Last month, I finally went in for my eye exam.
I dread the eye doctor. I call them die doctors. And for good reason.
When I was in high school, I had chronic migraines. Well, I have had migraines since then, but fewer and fewer each year. Anyway, when I was in high school I had chronic migraines and as a course of diagnosing why, I had to go get my eyes checked. My mother picked me up early from school and took me to the eye care place. The appointment was okay, but I had to walk home. This wouldn’t ordinarily be a big deal, except my eyes had been dilated.
Unless you’ve walked a lil over a mile west, on a bridge over I-465 and then walked across State Road 37 with your eyes dilated…You don’t know my pain.
Didn’t I have sunglasses?
Had my mother or the staff even thought of this?
It was fairly traumatic. Think of it as though you were blindfolded, walking home, really only able to see the road under your feet.
It’s not like I didn’t walk those places before and after that day, but FULL VISUAL CAPABILITY IS VERY HELPFUL in high traffic areas.
Once I got home, I had a migraine. Go figure.
I didn’t see the die doctor again for a decade.
My husband took me to the eye doctor because when I was pregnant with Sassy, she ruined my perfect eyesight. I forget why that happens during pregnancy, but it does, and it happened to me. Honest to goodness, if you’ve ever read a list of common problems during pregnancy it’s amazing any of us are here. What does that say about us? Our desire for sex and our will to procreate are stronger than avoiding a list that includes constant vomiting, temporary blindness, nerve damage…She’s 13 and my hip still hurts.
“But I don’t want to go to the die doctor!” I slipped.
It just stuck after that.
Die Doctor. Bah.
I had to take Sassy to the die doctor when she was three. She had a little cyst on her eyelid. I decided not to refer to the eye doctor as the die doctor, for Sassy’s sake. I had to pretend that the die doctor’s office was a cool place and nothing bad would happen to her there. Sassy had such a good time with the Nice Lady Eye Doctor and the testing equipment, she wanted to be an eye doctor for years and years.
There were always more trips to the die doctor, but I wouldn’t get my eyes dilated every time.
“Just vision screenings for me, thanks!”
“Y’all can dilate my eyes when my husband is stateside, thanks!”
That’s what I’d planned this last time. Just a vision screening.
We have new insurance. It’s great insurance, but if you’ve ever changed insurance, you know finding a doctor in your new plan can be a challenge.
I tried to find Nice Lady Eye Doctor, but her office wasn’t there anymore and I couldn’t remember her name, so I chose the eye place on Shadeland where I went 20-some years ago.
Can you even believe that’s Nice Lady Eye Doctor’s office now? What serendipity!
“Just a vision screening for me, thanks!”
Nice Lady Eye Doctor said stuff like ‘eye health, blah blah, age blah, brain blah, nerves, blah blah.’
But, she told me the new drops aren’t like the old drops and I’d be fine to drive home and go to work and whatever else. She was right, too.
I tell ya, Nice Lady Eye Doctor is trustworthy, and I cannot call her the die doctor.
Via the phone, I tried at least 20 frames before narrowing it down for my mother, The Mister, and True.
That went like this:
They look like you’re wearing goggles to prevent blood spatter.
Those are good.
I like those.
I took a second picture in that pair and my mother said, “No.”
I text, “Same pair!”
She didn’t like them as much without a smile.
Cause that’s what mothers do, tell you to smile and pull your hair out of your face, and Honey, put a lil lipstick on, ya look like you’re dead.
I tell ya, I still like the blood spatter goggles. Maybe for my second pair…
I’m older and blinder, if you can imagine. I’m still better than 20/20 in distance, and I still only need readers, but given the increasing degree of my close-up blindness, or my shrinking arms, or whatever, I now have *achem* transitional lenses. This means my feet are blurry, but I can read all my bad fortune cookies.
Do you like the
die eye doctor? Do you enjoy shopping for glasses?