When You Need Jesus

Posted on April 5, 2019 by joey

Remember, this is NOT A Nice Lady Blog.

As a pagan heathen Unitarian Universalist, I have not as of yet found that I need Jesus, but I know the need for Jesus is real and true, because I have friends who talk about it. We’re good with it. They’re like, “I’m takin communion,” and I’m like “I’m takin in the trees,” and we’re mutually pleased for one another.

I believe I mentioned that work has been crazed lately?

I walked into Mentor’s office the other day and rather unusually she was listening to music.
“What are you listening to?” I asked.
“Jesus! Cause I need it!”

I left Mentor to her… (I don’t know what to call that.) Partially out of respect that she needed a clearer head or calmer spirit or whatever, but also because I couldn’t help but laugh, because —

Well it’s not Jesus, is it? I mean, it might be a song about Jesus, but it’s not a literal recording of Jesus. I wonder if Jesus sang well? Imagine people on iTunes waiting for Jesus to drop his new single. Imagine people camping out waiting for Jesus tickets. Y’all know I love the Beatles, but I do think Jesus would outsell them. The crying and fainting would be a public health concern.

Can you imagine the songs Jesus would sing? WELL I CAN. I have noted that a lot of rap and country titles would work for Jesus. As you know, Jesus spent a great deal of time with the poor and at least one ho.
Anyway, on this fair Friday I must share this song, which in our house is called, “Ghetto Jesus” because one time Sassy asked for it and we knew exactly what song she meant.

 

And if you think I’ll go to Hell for writin this post, here’s another one she asked for around the same age. It’s the “Fourth of July” song.

 

Of course, nothing will ever top my reverent mother-in-law singing along and tapping her fingers to Marilyn Manson’s Personal Jesus.

 

Happy Friday Everyone! Get what ya need!

 

About joey

Neurotic Bitch, Mother, Wife, Writer, Word Whore, Foodie and General Go-To-Girl
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49 Responses to When You Need Jesus

  1. rivergirl1211 says:
    April 5, 2019 at 7:08 AM

    I haven’t found (was he even lost?) Jesus either… or ever felt the need to look to be honest, but to each their own. I do however take issue with a friend… when unable to pay her mortgage… says, “God will provide”. No, he won’t. As far as I know he doesn’t even have a checkbook. Geesh. Get a job!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ally Bean says:
    April 5, 2019 at 7:11 AM

    I’ve never thought about what music Jesus would like, but now that you mention it I’ll have that idea on my mind all day. I agree about people being nutso this week. Kind of afraid to look ’em in the eye. Kind of wondering where they are/what they mean on social media. Kind of thinking about becoming a hermit with no internet connection.

    Liked by 2 people

    • joey says:
      April 5, 2019 at 7:48 PM

      The number of emotionally unstable people I have encountered this week was high. Most of them on the phone, but a few in person. I would have thought the moon was waxing, alas it’s new.
      Always glad to give you food for thought, Ally Bean!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Norm 2.0 says:
    April 5, 2019 at 8:33 AM

    Well according to John Lennon, Jesus would NOT have outsold the Beatles, but I’m pretty sure he woulda given them a run for their money 😀
    Thanks for the chuckle. I’m gonna spend the rest of the day imagining Rapper Jesus (Extra bling YO!), or maybe Country Jesus belting out some forlorn song of a cheatin’ love, or how someone ran over his dawg with their pick-up – yeehaw!

    Liked by 4 people

    • joey says:
      April 5, 2019 at 7:50 PM

      Excellent! I wondered how many people would think of Lennon’s quote and now I know you were with me there!
      Rapper Jesus would have all the bling, just like ‘heaven’!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Ellen Hawley says:
    April 5, 2019 at 8:39 AM

    I think he’d’ve sung in Aramaic, and a lot of his followers would hear it and say, “What is this shit?”

    Liked by 4 people

  5. Dan Antion says:
    April 5, 2019 at 8:43 AM

    I doubt you’ll go to hell for this post. I’m a firm believer that God has a strong sense of humor. Having been raised as a Methodist, I know for a fact that Jesus sang well. Or, if he couldn’t sing well, he sang loud, and all four verses.

    Liked by 6 people

  6. Amy says:
    April 5, 2019 at 8:50 AM

    I now think of you when I photograph Unitarian Universalist churches. The one in Charleston was the oldest in the South. Love that about your MIL!! lol. The hubby and I took my brother to see Marilyn Manson in concert in ’98 or ’99. He put on a good show.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Bill says:
    April 5, 2019 at 9:16 AM

    I thought you were nice in this post. My favorite is Spirit In the Sky by Norm Greenbaum (an observant Jew) and the lines – “Never been a sinner / I never sinned / I got a friend in Jesus / So you know that when I die / He’s gonna set me up with / The spirit in the sky.” Norm took some heat for the ‘never been a sinner / I never sinned’ lines. Fun post. Have a wunnerful weekend y’all.

    Liked by 4 people

  8. Maggie says:
    April 5, 2019 at 9:41 AM

    I am enjoying the Love Rising videos of Kyle Cease. I like that he talks about connecting with our higher power — whatever name we want to give it. His lightness in his presentation is peppered with the humor from his comedic background. That resonates with me. And I think maybe if Jesus does sing, it’s through us. What a chorus that would be! (And I like that I connect to my higher power through the trees!)

    Liked by 2 people

  9. Benson says:
    April 5, 2019 at 11:32 AM

    I avoid such topics myself. My beliefs are still a work in progress. One of my oldest friends is an Episcopal priest another is a Unitarian agnostic. There is room for all of us.Have a Happy Friday. I am off to find some yellow daffodils.

    Liked by 2 people

    • joey says:
      April 5, 2019 at 7:54 PM

      Yellow daffodils are all the happy!
      I would like to think everyone’s beliefs are a work in progress, or at least that people ponder. I like ponderers.

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Tara says:
    April 5, 2019 at 2:44 PM

    I don’t know what songs Big J would have liked, but I bet he would HATE Kumbaya.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. ghostmmnc says:
    April 5, 2019 at 6:45 PM

    I really like that cover of the Depeche Mode, song, Personal Jesus, that Marilyn Manson sings. I didn’t know he’d done one. 🙂
    Hope your weekend is lots of fun and relaxation when you want it. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  12. JoAnna says:
    April 5, 2019 at 9:23 PM

    Jesus does sing good. I heard him in the movie Jesus Christ Superstar! He can even do that yelling/screaming/singing thing. But seriously, being mutually pleased for one another is the best way to be. My pagan son is getting married in June at a UU. He said the person officiating looks like Tom Petty. My son told me today he’s okay with Jesus. I am pleased.

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:
      April 5, 2019 at 9:41 PM

      Anyone who isn’t okay with Jesus concerns me, JoAnna. Like, who could not LIKE Jesus? Maybe not worship or follow, but he was a righteous dude and his work on earth is inspiring.
      But the bad followers, what my friend Sherry calls, The Christianists, they are not likable.
      We were married by a judge WHO TALKED ABOUT CHRIST. We weren’t happy, but we’re okay, no harm, all foul, but no harm! LOL
      Best wishes to your son — and that Tom Petty keeps it real ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      • JoAnna says:
        April 6, 2019 at 10:54 AM

        Christianists is an interesting way to put it. Some people who claim to be Christians are not so good at following Jesus. Thanks for the good wishes and for being you. ❤

        Liked by 1 person

  13. slfinnell says:
    April 5, 2019 at 9:33 PM

    Hey! Jesus puts up with My singing lol Love your honesty:)

    Liked by 1 person

  14. bikerchick57 says:
    April 6, 2019 at 7:07 AM

    Happy Saturday morning Joey! Funny, I had been contemplating a Jesus faith post, but haven’t yet wrapped my head around a post. Perhaps I’ll work on it this weekend.
    Your “heathen” post made me chuckle. Yes, I think Jesus would make an awesome singer, but I wonder if he could do justice to “Don’t Stop Believing.” What do you think?

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:
      April 7, 2019 at 12:17 AM

      All the good Christians write good Jesus posts, that’s how you know they’re good Christians.
      I think Jesus can sing whatever he wants — cross all boundaries! 🙂

      Like

  15. markbialczak says:
    April 6, 2019 at 9:59 AM

    Cheers to finding exactly what you need this weekend, Joey.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. JT Twissel says:
    April 6, 2019 at 3:41 PM

    I think Jesus would be a Country and Western star. “I’m just a honky talk man who likes to walk on water and then change it to wine.”

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Manja Mexi Movie says:
    April 6, 2019 at 4:50 PM

    BBaahahah. “At least one ho.” I’d never open this post if it weren’t yours, that’s for sure. To thank you for all the giggles I’ll listen to all three songs (I only know the original of the last).

    Liked by 1 person

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