The Mister cooked tonight. He brought home Foon Ying. Foon Ying means “Welcome” in Cantonese, but it also means I didn’t hafta cook, and that’s the important part.
We have an after-dinner ritual wherein we count to three and crack our fortune cookies at the same time.
Unfortunately, we also have a tradition wherein he gets great fortunes and I get crap ones.
Before we opened our fortune cookies, The Mister explained to the girls how this happens.
“Mama and Daddy have been doing this for…well, since we can remember.”
“Yeah. And I get the worst fortune cookies.”
My fortune cookies speak to me like the disappointed Chinese grandmother I never had.
“She who irons today has time to mend tomorrow.”
“Why you no eat meat in lo mein?”
“Flies never visit an egg that has no crack.”
“That’s enough dumplings for you.”
“Too much wood.”
I scream to disappointed Chinese grandmother, “Bitch, you don’t know my life!”
Meanwhile, The Mister’s fortune cookies read like compliments.
“You’re so handsome!”
“Your wife so lucky!”
“Kill one to warn a hundred.”
“You are destined for greatness!”
“Your dick is the biggest!”
Even if we trade, he will always get the good fortune, while I get the crap.
Tonight, his read, “You will conquer obstacles to achieve success.”
Moo’s read, “Great thoughts come from the heart.”
Sassy’s read, “You are welcome at every gathering.”
Tonight, my fortune cookie was empty.
I KNOW!
This isn’t good for my anxiety. An amateur anxiety-sufferer would look this up on WebMD, you know. But I’m not going to look it up, because I already know I am dying. Who could be wiser than the disappointed Chinese grandmother I never had?
I can’t even complain about the stupidity of the message, because now it’s like disappointed Chinese grandmother has given up on me!
I stop yelling to her. Instead, I plead, “Please, if you’re going to give me the silent treatment, stick an Ativan in there, will ya?”
joeyfullystated 
Such a funny post! That happened to me once, too. Talk about a crappy feeling! Never a good sign to not have a fortune. 🙂
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*notes that Carrie is still alive* Thank you!
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It’s happened to me too! I think the worst one I ever got was: “You like Chinese food.” Like, no shit! I made it all the way to the fortune cookie, what do you think?
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AHAHA! *snort*
I’m so glad I’m not alone!
*adds Linda to still alive list*
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Yeah, sorry I haven’t been around much. This crap with my mother’s hospitalization… she may be in a home within the week. I’m managing to keep my blog running and that’s about it.
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I meant you’re still alive despite the empty fortune cookie, but I am sorry about your mother. ❤
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Ha! I totally missed that. Goes to show I’m feeling guilty, I guess. Either that or I’m not far behind my mother. 😛
Thanks, Joey. 🙂
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*giggles* OR maybe you’re just tired from kids bein home and trudgin through the snow and takin care of your mother.
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You know, that just might have something to do with it!
Haha 😀
Speaking of snow, I’m just about to post some pics I took tonight. I’m amazed out how they turned out. We’re having another blizzard by the way. *rolls eyes*
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I roll my eyes with you. I kept the girls home yesterday, since it was Canada cold and a bus stop day. Today, they closed school. (I wondered how many people went on Monday?)
But, tomorrow promises to be 23 and sunny! And the girls will go to school! Woot!
I look forward to the blizzard photos 🙂
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Yay! I hope mine goes to school tomorrow… but I’m not hoping too hard. I’m afraid of disappointment. 😛
The pictures were taken 4 hours ago and it hasn’t stopped yet.
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ALSO gave me the giggles! Hehehe.
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This: “I think the worst one I ever got was: “You like Chinese food.” Like, no shit! I made it all the way to the fortune cookie, what do you think?”
(not how your mother is sick. I’m sorry to hear about that.)
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😀
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Bwah.
“I can’t even complain about the stupidity of the message, because now it’s like disappointed Chinese grandmother has given up on me! ”
That gave me the giggles. Thanks. 🙂
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😀
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Damn that’s hilarious. Although if they put Ativan in my cookie instead, I wouldn’t give a shit if there was ever a fortune in there again.
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LOL! They’d hafta slip me 3 or 4 to not care about anything.
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Too funn!
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Thanks for stopping by 🙂
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‘Fortune Cooky Deprivation’ is a cruel end to any dinner: you have my deepest sympathy
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Thank you, Peter.
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I look at it this way…any day I don’t have to cook is a +, fortune good by definition. I rest my case…You can return to normal mode now. We eat out on Wednesday…and today is Wednesday, and I have good fortune. How fortunate. Fortunately I see it that way. 🙂
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It’s a very fortunate outlook 🙂
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Haha! My eyes got all wide when you said your cookie was fortune-lacking. I feel like you should just stop trying at life now. I place an incredibly unreasonable amount of faith in those things.
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I know, right? Scary stuff!
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You and hubby should write fortunes for each other and put them in the cookies.
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Me think you whiny complainer. Chinese grandmother already gave you fortune:
His dick is biggest!
XD
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AHAHAHAHA! OMG 😀
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