My mother taught me a long time ago, when people ask you questions that are none of their business, you reply by asking, “Why do you ask?” It redirects them to their own motives.
You should know by now, there is always a motive.
The range of motives varies, and they’re all important.
Do you realize how vague that is?
Why would I confess that I don’t have plans?
My brain wants to hear you say that if I’m available on Saturday afternoon, you’d like to bring a box of kittens and puppies over for a few hours. It is much more likely that you’re going to ask me to attend a party or help you move house, so I will ask you, “Why do you ask?”
“I’m hosting a bridal shower and I could sure use some help.”
“Oh, I’m afraid I’ve developed a terrible allergy to people who don’t understand gift registries and those who make cheesy sexual innuendos that barely passed muster in 1950.”
In face-to-face conversation, this exchange would be met with shock and awe, because I’m incredibly rude. In text, this conversation would end with “Haha. So I guess you don’t wanna help me.”
Why texting is better: Because there are times when not expressing your motive can practically destroy communication lines or allowing people to access your motive too soon can interfere with the outcome.
I’ll give you a few of my own examples.
Sometimes I realize we’re out of butter. I see that it’s fifteen minutes beyond the time that The Mister should be home. I feel conflicted. I don’t want to text him, because he’s probably driving. So, I hafta call.
I don’t want him to stop and buy butter if he’s right around the corner from home.
“Hi. Where you at?”
“Why, what’s up?”
“We’re outta butter.”
“I’ll turn around.”
Now, I have no idea where he is. I don’t know if he was on our street, or just left work, or has just passed a store, and now I feel guilty for being out of butter, because he hasn’t disclosed his location. I must take it in stride that he’s willing to pick up the butter, regardless.
Drew is known for being late. Drew is one of those people about whom it’s said will be late to her own funeral.
Sometimes she’s coming here. She texts me, “On my way xoxoxoxo.”
I have no idea from where she’s coming. You would think it’s irrelevant, but it’s not. She could be three hours away at home, or an hour away at Beauty Queen’s, or fifteen minutes away at The Palace of Rules. So, I hafta call her, cause she’s definitely driving.
“Where you at?”
“Jesus, Mary, and Joseph! You sound like Mom! I just got on the interstate!”
I don’t want her to feel rushed, or as if she’s unwelcome.
“Sorry. I just wondered if I should put this batter in the fridge and get in the shower, or if I should finish up and then shower. About how long til you get here? Have I got more than an hour?”
“You have time to do whatever!”
“Okies, thank you. DriveSafeLoveYouBye!”
These conversations are totally different in text. And are good examples of reasons introverts prefer text.
“Can you stop and pick up some butter before you come home?”
“On my way xoxoxoxo”
“Where you comin from? I got muffins in and I need a shower.”
“Okies. See you later. Drive Safe and all that. Love you.”
See how that works?
For best results, text to talk to introverts.
Can you relate?