My mother taught me a long time ago, when people ask you questions that are none of their business, you reply by asking, “Why do you ask?” It redirects them to their own motives.
You should know by now, there is always a motive.
The range of motives varies, and they’re all important.
Who likes being asked, “Do you have plans Saturday afternoon?”
Not me.
Not most introverts.
Do you realize how vague that is?
Why would I confess that I don’t have plans?
My brain wants to hear you say that if I’m available on Saturday afternoon, you’d like to bring a box of kittens and puppies over for a few hours. It is much more likely that you’re going to ask me to attend a party or help you move house, so I will ask you, “Why do you ask?”
“I’m hosting a bridal shower and I could sure use some help.”
“Oh, I’m afraid I’ve developed a terrible allergy to people who don’t understand gift registries and those who make cheesy sexual innuendos that barely passed muster in 1950.”
In face-to-face conversation, this exchange would be met with shock and awe, because I’m incredibly rude. In text, this conversation would end with “Haha. So I guess you don’t wanna help me.”
Why texting is better: Because there are times when not expressing your motive can practically destroy communication lines or allowing people to access your motive too soon can interfere with the outcome.
I’ll give you a few of my own examples.
Sometimes I realize we’re out of butter. I see that it’s fifteen minutes beyond the time that The Mister should be home. I feel conflicted. I don’t want to text him, because he’s probably driving. So, I hafta call.
“Hello Baby.”
I don’t want him to stop and buy butter if he’s right around the corner from home.
“Hi. Where you at?”
>Pause<
“Why, what’s up?”
“We’re outta butter.”
“I’ll turn around.”
Now, I have no idea where he is. I don’t know if he was on our street, or just left work, or has just passed a store, and now I feel guilty for being out of butter, because he hasn’t disclosed his location. I must take it in stride that he’s willing to pick up the butter, regardless.
“Thank you.”
Drew is known for being late. Drew is one of those people about whom it’s said will be late to her own funeral.
Sometimes she’s coming here. She texts me, “On my way xoxoxoxo.”
I have no idea from where she’s coming. You would think it’s irrelevant, but it’s not. She could be three hours away at home, or an hour away at Beauty Queen’s, or fifteen minutes away at The Palace of Rules. So, I hafta call her, cause she’s definitely driving.
“Where you at?”
“Jesus, Mary, and Joseph! You sound like Mom! I just got on the interstate!”
I don’t want her to feel rushed, or as if she’s unwelcome.
“Sorry. I just wondered if I should put this batter in the fridge and get in the shower, or if I should finish up and then shower. About how long til you get here? Have I got more than an hour?”
>SIGH<
“You have time to do whatever!”
“Okies, thank you. DriveSafeLoveYouBye!”
These conversations are totally different in text. And are good examples of reasons introverts prefer text.
“Can you stop and pick up some butter before you come home?”
“Yes.”
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
“On my way xoxoxoxo”
“Where you comin from? I got muffins in and I need a shower.”
“School.”
“Okies. See you later. Drive Safe and all that. Love you.”
See how that works?
For best results, text to talk to introverts.
Can you relate?
joeyfullystated 
Oh boy do I ever relate to this. I detest talking on the phone. Texting is like the only way I communicate with most people. I avoid phone conversations like the plague.
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Sometimes I wonder how I made it before texting. I would cringe every time the phone rang. (I still do. Luckily, it doesn’t ring much anymore.) I LOVE that tweet. It’s so true.
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I love that hardly anyone calls me. Like, really, really love it. I love that my friends text to ask me if it’s a good time to chat. I love that my kids get most of the phone calls. I love caller ID. Introverts have so much to love about technology!
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Totally on board with this. Intovert. Text is so much easier to receive and handle. Plus, my questions are way less likely to sound defensive, angry or stupid. Oh, I will always turn around for butter or bacon or beer.
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Agreed. The “tone” of texts always sound less emotional.
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I love texting I hate answering the phone
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Totally hate the phone. Great post; wise Mother!
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Thanks!
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Oh yeah! Texting wins every time. 🙂
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Now I must say, I have never thought about the situation like this. Being an old hag, all this texting is fairly new anyway. I have found it helpful to encourage my housekeeper to just text me which day she’s coming to clean…better than dealing with all the awkward mumblings that go on pre and post “I’m coming on Wednesday”…so what you say makes a lot of sense. I also love the “why do you ask?” It fits the bill to put the onus where it belongs..:)
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honestly (cause that’s what we do here), i thought this post was going in a different direction. i thought you were giving us an important lesson on how to put people in their place when they ask stupid, sometimes hurtful questions. i was all excited because after years (and years and years) of dealing with people asking ‘Are you pregnant’ when I gained weight or statements about how tiny Espy was as a baby or a plethora of unnecessary awful things that people say, my mother-in-law gave me the best advice. She said always ask them what they mean so they have to repeat it and mortify themselves with an explanation.
however…this post was equally as satisfying because the number one reason i text people is because it gives me control. i can end the exchange whenever i want by either not responding or claiming bad reception. I’m not good at getting off the phone. I let people ramble on forever about shit I couldn’t be less interested in with effort.
That was way too long a response and I apologize. I just get excited when I find someone who I can relate to and unfortunately for you – it’s you.
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I do honesty, yup, and you do too. On the contrary to your apology, I feel you should write longer responses whenever you’re inclined!
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I do not do or like the text thingy. Have a client (attorney) that does it all the time and half the time I have no clue what he’s trying to say. For example, I sent him work I’d done for him. He responded with TU UR Check. Now what the heck does that mean?
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LOL I dunno, maybe Thank You for Your Check?
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I wish. Just hope he doesn’t text the Judge (he does judicial stuff).
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HB 2 u c u soon be gr8
This is the sort of text Fitty sends… and it makes me want to punch him in the face. So I can totally see the frustration above.
I am happy to talk on the phone, my texts always turn into long conversations, and f#*k me if I’m gonna type all that?
Each to our own?
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Huh?
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Yes, to each his own 🙂
I do not text speak. No one I know is paying per character anymore, so I don’t know why it continues!
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This is amazing and the pinnacle of truth insofar as the dilemma of texting vs. calling. A literal daily struggle. Great post!! 🙂
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Thanks, Alanna 🙂
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No, Thank YOU! I love your blog so much! I love when I come across blogs I’m like definitely must follow right now! haha 🙂
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That was such an awesome compliment 🙂
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Oh yes, I’ve become more like this in recent years as I finally accepted my introversion. 🙂 It’s just so much easier, although there are times comments I make in print come off more coldly, I find. But for the most part, texting is my preference too. By the way, I love the “Why do you ask?” tip from your mom. Have to remember that!
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I love texting like I love the self-check-out at the grocery store (which is a lot).
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