aren’t prepared for the next year. Glad they got someone else.
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We had a teacher like “A teacher from hell” named Mrs. Hill. She was a second grade teacher. The year after I finished first grade, the put me in a different class, a second/third grade one. I’m happy to say I had a good year (except for behavior), and she was a very nice teacher.
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🙂
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We don’t get schedules until the 15th….. the middle dealt with one “insert word of choice” last year. I’m hoping they are all happy with the the teachers this year!
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I don’t know what this says about me, but “the look” would have had a completely different effect on me than I guess you’d intend.
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I don’t know what that says about you, either. This is my “not amused” face. What does it say to you?
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It doesn’t actually SAY anything, but if a woman directed that face at me across, say, a club or a bar, then I’d assume something horizontal would soon occur…
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Sounds like she needs a good bear f!cking, I know of one running loose down here :).
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