I hate thyme, remember? When I posted that, I found out a lot of my regular readers like thyme. Sickos! Right, we’re all deeply flawed and yet perfect as we are.
If you didn’t remember I hated thyme, now you know I still do, right?
Set that aside.
A few weeks ago, there was a panic at work when “a huge spider” was spotted in the basement. It was, I quote, “a huge spider”.
Our basement is creepy af. It is. I’m not particularly creeped out by basements. I spent three years sleeping in one. So dark. So cool. However, I understand that if one doesn’t care for basements, generally, overall, then our office’s basement is particularly creepy. When the property was first acquired, the basement housed old iron beds with blood-stained mattresses from prior questionable medical practices. It now stores files and things you’d expect to find in a basement, like the mop bucket, tools, and old window screens.
It’s also got a kitchenette. It’s not as fancy as the upstairs kitchenette, but it has one. That’s where we store the beverages. We are heavily dependent on soda. Mostly diet soda, I suppose because we eat candy like we are six and every day is Halloween. Some days I don’t eat candy. Because there’s pastry. Or ice cream. Or cookies. Or cake. Seriously.
Office Assistant generally buys the treats. She works 10+ hours and consumes only black coffee, water, and an apple. She tries to help us junkies by setting out naturally sweet items or lightly sweetened nuts and we eat those, too, BUT WE WANT THE CANDY!
She says things like, “I’m going to Rome for two weeks,” and my first thought is not oh how nice or bring me some door photos, it’s OMFG we’re going to run out of candy! We had some serious deadlines in the last two weeks. I thought we were running out of candy, but Receptionist found the other half of the two-ton bag, Phew!
Anyway, back to the basement — Receptionist has the task of collecting beverages from downstairs and stocking the upstairs, which is when she saw “a huge spider” and informed the boss, who said she’d have Office Assistant ring the bug guy. It was just the three of us during the spider conversation, and I was the only one who hadn’t experienced some sort of heinous spider attack. I certainly did not mention that I did not share their feelings about spiders. I’ll kill a spider in my house if it frightens the kids or looks like it’s sizin me up. If it’s a big’un and I can see its eyes and it’s all “This my bathmat, Bitch!” I’ll kill it. I carry the baby ones out of my house, like, “Here, live in the garden, be happy, do happy spider things! Wheeeeeee!” One huge spider in the basement won’t keep me from the soda unless the spider is some Aragog-lookin thing.
Yesterday, the bug guy came. And he sprayed and sprayed and sprayed and the entire office stunk of THYME OIL. Prolly still does, fml.
Happy Friday Everyone!
joeyfullystated 
You guys stay pretty sugared up all day, huh? In my office we are either diet Coke people or coffee people. I stick with water…..
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You’re a good girl. I crave sugar later in the afternoon. Even if I don’t go for the candy, that’s when I break out a second fruit or jello or a REAL soda.
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My 3 o’clock treat to me–one of those red/white pillow mints. My coworkers laugh–‘Must be 3 o’clock!’
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Hah!
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I love that her vacation causes a candy panic. I also enjoyed Jim Stafford back in the day.
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Yeah, it was all very “Welcome back! You look great! We’re out of Snickers!” People handing her lists, lol!
I can’t say I know more of his music – I remember that one, had it on a 45.
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Better thyme oil than insecticide though amiright? I’m absolutely terrified of spiders, but I also find them fascinating and have respect for what incredible creatures they are, so whenever possible I make my friend come over and carry them out of the house and out of my garden and over to the rain garden across the street. 😀
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That’s a good balance of fear and admiration. My fear is centipedes/millipedes. Eek!
I was the second person in yesterday, and everyone who entered after me made comments on the stink.
I really do appreciate that the thyme oil is non-toxic, but it reeks. I’m not sure I’d even like lavender at that level of parts per
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I had a centipede on my bedroom ceiling last night when I came up to bed and when I whacked at it with a fly swatter it escaped, so now I’m paranoid that it’s gonna crawl on me when I’m sleeping and crawl inside my ear and lay eggs… 😉
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AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
I’ll help you a lil — they lay their eggs in wet moldy places like crawlspaces and old rotten logs. Your ears are too clean and dry and have no fertilizing debris.
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haha all the candy!
but seriously, is the basement or building haunted? Anything stranger than spiders ever sensed around the place? Sounds pretty creepy with the old bloody beds down there!
Here’s to a fun and relaxing weekend! 🙂
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Thanks! Y’all have a fun weekend too! 🙂
I don’t think it’s haunted, but trauma was definitely a factor. It really is creepy, even without the original ickiness and even with all the lights on. (I don’t turn the lights on unless I need to look for a file.)
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Not a fan of spiders but they don’t freak me out, I adopt a live and let live attitude about them. Between the caffeine and the sugar it is a wonder you guys and sty in one office for 8 hours. Have a happy Friday.
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Thanks! It was a great Friday 🙂
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Ugh, when the treatment is worse than the problem.
The reason I have candy in my office is because nobody ever contributed to the secretary that used to buy the candy. People would eat like the 6-yr-olds you mention, and then give her a dollar at the end of the week.
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Oh my gosh, that’s rotten. Our bosses pay for what we like, not just candy – so coffee creamer, string cheese, pretzels, dried fruit – whatever we want. It’s a wonderful perk and because of that, staff hardly ever takes a ‘lunch break’.
When the bug guy came back to my office, I told him “Oh no thank you, I like my bugs,” and he said if I’d seen any, he could leave me some bait. Other than the occasional fly or mosquito eater, I have never seen any bugs at work.
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We pay $0.50 for water/soda/coffee. Snacks and candy are not generally available except in my office. We’ve had bugs, courtesy of house plants people have brought in.
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O_O on the houseplant thing.
Half of my handbag is food at the beginning of the day. I recently learned my mother does the same. Morning is me unpacking the fruit and the yogurt and whatever, can’t live on candy alone! 🙂
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Don’t you blaspheme 🙂
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Haha!
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I don’t suppose I should mention that I drove about an hour and a half round trip yesterday to buy some pink flowering thyme for ground cover. 🙂
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It’s very pretty, I don’t fault you. Just don’t put it in my food or shove it under my nose! LOL
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Blood stained mattresses?
Run!
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Yeah, listening to the description of the property when it was for sale — REALLY makes you appreciate how clean and pretty the building is now! 😛
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You did it again. A thymly story of spiders and a song that threw me into the ‘research Jim Stafford’ rabbit hole. ’tis been a long while since I heard this and ‘Under the Scotsman’s Kilt.’ I still think ‘Cow Patti’ was hysterical.
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I had that song on 45 when I was wee — I shall venture down the Jim Stafford rabbit hole, too, because you’re not the first to mention his other tunes 🙂
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Bahahh. I call it a cosmic joke! 😀
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Absolutely!
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Thyme isn’t something I use regularly, but every time I do my husband busts out into song… “parsley, sage,…”. My basement is fine, the spiders, not so much. Basements that once held bloody mattresses definitely ups the creepy factor! Happy Friday Joey!!
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I’m glad your basement is fine. Mine had a lot of centipedes, which I considered a drawback, even though they eat spiders.
Have a great weekend, Amy!
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I kept saying to myself, Joey, it’s about thyme, and there she was. I hope the smell has cleared by Monday!
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Haha! Have a great weekend, Mark 🙂
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Did not see that coming, even with the proper set up about hating thyme and all.
Hilarious.
Now I must google Jim and see what he’s up to, these days.
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I like thyme, but I wouldn’t want a bug-killing dose shooting up my nostrils every time I inhaled.
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You really wouldn’t. I’m not sure how well other readers are grasping the STINK.
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What the fuck on the previous tenants of the basement!
I like thyme, but I don’t think I’d care for my workspace to smell like it!
A couple weeks ago, my poor daughter saw what she thought was a toy spider on the floor and picked it up. It was, in fact, a big ass wolf spider. She screamed so loud and then I screamed louder when I saw why she was screaming and then I felt like a baby when she told me she screamed because she picked it up.
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Oh my word. Oh my word.
The office still smells like thyme. It hits the nose pretty hard upon first entry, but it doesn’t reek and gag us now.
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I’m cool with spiders and most snakes. Roaches? I’ll use babies as human shields to get away from.
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Nice play on words with thyme and time – ha
And I did remember that you did not like thyme
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I’m scared of spiders, but in the last few years I’ve learned to deal with them. However, there was one in our basement years ago that was so big, when we went to take a picture of it we caught in the picture the flash reflecting off of one of its eyes. It was one of the biggest spiders I ever saw in that house.
On the flip side, an old buddy of my dad’s, who wasn’t scared of everything, was terrified of spiders. One day he stopped by my dad’s place out of breath. Dad says, “what’s wrong?” He says, “Big spider! I grabbed my can of spray killer and sprayed it. Then the can ran out.” Dad says, “What’d you do then?” He says, “I threw the can at the spider.” Dad says, “What happened to the spider?” He says, “It threw the can back.”
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LOL! HAHA! I think I told you the cockroach story, very similar. Cockroach was not a cockroach, was some prehistoric hissing beetle. Gave me what for 😉
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LOL
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