The Ache I Cannot Shake

It’s a month today since I fell ill. I still ache a lot from the waist up. Hot baths and Tylenol go a long way in reducing the suck that is the ache I cannot shake. I still need a lot of sleep. I’m working at work, (thank tacos) and working almost full-time now. I text my boss a bit ago, letting her know I want to continue working shorter days. Everyone in my little world is now recovering, recovered, or luckiest — asymptomatic. We wonder if now we’re immune, and more importantly, if we’re still infectious. Apparently it will be a long time until we can all have antibody testing and who knows how long until we know we can’t make other people sick?

For a change, I experience lower anxiety than the general public.

604AE676-6DD8-46E6-9E02-45830392E390

sadie lady

Some people aren’t convinced I had the plague which began to upset me, because, the only way I can explain it is to say I knew. I knew like I knew he was the one I would marry, like I knew I was pregnant, like I knew that was my dog, and this is my house. A knowing. A very woo-woo knowing. I had never felt like that. It hit different.

When the night came and coughing hurt and breathing burned and I was afraid to go to sleep for fear I wouldn’t make it through the night… When the worst had passed and I got winded making tea, or walking to the bathroom… When my temp stayed right around 100 for thirteen days… When I felt better and then worse, over and over…

Last Saturday, I wasn’t tired. I baked and cooked and had sex. And then Sunday I didn’t move from the bed. Monday I went to work for six hours and Tuesday I spent the day in bed. I’m pretty much at work or in bed.

5EB22BFA-4A95-41E3-A561-2BA20A56A441

banana bread

While Moo has accused me of doing too much too soon and I balk at her, she may be right. Maybe the right thing to do was to lie down for a month, but I can’t fathom it and no medical professional told me to.

I don’t have proof it’s the plague. (which i know is not a plague because it’s viral and not bacterial, but i’m not naming the bastard — like a demon, like the orange-faced fucktard)
However, despite my lack of proof, you should prolly tuck my story into the notes section of your brain and remember it in case you find yourself in a similar position. Sick without proof. You might be as lucky as I. Cause I sure am lucky.

08ADF087-E954-4D9C-B554-655A3B111C95

clara belle

The scary part is not knowing how sick you’ll get. That’s scary. We’re talking about something that spans anywhere from you could already have it and not even feel unwell, to something that can give you one to nine symptoms for an unknown amount of time, send you to the hospital, or take your life. The spectrum is terrifying.

We don’t wear masks around one another at home, in our office, to drive, to walk the dog, or to sit on our patio, but we do when we will be around others. I own a lot of scarves.

E867AE5A-C95F-4AE3-8381-C5A632E50534 (1)

people love this photo, cause filtered af

If I have to open a door to UPS or visit the post office, I pull my scarf up and give people distance. To do so is good manners. Good manners, lest we forget, are to make other people feel more comfortable. Good manners absolutely require giving a fuck and yet, do not include yelling at other people about it.

People who do not give a fuck should perhaps take this time to gather together and enjoy recently opened beaches.

About joey

Neurotic Bitch, Mother, Wife, Writer, Word Whore, Foodie and General Go-To-Girl
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

99 Responses to The Ache I Cannot Shake

  1. Maggie says:

    Joey, I am glad you are recovering, but so sorry you and your family have had to go through this. Thank you for writing about it, for sharing your story and for just being you. You have been in my thoughts and as my grandmother would say I am ‘tickled pink’ to see you here. Sending you lots of love and caring.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Maggie says:

    Reblogged this on From Cave Walls and commented:
    I am so happy to see this blogger-friend back here. Take a few minutes and read Joey’s story (for those of you that do not already follow her). T

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Memarge says:

    Enjoyed reading your blog!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I hope your doctor or Public Health Department or nearby major medical center will know how you and your fellow workers can get an antibody test soon. I think you had ‘the bastard’ too and good you have come through it. I think your daughter has the right idea that you should not push it and rest a lot.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. scr4pl80 says:

    Joey, I am so sorry to hear you had this crazy thing but glad you are here to tell about it. I agree with your daughter that you should not try to do too much too soon. I do love your picture and does Clara Belle really have those beautiful eyes? Hope you and your family stay on the upswing. Thanks for sharing the story. Hugs!

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      I hope my story will help other people.
      She really does have those beautiful eyes, but they usually look more pastel. In order to capture her eyes that color, there has to be a lot of light in the room and she has to be facing the sunshine — so I don’t get many.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Bill says:

    Good to hear that you’re moving forward, albeit too slowly. I was thinking plague, too. Anyway, deep sigh of relief.
    Only thing is, I passed your story to wife to read and now she wants a cat and a dog. One eye blue and one green, if possible, in either or both pets.
    You look great, m’lady. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Anxious Mom says:

    I was wondering if that’s what it was since it has lasted so damn long ๐Ÿ˜ฆ I hope you continue healing and get back to normal soon. โค

    Our gov announced they're reopening retail a beaches/other water this week. I'm guess that whole "SC has peaked in COVID deaths" project will be fucked.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. The most important thing for complete recovery may be aggressive resting. NOT pushing yourself, not trying to make up for time lost.

    But giving your body the real chance to heal completely.

    You have fought off a bad virus. If you don’t let yourself heal, you may be heading back into the stress of life while still fighting off some of the aftereffects.

    People who survive may have a chance of getting what I have, ME/CFS, according to experts (mine started with a virus). Our experience is that only those who really rest get the chance to recover.

    Not saying you will – but you probably want to make up the time, catch up. Please overdo the taking care of yourself part instead. You may thank me. Keep an eye on information and research on post-viral syndromes.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Ellen Hawley says:

    I can’t think of anything remotely funny to say, but I can’t leave without saying I’m glad you’re okay. Or at least on the mend. Take care.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. puppy1952 says:

    I am so pleased that you are on the mend but please take care. This illness is different to influenza. Vitamin C, Zinc and rest are what you need. I hear you regarding boomeranging – same happened to me with pneumonia last year. I got up too soon and it kept coming back!
    You need to give your body time to heal. Stay home – stay in bed – get better soonโค๏ธ

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      Thanks! Yes, I will continue to take it easy, even though doing so makes me feel like a sloth ๐Ÿ˜› I promise I take lots of Zinc, once with Calcium and Magnesium, and then again in my eye vitamins. I promise I have been drinking orange juice, eating oranges, strawberries, and salsa — PLUS there’s the multivitamin ๐Ÿ˜€

      Liked by 1 person

  11. orbthefirst says:

    Im glad you are on the mend, joey. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  12. My friend’s hubby is plagued, too, and she knows it the same woo-woo way. It has not been named or proven or whatever because the authorities don’t want to see you unless you are unable to draw a breath on your own.

    His and your story tell me that you can take those reported numbers and multiply them by a factor of your choosing because who the hell knows?

    Keep mending, hon.

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      I’m sorry you have family in the symptomatic group. You are absolutely right. Here, it seems the criterion for tests depends on where you go when. I know SEVERAL people who have those three top symptoms and they’ve been to the hospital and not been tested. Treated as presumptive, same as me, and I only spoke to the nurse, who spoke to the dr. It does not seem right to me that people are given oxygen and antivirals and told “You probably have it, so go home and quarantine 14 days.”
      Being over 65 seems to be a factor in some circumstances.
      I couldn’t even get swabbed for flu. I couldn”t get a blood test. These are small complaints given the dire circumstances other people are suffering. However, this does not negate my complaint and furthermore, demonstrates how we’re just going about willy nilly with the entire population waiting on real science. The numbers are way higher.
      Really, I’m lucky. I’ve made it this far.

      Liked by 1 person

  13. Rivergirl says:

    This sounds perfectly horrible, and the same as all the other plague sufferers. Iโ€™m sorry, but those people who donโ€™t believe you had/have it? Need to be sneezed on. And I have absolutely no tolerance those who are gathering at beaches or refuse to wear masks. Itโ€™s beyond good manners, itโ€™s life or death.
    Take care my friend.
    โฃ๏ธ

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Sorry you have it but very glad you are approaching the end. I also agree with Maggie above in that I think the numbers are way off. I also think the protestors do not really understand what they are asking for in opening up too soon. Opening campgrounds here is a big topic right now. Yes, campers ‘could’ stay on their site but they’re not going to because they need gas, groceries, supplies, activities, etc. So, while NH numbers are lower than most, opening up campgrounds will bring forth thousands from all over MA, CT, RI where the numbers are much higher. It is going to be interesting to watch states evaluate greed over safety. Take care, and continue to feel better.

    Liked by 2 people

    • joey says:

      Thank you. Yesss! It’s a bit like beaches. In theory, one could easily enjoy an outing at the beach with people one is already at-home with, but that’s not what actually happens. We must prepare our spirits for waves of death.

      Liked by 1 person

  15. markbialczak says:

    I hope with all my might that your mend continues, Joey.
    And the fact that nobody in power tells any world citizen suffering similarly to you that a test is necessary is one of the reasons the spread still seems so mysterious to all. Knowledge is power!

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Ally Bean says:

    Yes to your definition of good manners. That little definition seems to be lost in the noise surrounding how to live in the time of coronavirus. I believe you that you had the disease and are now getting yourself back to square. Time is both everyone’s friend and enemy now, more than ever. Listen to Moo.

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      Thank you, Ally Bean. I will listen to Moo. I went in for half the day — we had deadlines that cannot be missed — and I told my bosses if I feel as lousy tomorrow, I will write drafts at home. They have been very supportive.
      Clearly people are struggling, or experiencing willful ignorance, and I don’t like it, but I also don’t want to spend energy not liking it ๐Ÿ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  17. I wish people who don’t give a fuck would stay off the trails! They’re beginning to piss me off now.

    I’m not going to hike on organized well-tended trails for awhile I’m heading to the BLM land and hope I meet no one!

    I sure am glad you are getting better! Take it easy don’t push it and have a setback!

    Liked by 3 people

  18. Dan Antion says:

    I am so happy to hear that you are doing better, but sad that getting better seems to be a bumpy road with required sleep and persistent aches. To Hell with the people who question what you had. I don’t understand why people have to be mean and stupid. OK, maybe they can’t help being stupid, but. I have friends who were very sick. They tested negative, but they weren’t able to be tested when they were sick so WTF? It doesn’t matter – they were sick and I was concerned and if you have to be all pedantic about symptoms and timing and temperatures, then you’re a totally different kind of sick.

    I hope you continue to improve, and I hope your family gets/stays healthy. I love the picture of Sadie. Listen to Moo.

    Take care.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. So glad you feel good enough to declare it in the past. Hope the aches fade soon. I believe every word you said. Rumor now is this thing may have been around since September and likely did not originate in China. If thatโ€™s true, I think I had it too, back in January. I had every symptom right down to the loss of taste. The only difference is that it didnโ€™t get discovered until about two weeks after my recovery. Hope to see you around more frequently.

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      I remember how long you were sick, brutal cough, too. I remember. You’re the second person to say January. The other person I know, she gets sick like anyone else, but she has to be super sick to miss work or events. Well she missed four shifts in January, tested negative for flu. Her dr gave her Tamiflu because she thought the flu test was wrong. Doc was sure it was flu. My friend said the debilitating cough was worse than when she had pneumonia. I suppose when the antibody testing is available, you may still have measurable antibodies correlating your suspicion. It was around then. It was being tracked before the holidays.

      Liked by 1 person

  20. Swinged Cat says:

    You’re the only person I know who might/probably had it, so it’s been very interesting to read along with you. My hope is that you continue to get better. The fact that you enjoyed a little sex in there is definitely a good sign, lol.

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      I appreciate that. I don’t usually whine for a month, by the way. I’m hopeful that my story helps other people. With gratitude, I read all the recovery stories I could find. That’s how I know I’m not the only one having trouble bouncing back. Bouncing back is sorta my gig ๐Ÿ™‚
      Having sex after being sick for three weeks is monumental, I’m just sayin!

      Like

  21. Benson says:

    I can relate to your tale very well. It is terrible when you can’t walk 5 feet without being breathless. It is frightening when you have such a tough time breathing you really don’t know if you will wake up. I wear mask and gloves whenever I go out or answer the door. I have been getting a lot of deliveries and I have only seen one UPS driver with a mask on.. Crazy. I am going to Kroger this week for curbside pickup instead of delivery. I am glad you are mending. Best wishes to you and your family

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      Thanks. Yeah, I bet you DO know. Scary shit, man. I feel for you. I rarely get a coughing bug, even as a vaper and former smoker, I’ve never even had bronchitis. *knocks wood* But it was scary.
      At work, I noted the FedEx guy doesn’t have me sign now. He just wants me to spell my name. The postman now rings the bell and leaves the packages instead of handing them to me. Then he stands in the lot and waves while I thank him.
      I hope your curbside pickup works out well. We haven’t had luck with pickup and delivery since the lockdown started.
      We’re nearing the time it’d be perfect to meet for brunch outside. I hope we get to enjoy one another in person again this year ๐Ÿ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  22. loisajay says:

    You absolutely do/did have this shit, and it ticks me off that you could not get tested. Yeah, we know. We just know. Woo-woo or not, it is a gut feeling that is never wrong. Take care of you, Joey. Filters or not–you look so pretty. I hope you are back to feeling like Joey real soon.

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      It makes me mad too. And I’m just one person with a lil circle. Imagine how many circles, how many people feel just the same!
      Haha, thanks! People DO love that pic! My mother asked me for a copy, and I was like, “Woman, you know I don’t even look like that” *rolls eyes* LOL

      Liked by 1 person

  23. Sue says:

    Iโ€™m so glad to hear youโ€™re on the mend, but dang youโ€™ve had a bad case of the plague! I trust your woo-woo senses on this one. Hopefully youโ€™ve developed strong antibodies and wonโ€™t have to fear a relapse in the fall. I also hope you and the fam can get tested to confirm what you already know but also to know your immunity levels. I fear this beast of a virus will be with us until a vaccine is widely available. Sadly I donโ€™t have much faith in this countryโ€™s ability to do anything well. Sending you some woo-woo healing love ๐Ÿ’•

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      I appreciate your validation of my woo-woo-ness ๐Ÿ™‚ I don’t write much about my hippie dippy trippy ways, but I live by intuition. I think it will be so nice when we can all know how much immunity we have. (The whole world, not just my fam!)
      I share your lack of faith. Well, re leadership anyway.

      Liked by 1 person

  24. Catwoods says:

    I’m so glad you are getting better but sorry you went through all this. Pacing yourself is probably a good idea, gradually adding more activity until you regain your full capacity, but resting when you need to. That makes sense to me. All best wishes!

    Liked by 1 person

  25. darsword says:

    Oh, Joey! I am so glad you are getting better, in spite of the not feeling better times. Your picture of health is probably deceiving but I’m happy to see you looking this good. Love pup and kitty. I am so glad you are reporting in. I believe in the woo-woo. I have it often. Virtual hugs for you and yours! Keep getting better!

    Liked by 1 person

  26. Ahh, Joey. โค I'm so sorry that it's so all-encompassing, and you are many, and you've caught it or carry it or not at all and one never knows how it will hit, and you must go to work, and there are other US people who I know that have it, whereas over here, with all the huge numbers for (comparably) little Italy, it's only one former co-worker of amore who we know was in the hospital for it but he is home already. And you're right, it doesn't deserve a name, some things just don't.

    I really love all the photos in this post, and the fact that you are healing even if slowly. And you have banana sex. I mean bread.

    Liked by 1 person

  27. JT Twissel says:

    The virus apparently also attacks the nervous system so that might be the cause of your aches. I do believe you had it. As to whether or not it made you immune, I don’t think they know. The people out protesting believe that their mad king wants them too – and he does. He hopes to force the governors to open their states and then when more people die, he’ll put the blame at them. It’s insane! Take care!

    Liked by 1 person

  28. So glad you’re recovering, even if it’s slowly, as the alternative is certainly worse. I agree wholeheartedly with your last sentence, although it contains my least-favorite word. ๐Ÿ™‚ Even if beaches were open here (even if there were beaches here), I wouldn’t go. You can’t tell me everyone is going to stay a safe distance apart. It’s just crazy stuff. Open businesses a little at a time, with safe numbers of people, distances, and procedures, so that more businesses don’t go under, but let’s not go completely bonkers!!

    janet

    Liked by 1 person

  29. Amy says:

    I’m happy that you are continually getting better, but sure wish it’d keep moving progressively upward instead of in a zig-zag of wellness. I suspect all the numbers are much higher than we know for the exact reasons you’ve mentioned. Woo-woo gets a bad wrap, but it knows much more than people give it credit for. ๐Ÿ™‚ I hope that you keep feeling better and better, Joey. Clara and Sadie are just adorable. I love the pic of you too and not just cause filtered af. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Liked by 1 person

  30. JoAnna says:

    I am so glad you’re healing and in 100% agreement with Moo about you trying to do too much too soon. Yes, to shorter days at work and to fewer days, too. I used to like to take Wednesdays off to give myself a break. I can understand wanting to be back to your normal, healthy self, and that will come in time. For now, give your body more time to heal. You’re worth it!

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      You’re sweet to remind me. I have missed four Tuesdays now. I worked at home today and honestly, got really fatigued, but being so short-staffed, I feel like I must.

      Liked by 1 person

      • JoAnna says:

        I understand, especially if your co-workers have been as sick as you. If working from home is easier on you, I hope you will stay home more, rest more. โค

        Like

  31. bikerchick57 says:

    Joey, take the time to rest and eat your hellafruit poppyseed salads. Sorry you’re still feeling the aches and pains and tiredness from the devil virus, but I’m sure you are happy to be upright and breathing. My anxiety with this is the people that don’t care, those that want to congregate at beaches, in restaurants or carry signs when people are dying or doctors and nurses are fighting for their lives. I think they will have to feel your illness or a loss before understanding their idiocy.

    Be well, Joey, just like they say at Walgreens. You deserve it!

    Like

  32. ghostmmnc says:

    So glad you’re feeling some better now. I think you probably had the thing, too, considering the length, and the symptoms. For some reason I think that’s what I had at the end of Feb., but they said it was Flu A. But being rushed to the hospital, put on oxygen and given all kinds of antibiotics … well, I’ve had flu before, and also pneumonia, and this was so much worse. Then right after, is when they started talking about the C-19 exploding everywhere. I’ll never know for real, though.
    Anyway, take care and don’t over tire yourself into a relapse. Better days ahead. โค

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      Thanks so much โค
      You might have had it. Lots of people have said the same about the months prior. I have a friend in that category. If your flu test came back with A, that's one thing, but if not… and you can find out when we have antibody tests.
      How long were you down, Barb?

      Like

      • ghostmmnc says:

        Yes, my test at the hospital came back as Flu a, but then they weren’t testing for this new virus then. I’d been sick for a couple of weeks, very tired, achy, and it just got so bad I couldn’t breathe. That’s when I was admitted, and stayed there for a week. After getting home, I still had to use oxygen for a couple of weeks, and the home health people would come by.
        Seems this thing just lasts so much longer.

        Liked by 1 person

  33. larva225 says:

    Iโ€™m so glad youโ€™re continuing to mend. And Iโ€™m waiting for some tech whiz to figure out how we can all be filtered AF all the time.

    Like

  34. Joanne Sisco says:

    There was no doubt in my mind that you had that-which-shall-not-be-named. Even more important is that you and yours have come out the other end of it … even if it may take a while to recover your strength again.

    As for the non-believers who will flock out to the reopened beaches, I can only hope that they do not end up infecting the innocent.

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      Right? I wondered how many of those spring breakers partied at the beach and then stopped by to spend the day with grandmas before heading back north. It was frightening.

      Thanks, I just wanna be WELL!

      Liked by 1 person

  35. loisajay says:

    Joey–you are so funny. Yes, glitches are bitches. Your comment did show on my post–yay! But I cannot reply to it–boo! I have heard from a lot of people that they are having problems, not only with WP, but with their iPhones, Messenger…..stuff I don’t have, but problems nonetheless. The Happiness Engineers were great to talk with. They are as puzzled as I, but if they have all the problems with others…..I might be waiting a long time for a fix. Or it might be back to normal tomorrow. Who knows.

    Liked by 1 person

  36. marianallen says:

    Listen to Moo: She has the wises. But I’m glad to hear you had sex. Why should the plague have all the fun?

    Liked by 1 person

  37. willowdot21 says:

    I do hope you continue to recover be safe ๐Ÿ’œ

    Liked by 1 person

  38. slfinnell says:

    Hopefully this finds you better than yesterday and the day before and so on. ๐Ÿ™‚ I am probably/hopefully better immune than most after having 28 years of illness exposures(one word-“childcare”) but I did have to take a sick day in January and the dr tested and said “It’s not Influenza A or B or Strep but it Could be an underlying virus”. I had nothing symptom-wise like yours but I sure do wonder?? Good of you on posting this as it needs to be heard!!

    Like

  39. I believe you, and not just because I have two friends who had it, and one was diagnosed. described exactly what you said, and was tested in Canada. Luckily she skirted intubation, because she had many preconditions. Another one took 4 weeks before she ventured out in her back yard. You take care and lay low. xox

    Like

  40. Hope you are all feeling a lot better now, Joey. My son, who lives alone near us was sick too and waited for three weeks for a test while self isolating. We dropped his groceries to his door but he never got tested. They changed the testing criteria. Anyways, he recovered thankfully but is still waiting for his workplace to open up again. They make fitted furniture.

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      Iโ€™m glad heโ€™s feeling a lot better, Jean. In addition to the testing being difficult to get, the tests arenโ€™t as accurate as we need them to be. My son is also sick, although heโ€™s on the mend. They didnโ€™t test him, they called him in some medication and an inhaler for troubled respiration. I was really worried for him living alone.

      Liked by 1 person

  41. Laura says:

    Oh Joey, I’ve had a rough go of it lately and dropped out of blog reading for a while so it’s only now that I’m seeing you’ve gone through this. I’m so so sorry. It does sound hideous and terrifying and filled with so much uncertainty that I don’t know that I’d make it. I went through a patch of not being able to breathe at night and was terrified I’d managed to catch it but I’m 90% sure it was anxiety/panic attacks rearing their ugly heads. Sending you love and prayers.

    Like

Tell me about it:

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.