Y’all enrich my life. You really do, thank you. I learn so much, am inspired so often. I simply cannot thank you enough for your online interaction.
However, I’ve been looking over your resolutions and I realize few of them will impact me personally and as a person, I am affronted. If you truly aspire to make the world a better place for me, I’ve got some suggestions:
Do your art. Write, paint, build, draw, sew, knit, restore, collage, garden, cook, bake, write songs, take pictures, create whatever pleases you — and SHARE.
Drive as if there are valuable humans in every other vehicle on the road.
Know your own reason before making an argument.
Don’t be a person with a two-and-a-half minute outgoing voicemail message.
Try gratitude.
Listen to your conscience and keep it clean.
Put the cart back in the corral.
When you meet people who have songs about them, resist the urge to sing to them.
Instead of bandwagoning, research and formulate your own opinion.
While exercising, do not allow your grunting and groaning to exceed the volume of my headphones.
Be kind to yourself so that you’re well-practiced in kindness.
Give change, lend a pen, hold a door, remember age before beauty in the ladies’ line.
Do not assume the worst of people.
Know that walking past litter while loudly complaining about litterers is not the solution.
Honey. More honey. Still more honey. Then, if absolutely necessary, vinegar.
Trust your gut.
Do not include me in group texts.
And finally,
If you’re already my kind of person, thank you for doing your part and please let me know how I can improve your world.*
If you’re not my kind of person, do try to be, it’s really for the good of all.
*Disclaimer: This joey no longer changes diapers or potty trains anything. This joey has weak hands and her own economic demands.
joeyfullystated 
Great post Joey, I appreciate your humor 😀
Happy New Year.
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Oh, the outgoing voicemail message and group texts–haha! A #1 with a bullet!! Such a good list, Joey.
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Thanks!
Thanks for contacting Joeyfully Stated, a blog dedicated to finding the silver linings in a world focused on bad news. Here at Joeyfully Stated, we aim to tickle your funny bone. Today is Thursday, January 2nd and we are currently on my blog assisting you. If you need immediate assistance with your smile please search Dear Kitten videos on YouTube or contact Urgent Care Dentistry. While it is always our goal to respond to your comments within a 24 hour time frame, we do have other responsibilities which may cause delay. Please leave a comment of any length and include your website or a Gravatar connected to your blog so that traffic can be rerouted for a proper investigation of exactly who you are and what you’re all about. Please be advised that all comments are logged. Have a nice day and thank you for contacting Joeyfully Stated.
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Oh my gosh, Joey!! I read this to my husband and we both laughed so hard…..Yes, I love out of office messages such as this…. 😀
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😉
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My weird light bat signals always on, except when I’m sleeping because I can’t stand any light at all and there’s this light around the door that gets in and…. I’m getting fluffy tape stuff to put around the jamb to block that out.
Good suggestions all. To have a good year, Just Joey, people.
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Bless you, Tara. May you rest in darkness black as the abyss.
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That’s…. that’s the nicest thing anyone has said to me this year. Bless YOU, Joey.
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Love it, Joey! Thanks for the smile. I support each and every one of these, especially the part about doing what inspires you … and then sharing. When/if I return to blogging, it will be because of that one thing.
Happy New Year! I hope this new shiny year doesn’t lose its sparkle any time soon.
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Thank you very much! It’s always a joy to read you — do pop in and share the things when you’re able 🙂
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It took me a minute to figure out what the hell you were talking about with the song.
And god yes on the group texts. The last few times my dad has gone on vacation, it has been to a different time zone (Hawaii and England). And he sends the group texts with short sentences and single pictures because he doesn’t realize that shit can be included in one text. And he does not send it during waking hours for our time. I finally figured out that I could mute the groups he creates praise the lord.
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I was also late to the “you can silence this chat” bit. Sigh. I also only recently found out that I can delete calls and voicemail with a swipe instead of opening and deleting one by one. Sigh. There should be an iPhone for Dummies book — or is there?
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Oooh, I didn’t know that either and just tried it. Nice!
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😀
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All good words to live by. My outgoing message is 2.5 seconds long, by the way.
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Good job! Mine are short, but not that short.
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OK, except for the keep it clean part. I prolly won’t.
My son-in-law’s ex has same J-name as yers. She hates that song, makes it known, and would use the look that kills if I made the slightest sound. So, I’m pre-briefed on the potential for explosions. Group texts ought to have a thou shalt not commandment.
When the corral is full or too far, I return the cart to the store. I’m cart-guilt free. 🙂
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You having a mucky conscience strikes me as odd. Especially since you’re willing to push the cart to the store. That should undo a lot of muck.
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I try to be one of your people, but if forced to exercise? I’m the loudest groaner of them all.. sorry.
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Hahaha! Torture, eh?
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Ya’ll gonna have to explain the cart thing. Otherwise, I’m with you 100%. I’ll try not to run a marathon in your town or you’ll definitely hear me through those ear buds. Even if you’re at the gym and I’m on the road.
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Really? Doesn’t that moaning and groaning make your run harder? What do I know about marathons, huh?
At the grocery/market there are carts/buggies/trolleys for merchandise. We roll them out to our vehicles and then they’re to be returned to cart corrals in the parking lot/car park. People don’t return them and then they roll around errant, sometimes causing damage.
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The huffing, puffing and groaning is not exactly voluntary especially in the last few kms…
Ah. Gotcha. Translate trolley for cart and bay for corral and I’m with you.
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I can comply with most of these. I don’t make resolutions. VM Message is tiny. I’m not often in the ladies room line, but I’m good with age before beauty.
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I had no doubt about you, Dan 🙂
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Absolutely loved this. May your weird light shine brightly for all of us to see! 💕
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Thank you very much! ❤
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If you’re at Aldi, the return the cart thing is easy and nets you your quarter back. 🙂 Kindness? Yeah! It makes life so much better for everyone. The litter one may be my favorite. I routinely pick up litter at “my” park and have kitchen garbage bags and non-vinyl gloves in the back of the van for any time I come across garbage that needs to be collected. The song reference (maybe you have to be a certain age or else I’m misreading it) made me smile. Probably made Carly Simon smile, too, if she’s reading the blog. And when you put “joey” without the “J”, it makes me think of baby kangaroos. Is that weird enough?
janet
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Good! I collect litter on my path as well.
I am good with the baby kangaroo bit, mmhm, this joey is a human who wishes she was a giraffe 😛
This joey is also a Jolene who does NOT want to hear the song. People are relentless in singing it. It’s unpleasant.
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Perfect for the new year. I drove/rode 1,100 miles this past weekend. All I could think about was leave one car length for each ten miles, and there we were bumper to bumper going 60-80 mph like a moving parking lot especially after a 60 car pile up in VA last week. OMG people give folks at least a car length – don’t be in such a hurry to die and take all of us with you. I went for a labyrinth walk at the Gardens today and people smiled, they said hello, they moved over to let me by – it was wonderful. Spread the word, Joey, we can do this if we all try.
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Common courtesy at the gardens? How quaint!
I am sorry for your anguish in the traffic. Sounds rotten! I presume you took 95 down, where everyone wants to drive 95mph as well. Sometimes when we make the long interstate travels, I want to get out and kiss the ground!
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That is so true – kiss the ground as soon as the wheels stop turning on 95. 🙂
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I think your bottom line is “Be kind,” and that’s the one I’m working on the hardest. To people AND the planet.
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Good! Keep America Beautiful 🙂
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Hell, let’s keep the whole damned planet beautiful.
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Thanks for a great start to my year. Love this.
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Thank YOU!
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Oh Jolene. 😉 You know, the only song about me is “Linda Put the Coffee On.” Can’t complain about that.
Wonderful list, my dear friend. The only thing you can do to make my world wonderful is keep being you. 😀
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Thank you very much. I have Googled your song. It’s not bad at all, and seems wildly unpopular. You better hope Pentatonix doesn’t remake it, or you’ll hear it every gd day 😉
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Haha! I I didn’t realize anyone had re-released yours. You have my sympathy.
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You can keep on keepin on. BUT when I read litter my first thought was how the gardener walks past a litter box and says, “Cat shit.” As if he’s the box monitor and I’m the scooper. In the same vein, he walks past a milling cat and announces, “Pear’s hungry!” But I’m grateful. Really. Happy 2020. So far.
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LOL I totally understand that! 😀
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Excellent, Joey, excellent! One way you can make (my) world better is to run for office then issue an executive order making these the law of the land. My only exception to the age before beauty thing would be for kids doing the pee pee dance. But seriously, if we could just get the lady folk running things I’m convinced the world would be a much better place all around.
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Thank you! I would not be good in office. I would be crushed at the heaviness.
We outnumber the men folk. You would think we could…
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You improve my world just by being in it. I always look forward to your posts.
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SO KIND! 😀 Thank you!
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I hardly ever leave voice mails; when I get a machine I hang up. I know it is possibly rude but I am not a big phone fan to begin with and I would rather talk to a person than a machine. Unless it is a car that won’t start. I try to live a good life. The sort of life that Joey would approve of. I do it because Joey is nice and she is my friend and her ideas are good ones. Have a good year.
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LOL That is like, the sweetest thing ever. Thank you!
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Right on. The world needs you to tell it stuff.
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IT really does 😀
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Yes. Yes. Yes. Thank you. Happy 2020, Joey.
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Joey, you are the BEST! You can make my world a better place by continuing to joey all over it.
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Muah to Marian! Thank you! You do the same, and also maybe make more white truffles 😉
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OH I laughed out loud at this …..While exercising, do not allow your grunting and groaning to exceed the volume of my headphones. LOL I do happen to be loud at times at the gym, so excuse me for interrupting you. Oops.
LOVED this post, Joey! You are an incredibly unique woman who I respect to the utmost. Thank you for making my world a better place every time I come here. Speaking of which I for the FORTH time got unfollowed here. WTF? Who in the world would be nasty enough to continue clicking my follow to unfollow this many times? Well! Just make sure you come on by my blog cuz if you are not in my reader, I don’t know if you have posted or not. This is nuts! Darn it, WP, knock it off already!! I LIKE Joey!!! xoxoxoxoxo
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I’m starting to think WP is trying to tear us apart, Amy! I follow a lot of people I don’t read, but I subscribe by email to the ones I read consistently.
Sometimes the noises at the gym are so loud, I look over to check no one’s birthing a baby or pulling a fire truck.
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I love your suggestions!! ALL. OF. THEM. A big yes!! Especially Kindness. Definitely sprinkle that shit everywhere. A lot of people could use some. 🙂 You just keep being you, Joey. And I know you will.
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😀 Thanks!
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You’re a revolutionary, aren’t ya? Making sure everybody else’s resolutions impact and benefit YOU. I like it! I will do my part by sharing plenty of photos on Instagram, keeping my grunting and groaning to a minimum, and limiting my voicemail message to 10 seconds. Unfortunately, my cart is already outside my corral, so I can’t do much about that…
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Thank you for your contribution to a better society.
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Hmm, what can you do for me? How about you just keep being an awesome Joey!
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Okay! And you do you! 😀
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I got pneumonia Christmas night and so my one resolution was to live! So far, so good. Though now, home, I would kill for a brownie but still too sick to go out. I have to be careful not to prejudge a situation which I famously do – but being weird – hey! Is there any other way to be!
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GOOD MERCY! I’m glad you’re on the mend! x
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Hard to be kind when people keep shoving certain things down your throat, call you naive, and insist on making negative comments on everything you post – and they are in a relationship with someone you love. Which relationship is very strained.
Hang in there – it will get better. It has to. Paperwork cannot continue to bury me.
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Damn. I am REALLY, TRULY sad to read that. The other day I went to your blog just to make sure I wasn’t unsubscribed or somethin. Sure hope kindness forges its path to you ❤
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One more ‘big one’ and I’ll be back to blogging and writing. It’s been one of those periods in life when one foot in front of the other is all you can manage. Good, necessary, but horribly busy – and taxing for us ill folk.
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