Stupid Bloody Tuesday

“Stupid bloody Tuesday, man, you been a naughty boy, you let your face grow long…”

I am the eggman! I am the eggman!

Everybody —

Motherfucker, even the YouTube is down! Like I said, stupid bloody Tuesday.

(If you don’t know the song, I don’t want to know. Just… Don’t.)

I’m no walrus. I’m like… prolly some woodland creature. Somethin small and busy and brown. Something burrow-y and … Is there a small woodland creature that behaves as though it’s deranged in order to scare off its prey? Somethin heavily dependent on nail files, Band-Aids, and calendars? I’m that.

Anyway, yeah, I know you’ll probably read this on Wednesday but I’m writing it on the stupid bloody Tuesday.

Do you ever consider your reactions to things are a result of previous experiences? I do. If you find yourself more angry or more sad or more –> *anxious* <— that is me — than everyone else involved, instead of screaming, “WHY IS NO ONE ELSE FREAKING OUT?!?” it’s best to internally inquire why you are freaking out. We carry a lot of old crap, not all of which serves us.

I am freaking out. Not outwardly, but inside. I am experiencing the brain tingles and the skin zapping and the tight band around my head and and and the panicking when I leave home and the panicking when I leave work, and moments of compulsion over proofreading and key-checking — certain I have forgotten something dire.

This morning, my kids. The Mister took them in early to do the things. I stood at the door like, keys, phone, coffee… no, bitch, you did not leave the iron on. you ain’t even ironed.
My dog tilted her head and I tilted back.
As I passed the school, I realized MY KIDS! that feeling of something missing is my kids. who are at school. it is okay. you are okay. i’m okay.

It’s a familiar feeling, the freaking out, and although I am a long-time member, it’s not a fan club.

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I did my best to have a good day. I made myself a nice PBJ for lunch. I have abandoned my black uniform for Tuesdays. Some time ago I toned it down, and have moved into navy. On Tuesdays we wear navy. Mentor says she knows it’s Tuesday when I wear the blues. Heh.

Still, I barely made it.

While I was working late and wondering how many days hours I would need to work over to feel like I am accomplishing enough to make up for the absent parties, The Mister asked me if I was also still at work, and whether I was also sad and pathetic?
YES.
Then we exchanged sad selfies

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and worked s’more.

I’m going to go make my bed now. Sheets fresh from the dryer. I WASN’T UP TO IT ON SUNDAY, OKAY? That’s what I’m sayin, I’m not myself!

Shh. i’m okay.

Imma make this Tuesday all warm and soft and snugly until it’s disappeared into Wednesday.

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In Which Whirl Girl Winds Down

Y’all know good and goddamned well that I am not only behind in blogging, but also in reading blogs. Life. Mine is full. Yay. Yay? More like Yea.

Due to staffing issues our office has been just a wee tad bit totally incredibly crazed.

This week kicked my ass.

First, I am grateful I have been spared of sick.

Also, I like this chilly wet weather.

Then, lemme say that I would rather be busy, full-speed ahead for eight hours of a day than to be idle for ten minutes.

This week had so many whirlwinds. I’d sit back down at my desk, and I’d think now what the hell was i even doing before all that happened?
Fortunately, I have been a teacher and a mommy to many in addition to working retail at Christmas and Starbucks in the morning, so I am completely capable of high-functioning adaptation in the face of chaos and confusion. GO ME.
That is my work week.

Additionally, my girls have the fall break. A break for a teenager is the optimum opportunity to squeeze as many fun things as possible into that time. And y’all know there’s no break from athletics, right? Have I made that clear? Who cares if you work, your kid has sport fing for three hours three days a week! Cause break!

Annnd, the boy one came up to visit. He’s good people. We enjoy him. He can drive to his own fun and he comes with his own money and he never leaves hairbands in the shower.

SO tired.

I need to watch a lot of clouds, trees, and television. Oh, and I need to sleeeeeeeep. And remember to eat. And maybe drink a lil.

I’m late, but still I like to make you crack a smile on Friday so I’m leavin this to the professionals.

Happy Friday Everyone! Rest yo brain.

 

 

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Friday Fun Three

I stole this from Barb-Weena — she does the fun! It was originally called 33 Questions, but they’re not all numbered and I’m not counting.

1. If you lived in a house made of jello, what flavor would it be? Any particular reason?
Blue, because my husband and I could agree to look at that much blue day in, day out. However, I could not be trusted to live in a jello house, for I would eat it.

2. What is your first reaction when someone knocks on your door?
Who the fuck is that?

 

3. Does a blue sky or blue ocean make you happier? Why?
Blue oceans. While I enjoy a blue sky now and again, blue skies are not my favorite skies because they frequently suggest that I will sweat, whereas the sea has yet to boil me and even when warm,  it is refreshing as well as being soothing to my skin and joints.

 

4. If you were out enjoying a beautiful day and suddenly it started raining, what would you do?
Smile and continue enjoying a beautiful day — Now without crowds!

 

5. Whose name makes you smile as soon as you hear it? Care to share why?
Um, I don’t have one? Maybe Cletus, because it’s like saying cheese, sorta smiley while you do the “eeeeee” ing.

6. Dog, cat, fish, or rabbit?
For what?

7. What’s your favorite mode of travel?
Pedzing. Ped xing.

 

8. If you had to stay up all night by yourself in a deserted building, what would you spend the time doing?
Had to? Had to? Am I locked in? Have I no phone? Crying and praying and writing goodbye letters to everyone I love.

9. Running in the rain or running in the gym? (Even if you don’t run! ha!)
Running in the rain.

10. To stand alone on a mountain peak or dance in a crowded club?
Dance in a crowded club. I will assume there’s techno, air-conditioning, and alcohol.

11. Who do you write for?
Me. It’s all about me.

12. Do you judge a book by its cover?
Literally, yes.  Figuratively, no.

13. What’s your favorite color? (Specific shade would be awesome…just saying.)
Clear bright white, but it’s not a color, so yellow, like butter yellow.

14. Which animal is smarter: chimpanzees or dolphins?
I have no idea. I haven’t conversed with either.

15. What’s your least favorite part about writing: editing, revising, or proofreading?
Revising. I like to think my vis is perfect the first time around. It is not. I must re.

16. Are there any mythological creatures you believe are real? (Or wish they were?)
I wish they were all real, because life would be so much more interesting.

17. Which ridiculously popular book did you not enjoy?
Usually, if I don’t like it, I don’t keep going — Harry Potter, Anna Karenina — but I read The Goldfinch front to back and I hated the whole thing. Liked the cover, though, tsk.

 

Do You Prefer / Which Would You Rather questions

Pen or pencil?
Pen

Wine or beer?
Can I not get a cocktail? Wine.

Bean bags or straight-back chairs?
Bean bags

A pile of proofreading or a stack of math worksheets?
I would rather do a pile of proofreading than do one math worksheet. No one cares: I must do both.

Monty Python or Three Stooges?
Monty Python

 

Barb’s Questions:

  1. If you were an animal, which one would you like to be?
    Giraffe – Oh I would run and kick things and eat figs and lick all the best people!
  2. If you could keep only one home appliance, which one would you keep?
    Lordamercy! What a nightmare! The washing machine.
  3. If you were given a racehorse, what would you name it?
    Regifted
  4. As a child, what job did you want when you grew up? Did it happen?
    Teacher. Yes.
  5. What’s your favorite holiday?
    Fourth of July
  6. What book are you reading?
    The Devil in White City
  7. If you could ask your pet 3 questions, what would you ask them?
    If? If?!? I ask my pets questions all the time. Mostly, “Who’s a pretty ____?” I have tried to ask deeper, more meaningful questions, but they seem to like “Who’s a pretty ____?”
  8. What is a funny sounding word?
    physiatry — Spellcheck doesn’t even know it, but it’s real.
  9. If you could live in any TV house, which one would you choose?
    Little House on the Prairie — but I’m takin the washing machine
  10. Do you have a favorite number? What does it mean to you?
    Four. I dunno why. Maybe because it’s yellow. Don’t ask, it just is.
  11. What is the last thing you Googled?
    DVM vs VMD

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I’m not adding any questions, but play along if you like, and HAVE A HAPPY FRIDAY!

Posted in Random Musings | Tagged | 55 Comments

#ThursdayDoors — Apple Orchard

Ah, fall.
Iconic midwest photo:

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That’s only twenty minutes from my house, and I live in the city proper.

It was a cool, overcast, beautiful day, perfect for me, so Sassy and I went off to the apple orchard.

Doors — not so much.

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Over all, the apple orchard is all about open doors, but there was one I was glad to see shut.

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Those apples are cortlands, and they really are that color. We picked them, and some golden delicious.

And we did this.

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We also shared a pulled pork sammich and practically swooned over the applesauce. It was hard for me to allow my child to eat any of the applesauce. When I handed it over, I said, “This is love.”
After eating a few bites, she said, “I don’t know how you gave this to me. You really must love me a lot.”
We bought a quart to take home. And some honey sticks. And some fudge for The Mister.
We also bought some apple maple bacon jam. You have no idea.

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#ThursdayDoors is part of an inspired post series run by Norm Frampton, hosted by Dan today. To see other doors of interest, or to share your own, click the link and find the frog.

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A Gifted Week

We must be mindful. Mindful sounds terrible when you have a busy mind, I know, but being mindful is sorta clearing. One thing at a time. This thing. This now. I believe blessings are best counted in the moment, but it’s not as easy to practice that art as it is to write the statement. Sometimes I get all caught up in the rushing and doing and oh mercy, the shifting focus, quick, quick, quick! I must remind myself, stop myself to breathe and take a moment in gratitude.

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On any given day I have plenty to be grateful for — family, furbabies, friends, house, job, food in the cupboards, indoor plumbing, absurdly expensive health insurance — I’m so fortunate. There are times I am acutely aware of the infinite abundance of love and possibility in this world. Times I can feel it running through me. However, I am a human and I take it for granted. I frequently need a reality check and I do enjoy fings and stuffs.

Out of the blue, my friend Cole sent me a lil giraffe necklace. It gave me all the happy and I hung it in Blanche, look how cute!

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In case you did not know, giraffes make me happy and friends who see giraffes and think of me make me happy. Friends who would mail me the giraffe? Oh wow!

Then, in an uncanny coinkidink (as she would say) my mother sent me a giraffe sparkly. I know, you maybe think she saw Cole’s giraffe and rushed out to send me a fing, but you would be wrong. In fact, my mother mailed hers before Cole.

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Two giraffes in a week?!?

But wait! There’s more!

A few weeks ago, my dear friend True sent me a code via text. It was for coffee at Starbucks. She said to have a coffee on her and to think of her, and oh my heart. So on Tuesday I got my True coffee and I did think of True. Aw, heart heart, True.

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The barista asked how long it had been since I’d seen my friend. “Five years. Five years, six months, two weeks…” That’s how long I’ve been back home. Omalord, I do miss True. Bittersweet coffee had me like whoa.

I am still, STILL ridiculously happy to be back home, particularly this time of year.

That gratitude cup stays full. Grateful to be home.

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Taking long walks in the woods.

Wearing sweaters.

Being thought of by those I love but who are afar.

I am so grateful to be living this week in my gifted life.

Happy Friday Everyone! 

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#ThursdayDoors — Moody Blue

Even as a kid, you knew you were different. You thought you were special until they called you weird. You knew you were, too. Couldn’t deny it, sure couldn’t hide it. You didn’t see things the same way. You found beauty in things other people weren’t even looking at.

Now on Thursdays, special weirdo that you are, you take a strange scenic tour through the world. Through the eyes of others, you see the doors and more. You see not just what others see, but how they see.

Just me, then?

Lands you’ll never visit, history you’ll never live, designs you could never dream…

You think about things you’ve never thought about before.

Your friends send you doors now, don’t they?

Remember that time you joined a door photography cult group?

Yeah. Me too.

No regrets.

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#ThursdayDoors is the brainchild of Norm Frampton, and today, I am honored to be a guest host.
To see other doors of interest, or to join in with your own, click the frog.

PS: I am sleeping while this posts, and I won’t be looking at it until 8am Eastern, so if somethin’s wrong with the frog, if I didn’t do all the right clicking — fret not, I’ll — You know what? You can fret. I’ll do my best, but I’ll fret, too.

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SoCS — Fall Flowers? Flour?

Not a good day to post about either, I’m afraid. Happy Autumn from Indy!

I’ve not been out in my yard a lot, haven’t even looked at the mums, but it’s always a good idea to plant more mums, no matter how many mums you have.

O’er by the hibiscus I’ve got sweet autumn clematis. It runs the length of the fence we share with the abandoned-house-now-in-reno. Do you have a side of your yard you don’t visit much? Cause that’s mine. There’s about nothin goin on over there, but now that the house on that side isn’t an eyesore, I may visit it more. I figure if I ever run out of space to plant things, I’ll stick em over there. Gotta have a path to the garden gate, though, even if there’s not one right now, because the hibiscus do as they will and like I said, I haven’t been out there much. Could use a trim.
Just a lil.
Heh.

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Sweet autumn clematis is pretty, kinda light n’ fluffy n’ boing-y. I’d say it’s hard to photograph well, but what I mean is that I don’t photograph it well. You just plant it and it grows. It spreads on its own over time. It starts vining in July and it blooms in late August and lasts til the first freeze, sometimes, the lower ones last longer. It smells very, very good. Kinda like honeysuckle meets lily of the valley. I went out there last weekend and caught a few sniffs and snaps.

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I’ve got nothin on the flour bit. You wanna see my flour canister? Or the baking cabinet? Nah. I did pick up some grocery store bakery cookies last night. The lofthouse sort. Ours are yellow. With sprinkles. I love those cookies, but I wish they didn’t have sprinkles.  Sprinkles are quite cute, I just don’t want to eat them. Anyway, did you know the copycat version is made by adding a cup of flour to a boxed cake mix? Yep.

That’s all I got. Cause it’s 67F/19C and I gotta be OUT in that!

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Saturday Stream of Consciousness — SoCS ‘flower/flour’ is brought to you by LindaGHill

 

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Eat, Drink, Don’t Be Wary

Lunch is a weird word. We were all in the conference room, having the work lunch…

Oh, let me tell you about my lunch quick! I wanted fries, so I ordered the Molly Melt. It read, as follows, “caramelized onions, tomato, American cheese, mozzarella, with cilantro and chipotle sauce.”

Mentor said my boss needed to know what size I wanted my food.
Size?
I walked into my boss’s office and raised my eyebrows.
She asked, “Medium?”
I asked, “Is there a small?”
She laughed, “Not what size, what temperature!”
“OH!”

You guys, it was a burger. They put all the stuff on a burger. I woulda ate it without the burger. I thought it was a fancy grilled cheese.

It turned out to be a small, flat burger on white bread and I enjoyed it so much I almost finished it.

So I was sittin in the conference room, noshin my delicious foods with meat, when the topic turned to workplace shootings and I, feeling casually random and at-ease, chimed in about how I could not shoot up the place. Guns too bang. It’s just too violent. If I lost my mind, I’d probably poison everyone’s tea and dance around merrily.

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I guess no one will ever ask me to make tea. Even if they’re sick and I offer, they’ll prolly be like, “Nah, I’m good.”

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I thought about it a lil bit more, and in the same way that I wouldn’t trust myself with a firearm, BOOM! blew my foot off, Dang, I am so OCD and overthinkery and clumsy, I wouldn’t trust myself to accurately distribute poison.

My imagination took off with that.

I come to work in my spray painting mask and dishwashing gloves, not suspicious at all, I carefully adhere properly printed labels to everyone’s cuppa tea. I line up all the cups. I pull out my super secret eyedropper full of X POISON X (like I know the names of poisons, Pshaw!) I plop in a drop and then… I forget which cups I’ve plopped and I need to make a list and probably have a poison test available to double check, like some sorta thing you dip in to check that you really put the poison in it.

Wrong. I don’t get that far.

More Likely Imaginary Scenarios:

I can’t order the X POISON X on the interwebs because I had to reset my computer a few months back and I’ve forgotten my password to the site where I buy all my deadly dangerous chemicals, like Dr. Bronner’s lavender soap and Borax, right?

Or — I successfully order the X POISON X but I leave it on the desk in the living room because I’m distracted by the

Or — I put “Check if workplace makes me murderous: If so X POISON X” on my calendar.

Or — I drop the bottle of X POISON X on my terrible-beautiful kitchen floor, my dog licks it up before I can clean it and then I have to force my dog to drink syrup of whatever makes us puke, ipecac? Yeah, ipecac, and I end up late to work because I have to take my dog to the vet for detox.

Or — I accidentally put the X POISON X in Sassy’s bag and realize all I have is swim shampoo for blondes.

Or — I manage to get the X POISON X in my car, but can’t leave the driveway with it because I feel too guilty of transporting hazardous cargo when I am not legally authorized to do so.

Or — The bottle of X POISON X was poorly packaged and I die on my way to work, inhaling deeply as a I sing, no doubt causing a rear-end collision with a full school bus.

Or — I make it all the way to work with the X POISON X but I can’t open the fuckin bottle, so I gotta ask Mentor to help and she’s like, “Why are we opening poison?”

I’m like a cartoon, y’all.

Writer’s Brain is a serious condition that causes frequent laughter.

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Happy Friday Everyone! 

Posted in Personally | Tagged , , | 35 Comments

#ThursdayDoors — The Laziest Ever

Okay, so I’m a bit door poor, and worse, I’ve not got time to sort, upload, and edit what I do have.
Annnd, I’ve spent time out of doors, which is beautiful and good for me, but not great for Thursday.

Wanna see some of that, though?
Yeah ya do.

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As I said, laziest ever.

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I washed Blanche! How ya like them doors? Hehe!

#ThursdayDoors is part of an inspired post series run by Norm Frampton. To see other doors of interest, or to share your own, click the link and find the frog.

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One-Liner Wednesday — I Used to Care, a lil

Driving to pick up kids from the high school football game, we saw fireworks pop up on the horizon. The Mister said, “Ooh, someone scored a touchdown.”
And I said, “Unless it’s Troy Aikman, I prolly don’t care.”

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Besides, my favorite football player will always be Charlie Brown.

Posted in Random Musings | Tagged , | 24 Comments