I bet you’ve all been terribly concerned about what I’ve been doing for the last week. Since so many of you possess such great imaginations, I’m guessing you’ve created an entire drama with me as the star of your show. Non? Really? I was sure you’d imagined my untimely incarceration due to my smothering The Mister with his pillow, or my building a fire in the living room to counteract my lazy thermostat, or perhaps you thought I had been viciously attacked by Chubby Squirrel.
Well, I have considered the fire. I’ve also considered purchasing liquid hot magma from a questionable source on eBay. I figure I could set it on my coffee table and worship it.
In fact, after reading so much about thermostats, furnaces, dampers, and zoning systems, I’m adding HVAC certification to my resume, as one can never be too random or dishonest on a resume.
I’ve decided that if thousands of spare monies fall into our laps, we’d be better off building a fireplace. I assume a fireplace the size of our minivan would be completely acceptable, and because five out of six of us are fire signs, we’ll spend far less on entertainment expenses, since we’ll spend our winters staring at the fire.
I also spent some time trying to figure out if my life insurance payout is too high. I figure it’s not a coincidence that our new insurance started on the fifteenth and within a week, my husband tried to kill me twice in one day, by almost hitting a car, and then by turning the wrong way into traffic on a one-way street.
I found it interesting that after all that, I could still hold his hand and let him lead my blind ass across University Avenue. Blind? Why was I blind, you ask? Well, because once I’ve slipped my sunglasses on, wrapped a scarf around my face, and put a hat over that, my vision is pretty impaired. Add to that the desire to not look at the wind, (If it can’t see me, it can’t get me, right?) keeping my eyes on the ground seemed like the smart thing to do.
And, in the last week, I have complained about the weather. I’m glad it’s winter, I’m glad I don’t live in Georgia anymore, it’s still better than bein hot, oh how I love to look out on the snow, but enough with The Polar Vortex! This is not typical for our region. Snow squalls?!? What?!? It’s not unheard of, but it’s definitely not typical. This weather is brutal, and these two-hour delays mean that my husband is already at work or on campus, so driving the girls to school isn’t possible. Oh Mr School Bus Driver, please, please, come quick!
This morning there were ice crystals on my the bottom edges of my windows, and I wanted to photograph them. I really did. I wanted to see if I could capture their essence as beautifully as Jewels has. But more than that, I wanted to hang out in my three layers of clothing, with my afghan, my cat, my warm laptop, and my hot coffee.
I’ll get to it. I’m sure it’ll be icy again tomorrow morning. And it might even be one of the days the thermostat cooperates!