Stephellaneous did this thing last night, and I liked it, so I’m doin it too. Please note that Too Much Information is right there in the title and consider yourselves warned. Here’s a pretty picture of a peony. It is completely unrelated to the content of this post.
1 – Boxer shorts or budgy smugglers?
Are these the only choices? Am I wearing them? I’ll take the boxers. On a man, boxers are fine, boxer briefs even better. The tight, smooth, silky–
2 – What color of underwear are you currently wearing?
I wore underwear maybe Wednesday. Whatever night I was summoned to kill the spider, I was definitely wearing underwear then. They were white.
3 – How long have you been wearing them for?
I should think my mother first put me in underwear around age two. I’ve been told I potty-trained early, so I’m not sure. There are many pictures of me outdoors in underwear around age three. If you’d like, I could call my mother and check.
4 – Do you ever use binoculars to watch people?
No. Birds and squirrels now and again, but not people.
5 – Have you ever kicked someone in the groin?
I don’t think so. I’m more of a hitter.
6 – Would you pull a trigger?
I have pulled a trigger. I don’t like it. Recoil very boom.
7 – If you met your favorite celebrity, and they wanted to make out with you, would you?
Oh my. No. So married.
8 – Have you ever slept in the same bed with someone you were not in a relationship with (not talking about sex and one-night-stands)?
Yes. Many times, many people.
9 – Have you had one-night-stands?
10 – Does sex have the same importance to you now compared to when you were younger?
Are you kidding? Sex is way more important now. You know we’re all dying, right?
11 – Have you ever eaten a worm?
Yes I have. Tequila. Mmhm.
12 – What’s the grossest thing you’ve ever eaten?
Maybe that worm, maybe calf brains, maybe fish eye balls, maybe roasted grasshoppers, I don’t know, you choose. I like to try stuff.
13 – How long do you spend sitting on the toilet?
A few minutes, if that.
14 – What do you do when you sit there (besides the obvious)?
Entertain my pets. Pets love to visit us in the bathroom, don’t they? If I’m struggling to relax, I may read magazine or scroll my Instagram. I know it’s very popular to Twitter-Poo, but I don’t. Instagram only.
15 – Have you ever been peed at?
Yes. I think. I don’t know if I understand the question. I have children. I have handled puppies. No one has come at me with their urine stream like a water pistol.
16 – What’s the grossest thing you have ever swallowed?
17 – What’s the constantly dirtiest place in your home?
The ceiling fan in the master bedroom.
18 – Why don’t you clean it?
Because I am short. Because I have short arms. Because it’s very icky. Because I have allergies and it makes me sneeze, makes my eyes itch and water. Because I have to lay a sheet down to catch the ew that doesn’t go in the pillowcase. So gnarly.
19 – Do you eat your boogers?
No. I am quite snotty and dislike being more than a foot from tissues.
20 – Can you describe the one smell that makes you gag?
My Felicity kitty had a kind of carcinoma where the tumor reeked of necrotic tissue. It churned my stomach somethin awful in the last few days of her life.
21 – Have you ever had head lice?
No. But I have had plenty of imaginary head lice and a dire lack of trust which caused me to treat myself for head lice every time my kids got it.
22 – Have you ever been utterly disappointed in someone?
That’s like asking me if I breathe. Yes. Yes I have.
23 – Have you ever been scared of someone?
Yes. Some people are creepy as fuck.
24 – What do you do when you’re drunk that you wouldn’t want anyone to know about?
Nothing. I have no shame about drunken me. She’s fun like whoa. She’s friendly and happy and enthusiastic…
25 – Have you tried pole dancing?
26 – Have you been in a strip club?
27 – Have you ever run over an animal?
Yes. It’s very disturbing. I don’t recommend getting out to look, but you have to get out and look.
28 – Have you ever peed in snow?
Yes, but I was unable to write my name in it.
29 – Have you ever made fun of someone and then regretted it?
I can’t think of a single time, but surely I have. I don’t often make fun of people, but when I do, I like to do it in such a way that they’re not sure I’m making fun of them and I never regret it. I like to replay it later and laugh quietly to myself.
30 – What’s your favorite kind of question on Cards for Humanity (if you know the game)?
I have never played this game and I am sad.
31 – If the father of your best friend hit on you, what would you say to him?
I would shock-punch him in the face. Do I have to use my words for that? No. No, I don’t think so.
32 – Would you go out on a date with someone half your age or double your age?
No. Married, but even still, no.
33 – Do you clean the sink after brushing your teeth?
Yes. God yes. This is very important to me.
34 – Have you ever spat in someone’s food or drink?
35 – Have you ever kissed someone only to be grossed out afterwards?
Yes. Terrible. Just everything on the date goin fine and then OH Hell NO.
36 – What is your number one goal in life, and are you living it?
One goal? Above all else? Er, no. I don’t have a number one goal. I have a long list of goals and I am makin progress.
37 – Do you spy on your neighbor(s)? If yes, why?
Kinda. I’m mindful. I know who belongs here and who doesn’t. I believe it’s an important element to reducing crime as well as preventing dead women from being eaten by their cats.
38 – Have you ever danced and/or cried in the rain?
Yes and yes, but my cry in the rain was a happy one.
39 – Have you ever ditched work to just chill out on your own (with or without Netflix)?
Not when employed, no, but as a housewife, I’ll ditch laundry or garden or whatever to read or binge watch. My boss is such a nag though. She’s impossible to work with.
40 – And this one is from Steph: What do you wish you were doing right now (uncensored)?
My mind immediately goes to sex, but that’s only a few hours away. I’m still really hung up on why I’m not day drinking with my friends while someone rubs my feet.
Happy Friday Everyone!