Not As Bad As I Used to Be

Posted on March 28, 2015 by joey

I’ve been…introverting. Or avoidant. Or busy. Whatever.
I’ve been extremely productive at my house.
I’ve been fairly productive with my novel.
I’ve been adequately productive with my yard.
I’ve been exercising more.
But what I’ve really been doin well is thinkin.
Mullin.
Dwellin.
Ponderin.
Wallerin in thought.

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And that’s why I’ve been a little distracted.
It’s a special kind of neurotic who can hoard mental energy and then eventually harness it into physical endeavors. The trick is to not overthink. And of course, not to think yourself right out of doing things.

It’s a matter of self-preservation, really.
My anxiety has been outrageously high lately. I do not know why. If you’ve read my Oatmeal post, or you have anxiety disorder, then you know it’s both important and impossible not to ask why. When I get like this, I remember how bad I used to be.

You see, I used to be a skosh bit obsessively obsessive. I couldn’t stop moving. If I stopped moving, I might have realized that despite my concentrated efforts, nothing was perfect, not even me. I had to learn to stop tryin to fix. I had to learn to stop cleaning. I had to learn to stop and smell the roses instead of just pruning and feeding them. I had to learn to sit down. I had to learn to sleep. I still struggle with all these things, but I’m not as bad as I used to be.

I always feel better when I’m doing stuff, but it’s equally important to take time to be.

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I’ve been given a lot of food for thought over the last few weeks, and I needed time to chew on it.

Fortunately, Prajakta has given me a writing assignment, which will distract me from myself and allow me to focus on love.
I’ll be workin on that today.
Homework for my soul.

This post is part of LindaGHill’s SoCS 

About joey

Neurotic Bitch, Mother, Wife, Writer, Word Whore, Foodie and General Go-To-Girl
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21 Responses to Not As Bad As I Used to Be

  1. LindaGHill says:
    March 28, 2015 at 1:14 PM

    Stress does all these things to me – I don’t need anxiety for it all. But I suppose in a small way they’re the same. Have fun with your project, my dear. 🙂
    By the way, I posted your link in the comments on the prompt post so people would see it. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. edwinasepisodes says:
    March 28, 2015 at 1:14 PM

    I was exhausted reading that! You have been really busy in one way or another. I am glad that, by the sounds of it, you are better than you were. I am looking forward to reading your assignment too 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Prajakta says:
    March 28, 2015 at 1:55 PM

    You have had a busy time! That’ll put in a great perspective to the love assignment 😀 Good luck

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Carrie Rubin says:
    March 28, 2015 at 2:00 PM

    “I always feel better when I’m doing stuff, but it’s equally important to take time to be.”—Finding that balance between doing stuff and taking time to be is tricky for sure. Too much of the former, and we risk becoming basket cases. Too much of the latter, and our lives risk falling into disarray. And so we keep fiddling with the scale, hoping to eventually get it right…

    Liked by 3 people

  5. herheadache says:
    March 28, 2015 at 2:33 PM

    Thanks for getting me to give the SoCS blog prompt finally. I have seen several bloggers doing it and never tried before.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Sherry says:
    March 28, 2015 at 5:14 PM

    There is something wonderful about people who take charge of themselves, spend time working themselves out and then live. They make the best mentors, and in some strange way, you really are mentoring me Joey. Though from afar, you are the master. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  7. joeyfullystated says:
    March 28, 2015 at 8:15 PM

    Damn, that’s an amazing compliment, Sherry, thank you ❤

    Like

  8. meANXIETYme says:
    March 28, 2015 at 8:32 PM

    I thought I was tired before I read this post! I know how you feel and I empathize with all of it.

    For me, I gotta balance the chewing and the avoiding. So chew on, but not so much that you break a tooth, okay? I know you and dental work don’t mix…

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Britt Skrabanek says:
    March 29, 2015 at 1:20 PM

    I hear ya, honey! It’s difficult for me to sit still, but I do try to find time by throwing in some meditation or a more restorative Yoga class. I’m going floating tomorrow evening, another thing I’ve discovered to keep me balanced.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. reocochran says:
    March 29, 2015 at 1:41 PM

    This was a beautiful piece of artwork. I also felt more ‘me’ when I was younger and moved everywhere, always in action. I now am a bit calmer, relaxed but still sometimes get bursts of energy where I have to keep on moving!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Sammy D. says:
    March 29, 2015 at 7:49 PM

    Oh, Joey …

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Fourth Generation Farmgirl says:
    March 31, 2015 at 12:37 PM

    Loved this post! I can completely relate; I always feel better when I’m busy doing stuff, too. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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