Check Your Blindspot

Y’all, I am diggin deep to bring you a smile on this Friday. Laughs are hard to come by this week, yeah? No doubt you appreciate my dedication.

Okay, well, Marian and Laura both shared stories of their accidents and I responded to them both, “If you’re gonna have an accident, that’s a good one to have.” I know that, cause I’ve had a good accident.

I’ve had an accident that wasn’t so good, because people are assholes who make blind left turns and crash their big metal truck all into Joey’s lil white Neon, causing her banana split to paint the interior of her car and ruining her plans to go through fabric with not-then MIL.
That’s what life is like. You get off work, stop at the DQ for sweets, head to Mamaw’s and then BOOM! BIG TRUCK! No ice cream or fabric for you! No invitation to stay for supper. Instead, you gotta go home and call your insurance agent and a body shop and do stupid, responsible, adulty things like find out what a deductible is and cry into your Kraft dinner.
Not so good.

 

Imma tell you about this accident cause it’s funny, and because it was my fault.

I ran over our television.

I know.

Let that sink in.

I ran over our television.

The Mister wasn’t home, but he’d been home. Was it R&R or stateside time? I don’t know when. I have no sense of time in Georgia. My husband was gone more than he was home, it was hot as blazes, and I lived in a shoe. It’s blurry. There isn’t a photo of it so I’ll never be able to tell you when it was.

We had purchased a new television. A flat screen. Consequently, The Mister carried the behemoth box of a tv to the curb. Hercules! Hercules! Hercules!

I had asked him to put it out the previous week, on trash day, but he is a procrastinator, so he put it out the last day he was home. Hot shoe blur.

I backed out of our garage, and out of our drive, and BOOM! CRRRUNCH! Initially, I had no idea what I’d hit, cause minivan. Oh. Tv.

“Mama!”
“It’s okay, Mama hit the tv.”
“Why?”
“I forgot it was there.”
“Why?”
“It was an accident. That’s why it’s good you have carseats.”
“Stuck safe!”
“Stuck safe!”

I pulled back in a bit, adjusted my angle and pulled back out.

People came out of their homes to see what happened. My friend CaliGirl asked if we were okay. She seemed to think running over a television was a bad thing or somethin. I told her I was fine. I said, “If I had to have an accident, that’s a good one to have.”

When I got to where I was going (probably the commissary, cause shoe) I looked at it, and I thought, well that’s not too bad.
It’s not as though our minivan is a … well, she’s a minivan. She’s essentially a traveling shoe.

sadie-balloon

she has many dents, but i made the biggest one   *not pictured

At some point, I had to tell The Mister that I’d run over our television. I knew it would lead to endless, torturous comments about women drivers and a substantial amount of teasing, but I had to tell him.

So I did.
And you know what he said?
“I fuckin knew you were gonna hit it!”

the_look
“If you knew I was gonna hit it, then why did you put it in my blindspot?!? Why didn’t you put it out there when YOU were still driving?!?”
“I even thought I should move it away from the driveway s’more, so you’d see it.”
“Then why didn’t you?!?”
“Ahahahaha! I fuckin knew you were gonna hit it!”

Happy Friday Everyone! Check your blindspot!

About joey

Neurotic Bitch, Mother, Wife, Writer, Word Whore, Foodie and General Go-To-Girl
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40 Responses to Check Your Blindspot

  1. lorriedeck says:

    Haha! Men. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Benson says:

    Wait a minute. Was it a new working TV? Sitting outdoors? In either event I am sure the dead TV had a great story for all the guys in appliance Heaven. Your caution should be taken to heart. “Check your blindspot”. That should be on a shirt.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. April says:

    I think we like to laugh because we all have good accidents. I had one when I ran my son’s truck into the garage door. At least I found a way to get his butt out of bed.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Laura says:

    Thanks for the weblog, Joey, and I’m LOCING your tv story.
    You knew I’d hit it? Really? Then I’m thinking you definitely should have put it further over… 😂

    Liked by 1 person

  5. ghostmmnc says:

    Glad no one was hurt in the crushing of the old TV. Makes for a good story, though. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Ally Bean says:

    I backed my mother’s car out of her skinny garage and hit the side of the garage, making a huge dent in her car and the garage. She said the same thing that your husband did: “I knew you were going to hit it.” I asked her why she didn’t mention that I was swerving when I backed out and she told me it was so I’d always remember to back out straight. Kind of worked, sad to say.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. HaHA! I loved this Joey, poor TV!! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Could have been worse ? Could have happened indoors. ☺

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I thought you ran over it because you checked the guide and realized there was nothing to watch except talk shows and reality shows. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Nancy says:

    Child’s play…I backed into my son’s car pulling out of our drive. The truly sad part was that I was the one who parked his car there moments before. I only squished the bumper a little but he is SO touchy about it.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. That’s a good accident, Joey, and one that makes a great story after it’s over. It could have been worse: you could have hit the house. Could have been much worse. There are people who have run over their dogs or their children. Those are never funny.

    janet

    Like

  12. marianallen says:

    We had a big ol’ van for awhile. Not a minivan — a big ol’ van. Loved that thang. Don’t nobody mess with an obviously post-menopausal woman in a big ol’ van. ~sentimental sigh~

    Liked by 2 people

  13. reocochran says:

    This was a good accident!! I am so happy to see your face giving us this “attitude” shot, Joey! It is hilarious!
    It is YOU giving the Mister “that look,” it is giving me hope for my upcoming week, since I need a little of my own attitude to face work.
    I have every Sunday to give myself a kick in the butt! Now, I am getting ready a day earlier!
    (I agree, if someone knew you would hit the TV then someone should have placed it in a better place!!) 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      Thanks for your support. I hope your week goes better than expected.
      That particular look was captured at my eldest daughter, but it’s a universal look, hm?

      Like

  14. pluviolover says:

    We should have cars that do not need to be backed up. If we need to go the other way, we should only have to swivel the seat about and off we go. Kind of like the Ferries on Puget Sound, both ends are fronts, depending which was they wanna go.

    Like

  15. Yeah, a crunching sound going forward or backing up is never a good thing. Heaven knows I’ve heard that noise a number of times. Glad everyone was okay. 🙂

    Like

  16. Anxious Mom says:

    LOL! I hate when Sam does that. I screw up and he says “Oh yeah, I knew you’d…” Apparently our clumsiness is their for their amusement. 😛

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Dan Antion says:

    At least you didn’t hit the new flat screen deal. That’s a great accident. No real harm done and The Mister gets a good laugh. “Stuck safe” indeed!

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Sorry that’s funny! 🙂 Hate those blindspots.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. dalecooper57 says:

    Nice going.
    Although I think Brian Harvey (from ’90s boy band, East 17) has you beat.
    He ran over himself.
    Breaking his legs, shattering his pelvis and putting himself in a coma for nearly a month in the process.

    And on what did he blame this astonishing accident?

    A baked potato.

    Like

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