Control Freaks

New dentist’s office sure was weird about the Halcion.


First, the dentist agreed that it’d be fine for me to have the Halcion and some shots because I do not like the laughing gas.

I know, I’m weird. I hate to be high.

I prefer pain to bein high. I also prefer pain to feelin like things are crawlin on me.


No, Halcion does not get me high.
It prolly gets you high, cause you’re not wound tighter than an eight-day clock, but Halcion for me, is like taking the ultimate edge off.

Maybe when gassed, your brain does groovy shit like shut down and go to a happy place, but mine does not. I would describe being gassed with nitrous like lucid dreaming, but in a nightmare, like “Oh my God, I cannot control my body, although I am completely aware of my surroundings.” It’s just too close to those dreams where you run in place, so you can’t escape the monster, or you’re stabbing the monster, but he just won’t die.

I called the day before my appointment, to ask about how the Halcion would be administered. “Will he call this in for me? Will it be at the office? Can you check with him and get back to me?”
She said she would.

The morning of my appointment, I called to ask how that whole Halcion discussion went down, and the lady said, “Come at five and pick up your scrip.”
“I cannot come at five. That’s why I have an appointment at six.”
“What time can you be here?”
[Lordamercy, is this actually happening to me?]
“Pick it up at six, and then we’ll just delay your appointment a bit.”
“And that will be okay?”
“Okay. Thank you.”

The Mister said he’d pick it up on the way home. I called to let them know. They thought that was a great plan.

The Mister came home, and I said stuff like, “All the dishes are done…Como needs her own box in the bathroom…these jeans can actually be pulled down over my hips if I can’t undo them myself…the girls are clean…your plate is in the fridge…there are cupcakes in the microwave…they can eat all the cupcakes they like…please be sure to talk to them about being angels tomorrow…there’s ham in the drawer if you don’t feel like cookin tomorrow…Sadie just went out…the cats have been fed early…”


We went to pick up my scrip. The prescription directions? Bring both pills to dental appointment.

wouldn’t it be nice to be sedated when one arrives to the appointment?!? and what do they mean both pills? i’m not takin two halcion! fuck all. they’re gonna drug me, gas me, drug me s’more…
I’m very sensitive to medication!

When I arrived at the office, the hygienist saw my prescription bag and said, “Mrs. Mottern, let me take that for you. For safety reasons.”
I handed the bag to her.

I sat down next to The Mister. “They’re kinda weird about Halcion here.” He nodded emphatically.

I could actual feel my fear. I was buzzin like an electric fence. I counted my breaths and tried not to contemplate how cruel it was to prescribe the sedative and then to keep me from takin it. I waited for them to call my name. Forever. I think I actually had enough time to fear each and every worst case scenario by the time she called my name.

Once I was in the chair, they took my blood pressure. It was a little high, given the fear scenario.
They talked about me like I was not there, or as though I couldn’t hear them, I could not decide.
“Does someone need to be with her the whole time?”
“Do you think she already took something?”
“What if she already took something? What is our liability?”

I rolled my eyes so hard, I saw 1973.

“Y’all are bein weird.”
Then I got an audience.
“No, I haven’t taken anything. I haven’t taken a single medication since Sunday, when I took a Zyrtec. See, I’m used to taking the pill before I come. So by the time I get here, I’m not 130 over 90 because I’m scared to death.”
“You can’t take this medication without supervision. If you’d asked for a Valium, we could have called that in, but Halcion is different.”
“Next time I will ask for Valium.”
(Either the state laws are different, or my dentist in Georgia was a criminal, heh.)
“Someone would beat you down and take this from you! Do you know what kinda drug this is?”
I lol’d.

I made sure to tell the hygienist that I was not to be gassed, and that I was not to be given any Vicodin, or Lortab, or Hydrocodone, or any of the newest names for narcotic things that make me high, and cause me to vomit, then sleep for ten hours.  I told her I didn’t want to take the other Halcion. I would not need two, and the idea of taking the second one would make me very uncomfortable, and that I just needed to take the one, and I would like to make sure the doctor would not make me take the other one.

My anxiety disorder was surely demonstrated to each member of the staff, when, as each of them made eye contact with me, I would again tell them, “I am not having gas. Just the shots. I do not want any narcotics after.” Then sometimes, I would ask them, “Did I mention I cannot tolerate Vicodin? Do you know I haven’t even taken any of the 800 IB yet? I have plenty of that. Did I tell you I do not want the gas? You’re not going to leave me alone in here, right? I’m pretty frightened.”
One lady talked to me at length about my allergies, even though I told her it was a long list…but she got my blood pressure down to normal doin that, so that was nice. I started to think there was at least one person I could relate to.

Finally, they let me take the pill. I made sure they knew I didn’t want the other pill. Like, five times.
When the Halcion started to kick in, and I began to feel it, I felt compelled to announce the whole thing again, “You know I don’t want any pain meds, right? My husband will give me whatever you tell him to, and I will throw them up and then accuse him of poisoning me, and it will be this whole banana vomit situation, because Lortab is another word for Vicodin, and he doesn’t know that, and he doesn’t even know what NSAIDS are, or what allergy meds can be given together, and it’s very important that you don’t put my husband, or me, into that situation, because throwing up is not good for blood clots. You’re not gonna gas me, right? I mean, you’re not using the sedative to get me so loopy, I’ll agree to the gas, right? No gas. Nope. Not for me. Are y’all gonna numb me up soon? I feel like I’ve been here a long time.”

“We’re waiting for your Halcion to kick in so we can give you the shots, since we know you’re nervous.”


“The Halcion has kicked in. I am not afraid of shots. Not at all.”
“Oh! Okay, we’ll get that goin.”

Good grief, they even put a local on my gums before the shots. I didn’t mind bein babied, but that wasn’t necessary. I’ve never not felt the shots, always been happy to have the shots, because shots mean NO PAIN!

During my procedure, which involved wiggling and cutting and more cutting and more wiggling, the doctor kept sayin, “You’re doin great!” “You’re a great patient!” Afterward, he said, “I don’t even think you needed the Halcion!” I rolled my eyes. I said, “That’s because I’m ON the Halcion!”

Oh for cryin out loud!

Control Freaks.


About joey

Neurotic Bitch, Mother, Wife, Writer, Word Whore, Foodie and General Go-To-Girl
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19 Responses to Control Freaks

  1. meANXIETYme says:

    Glad you survived. Incredibly sorry you had to go through that. Wishes for your speedy and low-pain recovery.


  2. orbthefirst says:

    I become angry, and hypersensitive to words when Im that anxious and scared. And the last time I was that anxious & scared, was at the dentist. I make them knock me out too.

    Be glad you dont get angry when youre scared. Its not a good trait. 😛


  3. meg68 says:

    I’m so happy to hear that, after reading the riot act to anyone who came near me in hospital all of last year. It was important to me that I not only knew what was happening to me AT ALL TIMES, but that I had significant control of it as well.
    Doctors did not like this. Funnily enough Nurses and trainee Doctors loved it! I was told several times by young Med students how refreshing it was to treat someone who knew their own body and symptoms, had researched and come to their own conclusions and had input to treatment and outcomes.
    So yeah! It’s our body, we know what it does and how it copes? Why do they think they know better?


  4. words4jp says:

    I sacrificed the Swiss cheese – do I need to move on to sharp cheddar? Have that you are still kicking through life;) feel better soon.


  5. This is an awesome piece, on several levels. Scary awesome. Glad you made it through to the other side. You deserve another cupcake.


  6. Dan Antion says:

    I hate when people don’t listen and I really hate when they talk about me as if I wasn’t there. I like your pain chart better than the one at PT. Maybe we need a hatin chart.

    My previous dentist used to let me have fillings done without Novocain. I preferred the little bit of drill pain to that needle. My new dentist works me up from one topical med to another until I can’t feel the needle.

    Hopefully everything went well and you’re feeling better. Great post, but after that description of food, I’m hungry. I wonder if we have any ham ?


  7. Sherry says:

    wow, what an experience! so glad you are better….so very glad…sorry you have to go through so much…


  8. Oh, hate it when any type of doctor doesn’t listen. Crazy-making. Anxiety-making. And they call US difficult? Glad you made it through okay and lived to tell about it. 😉


  9. Jewels says:

    Omg what an ordeal! Glad you survived, and I hope you’re mending well.


  10. Luanne says:

    I didn’t now whether to laugh or cry with you !!!!!!


  11. maurnas says:

    Doctors. They’re the worst. I keep wanting to get that Better Pain Scale from Allie Brosh as a poster for my apartment.


  12. Aussa Lorens says:

    Holy shat, that sounds traumatizing. The last time I went to the dentist, I thought it was just some routine thing and he did a root canal. Without telling me. I’d just taken an hour off to pop in and out and he had a bone saw up in my mouth, it was terrible. Somewhere, there is a photo of me holding a bag of frozen peas to my face.


  13. Kat's Den says:

    Ugh…tooth extractions are the worst. Glad you had the Halcion. I don’t know what it is, but I’m glad you had it.


  14. spacurious says:

    Ummm – so whaddya gonna do with that extra Halcion?
    Just curious, pal.


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