Y’all know I’ve gotten into the habit of makin you laugh on Fridays, and today is no different. I insist you laugh at my expense.
In an exciting turn of events, I was asked if I’d be willing to work longer hours yesterday and today and so of course I am, because like I said, I love my job.
Early in the morning, I noticed my hair was well-behaved, and I hoped the printer would follow suit.
It did.
Work was fiiine.
Because The Mister and I work on the same side of town, per se, I decided we could meet for lunch. Ooh! So exciting! You know what else? There’s a Panda Express right close to his office, and I am currently obsessing about Black Pepper Chicken at Pandaspress. Not even kiddin. Monday I Googled a copycat recipe and I cooked it up real good and oh the noms!
Check it.
Mmhm, I cook better than Pandaspress…
Anyway, to meet The Mister at Pandaspress I went.
Now, I had asked him, “How far north are you? Should I just take Keystone to 126th? 136th? 146th?”
He said, “Take the interstate.”
I said, “I don’t like the interstate over there. It’s west. That’s west. I don’t even know which side the ramp is on.”
He said, “Take the interstate. Otherwise it’s windy-dindy.”
I do hate windy-dindy.
But did I listen? No. Because it shouldn’t be that hard to get over there, it should take like 15 minutes of west and north. We live on a grid, how windy-dindy could it be?
JFC. I almost died.
For some insane reason The City of Carmel has installed roundabouts everyfuckingwhere! I’m not afraid of roundabouts. I live in The Circle City. The center of Indianapolis is literally a fucking circle. Monument Circle. Truly.
For seven years, I lived directly off a roundabout.
But these were two-lane roundabouts and I mean to tell you, they were unending. I was constantly yielding! It was virtually never my turn! I swear to you, one of them wasn’t even a roundabout! It was missing parts and its signage looked like algebra letters to me.
“I don’t even know what that was. Coulda been a hex.”
When I left the safety of my square parking lot I did not know I would need to pray for traveling mercies. Because I didn’t know that, my trip brought me closer to God than I had expected. Hence all the beautiful blasphemy.
It was all too math-y and spatial and I was like, “Highest taxes ever up here and they don’t have money for stoplights?” JFC.
It’s very pretty there, in Carmel. It’s a lovely place, built on money and more money, but I’ll keep my dirty city streets with the right angles, thanks. Maybe I don’t want Russian sage and daylilies in my medians, okay?
I felt like I was trapped in a joke.
Drive straight one block, spend five minutes in a roundabout. On repeat.
“Another one? Seriously?”
“No, no more! Why is this happening to me?! I’m a good person, I don’t deserve this!”
“Oh my God, I’m going to die. I’m going to die on my way to lunch and I will never get those documents scanned and people will be like ‘it was the pepper chicken passion that did her in’ and I’m not even wearin comfortable shoes!”
JFC.
I used to work there, not that I could tell you where anymore. I hadn’t driven up there in twenty years and I didn’t recognize a single bit of it. How old people do, I will tell you I THINK MOST OF THAT WAS FARMLAND!
Eventually, I made it. I parked and waited for the adrenaline to die down.
Then I met my love and we ordered food and he paid.
He introduced me to a colleague and as I extended my hand, she said, “I don’t know if I should shake your hand or hug you.”
“Oh? Why’s that?”
“Me,” The Mister explained.
“You poor thing,” she said.
“Oh yes, I get that a lot. It’s alright. I’m actually the mean one.”
For some reason things got awkward there for a moment.
But there was pepper chicken…
I killed it.
And a Coke the size of my head.
Took me all afternoon to kill that, but I think that makes the caffeine work better, right? Like time-release soda.
Then came the fortune cookies.
If you’re unfamiliar with how this works, basically, I always get the shitty fortunes and The Mister’s fortune cookies dazzle him with fabulosity. I’ve posted about this before.
Examples of Mine:
“She who irons today has time to mend tomorrow.”
“Why you no eat meat in lo mein?”
“Flies never visit an egg that has no crack.”
“That’s enough dumplings for you.”
“Too much wood.”
Examples of His:
“You’re so handsome!”
“Your wife so lucky!”
“Kill one to warn a hundred.”
“You are destined for greatness!”
“Your dick is the biggest!”
This is as neverending as the roundabouts.
My fortune was:
Hell. I’m going to Hell. Sunshine? Sunshine?!? Are you fuckin kiddin me?!?
THE MISTER GOT TWO! TWO IN ONE COOKIE!
Yeah. That’s how it goes.
Going back to work, I went through another series of roundabouts and I decided that I should dine no farther north than 96th Street. And that when my husband says I should take the interstate, I should take the interstate.
Happy Friday Everyone!
joeyfullystated 
Happy Friday! 🙂
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Thank you! I’m sorry I’m late, I must wish you a Happy Saturday, instead 🙂
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ROTFLMAO!!! Thank you!
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Thank YOU! 😀
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I don’t like traffic circles (yeah, that’s the boring thing we call them) but they’re installing more and more of them to “deter speeders” – it’s just makes speeders go faster and turn more often. Thanks for saying I could laugh, and thanks for keeping Friday funny.
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Thank you for laughing 🙂 I am sure the traffic circles slow people down. I’m absolutely certain. Is it worth it? I do not know.
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Ha ha…I understand. And I’m with you on those landscaped median strips. ☺ Funny post, and from the lovely pic…it all turned out well for you both, in spite of the fortune cookie inequality. ☺ Happy Friday to you, Joey. Stay on the roads you know. 💖
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Thank you 🙂
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I think roundabouts should have stayed in Jamaica. I have to go through 2 of the nasty things when I go visit my first born. They need to add lap counters to those damn things. Happy Friday to you guys as well.
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Lap counters! Ahaha!
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I feel the same way about driving these days. If everyone else would go away I’d do fine. Even Interstates are simple without other people. The drivers here are like those who didn’t make the cut for a Mad Max movie, and they aren’t to be trusted.
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Mad Max, heh.
I wonder how nice those roundabouts would be at 10pm. We traveled up the other side of that mess a few years back, toward our previous neighborhood, and there were new traffic circles there, too, but the roads were fairly empty that late.
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That was hilarious.
We don’t have many roundabouts but the seem to be making a bit of a comeback. This despite the fact that most people here would prefer to chew off their own arm rather than yield.
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Thank you! 🙂
I’m not opposed to yielding, but at one of those roundabouts, I sat there longer than any stoplight I’ve ever encountered.
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We’ve got lots of those roundabouts and many of them are the two-lane variety. I hates them with a passion, but I’ve become more usta them. I drive fast and other people move out of the way. Has worked so far… 😉
Also, you guys are totes adorbs.
(and also, I get the apologetic/sympathetic looks when I meet my Hub’s coworkers, too. I say almost the same thing to them that you do except I usually use the word bitch to describe me. LOL)
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I hates them roundabouts too! Too many too close together! Ugh!
In the Army, my husband was called El Diablo. But me, well I look harmless. After he went back to work, she said, “She’s so soft-spoken, so petite, I wasn’t expecting that.” LOL Joke’s on them, eh?
And thank you, we did feel totes dorbs when we met for lunch 🙂
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I always take the interstate because I only have to worry about finding an exit and there aren’t any lights. I don’t understand why people like those traffic circles so much. I hope we don’t get any more of them because they are SOOOOO annoying.
You had me laughing in your first paragraph. Thanks!
Sunshine does not have to be hot, it is giving you vitamin d which is extremely important for mood maintenance. Soak up the vitamin d and drink some sweet tay to avoid the heat.
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I’m so glad you laughed, thank you! 😀
Sunshine is wretched. If you think I should like sunshine, I’ll assume you’re not the color of paper and that you don’t have Rosacea. I enjoy the sun on my face now and again. Then I remember what it does to me and I put on a hat.
Traffic circles aren’t too bad here and there. We do not need them every 500 feet. That’s just cruel!
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Well, you make a good point. I must change my comment…. enjoy the light, vitamin d, and happiness of the sunshine, while protected by your own personal sunshield that does not alow the rays to harm you!
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Thank you! I also enjoy vitamin D milk 😉
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Roundabouts, traffic circles — Death traps, I calls ’em.
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What a crazy lunch time you had! We used to have one of those circle things, but they did away with it when they made the interstate. I don’t mind that. We also have a Loop around the city, and I refuse to drive on that. People just don’t know how to drive right on it and so many accidents happen. … haha I’ve always gotten the same sympathies from people my husband works with/knows … how do I put up with him? haha… yep, he is totally opposite from me…extrovert. … Oh, your pepper chicken dish looks so good! Much better than the restaurant one. 🙂
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That pepper chicken I made at home was phenomenal. I got it from dinnerthendessert.com. I didn’t follow the recipe, but I did use all the ingredients. I highly recommend that one. It was better than the Pandaspress.
I drive on our loop five days a week. Going in is fine, not too traffic-y. Going home is perilous and nerve-wracking, because I frequently leave in rush hour. I am more of a secondary road kinda person. I enjoy the scenery and it’s easier on my anxiety, even if it takes longer.
I think it’s fantastic that you’re in the group of women about whom others feel husband sympathy! We’re surely a force to be reckoned with! 🙂
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I’d much rather go on the side roads, too. I’ve taken the long way around many times just to avoid the traffic. I can’t imagine driving in your city. We don’t have near as much as y’all do, I’m sure, but still we complain! … Glad to know I’m not the only one who gets the ‘I’m so sorry’ speech from people about husbands! 🙂
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You reminded me of the only funny part of European Vacation!
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I did think that a bit myself 🙂
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HAHAHAppy Friday Joey. I hate roundabouts too and we have loads of them where I live. The one I hate the most is the 3 & 4 lane one near the hospital where i used to work. Everyone gets in the wrong lane and cuts each other up! Even though they have since put traffic lights there it is still a bloody nightmare!
I am glad you managed to enjoy your lunch, and I hate to laugh at the fortune cookies you both got!! 🙂
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I’m so glad you laughed, thanks 🙂
I always get screwed on fortune cookies, it’s my plight 😉 My last one before this one was BROKEN. Of course.
Not a fan of too many roundabouts too close together. Not a fan.
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Ha! You just make me laugh as you are a person that unfortunate things happen to, yet you laugh at it, and at yourself which to me is really endearing 🙂
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And I feel the same about you 🙂
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I usually get trapped in the damned roundabouts and just keep driving in the circle faster and faster until centrifugal force finally spits me out somewhere…then I google map where the hell I am and get on my way.
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LOL Benson must have a similar experience, as he mentioned lap counters in his comment.
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We used to call them circles in NJ…and we actually have one here in FL! Found it the other day. Amazing. Oh, God, Joey. This was so funny.
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Thank you so much 😀
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I have three things to say about your post:
1) I’m not a fan of two-lane traffic circles. They are building them all over the place and I’m not in favor. Give me a good old stop’n’go light so I can b*tch about why the red light is red soooo long.
2) The black pepper chicken looks way better than the polish sausage and salad I’m having for supper. I don’t think I’m going to be satisfied.
3) You and the Mister are adorable.
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Thank you 🙂
Truly, I sat at one of those traffic circles longer than I’ve ever sat at a red light!
The black pepper chicken was DELICIOUS! I shall make it again this week! 🙂
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If you come to New Hampshire, let the Mister drive because the circles and roundabouts will make your head swim and bad words surface. 🙂
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Good advice, thanks!
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Try driving the roundabouts in England! Those are some mighty silly fortunes… I agree. You and your guy are adorable!
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Thank you!
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Oh you poor thing! I hate roundabouts too. They hurt my neck, damnit! Always looking to see if I’m going to run anyone over changing lanes.
I’ll send you some clouds and definitely some cold weather when it gets here. Coz I luvs you. 😀
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We had roundabouts in Florida, one of which in Stuart is lovingly named Confusion Corner (it’s downtown and they even have it printed on some of the local shirts). When I moved to Roanoke, they were newly installed and sometimes people still seem to think that the yield sign is just for show and that it’s okay to accelerate and blast into the circle without checking to see if a person is already in it and coming your way.
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I got the feeling that a lot of people do not yield. Especially from comments.
Confusion Corner, haha!
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LOL. I hate those double roundabouts! Ft. Riley has those and they suck!. Out on town is the single ones and I got those. But now at the interstate ramp that we use a lot they are building a “diamond” I’m freaking out. I know it is going to be confusing or more wrecks. LOL
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Oh Lawd. Have you ever been to Baltimore? Baltimore has some of the worst direction/signage I’ve ever seen. You pretty much can’t turn left anywhere, or is it right? I dunno, you have to make U-turns all the time.
What the hell is a traffic diamond?!? *Googles*
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No I haven’t. Hubby has. A diamond is a blonde’s worst nightmare. Lol
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HAHA!
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OH!
I looked, we have those here in several places. They’re not bad, actually. I can’t tell they’re a diamond while driving them. 🙂 I think it’ll be okay!
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I hope it will be. 😊
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Hilarious! I agree…I would rather not be challenged by traffic when I’m just trying to get to lunch. Sounds like everything turned out well. 😊
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“Windy-dindy” is far too cute-sounding a weather condition to be quite so potentially deadly. “Windy-dindy” is weather that should be wandering through the neighborhood, selling watercolors door-to-door with 6-year-olds.
JFC INDEED.
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Haha, Thanks!
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