Family of Four Seeks TP

I overheard people greeting one another yesterday and listening to them talk and guffaw as they shook hands reminded me of condom use in the 90s. People engaging like, “I’m okay, you’re okay!” when what they really mean is “We both appear symptom-free, so let’s share our cooties!”

The Mister’s place of business had no work today and none tomorrow, to reopen Monday after a deep scrub. This is incredibly fascinating as the market doesn’t close for four days straight, and regarding his work The Mister always says, “Greed never takes a four-day.” The market also has cooties?

Other adults in our community have been told not to come to work for x days, or to work from home.

In the course of my work this week, I have visited the bank and the post office. I sent that tube through the air channel in the drive-thru and found myself thinkin how lucky I am to not work with the public. My text messages with my mother affirmed this. She works with the public, but she doesn’t handle cash, so she counts herself fortunate as well.

The Governor of Indiana laid down some cootie-slowin edicts, and now all Marion County schools are closed until April 5. That’s every school in Indianapolis. I can’t fathom the numbers, cause our township alone is more than fifteen thousand students, and there are at least 7 other townships — I bet more — Indianapolis Public Schools, Center Township the largest… Lots of kids. Lots.

Moo’s response to four weeks off school included a joyful song and dance. However, Sassy’s at a rehearsal where the general consensus was sobbing?

Spring Break is going to suuuuuuuuuuuuck. I surmise the best we can hope for is good weather because nature doesn’t have cooties.

It’s March. March Madness has cooties. In Indiana, basketball is religion, and churches be closed. And I reckon, if one’s literal place of worship has an attendance of 250+ then er, ferreal church also be closed.

In looking at the data and listening to the informed people, I presume I will get sick and get well. I’m an optimistic person, but cooties love me anyway.

As with impending snow forecasts intended to frighten me, I don’t feel panicked. But someone out there has our share of the toilet paper. We are a family of four with only seven rolls of toilet paper and we are concerned.

About joey

Neurotic Bitch, Mother, Wife, Writer, Word Whore, Foodie and General Go-To-Girl
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67 Responses to Family of Four Seeks TP

  1. loisajay says:

    Ya know–I’m one of those who goes to Sam’s and picks up another 36-pack of TP, just in case…. For now, I am glad I did. Seven rolls…..I am worried, Joey. The universities are closed here but grammar schools and high schools remain open. I don’t get it. Spring break is pretty sparse here. They had a video cam on the news and, surprisingly and thankfully, the beach is kind of empty. Please be careful.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. scr4pl80 says:

    Ah, yes. I’ve always been one to make sure to have plenty of TP around, even before the latest craziness. I did ask the daughter to pick up some more if she can find it when she goes shopping tomorrow. That and dog food because while I went grocery shopping today, I didn’t get those two things. I am glad I work from home. Keep safe.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. We’re just starting to lock down here in Western New York, although the panic buying has been going on for a week or more. Yes, I did stock up on TP (hey, I have colitis!) – I figure I can always set up a lemonade-like stand and sell TP on the street (“only 10 dollars a roll!”).

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      It makes total sense that you stock up on tp. Absolutely. My guess is eventually people will use all the tp they bought, but I’m not above buying it at a tp stand ๐Ÿ˜‰

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Sue says:

    We live out in the boonies in NE Washington State. Our little town has not resorted to hoarding toilet paper yet…course they’re a rugged bunch of cowboys and homesteaders so they’re pretty self-sufficient. Hubby and I, not so much, but I only bought our fair share of TP during our recent trip to the one and only grocery store in the county. We have no reported cases of the virus in our county – prolly cause none of these rugged types will go to the doctor. Or maybe it’s just cause we practice social distancing by choice LOL.
    My daughter works in Seattle for a tech company and she and her co-workers are working from home. She’s going stir crazy already. So they’re doing what twenty-somethings do – their gathering for coffee, going out to dinner and clubs cause they feel fine. I remind her to wash hands, stay 6 feet apart and I get the “yes, mother”. Whatcha gonna do?

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      Yeah, I think like your daughter, my daughters will suffer cabin fever. Social isolation for my intentionally overbooked daughter can upset her mental health, and she doesn’t enjoy nature, so I’m fairly concerned for her well being.
      Social distancing is necessary for me ๐Ÿ˜‰
      Your community appreciates your consideration when purchasing the toilet paper, I’m sure.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Bill says:

    I went to the grocery store tonight. Lots of tp, But every cart seemed to have some. We must have our priorities right, right?.
    When we were stationed on Guam there was always a shortage of some kind, simply due to logistical reasons. Some of ‘us’ started a rumor that there was going to be a tp shortage. As the hoarders engaged the market, there was a shortage caused by them. But there never was a real shortage. Just a run on butt-wipe. Human nature. ๐Ÿ™‚ Y’ll take care.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. orbthefirst says:

    3 days before panic hit the interwebs, I went to amazon to get a can of Lysol.
    $112 a can. Hard pass.
    The assisted living place ma works at is on visitor lockdown. No Visitors! But the nursing home its physically attached to is still open to visitors. 2 of the most recent beer virus victims here in WI are in the county just south of us. (Read, about 30mins away.)
    They say itll never hit here cuz small town, with backassward values & whatever, I say..all it takes is ONE. One that no one catches until theyve been to work at one of the local factories for a few days, one to be sent to school, one visitor from out of town…
    Im not really worried though. Ive survived a bunch that was supposed to kill me. ๐Ÿ˜›
    Stay healthy! And happy weekend!

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      I share your feelings on a bunch of stuff that shoulda done killed me. One day, somethin will get us, but prolly not this.
      My nephew got the swine flu years back, and they lived in the sticks. I think distance just slows the inevitable, not any different than flu or fashion that way ๐Ÿ˜‰ Hah!
      I saw on Amazon last night, I could buy Scott tp in a box the size of my washer $79. I’m not economically opposed and I suppose I could store it in the garage, but I don’t really want to use Scott on my precious ass, certainly not for months.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. I was at the store yesterday and bought a pack of TP, but the shelves were about 60% bare. My husband also suggested going to Amazon and sending some to our home address for when we get there. Only problem was most of them are sold out until a future date. Hmmm. Interesting spot we find ourselves in. I’m going to be hoping you find a supply.

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      Amazon is sold out unless you’d like commercial rolls of scratchy stuff or a box of scratchy stuff the size of your washer — none of which are cheap or Prime delivery.
      I’ll hope the panic winds down before we finish our now six rolls. (Very glad I got the double roll…)

      Like

  8. Joanne Sisco says:

    In all the various Armageddon scenarios that have gone through my head over the years, I never expected it to be preceded by hoarding of hand wipes and toilet paper ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Meanwhile, I wonder if Iโ€™m being delusional in thinking that all this panic is overblown as I continue to live my life as usual. Since my default mode is to avoid peopley situations, I feel rather โ€˜safeโ€™. As son #2 said, โ€˜this plays right into my wheelhouse. Iโ€™m good with this keep-your-distance thingโ€™.

    I hope we arenโ€™t fooling ourselves ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Liked by 2 people

    • joey says:

      Hah! I’m trying to figure out who should have to go with me on my scavenger hunt this weekend, Apocalypse-style — we do need our regular provisions, tp included.
      I am in close contact with a total of 6 people on a daily basis and my husband works with thousands. Kind of hoping he doesn’t go back in Monday, as someone there already got diagnosed with it, and that means at least two more have it, and so on and so forth.
      The kids are going to go crazy with cabin fever!
      I hope for best case scenarios and wash my hands as ever ๐Ÿ™‚

      Like

      • Joanne Sisco says:

        My oldest sonโ€™s office shut down yesterday until early April, and my second son is expecting to hear similar news in the next few days. Theyโ€™ve been scrambling for the past several days to get everyone up and running with remote access.

        I feel badly for parents with small children at home. The cabin fever is going to be brutal. Thankfully thereโ€™s the internet!!

        Liked by 1 person

        • joey says:

          The Mister returns to work tomorrow, but remote work for all who can is also set.
          The cabin fever is going to be awful for social butterflies! One of my daughters is already devastated. I am glad schools here will do elearning and food dispersal. I’m a bit worried about teeangers running amok, and I am sad for parents of small children who find themselves without care arrangements for their kids!

          Like

          • Joanne Sisco says:

            Itโ€™s times like this when our communities show their true worth. Iโ€™ve seen several notices on FB where people have offered their services to anyone needing child care. The good does have a tendency to rise to the surface, in spite of the bad.

            Liked by 1 person

  9. Rivergirl says:

    Weโ€™re a family of 2 with 14 rolls which means we might survive the Charmin apocalypse. But we just had our first confirmed case so Iโ€™m sure the hysteria will be in overdrive….

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Ally Bean says:

    I went to two different grocery stores yesterday, not in search of TP, but because one has a liquor store in it and the other doesn’t. Being two adults, one of whom is still going to work in a downtown building, I felt that our preparations for this virus should include bourbon. You know, as a medicinal substance, to sip as everything closes down around us. Good times, not.

    Liked by 3 people

  11. Lots of hoarding going on here in NY, Joey. Shelves are empty in the toilet paper aisle. Hubby just this morning got up early with hope he gets to our grocery store to get his toilet paper. This is madness!! The darn media has stirred everyone into a huge panic and there is no need to panic. Common sense. Common courtesy. Be safe. Stay calm. And turn the damned news off!
    We’ve got a lot of responsibilities in this house and we’ve been stocking up on essential items except those we must buy fresh (like meat for the food I make for our cats) just in case. I’ve also opted not to go to the gym until this virus calms down. Now I have to come up with an exercise routine here at home. Schools are beginning to shut down and we’ve been notified churches and bingo (OMG!) and gyms and all concerts and sports events to be either canceled or people encouraged not to go. This is turning out to be hysteria. Damn the media! Yes this is serious! But COMMON SENSE here!
    OK. Got that off my chest!

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      Sassy works at the Y and we just talked last night about how long we think it will be before they close. We’re all supposed to swim on Sunday… umm… maybe yoga at home is more prudent? We swim despite other contagions…
      I would enjoy seeing more people on my news talking about how they’ve recovered ๐Ÿ™‚
      I am dreading the shopping more than usual.

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Dan Antion says:

    I hope you find your fair share of TP. My recent retirement has contributed to more rapid consumption of this product so I was dispatched to Costco. I worry about the kids who (mainly) eat at school more than I worry about cooties. Indiana without basketball – I canโ€™t imagine. Be safe. Iโ€˜m sure your family has what it takes to meet a crisis. Iโ€™m keeping a good thought for all my friends.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. rvpackard says:

    I canโ€™t understand the rush on toilet paper. Are they wrapping themselves in it?!

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Benson says:

    Insane ain’t it. I am definitely an “at risk individual” and I am not panicking. I wash my hands and take normal precuations so what’s to worry about? Sure I could catch a big ol cootie and it could develop into something back but I could also get hit by a truck. Which has the better odds? Hell I had fluid on my lungs while I was in the hospital and it didn’t become pneumonia so I just go on living. Without B ball I must add. Crazy. I really feel for the families with no day care for their kids. Interesting times. Hope you score some TP.

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      In Indy, I’d say hit by a big truck is far more likely. But then, where I work… ๐Ÿ˜›
      Sure hope you can avoid it and if you can’t, I hope it’s mild.
      I am also concerned for a hundred thousand unattended kids! I got an email today about how there will be ‘go food’ packages for kids who are dependent on school meals and that was a relief. One in seven Lawrence families is food insecure ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

      Liked by 1 person

  15. Swinged Cat says:

    I wrote a blog post questioning why people would hoard TP, and then my wife went shopping yesterday – just normal shopping – and couldn’t find anything. Ugh. Now I see why people are snatching it up when they can find it.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. ghostmmnc says:

    Crazy times, isn’t it. So far not much panic buying around here, but our grocery has put a limit on how many sanitizing wipes per day you can buy. We’ve got some.
    Y’all take care! โค

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Baseball took itโ€™s beating, too. It was nearly opening day. We almost made it. If I lived near a stadium, I suppose there are some extra rolls there nobody is going to use.

    Liked by 2 people

  18. I have just been in the unenviable position of telling my youngest (adult) daughter that, since she’s had the flu and lost out to the hoarding by being home sick (the doctor had the genius idea to have her come in and be TESTED for the flu – she has strain A – assuming that it is extremely unlikely that her symptoms were BOTH flu A AND COVID-19. So, just flu.

    But she’s low on TP.

    Here’s the two-part solution:
    1) if you have spares of other things, like tissues and paper towels, DO NOT FLUSH THEM. I know it’s gross, but they have to go in a wastebasket. Why? Because ONLY TP is designed to fall apart in your pipes (have you ever washed a tissue and have it come out in one piece?). So if you FLUSH other stuff, you are going to have a BIG problem when you pipes clog.

    2) Prepare – by buying more washcloths or cutting up towels – to make your family (color coded?) WASHABLE, REUSABLE TP. If you still have water and detergent, you will be okay until the disposable stuff is available for sale again.

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      Having been a larger family so long, I must say the linens are well-stocked. I don’t want to do that, and the kids are home so they could do that while I work, but they don’t want to. Sigh. Not as bad as washable diapers, but still unpleasant.
      I know all about the tp dissolution issue. Weeks after we bought this house, we put a huge hole and thousands of dollars into the ground for our plumbing. We HAVE to use Angel Soft to protect the pipes. Bad enough we have all these beautiful trees interfering, but we’re a few clogs away from a $10k plumbing upgrade, so Angel Soft is our saving grace.

      Liked by 1 person

  19. I must missing something, but like others have suggested, I don’t get the panic-buying of TP.
    I’m trying to remain pragmatic about CV- but it’s difficult to avoid the sensational commentary and jokes and god help me, the marketing mavens who are using it as click bait.

    Hope you manage to get what you need and stay safe from the CV.

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      I’m compromised and even I think the jokes are good ๐Ÿ˜‰ I really don’t understand WHY on the tp. I have begun to wonder if people know how to use tp…
      Stay healthy, Maggie ๐Ÿ™‚

      Like

  20. Amy says:

    I was quite surprised by the hoarding of TP. We happen to be fine since I always have backup with a family of six. The shelves have had empty bleach shelves though. School here has been canceled until 3/30 at least. She’s not thrilled since it stopped the soccer season. They’ll be going online. Big Mr.’s community college is going online after their spring break until 4/5. He did have a substantially older gentleman in his English class that stopped coming 2 weeks ago due to risk. Luckily, he was able to stay in the class online. We don’t have any cases in SW VA…yet. Hopefully, it stays that way. Wishing you much health!

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      I am blown away by the tp madness. I really just need to do my regular shopping at this point, and I am dreading it even more than usual ๐Ÿ˜ฆ
      Sassy is superbummed about social distancing.
      I hope y’all can avoid it and if not, I hope it’s mild.

      Liked by 1 person

  21. Tara says:

    *whispers, down an alley* Hey, c’mere. I got what you need. *flashes trunk overflowing with Scotts* (because those Charmin bears are creepy)

    I stocked up on supplies (non-perishables and yes, even TP) two weeks ago with the first tiny doctor saying this could get bad, fast. I have to keep the cooties at bay due to old and compromised people in my midst. Plus, I generally don’t like cooties. They don’t seem to like me much either … pause while I knock on every piece of wood in my home office… … … … … … … … … That, plus my cheery disposition and my elderberry (and my belief about my elderberry helping) hopefully will keep me safe (along with all the bubbles I already liked to make when I use soap of any kind).

    Stay safe, Joey World!

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Laura says:

    We are all now rightfully concerned for you four and your TP supply. Far be it for me to recommend – ahem – liberating toilet paper but I’m fairly sure the McDonald’s down the street wouldn’t chase you down for swiping a roll in a pinch. Just until your stores restock.

    Liked by 1 person

  23. We buy our tp in a box of 48 from Who Gives a Crap. Still got 17 rolls left but they’ve sold out. I figure if it goes all disaster movie, I’ll just cut up an old towel and have a bucket system (1 with clean water, 1 with water and vinegar and a lid.) I’m also looking forward to the enforced clean out of my freezer and pantry. COVID-19 spring cleaning!
    No mass school closures here yet, thank goodness. As a casual relief teacher, no school=no money. There are arguments here that it’s better to keep schools open than to have hordes of teenagers roaming the malls and cinemas potentially infecting even more people than their classmates.
    Stay safe, Joey. Hope you track down some loo paper.

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      We DID get some TP ๐Ÿ™‚
      Per the governor, our kids won’t be visiting places with occupancy above 250. So far, we’ve just had some of their friends over. I think that’s going to be the only way to keep them from cabin fever. Elearning starts this week — that should help as well. Given the population density here, closing schools and larger places of business makes sense to me. We’ve got to slow the spread.
      I really hope it doesn’t go all disaster movie! Best wishes to you and yours!

      Liked by 1 person

  24. markbialczak says:

    We normally buy paper towels and TP in the bulk size at the big store because itโ€™s way less expensive that way, and fortunately we are on the upside of the supply curve in that regard, Joey. I went to the local supermarket BEFORE work yesterday to get our weekly loaf of bread, bunch of bananas and four muffins for the weekend. All was well. But no half and half on the shelves (for our coffee). Hmmm. That one was kind of befuddling.
    On the way home, the traffic pulling into all the supermarkets was truly congestive. All the word-of-text tales we got from family and friends were of empty shelves and panicked shoppers. Oy.
    I do face the public at the public library. We are remaining open. I had a good talk with our director, being one of our staffers on call to provide free notary public service, and we went over how there is no way to social distance and there is always touching of the patronsโ€™ documents and their need to touch our record books. The director agreed that each notary would have the choice to opt in or out during this period … we all opted out. So folks will have to find a different place to get that notary stamp for the time being.
    I tick two of the boxes for at risk, so although I would not say I am extremely fearful, I would say that I am being as cautious as possible while still going through out-of-the-house life.

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      I’m glad you’re well-stocked for the most part. I am also baffled by the run on perishable foods? Butter, milk, meat — all scarce or disappeared from stores here. Makes no sense to me.
      Caution is always good, in my opinion. Taking fewer risks while still living as normally as possible is my agenda as well. I think that was a good call about the notary service. One thing you could control, not exactly your “regulars”. Our libraries are closed. (Digital media via e-readers still available.)
      Stay healthy, Mark ๐Ÿ™‚

      Like

      • markbialczak says:

        Thanks, Joey. We just got the word from the director yesterday, closed the doors at 8 p.m. and wonโ€™t reopen until April 1. Staff reports today, then weโ€™ll work at home until then. Yes, patrons have plenty to choose from at our website! And I will continue to fill them in on social media as well.

        Like

  25. Kat says:

    I also tick two of the risk boxes and I’m for real worried. I live alone so I’ve been staying close to home since it seems like the safest place for me. Since I do live alone and bulk buy, I’ve got enough TP to see me through. Hit me up if you need a roll. ๐Ÿ˜‰ Hope you and yours stay well, Joey.

    Liked by 1 person

  26. bikerchick57 says:

    I am still wondering how hoarding toilet paper got started and why people succumbed to it in the first place. It’s silly crazy. It only brought out the bad people who get their hands on mass quantities of TP and hand sanitizer and the like, then resell it for a profit. I wish people would stop this kind of madness already.

    I go to a small church and I’m wondering what the pastor will say on Sunday about services and the part on Sunday when everyone is supposed to greet their neighbor. I’m hoping that last bit it suspended until the pandemic is no more.

    Hope you are all safe and well and find more TP.

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      Our church is only about 110 in attendance regularly, and it’s closed. At yours, I hope y’all passed skipped over sharing of the peace :/ (We do that, too) A nice broad smile to one’s neighbor sounds more prudent.
      We did find TP ๐Ÿ™‚

      Like

  27. Norm 2.0 says:

    Hope you guys find some hidden TP reserves soon. Around here the panic buying set in on Wednesday but seems to have settled down already. It is strange though to observe what some humans seem to value or think is essential in a perceived crisis situation. Like hey folks, you know the room that you keep the TP and actual toilet in also has running water, soap, washcloths, and towels right? Not super-practical without a bidet but still not that difficult: certainly easier than fist-fights in stores. As for me, without going into full self-isolation I am laying low and trying to stay away from crowds. With my compromised system if I catch these cooties it could be game over.
    In the meantime I’m cheering for real heroes working on a vaccine ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      Stay well, Norm — Stay well ๐Ÿ™‚ We DID find some TP and we even got our regular groceries.
      I have been to five different stores over the weekend and am surprised by what is and is not in stock. Milk, butter, salad mix, meat — sparse. Paper products, hand soap, and hand sanitizer — nil or almost nil. But! There are plenty of cough drops, fever reducers, and sore throat spray for the actual symptoms the actual infection. I shake my head. I really don’t get it.

      Liked by 1 person

  28. marianallen says:

    Facial tissue works as toilet paper. A bit of paper napkin or paper towel, in a pinch. Trevor Noah of The Daily Show, who grew up in South Africa, recommends newspaper worked between your hands until it’s soft(er). The old folks are saying, “Don’t nobody have an old Farmer’s Almanac or Sears Roebuck catalog?” Stay well, ebbybody, or get well soon! –Oh, as for washing of hands, I had trouble washing long enough until somebody pointed out it takes about 20 seconds to recite the lead-in to Star Trek. Now I wash for more than 20 seconds, because I have to sing the theme, too.

    Liked by 2 people

    • joey says:

      AHAHA! I love that — you so cute! I am a ritual handwasher, no song for me, but I taught the kids to Happy Birthday.
      Remember how I’m a soap snob? That’s because everyone in this house has sensitive skin in one or five ways. We would definitely go to the cloth side before considering paper in lieu of tp.
      Annnnd, when we moved in, there were 1980s Penneys catalogs atop our built-in china cabinet!

      Liked by 1 person

  29. Anxious Mom says:

    Good luck to y’all, hope you sty safe. Our schools are out through the beginning of April as well. Like you, I assume I’ll get it (assuming my new fever and cough doesn’t mean I already have it), so I’m not panicking. This is what us anxious folks were made for.

    Like

  30. JoAnna says:

    I got some extra tissue “Kleenex” paper when the store was out of TP. But I bet they’ll restock soon and it will all be okay. I’m so glad nature doesnโ€™t have cooties.

    Like

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