Friday Thyme Has Come Again

I hate thyme, remember? When I posted that, I found out a lot of my regular readers like thyme.  Sickos!  Right, we’re all deeply flawed and yet perfect as we are.

If you didn’t remember I hated thyme, now you know I still do, right?

Set that aside.

A few weeks ago, there was a panic at work when “a huge spider” was spotted in the basement. It was, I quote, “a huge spider”.

Our basement is creepy af. It is. I’m not particularly creeped out by basements. I spent three years sleeping in one. So dark. So cool. However, I understand that if one doesn’t care for basements, generally, overall, then our office’s basement is particularly creepy. When the property was first acquired, the basement housed old iron beds with blood-stained mattresses from prior questionable medical practices. It now stores files and things you’d expect to find in a basement, like the mop bucket, tools, and old window screens.

It’s also got a kitchenette. It’s not as fancy as the upstairs kitchenette, but it has one. That’s where we store the beverages. We are heavily dependent on soda. Mostly diet soda, I suppose because we eat candy like we are six and every day is Halloween. Some days I don’t eat candy. Because there’s pastry. Or ice cream. Or cookies. Or cake. Seriously.

Office Assistant generally buys the treats. She works 10+ hours and consumes only black coffee, water, and an apple. She tries to help us junkies by setting out naturally sweet items or lightly sweetened nuts and we eat those, too, BUT WE WANT THE CANDY!

She says things like, “I’m going to Rome for two weeks,” and my first thought is not oh how nice or bring me some door photos, it’s OMFG we’re going to run out of candy! We had some serious deadlines in the last two weeks. I thought we were running out of candy, but Receptionist found the other half of the two-ton bag, Phew!

Anyway, back to the basement — Receptionist has the task of collecting beverages from downstairs and stocking the upstairs, which is when she saw “a huge spider” and informed the boss, who said she’d have Office Assistant ring the bug guy. It was just the three of us during the spider conversation, and I was the only one who hadn’t experienced some sort of heinous spider attack. I certainly did not mention that I did not share their feelings about spiders. I’ll kill a spider in my house if it frightens the kids or looks like it’s sizin me up. If it’s a big’un and I can see its eyes and it’s all “This my bathmat, Bitch!” I’ll kill it. I carry the baby ones out of my house, like, “Here, live in the garden, be happy, do happy spider things! Wheeeeeee!” One huge spider in the basement won’t keep me from the soda unless the spider is some Aragog-lookin thing.

Yesterday, the bug guy came. And he sprayed and sprayed and sprayed and the entire office stunk of THYME OIL. Prolly still does, fml.

Happy Friday Everyone!

 

 

About joey

Neurotic Bitch, Mother, Wife, Writer, Word Whore, Foodie and General Go-To-Girl
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42 Responses to Friday Thyme Has Come Again

  1. loisajay says:

    You guys stay pretty sugared up all day, huh? In my office we are either diet Coke people or coffee people. I stick with water…..

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I love that her vacation causes a candy panic. I also enjoyed Jim Stafford back in the day.

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      Yeah, it was all very “Welcome back! You look great! We’re out of Snickers!” People handing her lists, lol!
      I can’t say I know more of his music – I remember that one, had it on a 45.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Jewels says:

    Better thyme oil than insecticide though amiright? I’m absolutely terrified of spiders, but I also find them fascinating and have respect for what incredible creatures they are, so whenever possible I make my friend come over and carry them out of the house and out of my garden and over to the rain garden across the street. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      That’s a good balance of fear and admiration. My fear is centipedes/millipedes. Eek!
      I really do appreciate that the thyme oil is non-toxic, but it reeks. I’m not sure I’d even like lavender at that level of parts per :/ I was the second person in yesterday, and everyone who entered after me made comments on the stink.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Jewels says:

        I had a centipede on my bedroom ceiling last night when I came up to bed and when I whacked at it with a fly swatter it escaped, so now I’m paranoid that it’s gonna crawl on me when I’m sleeping and crawl inside my ear and lay eggs… 😉

        Liked by 1 person

        • joey says:

          AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
          I’ll help you a lil — they lay their eggs in wet moldy places like crawlspaces and old rotten logs. Your ears are too clean and dry and have no fertilizing debris.

          Like

  4. ghostmmnc says:

    haha all the candy!
    but seriously, is the basement or building haunted? Anything stranger than spiders ever sensed around the place? Sounds pretty creepy with the old bloody beds down there!
    Here’s to a fun and relaxing weekend! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      Thanks! Y’all have a fun weekend too! 🙂
      I don’t think it’s haunted, but trauma was definitely a factor. It really is creepy, even without the original ickiness and even with all the lights on. (I don’t turn the lights on unless I need to look for a file.)

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Benson says:

    Not a fan of spiders but they don’t freak me out, I adopt a live and let live attitude about them. Between the caffeine and the sugar it is a wonder you guys and sty in one office for 8 hours. Have a happy Friday.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Dan Antion says:

    Ugh, when the treatment is worse than the problem.

    The reason I have candy in my office is because nobody ever contributed to the secretary that used to buy the candy. People would eat like the 6-yr-olds you mention, and then give her a dollar at the end of the week.

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      Oh my gosh, that’s rotten. Our bosses pay for what we like, not just candy – so coffee creamer, string cheese, pretzels, dried fruit – whatever we want. It’s a wonderful perk and because of that, staff hardly ever takes a ‘lunch break’.
      When the bug guy came back to my office, I told him “Oh no thank you, I like my bugs,” and he said if I’d seen any, he could leave me some bait. Other than the occasional fly or mosquito eater, I have never seen any bugs at work.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. I don’t suppose I should mention that I drove about an hour and a half round trip yesterday to buy some pink flowering thyme for ground cover. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Rivergirl says:

    Blood stained mattresses?
    Run!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Bill says:

    You did it again. A thymly story of spiders and a song that threw me into the ‘research Jim Stafford’ rabbit hole. ’tis been a long while since I heard this and ‘Under the Scotsman’s Kilt.’ I still think ‘Cow Patti’ was hysterical.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Bahahh. I call it a cosmic joke! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Amy says:

    Thyme isn’t something I use regularly, but every time I do my husband busts out into song… “parsley, sage,…”. My basement is fine, the spiders, not so much. Basements that once held bloody mattresses definitely ups the creepy factor! Happy Friday Joey!!

    Liked by 1 person

  12. markbialczak says:

    I kept saying to myself, Joey, it’s about thyme, and there she was. I hope the smell has cleared by Monday!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Did not see that coming, even with the proper set up about hating thyme and all.
    Hilarious.
    Now I must google Jim and see what he’s up to, these days.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. marianallen says:

    I like thyme, but I wouldn’t want a bug-killing dose shooting up my nostrils every time I inhaled.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Anxious Mom says:

    What the fuck on the previous tenants of the basement!

    I like thyme, but I don’t think I’d care for my workspace to smell like it!

    A couple weeks ago, my poor daughter saw what she thought was a toy spider on the floor and picked it up. It was, in fact, a big ass wolf spider. She screamed so loud and then I screamed louder when I saw why she was screaming and then I felt like a baby when she told me she screamed because she picked it up.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. larva225 says:

    I’m cool with spiders and most snakes. Roaches? I’ll use babies as human shields to get away from.

    Like

  17. Prior... says:

    Nice play on words with thyme and time – ha
    And I did remember that you did not like thyme

    Like

  18. Matt Roberts says:

    I’m scared of spiders, but in the last few years I’ve learned to deal with them. However, there was one in our basement years ago that was so big, when we went to take a picture of it we caught in the picture the flash reflecting off of one of its eyes. It was one of the biggest spiders I ever saw in that house.

    On the flip side, an old buddy of my dad’s, who wasn’t scared of everything, was terrified of spiders. One day he stopped by my dad’s place out of breath. Dad says, “what’s wrong?” He says, “Big spider! I grabbed my can of spray killer and sprayed it. Then the can ran out.” Dad says, “What’d you do then?” He says, “I threw the can at the spider.” Dad says, “What happened to the spider?” He says, “It threw the can back.”

    Liked by 1 person

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