Occasionally, The Mister watches soccer on television. Sometimes I look at it. How I do with most of his programming, I watch and wonder why I’ve tethered myself to a person who enjoys sports, westerns, and gruesome horror flicks.
What I think while I watch soccer: i suppose it’s warmer hockey. i’m glad the kids gave up soccer. too much hot. pretty grass though. i guess it’s not grass. do the english still pull up their lawns in winter? i suppose hockey is more like short soccer with ice. do they serve malts at soccer matches? surely soccer was first. i should look that up. such a big field. oh, you’ve lost it! the people work so hard to get the ball all the way to their goal and one big kick and they have to start all over. how exhausting. that’s a very nice color blue. if i played soccer, i’d wanna be on the team with the pretty blue shirts and socks. if i played soccer i would be chaffed af. when did humans decide to do this sorta goal chasing? one minute you’re chasin caribou over the plains and the next you’re like, let’s just chase a ball from one net to another. nice bum, mister blue shirt. i reckon the ball likes not being skinned and roasted at the end though. prolly happy to sit on a shelf in someone’s collection, reveling in its heydays. oh the blue people lost. how sad. what the fuck are we watching now? jesus fucking christ, space jam. honest to god, he’ll never know how much i love him.
I know soccer doesn’t start with oc. Occasionally does. Awkward does, too and I think that counts.
Oc makes me think of octopus, and Octomom, because frequently when Moo and I get into the car in the morning, she’s all, “Go Octomom!” even though I’ve explained to her that Octomom was a real thing and not one I’d like to be compared to. She means how much stuff I can carry at once, which I suppose is amazing right up til you’ve had children and you’re like I can eat this banana and talk on the phone while I nurse a baby and braid this one’s hair while I sew a button and pull apart Legos simultaneously. Men be like, “Let me carry that for you,” and I be all “Thank you, I have been carrying everything since I picked that apple twelve thousand years ago.”
I jot. I ramble. Occasionally more than occasionally.
joeyfullystated 
“I’ve been carrying everything since I picked that apple…” Good one.
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Thanks! 😀
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He’s a very lucky man…
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As am I 😛
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I love it when you ramble. As for soccer vs hockey, let’s just say I’d rather try an figure out how to make ice than keep a bigass lawn that nice.
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Thanks so much 🙂 Right? I prefer hockey, and not just cause malts.
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Ha! Joey–this is perfect! I was a soccer coach for my younger son–league champs one season! I do love that sport. My husband will watch golf……so he can call me into the room to say, “Doesn’t high def make that grass look great! What??!?!
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Kid soccer is much more fun if you ask me. I’m glad you coached 😀
I’m totally giggling at the high def grass! LOL
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Agreed about soccer, and hockey for that matter. For grass, give me baseball. Nice ramble there Joey!
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Thank you 🙂
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I never mastered the carry it all at once mom thing. So I might have to give back my mom-card :). I enjoyed this one … just like I enjoy all of your jots!
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I’m not in charge of the mom cards, so I wouldn’t take yours away! Thanks so much 🙂
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Octomom—that’s someone I haven’t thought about for a while. It fascinated and distressed me at the same time. How can one mother effectively care for eight babies at once? 😳
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Cannot. There’s no way. (I needed help with all of mine and they weren’t even multiples!) lol It takes a village! She needed a village!
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Winner for the best final line in a WordPress post on January 20, 2018 – JOEY!
And so appropriate on the day of the Women’s March.
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Thank you very, very much 🙂
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Awkward starts with oc. Heeeeeeee! My one watches neither sports nor westerns nor gruesome. My one watches news, news, and news. It was a happy day when we discovered The Teaching Company Great Courses, so we could watch stuff together. WE GOT TO MEET OUR FAVORITE PROFESSOR LAST NIGHT! He’s kinda besties with The Amazing Sara Marian, our #4 Daughter! Dr. John Hale, underwater archaeologist!
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Sounds nifty! What is this The Teaching Company Great Courses?!? Should I Google? I love learning!
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No need, ’cause I did it for ya! The Great Courses.
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Fanks!
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Heheh, you make an excellent commentator. It’s been a while since watching soccer was such an innocent task. The first time I watched a full game was because Slovenia was playing against Yugoslavia at a Euro championships soon after gaining independence from it, so it was a huge deal. Slovenia was leading 3:0, but then they scored three times and it was 3:3 in the end. Terrible. But my biggest complaint was that there was no time to pee!
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I saw President Obama speak at Fort Stewart, Georgia, and my biggest complaint is that I had to wait almost two hours to pee! LOL It’s a serious issue!
I cannot imagine being one of the tens of thousands in those stadiums!
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Oh but you really couldn’t go. Maybe I didn’t make it clear that I was only watching it on TV in a bar but still was unable to go to the toilet right there because it was so tense. 😀
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LOL Okay!
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I might actually enjoy watching a football game with you, provided you’re the one in charge of color commentary!!
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Haha, thanks!
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I’m glad my hubby doesn’t watch sports. My x boyfriend got mad because I started doing yoga during the super bowl. Now, I do yoga any time I feel like it which is not as much as I should. Carrying lots of stuff is an art. It means you are good at organizing with your hands, arms, etc.
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I had a sport obsessed ex-boyfriend, too. I joined a Monday night hall council to avoid football, lol! He may have ruined me forever. The Mister is not like that.
Yoga on, sister. 🙂
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🙂
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omg, MINE watches Space Jam, too! What the hell is it about that movie?!
I am also 100% tortured by the tv he craves, though he is 100% tortured by the tv I love. Plus he says he doesn’t watch “any” sports anymore and, actually, I guess that’s true. I probably didn’t do as good a job holding my tongue (or my eye rolls) as you must do.
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Haha! I know! That movie is LAME! He turned Space Jam off, thank goodness! He’s really not all about sports, but there’s no way he could go a week without watching a sport, a western, or a horror flick, and I live here, too 😉
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really good take on the “oc” word – moving from the soccer thought ramble to occasionally and the octomom (and yep, not one I’d want to be compared to) but I like your “octomom” definition – ha
(it did stir up a wound for me – but I am okay – really- but I reached a final straw one year while traveling – my hubs had a short trip to take and somehow (think it was 2000 or maybe 2001) we parted ways at a connecting flight and I arrived to our home airport – with – get this – two small kids (under 4)- two car seats – two suitcases, a purse, a diaper bag, and another bag of some sort – and had to walk to the car. The car seats were a lighter kind and they sorta stacked – but it was like WTF – and lots of deep breathing and praying at a few points – finally – some very nice guy helped me and the shuttle brought me to my car – but it was some struggling juggling to get from there to there… yikes –
and now back to the “watching soccer ramble”
this was classic Joey writing – the range of topics – the humor – (like the ball reveling – and the nice bum) oh thanks for the laugh
and when I watch – which is tough to do for very long – I remember some OT during champion games and it was painful…
anyhow, my biggest thoughts are like yours with the:
“such a big field”
and
“kick and they have to start all over”
and then I loop back many more times to
such a big field
such a big field
such a big field
ha
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I feel for you on the airport thing. I have friends who do/did that whole flying thing with wee ones, I can’t even imagine. That’s some serious octomom chit right there! I’m glad someone helped you out of your distress! That had to have been a grueling day.
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Warmer hockey, ha ha…
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You sound like me.
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I’m flattered! 🙂
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LOL! Great ramble and jot!
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Thank you!
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I only enjoy watching the girlie play soccer. I have no interest to watch matches on TV. I will occasionally sit in on a football watching session, but I usually am reading a book. I hadn’t thought of Octomom in forever! I can carry many things, but sometimes it would be nice to have an extra set of arms to do the cooking, cleaning, braiding of hair…all at the same time. 🙂
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Great ramble. Our daughter played soccer and I never did understand it. I coached youth wrestling when the boys were growing up and it was a joy.
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Mine all played soccer without the rules — so young. Sassy stopped latest, I think 6th grade. It was all about running and goals, no rules.
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That’s probably better for kids, up to a point.
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I am not a big fan of soccer or hockey. I have attended a live hockey match before (drank beer) but the only soccer game I have been to was my Grand daughter’s. Nice ramble by the way. When you ramble you are funny. When I ramble I sound more psycho than comedian. Have a Good week end.
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Thank you! 😀
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Joey, you are a scream!! So you notice bums too? LOL As for the TV … I’ve finally acknowledged that what hubby watches I just cannot tolerate. So, I watch what I want during the day and he watches what he wants at night. Works for me. By late afternoon some days I’m beat so on the couch I go and continue watching one of my series. By 9pm, I’m ready for bed to curl up with a good book. Nothing like falling asleep with a good book in hand! Oh and when hubby and I do wish to go to the moves I pick the movie out NOT he. These guys have zero taste in flicks! LOL
I am very familiar with the octomom arms. Sometimes my chin comes into play as I hold something under it. My teeth too. Unreal. LOVED your words about that damned apple … too funny!! 😂
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Thank you!
I agree, teeth and chin as well 🙂
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OMG! I was in tears reading your soccer thoughts!!! My brain works the exact same way during whatever sport my hubby has on. I never even knew where they played sports until he and I met and I was like “hmm, lets impress the heck out of this guy by learning all this sports stuff.” You know, see the world through his eyes and all. Twenty some years later, I’m not trying so hard but I still watch sometimes just to keep up especially since his most favorite Philadelphia Eagles are having their moment in the sun. He usually ignores me when I mention stuff like how ugly one teams’ choice of uniform seems. They say “happy wife, happy life” and it think the same is true when your guy’s team is doing well at least in my house it is! 🙂
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Right on. We never disparage the Notre Dame in our house. LOL
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Love this totally! Can I share it with my boss from Liverpool?
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Thanks, Maman! It’s public, share at will 🙂
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Soccer is fun to watch when the kids are playing. I can’t even when my husband has it on TV, though.
Octomom, lol!
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