I played the fool this week. I didn’t know I was cast in the role because I did not audition.
The Universe took a swig of bourbon and smiled impishly before leaning forward to declare, “I have written a stunning surreal play in which Joey is the unwitting star.”
Everyone applauded because everyone likes to be entertained.
The Universe pulled a manuscript from a tattered canvas bag and passed it around the room.
The fates and the fairies and the muses and all my guardian angels read the overview with captivated delight and they were like, “Ooh! How exciting! That Joey, she’s perfect for the role! She’s got such a sweet face, you never expect such moxie!”
And The Universe was all, “I know, right? But guess what?”
“What?”
“I’ve given her laryngitis.”
“OH EM GEE, you’re brilliant!”
So The Universe made some popcorn and everyone settled in to see how it would go.
The curtain opens to a snow-covered section of the city.
The audience is enraptured as Joey faces the conflicts delivering the dreaded existential angst that all humans must suffer. The audience watches as she gets ignored, overlooked, criticized, cut-off in conversation, mansplained to. She repeats herself. She repeats herself. People misunderstand her. She misunderstands others. The shake machine is out of order. An SUV almost crashes into her car. The cough syrup has Red 40 in it. The button on her sleeve pops off. There are pickles on her fish sandwich. A mysterious stain appears on her gray tunic. She waits in lines. Her pear is bruised, the raspberries grow mold too soon, and the sausage has expired. Every day an alarm wakes her. She is flipped off by a small stranger child and resists returning the favor. She uses too many spoons to shovel the drive and clean off her car. She stubs her cold toe and cracks her toenail. She has to put gas in her car even though she’s forgotten her gloves. There are disagreements. Good news and bad news are both reported. She is placed in socially awkward situations and has strained conversations in public. Plans are broken. She is wrong and must apologize. She holds doors for people who do not say thank you. She slips and falls on ice. She is all dolled-up for nothing. The furnace goes out. People are late. People are early. People disappoint her. True tragedies range from people calling her before noon to people on the internet typing rude things.
Slowly, Joey regains her voice and finds she has more to say than usual.
Sure, Joey’s had a rough week, but the play could have just as easily been about all the things that went right and all the unexpected pleasures. The scenes that were scripted with happiness and good fortune far exceeded the negative ones, but those aren’t the ones highlighted — those aren’t the ones the audience is shown.
What if you’re the audience of your own play? Which perspective are you showin?
This play is an amalgamation of post-modern themes wherein our heroine panics and complains at the chasms between herself and others, yet she simultaneously longs for or alternates between wanting to be more connected or wanting to be completely alienated. Isn’t that wholly, incredibly common among humans?
To sum up, I am in a moody mood.
I love it when we’re both laughing at me, but sometimes I’m an extremist, srsly.
Happy Friday Everyone!
joeyfullystated 
Well, here’s a standing ovation and a big bouquet of red roses from the audience. And here’s a big bottle of Four Roses as a chaser. And a hug. HUG!!!!
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Thank you so much. So beautiful, so thoughtful! I will put these in water immediately. *HUGS*
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If I were daring, I’d yell “encore” but I’d hate for you to have to live that week again. I’m gonna say that you’re a good actor, and then leave you with this quote:
“A good actor is somebody who can be truthful and fascinating and interesting and enlightening.” – Bruce Davison
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Mmm, quite nice, thank you very much, Dan 🙂
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*snatches the Four Roses from above*
Snow, snow, snow, snooow, such a pretty snow!
I heard a similar list of everything that goes wrong even before he comes home just yesterday. It resulted in a confession that the reason why he has been so distant the past month is lest he says something he would regret.
You, on the other hand, give it to us on here straight. With booze. And everybody is better off.
*refills*
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I’m draggin this mood around like it’s a security blanket or it’s following me like a puppy, I can’t tell.
I’m not one to hold things in. I can bite my tongue for a while, but I hate it. I think it’s the Italian in me.
Enjoy the bourbon, I like Knob Creek, personally.
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Momma said they’d be days like that. Happy Friday anyway, Joey.
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Happy Friday!!
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Well not having a voice must suck. Well at least this act is over. Have a Happy Friday and a Great weekend.
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I’ve got voice now, just not sure whose voice it is lol 🙂
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So, those bastard little monkeys have been visiting you too. My deepest condolences. I hope the weekend and next week more than make up for the cruel joke inflicted on you this past week. I have to say though – the laryngitis was an inspired touch for them to throw into the mix.
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It really was an original idea. I hadn’t had laryngitis in about 20 years.
Thank you, it can’t stay this way forever. Well, maybe it can, but it never has. 🙂
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How crappy. I’m glad for you that this week is over and done with. I hope you didn’t walk away with any long-term pain from the oopsies and ouchies. I’m wishing for you a quiet and rejuvenating weekend.
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Thank you ❤
Tonight The Mister took us for coffee and downtown to see the big tree of lights and now I'm in until Monday morning. I've got all the quiet and relaxing planned. 🙂
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Never saw that tiny bit of philosophy coming. Boise looks just like your photos today, and commuting is taking your life in your hands. Still, commute I shall.
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🙂
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“I laughed. I cried. It became a part of me.” As they say. Did anyone have a good week? I think the Universe is toying with us all this month. Hang in there.
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Ah, thanks 🙂 I don’t know if anyone had a good week. I’m hangin on!
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I do enjoy your moody posts, Joey! The only thing you can do when the Universe takes a slug of bourbon (an image I adore, rather like a drunk Lord God almighty) is add some mint, crushed ice fresh from the garden, and make a Julep and bet on the ponies.
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Well you know, December not May, what with the crushed ice from the garden and all. You got a reliable bookie? 😉
Thanks!
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Unfortunately the negative stuff gets the spotlight. Hope you have a good weekend. Love the snow pictures 🙂
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Thanks, April 🙂
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It always gets better. And those snow pics are gorgeous.
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It does, doesn’t it? 🙂 Thanks!
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The audience gives you a standing ovation! Joey was played brilliantly by….Joey!
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Thank you 🙂
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The sun will come out tomorrow, so you’d better holler and holler today, come what may. Tomorrow, tomorrow please give me some sway and don’t make it a repeat of today. Happy “I’ve been Fried” Day, Joey! Hugs, Jan
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Thanks, Jan *HUGS*
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So many good comments already, Joey. I like that you can take all the crap and turn it into something humorous (at least once it’s done.) Not only does your story highlight that we need to try to focus on the good, but that you will never be without a voice, even when you can’t speak.
janet
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Touching and helpful, janet, thanks 🙂
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Since you have a knack for making sucky things sound funny, I’m gonna enlist your writing services and get you to write my eulogy when I kick the bucket, okay?
I hope next week is better, but it’s the week before Christmas, so even if you’re better physically it’s still gonna be a (joyful) stressful pain in the ass. Hooray for positivity 😉
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You know, I hadn’t even thought about how it’s the week before Christmas? Let me pull up my damned calendar. Jeez. Yeah. Good point.
Eulogy *shudder*
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So sorry and I felt bad liking this. When I get to Friday, I rejoice for another reason than yours!
My son, James, was on his knees on icy blacktop parking lot while I held with a shaking hand in frigid cold, taking my left hand tire off on Thursday to get to my dead battery, ran twice to my affiliate auto parts store to get parts to replace ones that broke off and it took us three hours, poor guy! I sent photograph to my friends with him doing this on the times I was sitting in his warm heated car. I wrote “This is what Love looks like!”
Thank goodness, made it up to Mom’s safe and sound on Friday!! xo a few duct tape, Velcro and other stuff is holding the pieces surrounding this battery, since plastic grommets broke!
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Oh my word. That IS what love looks like 😀
I am so glad it’s okay for now. Many good wishes to you and yours, Robin!
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Thank you for listening to my motherly pride, Joey!
I hope you get the peaceful “five only” holiday you wish for. Sounds like my childhood Christmases. 🙂 We were all named with “R” as first letter, so we would exclaim, “The 5 R’s are together!” This past weekend the 4 R’s were together, (minus Dad.) We hardly ever had more people or any company over on holidays. It was perfect in my mind.
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❤ That is all kindsa sweet!
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Is your Saturday better?
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Gawd, yes, Phil, thanks 🙂
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That’s good. It’s the holidays and you should enjoy them.
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I am trying 🙂
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Maybe you’ll be visited by three ghosts who will teach you valuable lessons!
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That’d be groovy, but I’d really just like to stop moving and get well 🙂
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Encore! Author, author!
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Thank you *curtsies*
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I enjoyed the play Joey, probably because I am the kind of person that would focus on the negative events rather than the positive ones. I tend to write about it in a kind of humorous way as my way of dealing with all the shit that happens!
I hope that you have shoved off the melancholy as you have done with laryngitis.
Hope this next week is a good one for you 🙂
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Thank you. Yes, this is my tendency as well. I will keep counting blessings and looking for silver linings 🙂
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Love this post, and I hope this new week is a better one!
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Well it HAS to be, doesn’t it?!?
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