This post is dedicated to my friend Matt, who never has a good fast food experience.
Moo and I stole some homophobic chicken.
We did.
We didn’t mean to steal it.
Have you ever accidentally stolen anything?
It.is.so.awkward.
I ordered the food.
The young man gave me my food.
He said thank you, I said thank you — it was all very nice.
I drove away.
About five minutes out, I asked Moo, “Didja put the change in the thingy? I only want the bills in my wallet.”
(Moo is inexperienced at sitting shotgun. I gotta check.)
Moo stared at me blankly.
“What?”
“I don’t…”
I looked down.
My twenty still in my lap.
“Oh! No! He didn’t cash me out! We have stolen this chicken! I will go home and call them. Surely they will take payment over the phone.”
Plagued with chicken guilt, I called them.
They didn’t answer the phone.
The phone rang so long that eventually, an electronic man asked me to enter my authorization code.
So I called their customer service line.
Customer Service did not want to charge me, either, they only wanted to file a report.
I had to eat that guilty chicken. And guilty fruit. And I had to drink an entire Cherry Coke. It was all delicious, but in that way that feels a lil dirty, ya know?
Have you ever accidentally stolen anything from a business?
joeyfullystated 
Yep, once I left something in the cart at Safeway and didn’t realize it until I got to the car to put my groceries away. I didn’t do anything about it, but another time I got $5 too much back in change from the same Safeway floral department and when I realized that, I brought it back to them. They looked at me like I was crazy. I figure we are even.
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I like that attitude of evening things out 🙂 That’s a good one!
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I don’t think so …
I might have, though.
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Life moves pretty fast sometimes…
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Yep. I know I’ve almost done it … in the last month in fact. 😛
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Well, not accidentally, that I recall. Sometimes at the fast food window I’ve gotten more food than we ordered. It may have been someones order, but not mine. We didn’t notice until we got home, and yes we ate it all.
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AHA! You’re the people who get the extra food when we don’t get all of our food! 😛 I’d rather you eat it than throw it away. I’m kidding of course, but it seems to me the universe has assigned some of us to be the people whose foods are not all there. Almost always me and Moo.
(And my poor friend Matt, of course.)
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It’s happened a few times, but we do get shorted a lot, too. We try to check the bag before we leave the window, but they tend to cram so much in there, it’s hard to tell! 🙂
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It really is!
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It would taste like guilt though. I totally understand where you’re coming from.
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It did. I didn’t enjoy it nearly as much. And I couldn’t believe they wouldn’t let me pay!
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Well, if you’re gonna steal something, even by accident, that’s a great thing to steal. Mmm.
I accidentally walked out with something small that was left in my grocery basket. Went back in and paid, no thefts that are very interesting.
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Ah. I commend you for going back to pay.
Stolen chicken isn’t as yummy.
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Kip did once. We were at the Winchester Mystery House in California and there was this table that said “help yourself.” Apparently, however, a box of decals that was marked “$1 each” was on the table, so he took one. Mom about had a heart attack…
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LOL Kids are practically famous for accidental stealing — Oh, and “Eat as much as you like” gets them in trouble, too.
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A number of times in bars, where a some of drinks aren’t on my tab at the end of the night. If the service was good, I would just leave an awesome tip to the barender, otherwise not. Alcohol tends to numb the guilt part of the brain. Just drink coffee these days and pay as I go. 🙂
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That’s the perfect time to ‘over’tip a bartender 😛
I don’t recommend accidentally stealing coffee, as guilt can taint even the best of things.
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One does not want to anger the gods of caffeine.
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When I was very young I went to the Standard Grocery to get some stuff for my mom. Since my arms were filled I stuck a couple of packs of Koolaid into my pants pocket. Didn’t realize what I had done until I got half way home. Didn’t go back.
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Accidentally stealing still feels so awkward.
Thanks for sharing.
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“Accidentally?” No. Because nice pen? Yes. Lol
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HAHAHAHA!
I’ll never forget using a pen at the dr’s office, all big and nice for Joey’s stupid hand, and I was all, “This is a nice pen. I am keeping this pen, k? Thanks.” 😀
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I’m sure I’ve had brain farts along the way, but they passed without notice.
My favourite though is Husband who takes brain fart to a whole new level. He has on several occasions gone to the store and then come home without the things he purchased. There is always copious swearing involved. When he goes back, the cashier has kindly put his stuff away waiting for him to return 🙂
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I did that two summers ago, Joanne. I felt like it bout ruined my day. I wonder if I’ll do it again…
I really feel it was the chicken guy’s place to ask for money. It’s not like I didn’t EXPECT to pay!
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I wonder at what point he realized his omission? 🙂
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I’m guessing when he had to call a manager over to cancel it? Poor kid.
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oops. Can’t even hide the mistake 😦
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A can of cat food. I ran back in to pay. The other one was tropical fish. I seem to have a pet theme going here… 🐈 🙀 🐟 🐠
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You do! Were you able to enjoy your stolen fish? Was it a secret you shared between just the two of you until now? 😉
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Luckily I made it half way out the store before I realized. They know me there and wondered how far I’d get! So I guess that was attempted stealing. 😉
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Oops!
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Yep!
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I tried to give them the money back. After ten minutes in which they insisted they were right (I have a PhD in engineering, I can do math: I was right), just to get out of there I let them give me a $6 gift card. I could NOT get the manager to see it my way. Then I bought shampoo with the guilty proceeds yesterday.
I’m sure, somewhere along the way, they’ve overcharged someone (maybe even me), but I charge a lot of money for my time (nobody is foolish enough to pay for it, but it deters the asking), and I lost that battle. Really hope the shortage wasn’t a problem for someone later (I even left my phone number).
Really. I can do math. I was right. I’m STILL right.
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I believe you! Management even!
I’ve had that experience, too!!!
Especially when I give bills and change back, they’ll give me my change back and an extra dollar. It’s maddening. I got a BA in English Ed, but I can actually math to the one hundred cent mark. People so —-
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I can understand them making a mistake, but I was getting tired of them not realizing and admitting it. It’s a new world, and probably has a bit of slop in it, however much computers can compute to the penny.
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LOL. But not understanding why the chick is homophobic.
Guess next time you go there you’ll have to go in disguise but fear not, if you wait 2-1/2 months it will be Halloween and you won’t look out of place. Anyway, hope it was finger lickin good! 😄
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The company is Christian and seriously anti-gay rights.
I’ve gone back many times in the last few months, even one time explaining in person, and the manager just said, “Don’t worry about it.”
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That making change thing…Your bill is $4.78. You give the cashier a $10 bill and 3 pennies…so you should get back a $5. bill and a quarter. Seems simple enough. I can’t tell you how many times they look at me like I’m crazy, and don’t know what to do. I just say, enter $10.03, you’ll see, it will work out. They do not. I’ve gotten tired of doing the on-site instruction, sometimes I just settle for the wrong change and move on. Arithmetic…not to be taken for granted.
Love the chicken/road thing…why do we question their motive ????
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RIGHT? That happens A LOT, Van! And initially I thought it was just a young person thing, but lately it’s been happening with people my own age. Also, no one faces money now.
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I must have, but clearly not with the emotional earmarks that make it memorable. I bet Moo will remember guilty chicken (at first I wrote “children.” Freudian, much?) for a lonnnng time.
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I think she was unfazed. She’s 13 you know, generally only their own dramas are of interest to them. lol
Guilty children just sounds wrong. Like guilty dogs. I wouldn’t read anything with those titles. Heh.
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I got gas and started to walk into a gas station. The next thing I remember I was at my truck with a coke. I had an epileptic episode where I blacked out I think? I went back in and was all like “uhhhh I’m a thief” luckily they knew me and laughed and I paid. The only thing I remember thinking was “did I even pay for this?!” I dunno. It was weird. Lol
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Hah! Well I’m glad it all worked out 🙂
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You know I’m smiling, right? A very Christian friend once told me, “Guilt is from the Devil.” So, enjoy the free food and forget the guilt, lest Satan trap Chick-F into being open on Sundays, thus ruining the company, angering god, and the business folding into bankruptcy. You are saving the company!
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Now I’M smiling!
I had to get over it, but I didn’t like it. Love their chicken though — and so clean, and friendly… Dammit.
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I agree. They do a good job and their training program is one other fast food companies could learn from. None close here.
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I once stole a few heads of garlic – somehow they slipped in with the apples I’d bought.
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Thank you for sharing.
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Oops.
Yeah, I once got home and realized I had not paid for a 12 pack of Coke. It was in the bottom of my cart and I guess I forgot about it and so did the person checking me out. I think I went back the next day to pay, but that was many years ago.
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Awkward. At least you could remedy the situation and assuage your guilt 🙂
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The only thing that comes to mind is once, many moons ago, my friends and I made a drunken trek to White Castle to order food for the party at my place. We had a big order. Enough to feed around 10 drunks. They gave us all kinds of big, full bags and we went back, wondering just how much we ordered. We only paid for what we ordered. When we got back we discovered they had doubled our order. My roommate and I ate that extra White Castles for 2 days.
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Nice! Yeah, I mean, whatcha gonna do when you get home with it? Drive it back? They can’t take it back anyway, as you know.
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Yeah, also, I have no conscience so I didn’t care.
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If any company is going to take a loss…
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Great story. Hoping that your guilty chicken didn’t give you heartburn. Such an easy mistake to make. Surprised that I haven’t done that, too. Drive-thrus and distraction go hand-in-hand.
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It was a first for me, but no heartburn. 🙂
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OMFG, I’m laughing like crazy. Did the larceny make it taste better? Worse?
Once upon a time, Will and I were belt shopping at one of those TJ Maxx/Burlington kinds of places. I was screening the belts for him as men are usually appalling shoppers. I had several slung over my shoulder along with my purse. We finally found a couple of belts that he liked and put the others back. After we had paid for the 2 belts and left the store, I realized I had stolen a third, slung over my shoulder in plain sight, tangled in my purse strap. I was an asshole. I let Will just drive away.
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It didn’t taste as good
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve almost done the same thing with things in my hand or on bottom of the cart. I’ve caught both myself and the kids almost doing it. And I’ve been surprised by how many times I’m the one who catches it instead of the cashier!
Thanks for sharing your story — and for laughing at mine 😀
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I’ve walked out the door with groceries missed when I use the lower shelf. I catch it when I’m loading the car and go back in to pay. I don’t think it’s ever happened at a drive-thru though. Chick-fil-a does have the best customer service of any fast food I’ve frequented though. I keep telling my kids they need to work there to learn what good customer service looks like. I’m not sure they’ve ever gotten my order wrong, which inevitably happens EVERY…SINGLE…TIME… we go through McDonald’s.
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Word.
They do have excellent service, and it’s clean! It’s one of the few fast foods I like.
Glad to count you as an accidental stealer who makes good 🙂
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I laughed at your chicken experience, but when I’ve had that happen I ‘have’ to go back and pay for it. Why? Because I’m always thinking I just can’t go to hell for something like that. 🙂 Those nuns really screwed with my head.
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I’da done the same if I hadn’t been so far away —
AND out in Friday 5 o’clock traffic and on a schedule
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I haven’t stolen but I have gotten unintended discounts by getting more change!
And I never ever count it out as I think it’s kinda comes across as insulting? So often I have realised the extra change days later!
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I hope you enjoyed your chicken Joey, you tried to do the right thing and they didn’t want to accept your money.
I once left a shop distracted with a birthday card I hadn’t paid for! I went straight back in to pay for it, but was terrified of being stopped as a thief!
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I understand It’s an awkward feeling!
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A few times I’ve found forgotten items inside grocery shopping carts left on the parking lot. I’ve always brought them back inside and always been told to keep them for myself. But I’ve never been able to do so and have always left them to the customer service hoping that the person who forgot her bag of apples or loaf of bread will come back for it. That’s probably my Catholic mother there, telling me that taking anything we didn’t buy is stealing 🙂
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The guilt wasn’t good, but I did get over it eventually. A good conscience is good 😀
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The kids have picked up things when they were little and I hadn’t realized it until putting them in their car seats. Well, that was their first lesson in not leaving the store without paying for it or it’s stealing.
Once several years ago we had dinner at a favorite place. The whole family was there, lots of chatter, laughing, and one too many margaritas for me and I paying the bill shorted the waitress’ tip! The following day while reconciling the bills and noting the dinner tab in my checkbook realized I had totally botched the math and shorted the tip, and the waitress worked really hard with the hot, heavy dinner platters, and keeping our drinks coming. I felt so bad! I called the restaurant and explained and asked if I could come by and leave her the tip. I got there and the wait staff was stunned; they all came up to hear about it. They were either shocked that anyone would come back to make it good or thought I was a fool for doing so.
Anyway, I hope the manager gave her the tip. Unfortunately she wasn’t there when I went in. 😦
We’ve been back many times since and the food and service is always good so I’m thinking we’re still good to go there. 🙂
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That bit about the tip reminds me of another story, so I appreciate you sharing that with me, reminding me.
One must do what one can to make right. I wish they had let me pay for my guilty chicken.
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Me too rather than writing a report. I think if they’d done that the person who didn’t ask for the money would be in trouble. 😦
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Yes. Yes!!!
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Bwahahaha! If stealing homophobic chicken is the worst thing you’ve ever done, then I’d say you’re living a pretty good life. (If it’s not…well, then I guess you’re like the rest of us.) Kudos for at least trying to reach a customer service rep willing to charge you.
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I REALLY tried!!!
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I stole like $80 of groceries (6 people). It was like yours: “Here’s your stuff.” “Kthnxbai.” “Bai.” Then I went to two other stores and got what was on my list and I had SO MUCH MONEY. I was budgeting by the penny back then, estimating the cost of everything at each store, so I knew exactly which store I had robbed. I went back and, as I walked in, ALL THE CASHIERS APPLAUDED. My cashier said, “I told you she’d come back!” lololol
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OH that’s FUNNEH! What a hoot!
I can imagine that, totally. “Why do I have all this money?!?” Yesssssss.
Was nice the store let you pay them and assuage your guilt.
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Heh! The cashiers said if I hadn’t come back, my cashier would have had the money taken out of her paycheck. If she came up over, no. Under, yes.
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That’s AWFUL! 😦
I hope the young man who didn’t charge me didn’t get into trouble. He still works there, so there’s that at least.
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Not caught up but will come back soon! Midnight at this moment,🌳🌹
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Oh Robin, I didn’t mean you need to catch up with ME, just I like to catch up with YOU! ❤
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Hahha, excellent. Yes, yes, I have: I stopped at the gas station with mom on our way to a card tournament. It was early. I put the gas in (our system is such that we pay after the act inside), mom went inside to buy something, probably cigarettes, and as we were driving again we realised that each assumed the other had paid. We didn’t return. Nothing happened.
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Haha! It’s a terrible feeling, but once you’ve gone… These things happen.
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