Y’all, I just do not sleep anymore. That’s my thing again. That’s what I told my family when they came out to find the light on in the middle of the night.
“I just don’t sleep anymore.”
“Hello, I just don’t sleep anymore. It’s my thing.”
Sometimes when people sleep longer than average, we say, “You must have needed it.” This doesn’t work in reverse. It is not possible I don’t need more than two hours here and two hours there. I’m really very tired. I was in bed before nine last night, ready to do all the sleeping.
I almost fell asleep several times. But then, I had the thinking. Oh, the thinking.
This leads to the kind of thing where you start counting down the hours til the alarm, and that’s never good. As all Friends fans know, that shit’ll land you in Tulsa.
I’ve reached a point where I get excited when I doze off and my mind starts to turn surreal. why was i thinking about a blue bucket on a river? i don’t know that river OR that bucket! Well, that’s dreaming brain ready to fire it up! yes, brain, bring back the blue bucket, c’mon brain, you can do it, let’s dream!
Probably only insomniacs can relate to that, but I know they’re out there.
I have a lot on my mind. I’m anxious.
To be clear, I’m regular person anxious, not anxiety disorder anxious — ie, I have actual reasons to be anxious.
I wrote six full pages last night and made a list and does any of that even matter? I dunno yet.
I can tell I’m in a weird place, because my husband is being … You know what, this’ll sound odd, but he’s been Strangely Nice. I mean, above and beyond his customary level of niceness, so much so, I feel a lil freaked-out. Like, he kept asking me if my day was still good. Who asks that? Why was it so important my day was good? For this, I can blame my parents, thank you. Children of divorce love to ask, are things going too well? i think things are going too well. something bad must be coming.
I suppose he could be reacting to my current stress level, but it’s easier to be suspicious because that gives my brain something to do at 3am. Ridiculous, I know. It reminds me of how grateful my neurotic ass is to have him. do i deserve a man who is so loving and supportive and thoughtful? let’s dwell on that for 45 minutes.
Even now, I sit here with tired eyes and busy brain. I’m so outta whack, I think dinner sounds good at 7am. Doesn’t dinner sound good? Somethin savory and starchy, like mashed potatoes and gravy. Maybe some smoked sausage and grits. You know what would go well with that?
Bourbon.
That’s another unfortunate thing about lack of sleep, that whole I’ve-been-up-long-enough-to-get-hungry-again, 3am-would-like-to-see-a-menu thing.
So, I will take Moo to school, eat a big breakfast, and hopefully fall into a delightful food coma.
What more can I ask for on a Tuesday, eh?
joeyfullystated 
Tuesday? Where have you been girl?
Sorry, I couldn’t resist. I just went back and reread your comments on my post about sleep disorders. I think that’s when I realized that you were a pretty cool person. You didn’t chastise me for making light of something that is serious for many people.
Sorry for the limited sleep. I can’t imagine. On the other hand, when is a bad time for mashed potatoes and gravy…or bourbon?
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Haha! I think I’ll listen to that now! *hums riff*
I think one of the better parts of blogging is learning new things from other bloggers 🙂 You’re rich in wisdom, so I’m thrilled I ever teach you a thing.
I don’t normally want savory, starchy meals and alcohol before noon. I lean toward bland or sweet. And I only drink in the morning on VERY special days, like Mimosa Day 😉
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Aw, thanks.
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That really sucks. I have a similar complaint but hopefully it will end when I stop taking that med. I think some rare beef and mashed taters would taste fine in the AM. Sausage and grits would also work. Maybe a slug of bourbon in your French roast would help. I don’t know. Hope is all I can offer and an ear to vent. Hope you find your ” food coma “.
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Thankful for you being there to vent to.
I am awaiting the food coma 😀
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I know what you mean about that husband being extra nice feeling. It makes you wonder what you’re missing… or are you exhibiting behaviors even weirder than normal… or have you lost your cotton-picking mind? Of course, usually it’s none of the above. But I’ve had that feeling, too. Thought it was just me.
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I’ve never really thought I was alone in my weirdness. All the same, I’m relieved that you understand. *asks in Fatal Attraction voice* Am I being PLACATED, Jake?!? lol
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“land you in Tulsa”…you may be tired, but the wit is sharp. I feel your pain on the insomnia. This is a particularly high anxiety time for me. I mainly sleep well because of the antihistamines I take for seasonal allergies. And the time change coming…don’t get me started. What used to be 5 am wake up will be 4 am. Ugh.
I think of dinner in the early am, I often cook at that time. It’s soup/stew season, and my cauldron is busy. Hope your coma has kicked in by now. Later…
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Thank you. Time change is so stupid. I’m sorry you already know its effects on you. That’s a bad deal. At least your ‘clock’ is consistent? Well, maybe not.
I had a lovely food coma, enjoy your soups and stews 🙂
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Joey, I understand that staying awake thinking/worrying thing all too well. I have nights where I can’t get to sleep or wake up and can’t get back to sleep. My brain just won’t turn off sometimes! I’ve gotten up, moved to the spare bedroom (or once in awhile, the couch in the living room) and tried to sleep there. Sometimes that works. I’ve also finally just gotten up and tried to get something done since I’m awake. 😦 Thankfully it doesn’t happen all that often, but it’s miserable when it does.
You’re blessed to have the Mr., of course you are. But I think sometimes if I feel bad or out of sorts and someone’s too nice, it’s really irritating. Not because I don’t appreciate it, but because I just can’t suddenly feel better and that maybe that makes me grumpy about it. Who knows? 🙂
janet
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I got up last night and ‘did stuff’ because I didn’t the night before, and I figure I may as well be productive.
I’m sorry you relate. Hopefully this passes soon.
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And for you, too.
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So sorry you are going through this. I sure hop it’s short lived.
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And of course, I also hopE it will be short lived.
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Thank you 🙂
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Happened to me a long time ago, in college. Went without sleep for a week in one bout. I had to do a complete reboot. Assigned bedtime, alarm clock that could not be argued with, meal times, etc. After a couple of days everything went back to normal. Your mileage may vary.
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My mileage does vary, as it’s a recurrent issue. Still good advice, Craig.
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You may be living according to a bunch of other people’s scheduled.
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Ya don’t say? lol 😛
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Wouldn’t it be nice if the mind had an on/off switch? Hoping you can get some serious rest soon.
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Yes, thanks 🙂
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It is not always easy to get good quality sleep, I agree. Mostly I fall asleep fast, but wake up after few hours 1-2 maybe and sometimes I can fall again and other times not. This doesn’t give energy for the coming day, not at all.
I wish you some great rest.
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Thank you, Irene 🙂
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TFW its all good, & peaceful, & quiet, & suddenly you realize youre awake so you panic a little, find youre dead inside & decide its time to get up & clean some more..
Not that I know what thats like or anything..
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While I’ve never felt dead inside, the rest is spot on.
Sorry
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The last time I had insomnia, I read Harry Potter. All of it. Now I don’t know one book from another, because I read it all at once. Now, I sleep jes’ fine, between Mr. Lexapro, Mr. Benadryl, and Mr. Chandler (my CPAP machine). He’s named for Raymond Chandler, author of — wait for it — THE BIG SLEEP.
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HAHAHA! Marian, that’s a great name for a CPAP!
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There’s nothing wrong with dinner for breakfast! It’s terrible not being able to sleep – I hope you get rest soon!
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Thank you!
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What did you write 6 whole pages about? That’s pretty darn good. When I’m sleep deprived I generally repeat ad nauseum how tired I am all day long and sit in one position doing nothing so I marvel at your ability to function at all.
It sucks not getting enough sleep and it sucks having a monkey mind. Wishing you a potent sandman.
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I do go and go, and cheerfully for the most part, but when I hit the wall, it ain’t pretty.
I wrote stuff no one will ever read, I think.
Thank you, I hope I sleep tonight 🙂
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Not that I am a dream analyst or anything, but were you IN the blue bucket? And if so, did you have a paddle? I think we’ve all had nights like that. I often can’t fall asleep and see a lovely sunrise, but I’ve never had it like you have it. Day after day, night after night. A food coma would be well deserved! ❤️
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Haha! Nope, I wasn’t in the bucket!
I finally slept last night and it was GOOD 🙂
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Sleep and I don’t have the relationship we use to have and for that I am quite sleepy. I can remember the many years I closed my eyes at 10 or 11 and didn’t wake up until the alarm went off. These days, sleep is measured in hours. I also would like to know how to turn that loop off in my brain when it just keeps going over and over the same ridiculous issue. I wish you better sleep from the bottom of my tired little heart. 🙂
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Oh yes, I relate. I have never been a good sleeper.
As for the loop, I put that loop on paper Monday night, had The Mister read it before we went to bed last night, and I slept 8-9 hours. It’s almost like I needed someone to see the loop, to acknowledge it. I think it helped.
I appreciate your thoughtful comment 🙂
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Oh Joey, I wish I had no idea what insomnia felt like … but I do, and so I’m REALLY sorry for you. There is a reason sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture – because IT IS!!
We call it Monkey Brain when the mind kicks into high gear in the middle of the night and makes even the tiniest thing a REALLY BIG CRISIS. I hope you can wrestle your Monkey Brain under control and get some much needed zzzz’s soon 😴😴😴
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Monkey Mind here. Yeah, It Is The Suck. I’m sorry you relate. I slept well last night and Saturday night. Otherwise, not doin too great. Every night is a new opportunity though 🙂 Thanks!
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… and the problem is that bed time starts to become stressful i.e. Am I going to be able to sleep tonight? That doesn’t help!
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Oh I never think that. Never! lol
BUT, once I wake up, I do, Will I ever get back to sleep?!? Gah.
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I’ve always been a night person and over thinker. In my 40s I think hormone fluctuations made it worse and I’d wake up EVERY morning at 4am and practice meditation techniques (slow breathing, mindfulness, muscle relaxation, imagery, etc.) Sometimes they worked and sometimes they didn’t. But I figured at least I was practicing. I love that feeling of drifting into surreal dreaming. Talk about a natural high! If my mind gets too busy tonight, I’m going to imagine a blue bucket on a lazy river.
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Oh nice 🙂 I hope you get the good sleep, JoAnna!
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You, too!
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I do enjoy that surreal state when sleep seems so close. I don’t have insomnia, but I often wake in the middle of the night. Then the brain thinks it’s time to think things and the snoring beside me argues against my insistence that this in NOT brain thinking time. I did use a meditation mantra about rest one day a few weeks back and it helped shut it down…but then I couldn’t remember it the next week when it happened again. It’s “I am as dynamic as my rest” and was a mantra during my meditation challenge regarding it being okay if you fall asleep during meditation because you might actually need the rest.
Glad to read that you got to find some sleep!
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You know what finally put me to sleep on Wednesday? That list on what I care about more than football! Haha!
A lot of times the breathing will get me there, but I had a very troubled few weeks
I’m so glad you’re enjoying the meditation, Amy.
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Aww honey, I’m so sorry to hear that. I hate that shit. I know it all too well. Yes, the midnight hunger sucks. The constant tornado of useless thoughts flying around just fast enough that you can see them but can’t grasp onto one to think of only it. Wishing for booze. Usually I just smoke a bowl and it helps knock me out, but I know you don’t go down that path. I hope it works itself out.
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When you have to get up and drive at 5, you can’t drink at 3 😦 Cause trust me, I’ve thought about it. One night, Jake was up with me and I asked him, “Is 2am a good time to eat two Snickers bars and take a coupla fingers of bourbon?” and he said, “Depends on how fast you’ll metabolize it.” SIGH.
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LOL Yeah, I understand. Driving at 5 really kinda puts a damper on that sorta thing.
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Lack of sleep is awful. Wishing you good fortune with resolving this. Mashed potatoes and bourbon has been suggested in the comments. Does sound relaxing. All my best to you.
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Haha, actually I’m the one who thought mashed potatoes and bourbon sounded good at 7am 🙂
I slept nicely last night and hope to do the same tonight. We shall see. It’s the 5am that troubles me, but I’ve had it worse, so I’ll get through… I think, anyway.
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