Dogs Don’t Need Porn

Until I moved to Georgia, I’d gone to the same vet all my life. That’s why it came as such a surprise when I accidentally took my dog to the porn shop at seven o’clock in the morning.

You’d think I’d know the way. But, to be fair, it isn’t my side of town, and most of the time, my mother had gone with me, if not driven me there. (Before I had babies, I had kittens, and she was a very involved grandmother, even with kittens.)

dogporn3

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Eventually, we moved north of the city, and when it came time for my dog to be neutered, I struggled to remember where the vet was, exactly. Small blue concrete building off a diagonal street. I called my dad. He said to take Pendleton Pike past the Menards and I would see it to the left.
Fair enough.
I left Bubba and Sissy with Beauty Queen, so she could get them on the bus, and I headed southwest with my dog, all by myself, all grown-up like.

The problem was, I’d moved so far north that the exit took me past the Menards to begin with.
Oopsies.

I drove west on the pike, until I saw a small blue concrete building to the left.  I pulled in, got my dog out, and headed for the door.

That’s when shit got weird.

The door had a poster of some blonde, buxom woman.  She wore one of those bathing suits where the fabric formed an x across her breasts.  She wore thigh-high black leather boots and was armed with black automatic weapons.

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I’ll be honest.  I found it strange that Dr. S. would have this on the door. But I was rushed, didn’t want to be late, and so I did not pause to think about this…Until I entered the little blue concrete building – that’s when the essence of the building really took its hold on me.

peep show, many men, nasty man, my that dildo is big! videos, a smell, neon lights, viewing room this way, dirty carpet, so.many.posters, golden shower extravaganza…

As surprised as I was by my accidental trip to the porn shop, the people inside were much more surprised that I brought my dog.
(Which reminds me, do not Google ‘dog porn.’ You will need brain bleach.)

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I left the building.  I went to my MIL’s, called my dad again, “Dr. S. not there! Porn shop! 7am! People saw my car there! I took dog in! People in porn shop at 7am! Me with dog! All gone vet!”
My dad laughed, “Go back and drive farther.”

Yesss, farther it was.  Poster of Basset Hound on door.  Smell of animals and rubbing alcohol. Whew.

All the way home, I was torn between laughter and confusion.

The Mister drove us to the vet today. This is his side of town.
Before we left, I asked FIL how he would go. He said to take the Pike, Massachusetts veers left and 38th continues on the right.
I asked The Mister if he knew where he was going, and he said, “to 38th right now.”  It was uncanny — just try to imagine my hysteria! when he pulled into the parking lot of the porn shop! and questioned whether he should continue west on Massachusetts? Trying not to freak out and lose my shit, trying not to scream out, “This is not the vet!” I calmed myself and said that the address was on Massachusetts, so we left the porno parking lot, continuing west on Massachusetts. Just when we’d both given up, I called the vet’s office. As soon as the woman answered the phone, I saw the sign across the street. It’s actually at the corner of Massachusetts, Arlington and 34th. It’s now a white building, which should help. It’s a tricky locale, it really is.
*nods*

eastside

Looking at this map just now, I realize why The Mister pulled out onto the pike and said, “I have no idea how I got here. That was 34th Street.”

About joey

Neurotic Bitch, Mother, Wife, Writer, Word Whore, Foodie and General Go-To-Girl
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14 Responses to Dogs Don’t Need Porn

  1. LindaGHill says:

    That is disturbing on soooo many levels. haha!

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  2. I did that myself when I was at University. No dog, but I mistook it for a second hand book shop and wandered in with my girlfriend of the time whistling in a cheery manner to see all these odd guys in long coats. I don’t know who was more surprised. It made us laugh though.

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  3. Lily Mugford says:

    Thanks for the morning laugh and the reminder that even when I am in a hurry, I need to be aware of my surroundings before proceeding. I hope your dog is not traumatized..

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  4. Sherry says:

    Now that’s as inventive a story as any I’ve ever heard to explain why your car was spotted in the porn parking lot. I gotta hand it to ya. Hope you and the Mister enjoyed your new toys! 😉

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  5. Tracey Neil says:

    lol, the fact that you got to the same parking lot twice meant you were meant to see that big dildo, but OMG, peep show kinda porn shop?? wow…you live on the wild side, and your little dog too. lol

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  6. trendyhammer says:

    Thanks for that Joey, I REALLY ENJOYED THAT. 🙂

    MUCH Appreciated. 🙂

    Like

  7. Matt Roberts says:

    This is hysterical on so many levels. You shoulda told the porn people that it was your seeing eye dog.

    Like

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