Missed July. My best intentions may not have been good enough.
Back in January, I wrote, “Life can change in an instant. We seem to forget that now could be the moment before it changes. Those big memory markers in life, the ones that make you remember the date? They’re out there. You could wake up tomorrow and some shit could go down and then BLAMMO! Memory marker. These are the good ol days.”
I liked January better than July, and not only because it was cold in January. My intake receptors are overloaded. I marvel at how other people are handling these “challenging, uncertain, unprecedented times” (gag me with a spoon, aight?)
I am not myself right now. I mean, of course I’m myself, I have no other choice, but I am enduring a multitude of existential crises and I’m not handling them well. I’ve read substantial commentary on how “whatever gets you through” is OKAY. My current OKAY seems to be avoidance of expression. Suppression. Super unhealthy. Really, it’s an avoidance of conflict. “I will not dance, even if the beat is funky.”
Pleasantries instead of real connection. My diet is heavy in frozen confections and pleasantries. I will look up from my bowl of orange sherbet to nod and smile.
Anxiety-ridden bitches like me are still riding the wave of “OH YOU THINK I’M AN ALARMIST?!?”
Earlier this summer, I was expressive, even yell-y, but I’ve since conserved my energy. I was more a poked bear and now I feel rather lemme-just-curl-up-under-my-hard-shell-as-I-must-protect-my-squishy bits. Please think of me when you see doodle bugs … or yellow wallpaper.
Before I fall right off my rocker, I will share with you a few of the pleasantries, small photographic markers of my gratitude.
My green space
My pets
Office Administrator bought lollies. I find a 4:00 lolly helpful.
One day I engaged in “risky behavior” and met Benson for lunch. We did not hug, neither hello or goodbye. We ate tacos.
They were so good, I then took The Mister there for our first date in four months. When we left, The Mister said, “That is the most normal I’ve felt in a long time.”
That’s where we are, trying to balance threat of spreading the plague with our deteriorating mental health. We’re still living, on a smaller, modified scale. The list of things we don’t do is long. As is the list of things we long to do.
I think it’s safe to say we all have at least one shared memory marker, and yet, these are still the good ol days. It’s all fucked up, but here we are. My gratitude lies in something is better than nothing.
joeyfullystated 
I have been worried about you. Please protect your squishy bits – sometimes that’s the best we can do. Please know that I am an admirer and cheering for you to someday feel your old saucy self.
LikeLike
Good to hear from you, Joey. Can you believe it’s already August? No idea how that happened.
‘..trying to balance threat of spreading the plague with our deteriorating mental health’–that is, sadly, such a perfect statement. I’m hoping the rest of the year flies by. Take care. Write soon. Missing you. ❤
LikeLike
I’m glad to see this post. I’ve been worried. These are strange times. I hope your August is better than July.
Take care.
LikeLike
We miss you putting things in perspective. We’re all feeling it. As we move into month five, I have to admit I have days where I am lethargic to the point of borderline depressed with current events, and there is no real end in sight. I was reading about a local event that they postponed until 2023. There’s wasn’t enough chocolate in the house to combat what I was feeling when I read that. Stay well, stay sane, and post once in a while because we need your take on things. 🙂
LikeLike
I get it. I’ll see your orange sherbet and raise you a Haagen Dazs, but you’re ahead of me on the restaurant. Haven’t seen one of those since March.
This, too, shall pass, my friend. Be well. ❤
LikeLike
Whew! I can breath now. The last post I remember was you were kind of “sick” don’t know whether it was the C word. Thank you. Thank you. A million TY for sending us your thoughts. You’re not alone.
LikeLike
I can’t imagine doing this with kids. Ours our out on their own, and I worry like crazy because one is living alone – and that has to be harder. I’m not sure I could do it – and she got stuck in the college town where she finished her degree – in NY State! While I’m in California.
We’re in lockdown – and I haven’t had ice cream of any kind in over six months! Crazy.
Some days I get almost nothing done. Like today. Though I made some quiches (easy breakfast/lunch/snack) and washed my hair.
But only a few words of the writing, and that is depressing because I have the time, but not the brain.
Stay well. This WILL pass, and we just want to still be around when it does.
LikeLike
Glad to see a post from you, Joey. It’s hard to find words beyond “this fucking sucks.” I hope better days are ahead.
LikeLike
Ive seen you poke around a bit, here & there. Its at least enough to be let known that youre around. I too, am having a high stress summer. Hopefully this is a trend that ceases to exist. Soon. For both of us.
LikeLike
I think we’re all feeling a bit of this. For me it’s like living in limbo…. normal will return someday, but I’m not marking my calendar yet. Hang in there, breathe deeply and blog your frustration. We can take it.
And talk about depressing? We’re going to lose 200,000 timeshare points we already paid for because we can’t travel.
🙁
LikeLike
I’ve been wondering what happened to you. Hope you find your funky beat soon.
LikeLike
I think of the 60’s as being a time of slogans. Among other things. A popular one was “Keep the faith baby”. I took that to mean that no matter what bullshit the world puts.in your way you will persevere. You have family and friends that will support you and your “squishy parts.” I am glad you and Jake finally had a date night and it made things feel normal. That should happen regularly. So thanks for lunch and keep the faith baby.
LikeLike
So wonderful to see you here again, Joey. You have been missed. Good for you for being safe and cautious. I am contemplating my first people encounter since March – 5 months ago. Even that is a little frightening. Hang in there. That’s all any of us can do.
LikeLike
Good to see your bright words across the screen, Joey.
I recall back in early Spring when everyone was saying, “Don’t panic!” I didn’t, but now that I am ready to do that, I find I’ve forgotten how.
A messy balance for sure.
LikeLike
Yes, pleasantries are my M.O. lately too. You say it all so well. Good to hear your voice, again, Joey and thank you for poking your head out of your shell.
LikeLike
Yes, markers – this whole year will be a marker for everyone.
Your green space and flowers are really pretty, and your pets are adorable as can be.
Glad to hear from you, and that you got to go out for a little bit. ❤
LikeLike
As my younger son so eloquently put it on the weekend, ‘the past several months have been the biggest mind-fuck ever’. We’re all just trying to manage the best we can. If retreating is the safest place for you to be, then be there, but as others have said, glad you’re ok You’ve been on my mind since you were so sick in April.
LikeLike
Nice to see you again! The way I see it, I’d almost be willing to trade getting Covid-19 for having to stay indoors. This is not normal, no matter how much people try to sell it as such. I love what your husband said, that it was the most normal he felt in a long time.
Is that a Tootsie Pop, or a Chupa Chups?
LikeLike
Good to see you posting again, if only just now and then to check in. We are all just doing the best we can… from total denial to fetal positions. Stay safe.
LikeLike
Your nails make me happy. So does that beaty-beaty-beat music. You were prescient, indeed. Me, I didn’t mind the lockdown, because I was locked down with my husband, my best friend, and my boyfriend, and they were all the same person. It was heaven. Good to see you again. Stay safe.
LikeLike
Good to see you back, Joey😊 I was that alarmist chic back in February saying, “This is gonna be bad”. It’s no fun being right😷 And all the damn drama over wearing masks…wear a mask or stay home! I can’t even watch the news these days. I start swearing like a sailor😫😂 Sadly, I think this virus will be with us for awhile. In the meantime, hug your favorite humans if they live with you😉 In my case we’re having zoom parties, giving virtual hugs and connecting more than usual. Stay safe and be well❤️
LikeLike
It’s always a little unnerving when you see your predictions come to life. Hopefully the rest of the year will be looking up for you guys. Thanks for the update and letting us know you’re still kicking around!
LikeLike
Hello, friend Joey. I count your More frequent visits here among the things I miss because of this crisis. Hey, do what you can handle is all. Tacos with Benson, nice. Pets and family, very.
LikeLike
I’ve not been out to eat anywhere since this began. How exciting that you ventured out into the formally normal world to dine on tacos. I know what you mean about feeling the need to protect yourself, both physically and emotionally. These are tiring times. Stay safe, love hearing from you again.
LikeLike
Oh, Joey. So many words to say but I have them in no coherent order to share. This is what I will say – you are not alone. What you feel, others (including me) feel. It’s messed up. Do whatever you need to do to get through. Hang in there. Life has changed but we are evolutionary creatures and we will adapt and go on to survive and thrive.
LikeLike
Good to see you! I think a lot of us can identify with that instinct to draw inwards right now. In the meantime stay safe, stay sane, and do what you need to to be well my friend 🙂
LikeLike
I’ve missed you here, but have glimpsed you on IG. I’ve not been here or there very much and spent last week in reading (and media) deprivation per The Artist’s Way week 4. I’m glad you are hanging in there in this strange world. Your nails, lollies, greenery, and snouts in Starbucks all make me smile. I hope that you and your family continue to stay safe and find many smiles to maintain your sanity. 🙂
LikeLike
Great to see you on the blogosphere again, Joey. Hang in there. This too shall pass! In the meantime do what you have to do.
Love your photos.
LikeLike
These are sucky times, for sure. We’ve tried to social distance by doing some camping (RVing), but it’s not much better…nothing to do when you get somewhere else but hunker down in a different place. Blah!
When all else fails, tacos.
LikeLike
Jeepers, Joey, I’m a little late here, but hoping you and The Mister and family are doing okay. Better. Not sticking your head in a tub of Ben and Jerry’s while curled around the cats. Better days and hugs are ahead. 🤗🙂
LikeLike
Oops, I’m late again. Probably bc email notifications overwhelm me. Conserving energy makes a lot of sense, especially when you have kids and if you’re still working the job which the administrator bringing lollies suggests. That lolly looks like root beer or chocolate which would be my top picks. It’s good to read you realness, Joey. I have missed you. I really like the photos, esp. the pets and that katydid and Queen Anne’s Lace. Nature continues to bless us. Keep enjoying that green space and taking care of you!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Never mind late, I am VERY late all the time. Thanks, JoAnna ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
❤
LikeLike
We had that collective BLAMMO didn’t we? Here we’ve been up down and all around. The longer this goes on the more questions I have. Soon we’ll say oopsies it’s September. Self care is fleeting but very necessary. Get it while you can.
LikeLike
I also missed July. Sometimes I can look outward but other times I need to look inwards. Glad you were able to indulge in the normalcy of eating out. I haven’t tried it yet. Too afraid for tacos.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Fewer people weekdays when they’ve just opened and it’s a big place. It’s the only place I’ve gone – twice that week.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Okay, so you missed July, but look at you here logging your thoughts for August. We shall cheer on that effort in this fucked up time because we celebrate all the successes even the hey-look-I-got-out-of-bed-today ones. Even when you don’t get here I’m enjoying your shots on Instagram. So lovely that you & the hubby enjoyed a date!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I share many of your sentiments. Avoidance of expression here too. On Sunday was the first time in SIX MONTHS that amore and I left the house together, disregarding two weeks in Slovenia. No together times outside the house in half a year. It’s social distancing but the thing is that he likes it. Hard hard hard for me. Luckily I’ve got my friend Flavia and right now my visiting uncle here to go out together. All well to you. You’re doing the exact right thing. Protect yourself.
LikeLike
Pingback: On the road again – Manja Mexi Mexcessive