On Saturday, I dropped Sassy off at the American Legion Mall, “Are those your people?”
“Yes.”
“Get out, vite! vite!”
I put the hazards on and double parked to let her out, and then I drove around to find a parking space.
The Universe was kind, offering me a spot on a corner, so I didn’t even have to officially parallel park, just pull over and back up. So nice.
I never use parking meters anymore. I took quarters, but the meters all indicated free parking. Has it always been like that? I dunno, my husband usually feeds the meter.
I’d parked two blocks west and three blocks south of Sassy.
It wasn’t too crowded by downtown standards, not for a Saturday with events. But guess how many times I was — whatever the phrase for that is — Verbally accosted? Sexually harassed? Made fearful by the behavior of lascivious men?
Go ahead and guess.
Y’all, I am not all that. I was dressed modestly. These things shouldn’t matter, by the by.
The first time, I thought, that’s weird.
The second time, I thought, fuckin really?!?
The third time, it hit me; i am never alone downtown.
I am always with The Mister, or a gaggle of kids and a dog, or a pack of men, never a solitary woman on the street.
The only thing to do is to ignore it and keep moving. When you ignore them, the praise for what yer mama gave you turns into hate and threats. “Smile, Sugar!” becomes “Oh you ain’t got no smile for me? Fuckin bitch. Better watch out.”
What kinda fuckin lunatic walks from here to there with a smile plastered on his face?!? If I see anyone that happy, walkin alone, I will cross the goddamn street!
Men don’t know this unless they do it. The Mister had no idea for most of his life, but I informed him as I am informing you now. I once told him not to lead me through the crowd, but to walk behind me. He thought that was not strong and chivalrous. Well it is. It keeps not so honorable men from pawing and groping and pressing into me. He had no idea such things happened.
Well they do.
So when my inner rage and my “sweet ass” finally got to the grassy area and some asshole offered me some blow for a blow, I found it harder to ignore, but still I walked on.
Just when I’d settled in for the concert, some other asshole approached me asking me to make a call for him.
Y’all, I have let other stranger men use my phone, but either somethin about that guy wasn’t right, or prior events had unsettled me past the point of politesse, but I said no. I didn’t even look up.
“No.”
“Miss, I —-”
He was otherwise polite, I don’t know what he was goin on about, “local and” … still an asshole.
“I’m not makin a call for you. I don’t want to. There are plenty of other people with phones here. Go ask a man!”
On the way back to the car, as I kept right on the walk, a man approached. I kept my head up and made eye contact and he kept comin. He was 50-ish, handsome, well-dressed, but still he kept comin. He had a kinda walk, like prior military, assertive, confident. If I were a man, I’da been thinkin he wanted to kick my ass. what the fuck? why is this man not movin over? what kinda dick move is it to make a lady clear the way? He crossed to a car in front of me.
Then I saw a familiar face, as one is wont to do where one has lived so long. I couldn’t place the face beyond familiar…
He said, “Hello, how’s it goin?”
I said, “Good, thanks.”
oh my god that’s the mayor!
So we exchanged pleasantries how strangers do.
That other guy was his security detail.
I could benefit from security detail.
Lemme tell you, I am all about ‘I do not need a man.’
I love this one who’s got me, and I LIKE to have a man around.
I don’t owe anyone a fucking smile, or the use of my phone, and I shouldn’t need the presence of a man to enforce that.
joeyfullystated 
You met the mayor! The universe works in weird ways. Love the last image with the cat. So true.
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Amen!
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Lucky you. The Legion Mall is nestled between 2 gathering points for tramps, winos and in general up to no goodniks. Ass Hats like that embarrass me. I would image were you to mace one of their sorry butts you would be the bad one. Maybe you should have the Mayor’s security team. I can’t imagine some drunk telling him to smile.
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Thank you for your support. It was wholly unpleasant and unnerving.
But then, I saw the mayor, so that was nice 🙂
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What a bunch of slobs. Glad you fared well.
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Thanks 🙂
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It’s funny. I used to think about that stuff all the time. Now? Like you, I’m always with at least one other someone. If I’m not, I’m at the grocery store or Girl Scout shop. As a mom of a daughter, I need to get my head back out of my ass!
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YES. Exactly. I’da been tempted to say it’s gotten better, but this was a huge wake up call for me. It is NOT better, I just haven’t been in that position in a long time.
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So frustrating.
Though it really is nothing more than a pathetic, immature, and very misguided way to get someone’s attention, what it shows is a complete lack of respect and common decency.
You have to wonder where these guys’ parents were that this kind of behavior wasn’t slapped out of them at a young age.
I think the most important thing that sane respectable men can do to help is not necessarily to play guard dog, but simply to speak up whenever we see this kind of unacceptable behavior.
But f*ck it’s infuriating.
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I see your point, but I often wonder if it’s even safe for a man to speak up, you know? I can’t imagine what kinda raisin those men had. Thanks for your support, Norm.
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I always felt safe in the mall, not so much in urban areas. And my daughter tells stories about NYC…one of the reasons they left the city and moved north to the woods. In my lifetime, I’ve only met one woman who thought this was flattering…and she had other issues.
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I cannot imagine what solitary women face in larger cities where they walk greater distances on the regular. Walking through the woods, despite the horror movies, seems much safer. I walked the woods in Georgia and not once did a wild boar whistle at me.
Flattering? Wow. Other issues indeed!
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I don’t walk certain ways home after dark, and I always text Husband to let him know which direction I’m taking home. I have thankfully never been groped on public transport in London, but I know plenty who have. I have been groped on a plane. I think the jackass thought I would be quiet about it until I got up and yelled and woke everyone up. Seriously empowering.
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GOOD FOR YOU! That’s how to do it! 🙂
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It completely sucks that you had to deal with that. I’m glad you made it through and that you stood up for yourself with that phone-guy. I live too far in suburbia to go into the city areas much, and when I do it’s a THING and Hub is with me.
Like you, I don’t NEED a man to take care of me, but I’m damn glad he’s around to do it anyway. 😉
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Thank you, me too! Mmmmhm. Sometimes shit happens and I appreciate my husband on a whole notha level! ❤
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Thats horrible. Round here, I gotta watch myself too.
Say more than “Hi” to them & theyre pregnant & I end up with Hep C.
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LMAO!
Do be careful 😛
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I think you said it above: what kind of upbringing did these clowns have?
Nice that you met the mayor, though. Maybe he and his bodyguard could have done something about the guys…
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I’ve never understood why it’s okay to cat call. I don’t get much of that at the grocery store 😉
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But my anxiety throws parties for me at the grocery store, and Sassy never has a concert there!
I can’t win! 😛
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I’m at a loss for words. Really. That’s just not cool.
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I’m so sorry this happened to you, and that it happens to so many women. That’s one good thing about living in a small town; there certainly ARE places in even a small town where men feel entitled to talk like this to women, but not in broad public. Most places around here, you would just be, “I know your wife, you mother, your kids, and your preacher. Yeah, you were just joking around; that’s what I thought.” I would say that this has never happened to me, but I just found out that those guys who used to say, “God bless you,” when I walked by weren’t all that religious. I used to say, “Thank you. God bless you, too,” and wonder what was so funny.
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Oh Marian, that did so make me laugh!!! Thank you!
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I just never understood that. Who responds to that in these people’s minds?
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I really don’t know. They must get some pleasure from it, or they wouldn’t keep doing it, right? Maybe it’s a game of odds? Maybe one in every thirty thinks it’s a good offer or somethin?
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Possibly??? Who knows? People continue to amaze me and not in a good way.
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Ah-yup!
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Wow! Some people are such assholes. The whole “you should smile thing” makes me want to punch someone.
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I must be naïve, but I honestly thought that excessive kind of cat calling was only in the movies. How awful for you, I can only imagine how uncomfortable that would be.
I had a similar situation with a guy wanting to use my phone too. I told him “no” several times and he started yelling all around the plaza that I was greedy with my phone. Sigh.
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The fact that you thought catcalling to that degree was a fictional occurrence shows you’ve been raised right. (Just like my husband and many others.) You’re correct, it IS uncomfortable, and at times, scary.
Greedy with your phone is your right. I think people who behave that way after being turned down for somethin simple must really suffer in life.
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THE LIKE BUTTON NO LONGER WORKS FOR ME…BUT i LIKE…LIKE MUCH..
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Thank you 😀
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This was scary, Joey. And I never thought of having my husband walk behind me to keep the dipshits from ‘accidentally’ bumping into me. I gotta remember that. Whew! Do be careful!
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Thank you. Yep, that’s the way to do it. It works like a charm.
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Hate it… not sure why some guys think it’s okay to behave like this. I mean, what would they say if it would happen to their mothers, or daughters??? Have they ever thought about that? Nope, because guys like the ones you mentioned don’t think… at least not with their brain…
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Valid points. I don’t know what goes on, if anything at all, in their brains.
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This is terrible. It’s amazing how much I relate to this from the other end of the world! What is wrong with some men?
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I do not know. It is disturbing.
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This makes me wish to shake this world a little so that everybody with time to spare to act this way would fall on their asses. I don’t know how I’d fare in such an environment. Ever since finally getting over remarks that started coming when I was too young (from construction workers, soldiers, rude people from other ex-Yugoslav republics), I always make eye-contact. I always dare them to say something and then they don’t. I loved it the most when I was the one people crossed the street not to meet. Ok, it was Vienna, Austria, I had on my bus driver’s jacket and short hair, but still. I know this is fairy-tale and reality sucks. I just never wish to meet it. Italians are… different, more polite, their vocabulary is more respectful (at least the words I can understand). And I’ve got bestia with me at all times anyway.
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It’s nice you don’t have this often. I don’t usually, but as I said, I’m often with The Mister as well.
I do maintain eye contact. I agree, it’s helpful, but once I’ve passed, I don’t look back, I ignore. It really is a scary world for women and girls. Days like that make me think it hasn’t gotten better.
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Question, if the man was really panicked and said it was an emergency and if he could please use your phone, would you have helped him then? Or would you have still just told him to ask someone else?
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Personally I’d still be a little anxious about it. I don’t know how I’d act. I think I’d be a little a sceptical he was trying to steal it.
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I still would have told him to ask someone else, but you know, the truth is, there were police and EMTs in the grassy area with us, so it wasn’t an emergency.
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That would totally stress me out. I don’t have situations like that where I live, but was once asked if I was for sale by a couple in a car when we stopped in a town to grab food on a road trip. I said no and kept walking, but I was planning my exit strategy for if they decided to get out of the car (my husband and kids were in the drive-through line across the road from where I was getting another kid food). It was definitely uncomfortable and super scary. And not that I should have to justify what I was wearing, but it was modest clothing.
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So disturbing.
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Men are dumbasses, sorry you had to put up with this bullshit :(, makes me sad to know our great state is full of these pricks!
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Ah-Yup. You and me both.
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