Today The Mister and I celebrate our fifteenth year of marriage. Fifteen glorious years of love and happiness…or somethin like that!
The Mister and I have known one another for twenty-seven years, so sometimes it feels like we have been married forever, but it’s an extraordinary feeling, unlike any other.
Not every moment of this marriage has been a pleasant one. There have, in fact, been many rough patches. Trying times for us have been typically stressful ones, like “These children will be the death of us,” or “Remember when we used to spend time together?” and “Omalord, do we have enough money?” as well as, “Oh, please don’t die from this!”
deployments and unemployments were most terrible, and i no longer care for the word ploy
The defining moments of our marriage seem to be based on enduring. It’s as though suffering is necessary to remind us that we have one another, and often, it feels like we only have one another, and that there is no one else who could possibly understand, and no one else we’d rather have on our side, in what seems to be another batch of IT’S YOU AND ME AGAINST THE WORLD!
“Thanks, Stress, we’re like, super duper good at bein married now.”
The happiness is harder to convey. It’s a bit sickening, I admit, but it is my anniversary, so…
It’s subtle, but completely obvious at the same time. We sorta radiate an aura of ease and intimacy. It’s obvious The Mister and I are still into each other — chemistry, sexual tension, whatever you wanna call it. There’s an honest verve, a no-holds-barred tangibility to our marriage, which I would say is rare.
That vibe between us has been there for as long as I can remember, even when we were kids. We fought then, much more than we do now. But at night, we’d take comfort in the sleeplessness of one another. Most of our relationship was based on nights spent alternating between silently stroking and deep discussions in the dark. Then years of separation, followed by reunion, then years of letters, always followed by those nights, until eventually he was my person and I was his. It took him more than ten years to kiss me. It took a few months after that kiss for me to process the ramifications of said kiss. The Inevitability of Us was clear to others long before it was clear to us.
We didn’t go on a date until our wedding night. Dating is for people who need to get to know one another. We’d been friends for over a decade. This was not love at first sight, this was an evolution.
The Mister and I are both passionate, demonstrative people. We’re both black and white — for us, there is no gray. Our values are shared. We hold integrity and equality high. We both demand freedoms of every kind. We share a love for learning, for personal development, for spiritual growth. The Mister and I don’t actually share many common interests…films, outdoors, travel…
He’s a man of action and I’m a woman of words, so you know, some challenges are built right in!
If you ask me what makes it work, I’ll say “Constant communication. A running dialogue.” If you ask him, he’ll say, “We’re not afraid to work out our fucking problems.” That’s kinda the same thing.
We’re not afraid to work out our fucking problems in front of you, either. We realize it scares some people. We don’t care. We don’t go to bed angry, and would much rather get it over and done with. He who is the most passionate about it wins. Period. Yes, of course someone wins. Neither of us believe in participation trophies.
But after fifteen years, we will gladly accept any and all congratulations, well wishes, etc.
We’re not into crystal, so let’s skip the gifts this year, okay?
joeyfullystated 
Congrats! I understand every word of this post, soon celebrating the same milestone myself. I admire your ability to fight for your beliefs. I compromise, especially if our fights happen in front of others, afraid of what they will think. I also understand what you meant by suffering making you appreciate what you have, and not wanting to have to suffer any more! We too have been through many trials, and while they brought us closer, I hope never to experience such events again…ever. Celebrate, celebrate, celebrate because as much as it doesn’t stick as much in our memories, the good times are as integral to closeness as trials.
Fondly,
Elizabeth
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Thank you so much for your supportive comment, Elizabeth. We will be off, out and about, to celebrate soon 😀
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Congratulations! This was a lovely post and it sounds like a lovely relationship. I’m so happy for you that you’ve got the Mister and he has you!
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Thanks, Hollie 🙂
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Hey, good going, guys! A huge congrats! I love the way you put the times you’ve gone through. The “Oh, please don’t die from this” one was a nice touch. Jeesh, the stuff we go through with spouses. It’s the stuff that either splits people apart or glues them together.
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I ALMOST used the word, glue, Luanne, I really almost did. And thank you!
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Congrats to you BOTH for having such a fabulous relationship. We, too, will hit that fifteen year mark next month, but we’ve known each other for 22 years. Not quite as long as you two, but we’re close! And we knew, too, that we were going to be together, we just waited to make it official until we were damn good and ready. 😉
I know about the suffering–some the same as yours, some different–and I think those who are going to make it for the long haul learn that during the suffering. It sucks to have to really test the “for worse” in for better and for worse (and the “in sickness” in in sickness and in health), but that’s when you know you have something amazing.
Like everyone else has said, celebrate your asses off, and continue to love each other.
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Thanks! Yes, I’m ever so grateful to have had more richer, more better, and more health, but that really is the essence of it. Through thick and thin and all that.
Fifteen years seems almost impossible, while at the same time, longer, don’t you think? Almost like, “I swear I was 20 just yesterday…” LOL
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Yeah, sometimes I can’t wrap my head around the 15 years (or the 22… LOL).
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Aw, I love this story Joey, thanks so much for sharing it! Happy anniversary to you both! ❤
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Thanks, Jewels 🙂
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Congratulations….so fragile yet strong it is. Thick and thin, the bad and the good.
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Thanks 🙂
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We are coming up on our 14th on Sept 3…your remarks certainly resonate, though we were about the exact opposite–we met online, met, and were already in the process of moving together before we did. I certainly wondered if it would work, but it has, which probably has more to do with our ages…both 49 when we married, we had a pretty good idea of what we were looking for. It’s not always been easy, but we address issues quickly and quietly and therefore we don’t suffer from those silly silent days like younger couples do. Nothing lasts for us longer than a couple of hours. Still, being single for so long, I really wondered how I would manage having somebody “in my face” 24/7…since that is what it has always been for us. Amazingly we have struck a perfect balance and it’s just was always easy. You sound like us though in the freshness that still pervades our relationship…laughter is a constant in our house and much talking…blessings to you both and many many more..
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Thanks so much, Sherry 🙂
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Congratulations! I agree about communication being key. The other thing I think is a must is respect. We have to respect our partners and treat them like we would treat others. That’s not always easy to do. It’s sometimes simpler to take them for granted. But we have to fight that tendency if we want a happy marriage.
The hubs and I just celebrated 26 years of marriage yesterday. At this point, I can’t image life without him!
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Well congratulations to you and your husband! 26 years! Spectacular!
I suppose respect goes without saying, but then again, a lot of what I think isn’t what other people think…
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Okay, I’ll take it back. Congratulations 🙂
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Thanks! 😀 You can buy yerself somethin pretty!
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Ok, I got chills when I read, “This was not love at first sight, this was an evolution.” and I’m off to tweet it now! Congratulations and best wishes for many more years together!
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Thank you very much for stopping by to comment, Faith 🙂
I rarely think to tweet the sweet stuff, heh.
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Congratulations on 15 years and a great shared attitude.
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Thanks 🙂
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Congratulations. The GG and I have shared 19 years this year but are still to make it official. I echoed just about every word you wrote. The shared times make you stronger and the apart times do as well. 🙂
Enjoy your night.
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Thanks, Sue 🙂
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Congratulations on 15 years! I think I am quickly running out of time to be in a relationship for that long.
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This tribute is unlike anything I have ever read. I am very grateful to have been invited to witness your 15th. Thank you. And congratulations. Many, many more.
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Thanks so much, Maggie 🙂
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Happy Anniversary to you and your Mister!
We will celebrate 17 years on Saturday. We knew each other for less than 6 months when we married, but we were friends, first.
We’ve endured the death of our second child, at 12 days. He lived his entire life in the NICU, and my husband held him while he died, and I was beside him. I can’t imagine anyone else I would want beside me in such horrific circumstances. We survived by focusing on our living child, accepting that we must each be free to grieve in our own way -and by creating our daughter as soon as we were able.
I think it’s the rough times that help us to appreciate the times my spouse calls “homeymoons”. Right now, it’s raining, and the roof has been leaking, but we’re watching Adam-12 and eating chips together in bed. We’re chatting intermittently, as we have since he got home.
Life isn’t perfect, but it’s pretty sweet, from here.
Hope your day was delightful in the way that best suits you. ❤
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Thank you for sharing examples of your rough patches. It really is a beautiful thing, to know the best of it is what you make of it when you can, as you can. Thanks so much.
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Yes! It’s a constant work in progress, and a negotiation. And more than a little bit of luck….
Hope you’re enjoying year 16!
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Happy Anniversary to you!
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Why thank you. It was low-key and just right. And now the chef in my life has two days off, so we can extend the observance. =D
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First chance I’ve gotten in many days to sit at the computer and read, and this is the first thing I see…
I’m so very, very happy for you Joey. Once in a while you meet, (don’t meet) someone who just resonates with you. You understand the gist of them, so to speak, and they seem to understand you in the same way.
Reading this, I see that we have the same kind of relationship, (almost exactly, as I have known Fitty since 16) as well, and it comes as no surprise to me at all.
I love reading you, and I love that I have this connection with you.
HAPPY HAPPY ANNIVERSARY 😀
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Thank you Meg! It is a pleasure to not meet you and know you so well 😀 One day we’ll need to rectify that!
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Although I read this post prior to you posting it, I have to say that I enjoyed walking down amnesia lane again in your tale of our life together. I love you Baby! It was a beautiful day, and I hope to share 15 more with you by my side. I love you!
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Happy Belated Anniversary to you! You and the Mister are like my idols:) Seriously. I cannot wait to read your 20th Anniversary post! Btw – are the youngin’s back to school yet?
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Yes, the kids went to school the first week of August. And thanks, but we’re hardly worth idolizing. Maybe some applause now and again 😉
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I am bowing right now;)
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Congratulations! I really enjoyed reading this!
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Congratulations! We’ve been married 44 years and in all that time, I never thought of divorce. Murder, many times, but never divorce. We still love each other!
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Wow! Congratulations! 😀
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