What Do These Buttons Do?

Done with my human hamster walk on the treadmill, I went around the corner and saw Sassy on another treadmill, earbuds in, so I mimed weight-lifting at her. When I was done with that, I went back and asked, “You coolin down?”
She gave me the strangest look and nodded. I could guess she wanted to stay longer.
“I’m pretty much ready to go,” I said.
She nodded. She’d live at the gym if I let her, but I’m not inclined. Stavin off a bloated hippopotamus death doesn’t require hours and hours of exercise every night.

We got home and she said, “So I pushed ‘Fat Burn’ on the treadmill, like ‘What does this do?'”
“Oh yeah?”
“It forever inclines.”
“Oh.”
“As it speeds up.”
“OH!”
“Rapidly.”
“Oh my!”
“Yeah, so I was on seven incline at eleven pace, and I thought I was going to die.”
“Hadda turn it down a bit?”
“No! I had to push emergency stop! You came around the corner all, ‘You coolin down?’ and I was like, ‘If by coolin down, you mean gettin my life back, then yeah, I’m coolin down!'”

And oh how we laughed and laughed!

 

Happy Friday Everyone!

About joey

Neurotic Bitch, Mother, Wife, Writer, Word Whore, Foodie and General Go-To-Girl
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53 Responses to What Do These Buttons Do?

  1. Susanne says:

    Old people like me know you never push buttons if you don’t know in advance what they do. You could break the internet or something.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. marianallen says:

    Emergency Stop is right! I prolly would have jumped off and broken an ankle. Poor Sassy!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Interesting timing, this one. My family just took apart a treadmill that wouldn’t fit through a door on the 2nd floor spare bedroom. It was set up years ago at my request, thought I’d use it on bad weather days. I hated it…would rather walk outside in any condition. It’s being donated to a local charity. Bye bye.

    Liked by 2 people

    • joey says:

      Hah! I don’t blame you! I prefer to walk outside, so I don’t love it either. I have to admit, it’s convenient to my self care. The advantages for me are that it minds my vitals and I panic less — if I’m not well-distracted, intense cardio can feel like the onset of panic for me. It’s climate controlled. It’s safe, even if I’m alone. I can put in both earbuds and still I’m safe. No squirrels or bunnies to distract my dog who does not gym. Not only is there water everywhere, but restrooms, too! lol I listen to Ted Talks and watch flash mob videos and rock out and the hour goes quickly. I only wish I never sweat. Oh I hate the sweating!
      But yeah, I’d rather walk outside, and we have NO room for exercise equipment in our house.
      Good riddance, Van’s treadmill!

      Liked by 2 people

      • Your dog “does not gym”…lol. I’m waiting for that to be a new feature, gym with your pet…maybe in California ??? You’re so right about the safety factor, I walk alone in places that my small pup would not be able to “guard dog”.

        Liked by 1 person

    • prior.. says:

      had to chime in, van and joey, we gave away our treadmill and wish I had not waited years to finally break free of it.

      Liked by 2 people

  4. Jewels says:

    Good for you getting on that hamster wheel! Treadmills have never been my friend – cuz bad knees an’ all, but now that I got my new bionic ones I may have to revisit that hamster wheel – I’ve been feeling a bit like a bloated hippopotamus lately. Although, I’d really rather be on the stationary bike. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      Ah, yeah, might be time to get back on the bike — gently πŸ™‚ I like the stationary recumbent bikes, myself. After all the graaaavy, I felt like a beached whale, Jewels! All week I’ve been pushing produce, but I tell ya, tonight I hit the lo mein pretty hard!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Ha! I can understand that. I do enjoy using the treadmill, as the ones at our club have courses you can “walk” in cool places like New Zealand, German, and California. Gives me something beautiful to look at and you can also have the treadmill change inclines with the landscape if you choose. But as I really enjoy walking in the park, it’s a hard choice as to which one I’ll do each day. Of course weights are only at the club. πŸ™‚

    janet

    Liked by 1 person

  6. orbthefirst says:

    I found a bike trail around here thats so steep I cant get up it on my own without tipping over in my chair. Its CRAZY steep. Wouldnt you know it, I found it late one night with my friend. If she wasnt there I wouldve had to drag the chair up it myself..cuz I already flew down it, without thinking. Downhill is always more fun.

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      I cannot even imagine. Nor would I like to imagine you draggin yer chair up that hill. Oh man, I’m picturing this and I don’t like it. Scary! But hey, I’m sure you’re right about the downhill part!

      Liked by 1 person

      • orbthefirst says:

        Its less scary, and more of a pain in the ass, lol. And not a HUGE hill, just a hundred feet or so. Tis what I get for wandering around after dark. πŸ˜›

        Liked by 1 person

  7. Oh my goodness! You would not find me on that treadmill! Happy Friday, Joey. And yes I agree there is nothing like a good laugh!πŸ˜‚

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Joanne Sisco says:

    Thanks for the laugh!! omg – could I related to that! Poor Sassy 🀣

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Dan Antion says:

    I can smile without feeling too bad, knowing that she’s young enough to probably have recovered in minutes. I would be paying for that all morning.

    I ride an exercise bike that has no buttons. Just a dial to make it harder. The Mrs. has a treadmill that is human powered, The belt moves as you walk. You can increase or decrease the tention, but if you stop, it stops.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. ghostmmnc says:

    I’ve never been in a gym in my life, except P.E. at school, and I hated that! Workout machines remind me too much of exercise, and well, work. Glad you and your daughter like it, though. Happy Friday and December! πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  11. April says:

    Okay, so this is way off topic but kind of on topic. My vet told me to exercise my big boned cat. Did you know they have treadmills for cats? The do but I won’t torture him if I’m not torturing myself.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Norm 2.0 says:

    And now she know what THAT button does πŸ˜€

    Liked by 3 people

  13. Ally Bean says:

    We have a treadmill. I am leery of it. I do not push any mystery buttons. I am still alive because of this philosophy, I believe. Sassy has learned a good lesson.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Carrie Rubin says:

    Wow, good on her! That treadmill program always scares me a bit. I end up choosing my own pattern and just blame it on my knees. πŸ˜‰

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      My breaking point is about 5 on the pace, and I have GOOD knees! lol I get about 3 minutes into jogging at 5 and I remind myself, “Nope, still not a runner!” Hah!
      I have a bad foot, but the incline helps that, so I can actually walk faster and farther on the treadmill than the ground, sometimes avoiding discomfort altogether.
      Sassy’s got a lot of confidence in her strength. It’s one of those things that are uniquely hers, make her her. She’s inspiring.

      Like

  15. Benson says:

    When I treadmill I hang on with both hands like it was my last beer. Falling Splat is not a good look.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. OMG!! I had to read this one out loud to the fam. My oldest once got flung off the end of the treadmill. I wasn’t there to witness it though. I have no love for the treadmill. I forced myself back to that space to train in running. I only use manual mode and increase to my end pace (which is still pretty slow!).

    Liked by 2 people

  17. LOL..my incline is 1! LOL Love treadmill stories. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  18. pluviolover says:

    Now you got me thinking of exercise machines as metaphors for life.

    Liked by 2 people

  19. JoAnna says:

    She’s a smart young lady! Now, I’m getting motivated to take a walk outside.

    Liked by 1 person

  20. prior.. says:

    I read your comments to Van and had to comment on that first – because something super important came up – the word safety – and I liked how you noted that and all the other pros of the treadmill.
    and then – as noted – we gave ours away one day – after it sat for years – it was a decent model back int he day – but omg – the premium treadmills at gyms are fantastic – and there is something about using them there that feels more appealing – eh? even if hamster like.
    — and the laugh y’all shared was a nice read….

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Pingback: Writing Links 12/4/17 – Where Genres Collide

  22. Erika says:

    Haha! I stay away from treadmills. My feet seem 10 times more likely to trip over each other on those things than normal.

    Like

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