It’s Not Customer Service, It’s Just Some Guacamole

Have y’all noticed how hard it is to get anyone to do their job?
It’s another sign of my age, I’m sure, but I remember learning a skill set we usta call customer service.   Y’all remember customer service?
It wasn’t a hard skill to hone.  I would be kind to people while trying to solve their problems in a way that didn’t cost the company a fortune, while making sure the customer would come back to spend more money again. It was hardly a novel concept when I entered the work force at fifteen, but it may well be on its way to extinction now.


*clears throat* For most of my life Recently, I’ve had really poor service.   Miserable cashiers, angry clerks, salesmen too busy to help, and waitresses who couldn’t see my husband have all been annoying me.  Sometimes I wonder if the people behind the registers are dying?  I ask myself, “My God, is this woman trapped here against her will?”  I  glance at her feet to see if she’s tethered. I wouldn’t be surprised at all if she mouthed out “help me” or pointed to undesired track marks on her arms.  


Do y’all remember when the salesperson was helpful?  Remember when they wanted to sell you merchandise whether they were paid hourly or worked on commission?  Yeah, they don’t much do that anymore.  I’m not even sure they give accurate information.  Can I use a stylus on this phone? Is there an additional charge for delivery? Don’t I need a garter belt for these stockings? May I please have Scotch-Guard on this chair?  They dunno.  They don’t think so.  *rolls eyes* If you want answers, you need a manager.


Then there’s a whole new thing where the company tells you, the client who’s paying them, how it’s gonna be.
“Well how we do it is…”  And that’s the end of my patronage, right there.

I don’t need anyone to make a big deal over my mop purchase at the Dollar Tree, but I think “thank you” should be compulsory from anyone who takes my money?

And maybe at the grocer they could not scan and slam my fresh peaches down to the bagger? *gasps in horror*

When I pull a bug off my daughter’s shirt and tell the front desk clerk we’re checkin out, maybe they don’t try to keep our money for the two itchy hours we spent at their hotel?

I’d prefer affable, but I’d settle for just not rude..

If you work in the shoe department, if I ask you for those shoes in a size 2, maybe you say you’ll check.  Maybe you don’t sigh, snatch it out of my hand, and stomp off.  Is that unreasonable?

And what is the deal with extra guac?  Extra guac costs more, but it only weighs about four ounces, so why is it so hard for the server to BRING the extra guac?  And why, when she arrives sans guac, does she roll her eyes at me?  What the fuck is that about?


The last two times we dined out, the servers took my appetizer order and walked away.  Is this a new trend? Men don’t order appetizers anymore?  Or perhaps they believed my husband would like to share my minuscule cup of French onion soup?

Of all the places I go and all the services I use, it’s only my bank that treats me like they  want my business — and I don’t even have real money!  It’s like they care!  When I call, it’s like they’ve been sitting there waiting just for me.  One time, I got disconnected and they called me back! *blinks*
I cannot believe I have just publicly praised a bank, but it’s true.


My bank would totally bring me extra guac for free.  Then they would thank me for choosing their guac and ask me if there’s anything else they could do for me.

About joey

Neurotic Bitch, Mother, Wife, Writer, Word Whore, Foodie and General Go-To-Girl
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16 Responses to It’s Not Customer Service, It’s Just Some Guacamole

  1. alias1on1 says:

    The other little job I have deals with this very issue. I get to speak to people like this every day. Luckily more and more businesses are taking to the idea, realising that poor customer service skills actually make people not want to come back and spend their money. It’s a big deal. It’s sad that people get into these kinds of jobs when they don’t even have the basic skills necessary to deal with people. It gives me great pleasure to evaluate the eye-rollers, less affable and those who don’t give a damn whether you buy or not. Those are my favourites. And then there are the ones you just want to gush over! They’re so rare.


  2. Matt Roberts says:

    Oh man, don’t get me started. You hit the nail on the head here. And that Pulp Fiction guacamole picture says it all when I’m at Chipotle. YES, I KNOW IT’S EXTRA. Every single time. And recently I got gas at a Speedway and they gave me a coupon for a free slice of pizza. I’ve been in FIVE Speedways since I got that coupon and none of them have any pizza made. I threw the coupon away. Not that I like their pizza, it’s always dried out and tough, but it’s free, so why not? Well, because they don’t have any out. Am I supposed to get a frozen slice to take with me? I’m not sure. And there’s a lady at the gas station down the street from me who is a racist against white people. I’ve discovered this the hard way. She never has a smile on her face either, and she’s all “What do you want?” instead of “Can I help you?” I’m telling you, it’s a good thing there’s self checkouts in grocery stores now. UGH.


    • That pizza sounds like a scam! I’m glad you feel me on the guac.


      • Matt Roberts says:

        Well, it’s like one of their food items you can get that’s already made. It sits in this warmer all freaking day and bakes, so by the time you get to it it’s like cardboard. So I’m not too pissed that I didn’t get my free slice, I was just gonna use the coupon cause you know, it’s free stuff lol. But not if they’re not going to have any ready when I’m there. It’s not THAT important or good. And yes, the guac thing needs to stop. My wife and I actually left a Chipotle one night because they ran out of guac. Uh, that’s why we go. lol


  3. Maxima says:

    I wish you a happy first day of spring
    with love stefan maxima


  4. Maxima says:

    My dear friend !I wish you a happy first day of spring


  5. I agree, but…having worked a retail job part-time 2007 to 2009 there’s the reality of what a totally shitty job it is for thousands of people working for low wages with no raises, benefits, promotions or even regular hours, which completely screws their ability to coordinate childcare or travel or dr’s appts or getting enough new skills to get the fuck out of the low-wage ghetto.

    There is, in theory, no excuse for such poor behavior, but many low-wage workers are also exhausted, broke and fed up with corporate greed and inhumane labor practices. They take it out on us. Ugly, yes. Not surprising though.


    • Oh I do agree, not surprising, and more and more an epidemic with each year! Cost of living is such a wreck in contrast to wages. But, I’ve worked retail and food service, and really, while one might be tired or frustrated, it’s not necessary to be so vile to strangers!


      • Oh, it is, sometimes.

        It’s not — ideally — defensible but when you are or feel so utterly powerless against your oppressor (a cheapo employer and some VERY rude and nasty customers), sometimes you just lose your shit. If you ever read my book “Malled” I am honest about the day I went and hid in the stockroom and refused to go back and deal with a bitch from hell at the cash register. We all have limits!


  6. LAMarcom says:

    There is a scene in the TV miniseries “Lonesome Dove” where Gus (Duvall) slams a bartender’s face into the bar, then says to the dude, “I won’t tolerate a surly bartender.” Hope you’ve seen the show or the image won’t come through. Anyhow a little ‘bartender face slamming probably wouldn’t solve the epidemic of lousy service, but damn! Wouldn’t it be fun?!

    Liked by 1 person

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