WHACKINEM

It all started after I took the girls to school and went home to make myself some breakfast. I was cooking when I realized it was a good time to kill them all. There are some who would suggest I’ve been repressing this urge all along and I’m not in a position to argue. It does appear to be a pattern.

I commit mass murder every November. I never intend to, but it happens like clockwork. Perhaps one day I will come to accept this as part of the harvest.

I always start out doing something lazier, more passive, like trapping. Initially, I set out saucers of cooking oil with a bit of juice in the center. I have smothered countless numbers with this method. Of course, there are pets to contend with. Both Sadie and Catticus enjoy lapping up a saucer of oil laced with cranberry juice. Placing them out of the dog’s reach is one thing, but areas the cats can’t get to? Well, those spots are reserved for plants.

Time goes on, I grow weary of waging the slow battle, of scooping them from my coffee and waving them from my breakfast. It is at this moment I surrender to the urge. I grab my trusty swatter and I just WHACK! em. WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK!

WHACK!

And WHACK!

On the cabinets and counters and ceilings WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! and I see you on the door frame WHACK!

“Die! Die! Die!” WHACK! “And tell your friends and family, ain’t nobody safe in here!” WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK!

The Mister WHACK! thinks the answer is to stop buying produce but WHACK! that is not a viable option WHACK! because we can’t all live on meat and chocolate WHACK! I’m not going to do anything crazy like refrigerate my tomatoes or chop down my apple trees WHACK! I’m not going to give up WHACK! bananas.

WHACK! WHACK! WHACK!

They lay about 500 eggs at a time.

WHACK! WHACK! WHACK!

Satisfied with the body count, I sit down to a nice warm bowl of oatmeal with sliced apples and toast, all fruit fly-free.

Happy Friday Everyone!
May your weekend be free from annoyance!

 

About joey

Neurotic Bitch, Mother, Wife, Writer, Word Whore, Foodie and General Go-To-Girl
This entry was posted in Random Musings and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

53 Responses to WHACKINEM

  1. loisajay says:

    Oh, damn those little bugs! We have those at work, too. WTH?? Every time my coworkers hear me clap my hands, they yell out, “Got another one, Lois?” I just mutter, “Those damn little bugs…..” Keep on, Joey!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You’re putting them out of the misery of not finding food, water, or a mate – there’s no future for them in your house. Well, maybe they can find those things, but it’s not as if generations of future fruit flies will benefit. Nope. The world can do without those who have the unlucky gene: they ended up in a human house.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I had an invasion of them around my sourdough last year. Bowl of cider vinegar, celophane over the top, cut some holes in the plastic. It catches fistfulls of them.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. ghostmmnc says:

    Interesting…that you have so many, and I’ve barely ever even seen one. Happy ‘whack-a-fly’ Friday. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  5. jackcollier7 says:

    surprising, spooky, funny ~ and I hate fruit flies too ❤

    Like

  6. Ally Bean says:

    You are my hero. Fruit flies are an annoyance that seems to close to what I think hell must be like. Get ’em, get them all!

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Joanne Sisco says:

    Your fruit flies peak in November? Whoa – we are in seriously different climate zones. The worst of our’s hit in July/August. They drive me insane.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Susanne says:

    Whack on, Joey. I’m sure you worked up a good sweat in addition to eating a healthy breakfast. If you only ate chocolate and meat you’d be missing out on an ingredient in total well being.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. JT Twissel says:

    You had me worried for a moment there! I wasn’t sure who was going to whacked.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Carrie Rubin says:

    Fruit flies drive me crazy too. We’ve found that apple-cider vinegar in a mason jar works great. You just pour a small amount of warmed up apple vinegar into a jar, put a piece of fruit in it (we usually drop in a strawberry), and then roll a piece of paper into a cone and prop it inside the jar (without touching the vinegar at the bottom). The flies are attracted to the scent. They fly into the cone, go down to the base to get near the vinegar, and then can’t get back out. They fly around in the jar a bit or cling to the paper, before they finally give up and take a permanent swim in the cider. We’ve never had it not work, but it is a bit pungent!

    Liked by 2 people

    • joey says:

      I love apple cider vinegar — I even add it to my water. I agree, it’s pungent, I call it foot juice, hah! But I know it works as well as the method I use. I’ve just gotten impatient. As I do every year round this time. WHACK! 😛

      Liked by 1 person

  11. JoAnna says:

    They can’t be as bad as summer with palmetto roaches, aka water bugs, in the south that make refrigerate everything but the bananas. Thank God I get a break for the next few months.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. bikerchick57 says:

    Those little things are annoying, but at least they don’t gross me out…like the big, ugly, June-bug sized thing that was crawling up my leg at work. After I let out a quiet squeak and flicked the thing off my leg, I squashed it with a kleenex and left a stain on the carpet. This is what happens when the landlord doesn’t spray for bugs. Gross.

    The tomatoes and apples are totally worth all that whacking. Enjoy!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. scr4pl80 says:

    Glad to read I am not the only one who hates those things. I insist they came from our roommate who buys his produce at places like Grocery Outlet. There must be a reason they can sell the fruit so cheap. AND he buys bags of apples and oranges which take forever for him to eat. I buy a few apples and maybe some grapes and bananas from Safeway and we didn’t have a problem until he moved in. I never heard of a way to catch them but I’ve seen a couple here so I’m gonna try them. Good for you for whakinem, I’m not fast enough!

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      Yeah, it’s definitely an overripe issue. I’m convinced it’s bad in this house because of the apple trees and the garden. I’ve lived here all but seven years of my life and none of my other houses were infested like this every fall.
      I’m pretty sure all the methods here are good ones, as we’ve all caught lots in our traps, I’ve just grown impatient as usual! Good luck takin yours out!

      Liked by 1 person

  14. Ours are worst in the Summer when fruit is abundant, but they always seem to just materialize whenever I have a glass of wine. Where do they hide until then? It drives me nuts! I’ve been trying to WHACK! one all evening. It appeared as soon as I sat down with a glass of wine.

    I swear I whacked it good, but yet there’s another one, and another one! Sigh…can’t a woman have a glass a wine in peace on Friday night?!!! “)

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      Ugh. Given my recent hunting excursion, I’d say they’re hiding on your ceiling until they smell that sweet, sweet wine!
      Yes, they multiply quickly and in great number — fruitful fruit-flies are fruitful! 😛
      I’ve WHACKED again this morning, despite my traps!

      Liked by 1 person

  15. Benson says:

    I could not agree more. I am sure Noah did not bring them aboard the Ark; they had to have been stowaways. No body of sound mind when want these little pests to survive.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. OK, this was fun. We don’t have the same problem this far north. A bonus for living with all the snow, I guess. Which we have. In spades.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. They love to show up as my bananas ripen. Once when I was on an all-natural cleaning spree in Florida, they showed up in droves. That put an end to my cleaning with vinegar.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Dan Antion says:

    We had tons of these at work. I complained to the landlord. I shoulda called you.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Erika says:

    Yuck! I didn’t really think we had fruit flies until I looked up at the ceiling/lights and saw them on it. Gross.

    Like

  20. Pingback: Writing Links…11/20/17 – Where Genres Collide

  21. They are the absolute most annoying things ever because they are so darn small. We usually only get them in the summer when we have peaches on the counter. I’ve actually taken a small dish, put a little wine in it and set it in a large plant right on the soil. But, I don’t have curious cats to contend with. Good luck. Hope it continues to be Joey 100, fruit flies 0. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  22. prior.. says:

    500 eggs at a time? “sheeeeeeeeeet”

    Liked by 1 person

  23. prior.. says:

    oh and have you ever tried Diatomaceous Earth? It might help….

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      I have! Outside the laundry room, BUT, I found that Borax works just as well, for a fraction of the cost 🙂
      I really think it’s the apple trees. I never had this in my other Indy houses.

      Like

      • prior.. says:

        oh good – glad borax works well.
        but I love DE so much that i think you should have some on hand for other things – and the huge bags we get are under ten dollars and last forever – so check around for prices (but always get food grade)
        but whew- DE makes a nice face scrubber and has so many uses – it is one of my favorite items.
        also – while I love me my borax too – oh do i – I know some folks who had fruit flies in their kitchen sink area and leaving out DE is what helped.
        they put little cups of it out – it can also absorb odor – you might already know this – and what do you mean outside the laundry room?

        Liked by 1 person

        • joey says:

          Oh, I have an old house, it has many holes, the sort where new appliances had to be cut in and you can’t fully seal the holes — washer, dryer vent, water heater — so I have ants and spiders and sometimes wasps, in the laundry. I line the outside of the house with DE over there regularly, and it cuts down on everything but wasps.
          In the spring, my peonies open and the ants come full on to help, so I used to use it for that, too. Now I use Borax, just sweep it into the crevices. Borax is something I use all the time and always have on hand, so it doesn’t require a trip to the garage.
          I can’t use hardly anything on my face. I am allergic to so much, and I have rosacea.

          Liked by 1 person

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