SoCS — Fall Flowers? Flour?

Not a good day to post about either, I’m afraid. Happy Autumn from Indy!

I’ve not been out in my yard a lot, haven’t even looked at the mums, but it’s always a good idea to plant more mums, no matter how many mums you have.

O’er by the hibiscus I’ve got sweet autumn clematis. It runs the length of the fence we share with the abandoned-house-now-in-reno. Do you have a side of your yard you don’t visit much? Cause that’s mine. There’s about nothin goin on over there, but now that the house on that side isn’t an eyesore, I may visit it more. I figure if I ever run out of space to plant things, I’ll stick em over there. Gotta have a path to the garden gate, though, even if there’s not one right now, because the hibiscus do as they will and like I said, I haven’t been out there much. Could use a trim.
Just a lil.
Heh.

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Sweet autumn clematis is pretty, kinda light n’ fluffy n’ boing-y. I’d say it’s hard to photograph well, but what I mean is that I don’t photograph it well. You just plant it and it grows. It spreads on its own over time. It starts vining in July and it blooms in late August and lasts til the first freeze, sometimes, the lower ones last longer. It smells very, very good. Kinda like honeysuckle meets lily of the valley. I went out there last weekend and caught a few sniffs and snaps.

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I’ve got nothin on the flour bit. You wanna see my flour canister? Or the baking cabinet? Nah. I did pick up some grocery store bakery cookies last night. The lofthouse sort. Ours are yellow. With sprinkles. I love those cookies, but I wish they didn’t have sprinkles.  Sprinkles are quite cute, I just don’t want to eat them. Anyway, did you know the copycat version is made by adding a cup of flour to a boxed cake mix? Yep.

That’s all I got. Cause it’s 67F/19C and I gotta be OUT in that!

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Saturday Stream of Consciousness — SoCS ‘flower/flour’ is brought to you by LindaGHill

 

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Eat, Drink, Don’t Be Wary

Lunch is a weird word. We were all in the conference room, having the work lunch…

Oh, let me tell you about my lunch quick! I wanted fries, so I ordered the Molly Melt. It read, as follows, “caramelized onions, tomato, American cheese, mozzarella, with cilantro and chipotle sauce.”

Mentor said my boss needed to know what size I wanted my food.
Size?
I walked into my boss’s office and raised my eyebrows.
She asked, “Medium?”
I asked, “Is there a small?”
She laughed, “Not what size, what temperature!”
“OH!”

You guys, it was a burger. They put all the stuff on a burger. I woulda ate it without the burger. I thought it was a fancy grilled cheese.

It turned out to be a small, flat burger on white bread and I enjoyed it so much I almost finished it.

So I was sittin in the conference room, noshin my delicious foods with meat, when the topic turned to workplace shootings and I, feeling casually random and at-ease, chimed in about how I could not shoot up the place. Guns too bang. It’s just too violent. If I lost my mind, I’d probably poison everyone’s tea and dance around merrily.

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I guess no one will ever ask me to make tea. Even if they’re sick and I offer, they’ll prolly be like, “Nah, I’m good.”

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I thought about it a lil bit more, and in the same way that I wouldn’t trust myself with a firearm, BOOM! blew my foot off, Dang, I am so OCD and overthinkery and clumsy, I wouldn’t trust myself to accurately distribute poison.

My imagination took off with that.

I come to work in my spray painting mask and dishwashing gloves, not suspicious at all, I carefully adhere properly printed labels to everyone’s cuppa tea. I line up all the cups. I pull out my super secret eyedropper full of X POISON X (like I know the names of poisons, Pshaw!) I plop in a drop and then… I forget which cups I’ve plopped and I need to make a list and probably have a poison test available to double check, like some sorta thing you dip in to check that you really put the poison in it.

Wrong. I don’t get that far.

More Likely Imaginary Scenarios:

I can’t order the X POISON X on the interwebs because I had to reset my computer a few months back and I’ve forgotten my password to the site where I buy all my deadly dangerous chemicals, like Dr. Bronner’s lavender soap and Borax, right?

Or — I successfully order the X POISON X but I leave it on the desk in the living room because I’m distracted by the

Or — I put “Check if workplace makes me murderous: If so X POISON X” on my calendar.

Or — I drop the bottle of X POISON X on my terrible-beautiful kitchen floor, my dog licks it up before I can clean it and then I have to force my dog to drink syrup of whatever makes us puke, ipecac? Yeah, ipecac, and I end up late to work because I have to take my dog to the vet for detox.

Or — I accidentally put the X POISON X in Sassy’s bag and realize all I have is swim shampoo for blondes.

Or — I manage to get the X POISON X in my car, but can’t leave the driveway with it because I feel too guilty of transporting hazardous cargo when I am not legally authorized to do so.

Or — The bottle of X POISON X was poorly packaged and I die on my way to work, inhaling deeply as a I sing, no doubt causing a rear-end collision with a full school bus.

Or — I make it all the way to work with the X POISON X but I can’t open the fuckin bottle, so I gotta ask Mentor to help and she’s like, “Why are we opening poison?”

I’m like a cartoon, y’all.

Writer’s Brain is a serious condition that causes frequent laughter.

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Happy Friday Everyone! 

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#ThursdayDoors — The Laziest Ever

Okay, so I’m a bit door poor, and worse, I’ve not got time to sort, upload, and edit what I do have.
Annnd, I’ve spent time out of doors, which is beautiful and good for me, but not great for Thursday.

Wanna see some of that, though?
Yeah ya do.

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As I said, laziest ever.

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I washed Blanche! How ya like them doors? Hehe!

#ThursdayDoors is part of an inspired post series run by Norm Frampton. To see other doors of interest, or to share your own, click the link and find the frog.

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One-Liner Wednesday — I Used to Care, a lil

Driving to pick up kids from the high school football game, we saw fireworks pop up on the horizon. The Mister said, “Ooh, someone scored a touchdown.”
And I said, “Unless it’s Troy Aikman, I prolly don’t care.”

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Besides, my favorite football player will always be Charlie Brown.

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SoCS Post

I was gonna get up this morning, early, 7, and I was gonna take Sassy to the first thing and drive through the car wash. Truthfully, I don’t know when the car wash opens, or like, if at 7:30 there’s a big long line waitin for it to open, but Blanche has these faint gray vertical stripes which are streaks of dirts, hm? If I owned a car wash, I’d open super early because morning people are often clean car people, with their bright shiny faces matching their bright shiny minds matching their bright shiny cars. Then I’d come home and post this thing and read some posts and pick Sassy up from the first thing and then posthaste, take her to get some shoes, cause the dog sorta ate hers and maybe I could find a BOGO and get Moo shoes, too, cause she’s a runner and when her shoes aren’t Tiggeriffic, she feels slow. Post shoe shopping I’d be ready to read some more posts and nibble some noms and then the people were supposed to leave to do the second thing and I would be left all alone, and I could read a book or sing into my hairbrush or scratch my underboob and tell my cats a story, but probably just the reading, maybe build a lil book tent over my face. Mmm, nap. However, The Mister decided not to go in this morning, allowing me to sleep til 9:30. Sassy’s been picked up from the first thing and she’s gone to her cave to snuggle herself, postponing shoe shopping until probably after the second thing. Now I just don’t know if I’ll get my car washed, sigh, but I do have plenty of time to sit here on my sofa and read posts. Oh how sad. Don’t I look sad?

Stream of Consciousness Saturday — SoCS ‘post’ is brought to you by LindaGHill

PS: During the second thing, Moo will see Marian‘s grandchild. It’s a small world.

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Multilingual Text With the Fam

BaldJake: We all have our moments.

Sassers: I have too many.

Moo: Moi aussi.

Sassers: Haha. What?

Moo: I used the French.

BaldJake: Tres bien.

Joey: *blows kisses*

Sassers: Three good?

BaldJake: Very good.

Joey: Oui, Moo, Sassy parle pas bien le Francais.

Sassers: NO HABLA CROISSANT!

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LATER THAT DAY:

Sassers: Donde esta mi madre?

BaldJake: JE NE PARLE PAS TACO!

 

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Whether you enjoyed this post, whether you understood it, HAVE A VERY HAPPY FRIDAY!

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#ThursdayDoors — Sunny Day Doors

See, what happened was, I hadda go out for a pastrami sammich and a slice of cheesecake and a quart of matza ball soup and the sky was nice and there were doors.

There’s this one, from when I thought this interesting building would have interesting doors.

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The reflection is the real story.

And here are two I got at odd angles.
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The wires add somethin there, I think. Matte black and wires. Yeah, that’s the ticket.

Then two in one shot. Dueling styles.

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#ThursdayDoors is part of an inspired post series run by Norm Frampton. To see other doors of interest, or to share your own, click the link and find the frog.

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The View

I saw this at the fair:

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I was all, “Ooh! I wanna! Y’all wanna?”
Yes, me and my girls, doin the thing! We bought our tickets early and decided we’d go as a sorta last hurrah before we left.

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Nifty!

I’ve been on a ski lift countless times in my life, what could go wrong?

This.

This could go wrong.

This was a bad idea.

Not even as high as a ski lift. Only about 35 feet.

Anxiety did not care, but I wasn’t expecting it.

So I hopped on the Skyride, Yellow one — Yay! The seating was two per, so my daughters got in the next one. I began my ascent into the beautiful twilit sky, which we all agreed was perfect for Instagram. So nice for Joeys. Ooh, ahh.

Cept, umm, no.  I thought I’d be up there, swingin my feet, smiling into the clouds. I’d smile and wave to fellow travelers, take a few pics…

How it really went:

oh shit. oh shit. oh shit. oh my god. ohhhh fuuuuuuuck. i am a good mom. i will be strong for my babies. i will not scream. i will not cry. i will not let the anxiety control my life. i do what i want. it’s my life. i enjoy floating in the sky. nice pep talk is totally not workin here. deep breaths. are you even breathing? holy shit, can i even go skiing again? bunny hill only? that is the suuuuck. i wish i had an ativan. what kinda bad bitch do i think i am? why the fuck are we stopping? oh my god, it’s moving like a ferris wheel! no vertigo. no no no no no. focal point. oh my god, everything is moving! there are no static points in the sky! i want my mommy! breathe s’more. i’m okay, i’m okay, i’m okay. i’m perfectly safe. look, the other people are okay, you’re okay, too. why are they so calm!? i wanna be calm! oh little boy, please, do not lean forward. lord please don’t let my babies lean forward. oh if i live through this i am goin home and i am havin a shower and a cocktail and why the fuck didn’t i think this shit through? imma die. i have got to make better decisions. 

FOR TEN MINUTES. IT’S A TEN-MINUTE RIDE. I ALMOST PAID TWICE AS MUCH SO WE COULD TAKE THE TWENTY-MINUTE RIDE.

It stopped three times. I white knuckled it the entire way. I took a few pictures. With one hand. With my phone clutched to my chest. While we were stopped.

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Beautiful! Not filtered at all. It looked just like that.
You can’t even feel my fear, huh?
I’m guessin my heart rate was around 180, but my ribs kept my heart from burstin, and the photo is focused and everythin.

I figured out the poles were numbered and I counted down. When I got to 6 I could see the landing area, but I couldn’t feel my hands anymore. It was a long, long journey.

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The view from the ground was just fine.

When we got home, we discussed our common thoughts on Skyriders who passed us.

“One lady scrollin on her phone! Like she was on the ground and her life was okay!”
“I know! With the bun?”
“Yes!”
“And one lady, layin all on her mans like it was just totally normal and romantic and not the scariest thing she’d ever done!”
“I saw her, legs crossed even!”
“I know!”
“And that one little boy leaned over!”
“And his dad let him!”
“I know!”
“People turned around and waved to their fam!”
“Huh uh, no!”

Not a single person in passing looked terrified. We envied all of them.

I had a shower and a cocktail and I slept like a rock.

Look at me, doin the things. Living. As I am.

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Nine-Ten-Eighteen

Happy Monday?

This was an odd weekend.

It rained all weekend. It rained and it rained and it rained. I thoroughly enjoyed it, and grinned accordingly. The Mister “had had enough of this shit” pretty much immediately and Sassy suffered because rain is nature falling from the sky and she almost froze to death because the temperature dropped below 80 and well, I think she may be a desert creature.

I opened the windows and slept like a dream every night.
It was divine.

I hear my boots and sweaters calling to me and I painted my toenails raspberry. In September. Mmhm. Maybe a lil wishful thinkin there. Maybe not.

The girls went to an event, leaving us alone for several hours.
Here are the pictures:

Aren’t they darling? This’ll be my thing now. I’ll be the mom showing you collars and elbows.

Do you know when this set of teens goes out, we don’t have two other little ones to take care of at home? Isn’t that bizarre?!?

At Steak n’ Shake, The Mister ordered a shake and they brought it in a to-go cup. I ordered a hot fudge sundae and they delivered it in a paper cup, with a lid and a plastic spoon, like it was carry-out. I no likey that.
I asked The Mister, “Are they out of dishes?”
He then gave a sweeping hand gesture at the nearly empty restaurant. No idea. Sassy accidentally stole a spoon with her shake, but at least she got actual metal utensils. (We’ll take it back, y’all know how I feel about accidental stealing.)

I was super excited to see what I thought were butterscotch-covered pretzels at the store, but they were pumpkin fucking spice.

I accidentally bought fat free milk and I don’t know if we can cope. Maybe I’ll make a lot of fat free puddin.

I bought blueberry streusel and apparently I’m the only one who’ll eat it. Isn’t that sad?

My roast (or as Moo says, meat with the stuff in the red thing) didn’t come out right. I.don’t.know. I only care about the non-meat bits, personally, and those were superb, but dammit, that sucker cooked all day and should have been fallin apart. Why is it, when you cook it the same way every time, sometimes it doesn’t turn out the same? I bet that happens to me at least once a year. Tell me if that happens to you.

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I had Sassy bring in some basil and I washed it and plucked the burn spots, only I didn’t know one of those burn spots was actually a beetle and it bit me. I threw it to the ground and let the dog play it to death. I WIN.

We wanted to avoid Broad Ripple because it floods but that’s where the gyro place is. However, it turns out, they also have one in Fishers, so we went there, where I got the falafel and he had the lamb and that was quite nice.

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We had pizza one day, too. Greasy mall pizza.

We were out a lot.

My husband worked a bit, but not his regular I’m-workin-extra hours and that freaked me out, because Saturday mornings are always weird when he’s not here and there’s no coffee made, but then he was really, really late!

Janet said the readers at Aldi are cheap, so I stopped to check em out, and I don’t know if cheap is even the right word. I bought three pair for $4.99. I’ll buy more when I see them again. Just decorate the house with them.

Our internet went out. The truck people had to come out and take the ladder to the pole and do things, and then our network name changed, but we didn’t know that the network name changed. Twas Moo who figured it out and fixed it and then we had internet again. Moo is awesome.

I also found out Moo packs “snackies” for Sassy to take to school and I think that’s precious.

We saw a man try to put an antique bookcase into the back of his Prius. He seemed surprised it didn’t fit.

That’s my upbeat thought for today. No matter if things don’t go as planned, even if you screw somethin up, did you even try to put a bookcase in your Prius?

See? You can has good day.

 

 

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Fridayitis

I had the Fridayitis today, y’all. For the last two weeks, I did my best to make up my sick days. We had a holiday. You know that’s a whole day nothin got done, right?
My boss Tuesday night: Why are you still here?
Me: Because I missed two days and my workload is huge.
Of course, this is true, but also, I’m a lil Type A with big anxiety disorder and a fair amount of OCD and I can’t stand feeling like I’m not making progress in a measurable way. At anything, ever. Omalord, what if I were asked for a thing and I didn’t have it?!? Could I even go on?!?

Since I worked late, The Mister worked late, too.

Cletus did not approve of our late nights.

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Sadie ate a shoes. She hadn’t done that in seven years.

Our house got messy, too. One night I came home and the living room looked like the cover of White Trash Living or some shit.
When the cat’s away, the mice do fuck all.

Yeah. So last Friday, I finished a project and because I did that FOCUS, JOEY! this week my monitors were trimmed with post-its on what I would do when the project was done. I mean, veritably, trimmed in post-its. I’m not going to tell you how many. All week I was the post-it note taskmaster and I am happy to report there are now six. Woot!

Also, I finished a big math today. I had to fix someone else’s math. Let that sink in. I, your Joey, had to undo and redo the math that someone else did not do properly. I know! My brain. Oh my poor brain.

I truly believe the math aged me today. It’s all the scowling. Lipstick can’t save me from the scowl. For that, I’ll need alcohol … and maybe ice cream. Bourbon float, maybe.

But I left on time. On time! Woot!
FRIDAYITIS.
That shit is real, yo.

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It’s going to rain all weekend. Do you know how I feel when it rains all weekend? Like Mother Nature loves me best.

Happy Friday Everyone! 

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