This being Friday, and the last day I work for a while, you’d think I’da leapt (Can I get a definitive on leapt/lept/leaped? I prefer leapt.) outta bed and jauntily prepared for my day, but it was not like that at all.
Are y’all so tired?
I finally made a menu. I stood in the kitchen with my kids, tryin to remember every single ingredient for every single thing, and what all we were out of…made a list, and I think, honest to goodness, it had never occurred to the three of them that this was a job, a task, to think of things to feed them.
Sassy asked me somethin about why I had to cook so much or why I needed food for Monday and I was like, “It’s my job.”
Bubba asked how much money he should allocate to groceries when he’s on his own at grad school and Sassy was like, “I don’t know what I’m gonna eat when I grow up…” and I was like, “No, nine sticks of butter is probably not enough and no, that’s not enough flour, and Daddy hates it when you send him out for flour on Christmas Eve.”
“Daddy hates it when you send him out for anything, ever.”
Ya think?
Like I enjoy it?!?
Even though we hated it, Sassy and I were at Meijer for two hours last night, buying hella milk for Bubba and Moo and potatoes like whoa. All the potatoes won’t even fit in the bigass drawer, y’all. And if they think Imma peel all those potatoes all by myself…
I BOUGHT MORE RUM.
Have sprinkles always cost so much? Seriously, I thought they were mis-marked.
We made it to the baking aisle before we had to pee.
Went back to the baking aisle to find they were out of anise extract, but forgot the flour and the baking chocolate.
We talked about sitting down in the pasta aisle. Just taking a little rest, but on we went to get peas.
We discussed that maybe hatred of shopping was a maternal family defect and we wished we could be the kind of women who enjoy shopping.
Sassy said she thinks I do way lots more than Daddy, and I was like, “Yeah, but he makes all the money.”
She said, “You make some money.”
I didn’t want to get into a discussion on partnership and asking her if she wanted to grow up on Hamburger Helper and pbj because I sure as hell don’t wanna live on my income alone or work 7-5:30 or assemble fucking bookshelves or carry all the heavy things…
Not gonna get into how Daddy as a single parent had expired eggs under expired eggs in his kitchen that had a yellow floor until I cleaned it. With equal shock, he’d tell you single me didn’t own a television.
Clearly we are each better equipped for certain things.
Got the really important stuff like ninety pounds of cheese and if they think I’m gonna slice and shred all that cheese by myself…
Looked at the list and had to go back to the baking aisle for the baking chocolate.
And they had no boxes. For the love of Pandora, not a single box to put gifts in. Half of Bubba’s presents are in bags. Ugh.
But I managed to get MINT and LIMES for the RUM.
As we loaded up the trunk of Bonnie Blue, I did stop to remember how incredibly fortunate I am, we are, to be tired from spending money on things that are celebratory. Some Christmastimes I was equally stressed and also, a broke-ass bitch, so you know, this is better. Although I was younger then and I think younger me had more energy.
Today on his lunch, The Mister is out buying the giant bag of dog food, which was assigned to him last night, but also, he has to make up for all that Meijer and I lack, like anise extract, pretzel twists, and flour.
But in a few hours, all the ingredients will be here and we will all be done with obligation and procurement and schedules.
Maybe tomorrow, after I’ve had more sleep and even more sex and a few cocktails, I’ll take a break from singing and dancing around my kitchen, and write you all a happy lil thing.
Right now, I gotta drag myself out there to work. It’s not the work I mind. I like the work. But my girls don’t want me to go, they want me home to snuggle and pet them. The pets, too.
I hate the going, and the anticipation of JOY upon my return. I want joy now.
Joy is waving to me. Taunting me.
joeyfullystated 
So, in weird shopping/lifting/moneymaking/cleaning dirt of way, you and the Mister complete each other. That’s nice.
I’m no good at going to the big ole grocery store for one thing. I always spend a bunch of money on salty snacks.
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Sort. Sort of not dirt of. Damn phone 😦
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Well, feel better, when I read your comment,my brain made it much more shoplifting and dirty way, so my reading surely matches your damn phone in ineptitude! 🙂
Yeah, you know, balance and stuff, makes for a good partnership!
Obviously I have cheese desires to match your salty snack ones.
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So I’m not the only one who always has to pee at the store. Have a great Christmas.
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You too, thanks 🙂
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I have often wanted to sit down in the pasta aisle, and in my store it’s like the fourth aisle.
Enjoy your family and your cookin’ and your time off!
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LOL! That was funny! You’re funny! Haha! Thanks — same to you 🙂
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Do you say rum? Is there a Bacardi and Diet Coke bash tonight that I didn’t get invited to? I’m head north now, with my potato peeler and two liters. I’ll peel every damn potato and probably by the end of the night I’ll be peeling my finger. 🙂
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Um, how about rum & Tab? I’m havin mojitos! I’d really love it if you came to peel my potatoes. Got mash planned for tomorrow and latkes for Sunday and I HATE peeling potatoes!
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Tab’s got sass 🙂
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I JUST got put on my 3rd antibiotic for the foreseeable future & cannot fathom having to do all that without someone needing to restrain me- I mean, hold my leash at regular intervals.
I wish you much JOY, much SEX, and a partridge in a pear tree & all that.
And please, for the love of the Gods, think of me during your time of Rum. 🙂
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Thank you, thank you, thank you! I made it through! I lived to tell the tale! Rum for Orb, check! x
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It would be lovely if sitting stations were set up around stores!
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Wouldn’t it? Also, more convenient restrooms. *sigh* Nice to see you, Danica 🙂 Happy holidays to you!
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That too! Thanks so much and to you as well! You guys are off to a great start 🙂
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I busted up at 90# of cheese..!! I am not OCD, but let me tell ya’, I had it this year. Four-day weekend and my heart leapt ( I am good with that) as I shut off the alarm until Tuesday–yes!!! Enjoy all this fun and cool stuff, Joey. I look forward to your happy lil thing. 😀 Merry Christmas.
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Oh bless! Enjoy it! It’s nice to know I can always have leapt with you 🙂
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Anticipation of happy and joy is the best 🙂
Hoping all those potatoes get peeled and all that cheese gets sliced by someone else.
Hope there are no discoveries of things missing at the last minute.
Hope the rum does its job … what am I saying, rum always does its job 😉
Merry, merry Joey 🙂
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Haha, yes, in rum we trust! 🙂 Thank you, me too, you too!
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You guys eat a hella ton of food. Do you shop like once a month? Oh … You have some boys in the house. Ne’min’. I have been COOKING my FEET off all day. Why does cooking require so much standing? ? ? Made hummus. Made vegan roasty veg casserole. Made home-made gnocci with wilted baby spinach (POOOOOR li’l spinach!). Now I’m all cocktailed up to the eyeballs. Whew! My feet are like, “Why are you drinking that? Soak us in it!” And I’m all like, “I don’t hardly thank so.”
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HAHAHAHA! Awesome commenting, Marian! 😀
Gnocchi, mmm, I lika make gnocchi in the summer, with the fresh maters and butterrrrr, mmmmm! I hate the standing, too, because my nice memory foam mats are pretty worn out and my tile is porcelain, which I think is Italian for poor Joey’s feets!
Enjoy! Enjoy! Enjoy!
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I vote leapt, but I no longer even use ‘stood right up.’ We’ll spend the weekend looking for a place to eat Christmas Day. Orders were, ‘acquire 2 pounds unsalted butter enroute home.’ The parking lot at the grocery story was combat zone with high potential for an impromptu Demolition Derby. So, I grabbed extra items just in case. I managed to escape from the store and carpark untouched.
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That first line is fantastic, thank you for the LOL! Yeah, good job with that shopping duty, cause ain’t nobody bakin all weekend with a lil bit of butter!
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Christmas ingredients shopping really makes me want to test Walmart’s program where they get everything off the shelves, bag it, and bring it to your car. They launched that earlier in the year, and I bet they (or at least the employees) are regretting it now.
Drink some rum for me 😀
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I can’t even count on getting a straw for my drink in the drive-thrus, I canna trust the bloody buggery Walmart to collect my baking ingredients! No way!
Rum for E, check!
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Since I am reading this on Christmas Eve I feel more Christmasy than yesterday. That isn’t pertinent to anything, I just thought I would toss it out there. I bet your home is a treasure of aromas coming from the kitchen. I am making,pie, bread and maybe some cookies. I hope you take time for some cocktails. Mojitos make you Merry. Have you ever baked after a couple of Adult beverages? Merry Christmas.
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People bake sober over the holidays? LOL
I have mojitos and the kitchen and dining room are full of treats. Challah in the oven now, dinner soon, and then more cookies 🙂
MUSIC ALL DAY! 😀
I hope you have a very merry weekend!
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I totally F’ing feel you. I’m trying to bake cookies, get cornbread dressing in the oven and apparently I have to bake shrinky dinks at the same damn time. 😒😒😒
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UH…yeah. Today though, today is baking a music ALL DAY AND ALL NIGHT AND I AM HAPPY LIKE THIS XD lol
Wishing you all the best!
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I sometimes miss the hustle and bustle. Other times, I see what people go through, and I’m glad I’m past that…
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Joy is when the final present is opened, the dishes put away and an old-fashioned movie is on the television! It will come, I promise!
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I’m baking all day today, got the music and the rum — I’m good! 🙂
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A Merry Christmas to you and the family, Joey. Every good wish on this day. :O)
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I have gotten out of the grocery store duties but treasure holidays when I make a favorite dish and those Budding beef and cream cheese balls. My secret is to buy 3 packages of the beef, one block of regular cream cheese and a container of Philadelphia chives and garlic cream cheese. 🙂
My kids call me on days they have made extra food or casseroles that didn’t go over as much as expected. We call it “Mom/Nana pick up food.” Your holidays sound perfect and your home happy with the sex, drinks and tons of potatoes, Joey. Since I am late: happy continued celebration and a wonderful new year!
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Oh yes, who doesn’t love a cheeseball? Yumma!
It was an awesome weekend here, and I hope you had the same 🙂
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For those of us reading your posts, Joey, it is pretty obvious you have lots of joy in your life because of your wonderful family. But, when one has that much joy there is always a desire for more, hence not going to work when your girls are home. Happy New Year to you and yours and may 2017 see your cupboards and refrigerator filled with goodies. 🙂
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Indeed. The girls want me home when they’re home. Everyday pleading. *sigh* But that’s joy, too.
Happy New Year to you as well 🙂
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