The Crafty Plans of Little Women

My announcement came as “I’m banning y’all from the living room now.”

They got up and left in a huff.
Fake passive-aggressive commentary on my lack of love for them.

This is THE QUIET ROOM, People!

Yesterday just meeting some friends at the mall turned into spending the night with Zoe and then come home to get stuff and oh Shay’s coming with but also we need to drive to Shay’s house so she can get her stuff too, so I put on the bra and the pants and the shoes and drove them to Shay’s house, where I was informed I wasn’t waiting for Shay to get her stuff, because Shay’s mom would drive them to Zoe’s and then today I was informed they’d be home early and also Shay would be returning to our house until her mom comes to fetch her later.

I am no stranger to their breathless run-on sentences. I often exhale them myself.

I’ve done all this before.
From both sides now.

They’re masterminds, teenage girls are.
They’ve got agendas.
They’ve completed their homework.
They’ve pooled their money.
They’ve carefully selected the right clothes and accessories.
They’ve packed their bags with stuffies and hairbands and blankets.
They’ve crafted a presentation.
Most importantly, they know which parents to target for each plot line in the facilitation of their agenda.

I don’t worry about their leadership or problem-solving skills. Teenage girls devise a plan to be with nine friends in eight places over the course of three days and by golly, they make it happen!

IMG_4373

“…teenagers scare the livin shit outta me…”

The boy one was not like this as a teenager. Bubba was far less social. Rarely, he came down and asked, “Can I go to Justin’s?” and we said yes and then I tried to convince him to wear a hoodie in case he got cold and he took his hoodie to the car and I drove him to Justin’s, where he left his hoodie in the car, and he called when he wanted to come home later. When he came home, he reported an “Okay” time even though he and Justin did “Nothing.”

The girls do not do nothing and their somethings spread their emotions from one side of the spectrum to the other. And they want to tell you all about it because they’re little women.
I’ve been trying to collect my swirling thoughts, but there were too many people in the room and Sassy’s feet were on my sofa cushion and people were laughing interjections, squealing fragments of had-to-be-there jokes and I couldn’t catch my thoughts at all. I was probably going to write some profoundly brilliant shit today, but instead, this.

Perhaps the profundity of this post is my own acknowledgement that during my years as a teenage mastermind, lifetime friendships were forged. In this time, this squealing, giggling, insecure, crying, learning, emergent time, friendships deepen.

That friendship may save them a thousand times over for the rest of their lives.

friend1

I had to tell you all about it, and with run-ons, because woman.

 

About joey

Neurotic Bitch, Mother, Wife, Writer, Word Whore, Foodie and General Go-To-Girl
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46 Responses to The Crafty Plans of Little Women

  1. πŸ™‚ “because woman”. I get it!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Dan Antion says:

    I’ve only seen this from behind the male viewing port and only because I was the dad who would drive a carful of oh-so-female teenagers just about anywhere, just about anywhen. Clueless to the manipulation you describe…cause male.

    Liked by 2 people

    • joey says:

      I’m the taxi 99% of the time. You’re a brave guy, cause The Mister really doesn’t want to haul a gaggle of girls. After three daughters, he’s caught on a bit, but he gets to be oblivious as often as I get to taxi πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Love that last meme. It’s so true!! We have just girls, but Bill, sometimes taciturn to the point of risking death by spouse, has always gotten along with them just fine. I guess it’s that opposite-sex-parent thing. Makes life good, though. Had to laugh about your boy paragraph, too. Definitely different!!

    janet

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Eldest of five girls here.

    But I’m the odd one out. They all live in the same city, have lifelong friends they see a lot.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. marianallen says:

    The pain I get in my stomach and eyes from reading Joey posts and laughing and crying at the same time. Or laughing until I cry. Or crying because my little women are big women now but laughing because some of the friendships they forged were with each other and with me. ❀ this post ❀ ❀

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Carrie Rubin says:

    Needless to say with raising two sons, there have never been any breathless run-on sentences in my home. Nor do they come from me, either now or as an adolescent. I guess I missed that gene. But now as a writer I get to let my fingers do it for me. 😁

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Luanne says:

    Love that phrase haha. What the heck are stuffies?

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Susanne says:

    You captured it all perfectly. We are complicated, we women.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. loisajay says:

    I had my two boys and then had a little girl. Whew! The boys spoiled me big time…..

    Liked by 1 person

  10. scr4pl80 says:

    I’ve said many times I’d have 10 boys to every one girl. I had a boy in the middle and 10 years between girl #1 and girl #2 so it was quite the run on for a long time. Very true post!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. pluviolover says:

    Oh, the “Perhaps the profundity…” of it all. Yet again, a story well-told by a writer who can, and certainly does tell it. Thank ya’.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I am just starting to get this with my daughter now. 😁

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Benson says:

    My sons didn’t require taxi service that often. If it was too far to bike I did it. They didn’t spend a whole lot of time at the mall and if they weren’t tricking on their bikes with friends I am not sure what they did. Like your Bubba all I got as an answer was “nothing”. Now that I have Grand daughters I get a glimpse of this via my son. Just have to smile and love them more.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Smiling deeply here. Memories. Those manipulative little women. Not sure when/if they lose control of their world, but it’s fun to observe it all in the making. I was blessed to have one from Column A and one from Column B…such differences !

    Liked by 1 person

  15. JT Twissel says:

    Sometimes the profoundly brilliant shit’s just gotta give way! Teenage girls won’t stay teenage forever.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. I remember the days of figuring out which parent was mostly likely to execute which part of the plan. lol. My boys have often had over more crowds than the girlie. She likes her quiet time…until she doesn’t.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Ally Bean says:

    “They’ve got agendas.”

    No truer words. We certainly did at that age, but like you said I’m still in touch with some of those teenagers to this day… The bad, the good– it comes together in this life.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Erika says:

    I wish I were as good at planning things as a gaggle of teenage girls!

    “I was probably going to write some profoundly brilliant shit today, but instead, this.” πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Skipah says:

    Remind me of this post when my daughter becomes a teenager in a few years. I’m pretty sure I’m not going to handle it well!

    Liked by 1 person

  20. You captured so succinctly this difference between the guys and girls. Well done, Joey. So fine!

    Liked by 1 person

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