Die Doctor

Last month, I finally went in for my eye exam.
I dread the eye doctor. I call them die doctors. And for good reason.

When I was in high school, I had chronic migraines. Well, I have had migraines since then, but fewer and fewer each year. Anyway, when I was in high school I had chronic migraines and as a course of diagnosing why, I had to go get my eyes checked. My mother picked me up early from school and took me to the eye care place. The appointment was okay, but I had to walk home. This wouldn’t ordinarily be a big deal, except my eyes had been dilated.

Unless you’ve walked a lil over a mile west, on a bridge over I-465 and then walked across State Road 37 with your eyes dilated…You don’t know my pain.

Didn’t I have sunglasses?
Nooooooo.
Had my mother or the staff even thought of this?
Nooooooo.

It was fairly traumatic. Think of it as though you were blindfolded, walking home, really only able to see the road under your feet.
It’s not like I didn’t walk those places before and after that day, but FULL VISUAL CAPABILITY IS VERY HELPFUL in high traffic areas.

Once I got home, I had a migraine. Go figure.

 

I didn’t see the die doctor again for a decade.
My husband took me to the eye doctor because when I was pregnant with Sassy, she ruined my perfect eyesight. I forget why that happens during pregnancy, but it does, and it happened to me. Honest to goodness, if you’ve ever read a list of common problems during pregnancy it’s amazing any of us are here. What does that say about us? Our desire for sex and our will to procreate are stronger than avoiding a list that includes constant vomiting, temporary blindness, nerve damage…She’s 13 and my hip still hurts.

“But I don’t want to go to the die doctor!” I slipped.
It just stuck after that.
Die Doctor. Bah.

 

I had to take Sassy to the die doctor when she was three. She had a little cyst on her eyelid. I decided not to refer to the eye doctor as the die doctor, for Sassy’s sake. I had to pretend that the die doctor’s office was a cool place and nothing bad would happen to her there. Sassy had such a good time with the Nice Lady Eye Doctor and the testing equipment, she wanted to be an eye doctor for years and years.

 

There were always more trips to the die doctor, but I wouldn’t get my eyes dilated every time.
“Just vision screenings for me, thanks!”
“Y’all can dilate my eyes when my husband is stateside, thanks!”
That’s what I’d planned this last time. Just a vision screening.

 

We have new insurance. It’s great insurance, but if you’ve ever changed insurance, you know finding a doctor in your new plan can be a challenge.
I tried to find Nice Lady Eye Doctor, but her office wasn’t there anymore and I couldn’t remember her name, so I chose the eye place on Shadeland where I went 20-some years ago.

Can you even believe that’s Nice Lady Eye Doctor’s office now? What serendipity!

“Just a vision screening for me, thanks!”
NOPE.
Nice Lady Eye Doctor said stuff like ‘eye health, blah blah, age blah, brain blah, nerves, blah blah.’
But, she told me the new drops aren’t like the old drops and I’d be fine to drive home and go to work and whatever else. She was right, too.
I tell ya, Nice Lady Eye Doctor is trustworthy, and I cannot call her the die doctor.

Via the phone, I tried at least 20 frames before narrowing it down for my mother, The Mister, and True.
That went like this:

No.
NO.
NO!

Too big.
Professor.
They look like you’re wearing goggles to prevent blood spatter.

Those are good.
I like those.
Yes.

I took a second picture in that pair and my mother said, “No.”
I text, “Same pair!”
She didn’t like them as much without a smile.
Cause that’s what mothers do, tell you to smile and pull your hair out of your face, and Honey, put a lil lipstick on, ya look like you’re dead.

glassesday

I tell ya, I still like the blood spatter goggles. Maybe for my second pair…

I’m older and blinder, if you can imagine. I’m still better than 20/20 in distance, and I still only need readers, but given the increasing degree of my close-up blindness, or my shrinking arms, or whatever, I now have *achem* transitional lenses. This means my feet are blurry, but I can read all my bad fortune cookies.

Do you like the die eye doctor? Do you enjoy shopping for glasses?

About joey

Neurotic Bitch, Mother, Wife, Writer, Word Whore, Foodie and General Go-To-Girl
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77 Responses to Die Doctor

  1. eschudel says:

    I have to like the eye doctor – he’s my hubby!! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      I guess so! I sure hope he’s a good one, E! 🙂

      Like

      • eschudel says:

        Well, I think he is the best. He takes the time to really explain things to his patients and spends a lot of time with people. I think for him it was going back to school in his 30s and becoming an optometrist after years of life experience working with people in another industry. I wish you, and everyone who has had a bad experience with an eye doctor could see him.

        Liked by 1 person

        • joey says:

          Aw, yeah, he does sound like a good one! I bet he’d never send people out into the western sun without protection! It sounds like he got some good perspective before he made his decision.

          Like

  2. meANXIETYme says:

    When I first got sick and had “silent” migraines, I got the same shpiel. “Check your brain, blah blah.” The doctor said they’d dilate my eyes and look at them. And then he said he was going to have to touch them. I said NO. You can dilate, but don’t touch my eyes. (I was 29 years old, I had the right to say NO). He said, “okay!” Dilated my eyes with numbing stuff, touched my eye.
    Bastard. I literally called him a fucking liar in the exam room. Hub was in the room with me. He didn’t even know what to say…which was a first (and last).
    I have been to the eye doctor once since then and refused dilation. It was a different eye doctor. I didn’t care. And people wonder why I have trust issues with the medical community?
    I haven’t been back to an eye doctor in more than 5 years. I need to go, but I can’t seem to make myself go.
    I feel your pain with the die doctor. Wish I could find (and trust) one.

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      I’m sad you know my trauma and my mistrust, which are bigger problems than the migraines were.
      I tell you, this doctor is excellent. I’m so glad I happened upon her again. You should come here and see her 😉

      Liked by 1 person

      • meANXIETYme says:

        I’m glad you found someone who works for you. I will have to find someone eventually because I think I’m getting headaches from my outdated prescription. 😦

        Like

  3. ghostmmnc says:

    The die doctor!!! Love it! 🙂 that 1st time they didn’t give you some kind of shades to wear home? Bad Dr. … My daughter will love your name for that Dr. …the last couple times she went, those drops I think she is allergic to, had horrible reactions. Me…been wearing prescriptions since 4th grade, and now have to take drops for glaucoma. and I wear tri-focals, and still can’t see good. My husband gets by with just his readers, which is good, cause he keeps breaking them or losing them. Wouldn’t do if he had to spend lots of $$$ for prescriptions.

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      Nope, no one thought to give me shades. I didn’t know it was a thing until I went a decade later! They’re supposed to give you protection!
      The new drops were really great, I didn’t struggle at all, not to drive home, or to work after, fine as could be.
      That’s too bad about your daughter. I should think there are other options…
      Sorry about your failing eyesight. I sure don’t take mine for granted, especially after these last few years of squinting and shrugging. lol

      Like

  4. ghostmmnc says:

    That’s good you had no problems with the new, nice lady Dr. and the eye drops this time! So surprising that she was the one you’d hoped to find, and there she was! 🙂 I hope there is some alternative drops or something for my daughter, because I know she doesn’t want to go through the same thing again. …Yeah, at least they do have drops (which are an easy fix) for the glaucoma. I know my granny had it too. At least hope it keeps from getting worse! 🙂 …Hope your migraines have eased off now. Do you take calcium? I’ve heard it helps.

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      I do not take calcium, I’d never heard that.
      I changed birth control pills, broke up with my boyfriend, stopped drinking artificial sugars, learned to avoid the sun and overhead lighting. That’s all I got, but I rarely get them now and when I do, they seem linked to weather, via the barometer.
      My MIL has just had two eye surgeries for glaucoma. Now she waits for them to heal and gets a new exam, new specs. I’m kind of excited for her. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • ghostmmnc says:

        I think it helped, too, to stop the artificial sugars, and also msg that is added to foods. Those are no good for anyone, and has been known to cause all kinds of problems. Glad your MIL is getting good treatment for her eyes! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  5. I am so sensitive about my eyes, cannot touch the surface, even to remove a hair ! Luckily, have had good routine vision checks. I know I am overdue, over 60, using reading glasses with increasing magnifications, etc. etc. etc. The husband’s family all wear glasses/contact lenses/ have had laser eye surgery. So I keep getting advised to go for check ups. Nah…not till I have to, I guess. Die Doctor…maybe so ???

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      Sounds like you’re in the nervous group, yes ma’am.
      I hope you’ll go when you feel you need to. I can read things again, like the wattage on light bulbs and ingredients on lip balm 🙂 It’s quite nice.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Victo Dolore says:

    I loath shopping for glasses and as such, I hate eye doctors. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Norm 2.0 says:

    I’ve been very lucky so far – I only started wearing glasses two years ago. I am keeping a close watch on it because my mom’s side of the family has issues with macular degeneration.
    And our Die Doctor is a nice lady 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Dan Antion says:

    OK, first things first. I got my Joey-email today!

    I can only imagine the pain of trying to walk home with wide-dilated eyes. I don’t even like driving home after having it done and while wearing sunglasses. I had the same eye-doctor since 1985, but he retired last year. I waited to make an appointment until I couldn’t wait any longer. I now have a nice lady doctor. Just the exam so far 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  9. marianallen says:

    I love shopping for eye glasses! I used to work of an eyewear company, and got glasses cheap, so I got new ones every whip-stitch. Now, I hardly ever get new ones because I have trifocals and they cost a billion bucks an eye, but I still browse the racks when I take Mom to her dry-eye doctor.

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      Niiiice!
      Have you ever ordered from Zenni Optical online? I usually order the second pairs there. Dirt cheap, even trifocals are 1/3 of the cost, according to my father who wears them. The only issue with them is that it takes a long time for them to ship.
      If you have your scrip and your pupillary distance, you should check them out. I’ve used them for years and years.

      Like

  10. larva225 says:

    Dilating sucks!!! Have you ever done Zenni optical online?? Brilliant prices and you can ” try on” hundreds of pairs.

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      Yes, lol! I was just typing that to Marian while you typed this. I usually order the second pairs there. 🙂 I tell ya, Imma get those big ol specs I liked from Zenni!

      Liked by 1 person

  11. renxkyoko says:

    When I made my appointment with the eye doctor, I was told I should have someone to take me home because my eyes would be dilated.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I don’t like to go to any of them. I have my own stuff to do. I want to do my stuff. I avoided the eye doctor for five years, knowing all the while my vision was getting worse. As long as I could squint and write life was good.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. jan says:

    The eye doctor’s doesn’t bother me nearly as much as the dentist. I once had to walk home with my eyes dilated – it is frightening. The song People are Strange comes to mind.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Benson says:

    I haven’t had too much experience with die doctors until the mid 90’s. When I was in New Mex my arms grew shorter and I had to start using Walmart reading glasses. It was after I came back to Indiana that I saw an actual Dr and had to start with bi-focals. I got new glasses around Christmas and you are right; the new dilation stuff is not at all like the old stuff. I really hate having to wear glasses because I can’t wear shades. I love sun glasses. What do you do for sun glasses?

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      I’m glad you got the new drops 🙂

      I don’t need them to drive, and I really only wear sunglasses in the car…beach…
      So, I switch em. I like to wear my glasses to drive at night because they have anti-glare, so I do, but I don’t need to.
      Read the above comments on this post, because there are several about Zenni Optical, and I’d try getting prescription sunglasses from them, if I needed them.

      Liked by 1 person

  15. Luanne says:

    Hah, pretty funny. However, I am pretty mad at my once-liked eyeglass man. My new cataracts meant I needed new lenses in sunglasses (distance), reading, and computer glasses. I also have distance glasses, but they are less important. So I ordered the first 3. Then I took the distance glasses in and he had 2 newbies working the counter. They neglected to tell me that the FRAMELESS distance glasses would cost FOUR HUNDRED DOLLARS JUST TO CHANGE THE LENSES. Now he thinks if he gives me $50 off I will be happy. I am considering not picking them up at all. But I’m angry because at least I would have opted not to change them and would have still had a pair of distance glasses. Now I either have to come up with $359 or lose my glasses altogether.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Chez Shea says:

    Good it wasn’t so traumatic this time and you’re sorted. Not being able to see when you’re walking home is worrying. Am constantly impressed by the things medics can do for us!

    Liked by 1 person

  17. loisajay says:

    I have been using the same eye doctor for years and years. He is an old NY guy and I am an old NJ gal, so we get along great. Plus our kids went to grammar school together…..small town life such as it is… He has this machine that I do not like–it blows a puff of air straight into your eye! WTH kind of test is that? Trying on frames with dilated eyes…..yeah, always a good thing for me. Ugh. I have transitional, also. Not too bad–except for this last pair which I swear they did not get right so my eyesight is till messed up. Plus the damn restriction on my license so I am kinda stuck.

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      That’s the glaucoma test, the air puff. I didn’t have that, I get the other kind…it’s during the blue light thing. No puff. Small town eye dr needs to step up his tech for your comfort 🙂
      I’m sorry you don’t like your new glasses. Have you gone back and told him? He would want you to be happy, I’m sure.

      Like

  18. Also a horror story involving the die doctor so, no, I don’t enjoy going. But I’m on prescription eye drops so what ya gonna do?

    Liked by 1 person

  19. John Holton says:

    I’ve worn glasses since I was in fourth grade, which is a long time. I don’t really have any trouble with the eye doctor, even with dilating the pupils and whatever. I wear sunglasses everywhere during the day, because macular degeneration runs in the family and I don’t want it, so when they dilate me I already have the sunglasses. I started wearing progressive lenses when I turned 40 and am so used to them by now I can tell when I put on glasses without them.

    The biggest pain? Picking out frames. I hadn’t bought glasses in ten years and it was a real pain then, because when I liked a set of frames, Mary didn’t like them. This time, I found a pair just like the old ones and said “I’ll take ’em!” Why mess with a good thing, right?

    Liked by 1 person

  20. bikerchick57 says:

    I don’t mind the Die Doctor, but I do mind the high price of glasses. I’ve had glasses since second grade and now I’m into no-line bifocals with featherweight lenses and that special coating to make it easy to read the computer at work. My last pair were $500. I know I need new ones, but at that price, I’m waiting until the last possible moment to visit the Dieglass Store.

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      INDEED, they are pricey!
      Have you ever shopped Zenni Optical online? I usually buy the second pair there. All you need is your scrip and your pupillary distance to order. They are a fraction of the retail cost, and I’ve been pleased with every single order. My father ordered trifocals and saved hundreds. The cheapest pair I bought were readers for Sassy. $22. You should check it out. The only downside is that they aren’t delivered for weeks.

      Liked by 1 person

  21. joannesisco says:

    The issues I’ve had with my eyes could fill several blog posts so I’m no stranger to visiting the eye doctor. She’s amazing and has talked me off the ledge more than a few times (I have this irrational fear that I’m going blind …and every once in a while I go full-on drama queen).

    Only within the last year have my headaches been finally diagnosed as migraines … and yes, instability in barometric pressure is virtually guaranteed to trigger one :/

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      Thanks for sharing that. Mine are really infrequent now, and I’m glad. Sadly, I fought one off from Thursday afternoon to Sunday morning. Ugh, I was so sick Thursday night. It was awful. Now it’s raining all week, so I cross my fingers.
      I’m sorry you’re suffering with migraines. Occipital only, or otherwise?
      Fear of blindness would do it, Joanne. I’m glad you’ve got a good one.

      Like

  22. I’ve been going to the same eye doctor since I was 14 years old. She retired last year, and I’m not excited about my next visit. I’m nearsighted, but I have a feeling it may be time for bifocals (or longer arms). 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  23. Judy Martin says:

    I am not keen on the eye doctor either, You know when they do the examination where they puff the air into your eye? I HATE that! I know it is coming but I jump every time, and it makes me feel funny.
    I was also offended last time when I went and they said my eyes had got slightly worse because of my age, PAH!
    I have noticed that I have to wear my glasses all the time now and not just to work as I used to. Funny how people are using much smaller print nowadays, that makes me have to wear my specs more! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  24. I have been going to the die doctor since I was seven years old (almost 50 years), but it wasn’t until I got older, got to pick out my own frames, not my mother’s, that the die doctor started dilating my eyes, first because of my age, and then due to possible optic nerve damage from the MS. The good thing is they give me a cardboard pair of ‘sunglasses’ so I can make my way from the building, to the van. This is important because I’m propelling a wheelchair, and most definitely need to be able to watch where I’m going. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  25. Yup, I sure do remember those drops of old…..I spent hours with my eyes closed, just trying to navigate through school after my mother brought me back to school from the eye doctor. NOT fun…sadistic in fact…now it’s fairly a breeze…just a pair of sun glasses and one is good to go, and here in NM…we practically have our sunglasses surgically implanted in our temples anyway…lol

    Liked by 1 person

  26. dalecooper57 says:

    I’ve only been wearing glasses for four years and (like the way men shop for anything) it takes me two minutes to pick a new pair.
    Can I see with them? Check.
    Are they the cheapest? Check.

    Check please!

    Liked by 1 person

  27. garym6059 says:

    Walked across 465 and S.R. 37 with eyes dilated? That’s a suicide march!

    Liked by 1 person

  28. reocochran says:

    I have had some misfortune with my eyes. Dad wore lightweight near-sighted lenses you could get any day of the week, for two dollars up to ten dollars. Yep, reader lenses. Mom never wore glasses until she was eighty!! What? Rich is 57 and makes fun of my “coke bottle bottom glasses.”
    My brother Randy and I did a fair amount of sailing, swimming, marching band (and he played tennis) without sunglasses. Not sure why but we didn’t. Both of us have fairly bad eye sight, Joey. I have had narrow eye glaucoma and laser surgery to create a hole (irrigation ditch) in each eye. Now, I face a less serious, more often done surgery, cataract, in October. Oh well, could be worse, knock on wood and y’all can pray about it, if you want to. I pray daily for many people but I humbly ask Him/Her to please help my eyes stay stable for awhile! 🙂
    I trust and like my optometrist lady and my German opthalmologist, too.

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      Oh see, my MIL had that glaucoma surgery too. It’s amazing what they can do now.
      I hope your eye prayers are answered 🙂 Thanks for sharing!

      Like

  29. Anxious Mom says:

    Yikes that walk home sounds like hell!

    When I first got glasses, I saw The Hot Eye Doctor, as he was known as in my town before he moved. Dude looked like a hotter Zac Efron. My husband accused me of faking vision problems just to go see him. I wasn’t, of course.

    Liked by 1 person

  30. I don’t mind the eye doctor but do not go too often. Actually, decades will go by before I go. My first pair was in 8th grade for not seeing far, mild. Only wore them when needed. Even went years without wearing them. They were the cool blue plastic big eye ones. LOL. Then came the wire frames which tinted in the bright light because it hurt my eyes. Then I went in my mid 20s and got pink wire frames. No more tinting. Didn’t go back until a year ago. Whoa my eyes have changed. No longer need for seeing far, but now need the reading glasses. I hate them. So not use to that. I want to be able to look up and not be blurry! LOL. But they are a cool teal color! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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