You know how sometimes you dunno what causes a thing until it happens a second time? Yeah?
Well, one night last week Sadie was actin weird. She kept me up half the night, traipsing around with her clickety-clack toenails and her jingle-jangle tags, and the pant-pant-whine of her stupid furry face.
It’s always my side of the bed — kids, dogs — always the mama, am I right?
When I got up in the morning, I don’t know when, but early, I was all, “I was up til three cause the stupid dog was acting fucking weird!” and Sassy said, “Same.”
So last night, The Mister and Sadie performed their nighttime ritual — He took her out and she did her tricks and she got her cookie and again she did not lay down and sleep her face. She hung around with the panting and the whine and bout drove me outta my mind. AGAIN.
I tried all the same stuff one does to appease those who do not speak. I checked her water. I loved her up. I snuggled her. I rubbed her tummy. I scratched her snout. I made her a special pallet with a pillow and some dirty clothes. She would not lie down and shut up and go to sleep.
Too close to infant care for me. This is why I don’t have more babies and why I don’t adopt puppies and OMFG DOG, WHAT DO YOU WANT!?
I am not the dog whisperer.
Finally, at 3:50 A-fucking-M, I took her outside. She was eager to go. I stood there, vulnerable in the darkness — is my yard four times bigger in the dark, or nah? — while that bitch sniffed every single freakin blade of grass and made absolutely nothin. Then, she plopped down in the center of the patio and with her eyes, she said to me, “You may go now.” It turns out THAT is what she wanted.
Oh Hell No! It’d been a long time since I was so angry.
You know those times when you take a deep breath and count to ten? Yeah, I should’ve done that. But no, I went in and yelled at MY husband about MY dog and as is typical, he yelled louder and went back to sleep.
The nerve of these people who can always, always sleep!
I went back outside in the darkness and practically herded my dog indoors. I gave her half a cookie, pointed to the living room, and told her “Go Lie Down!” She trotted off to our bedroom instead.
When I arrived, I SAW. The window was open. Sadie was poised nose to air, obviously engaged in some sorta olfactory delight. She wanted to be where the smells are. Unfortunately, I wanted her not to die a tragic traffic death. Impasse. Total impasse.
I closed the window and snapped my fingers, “Out! Out! Out!” With a huff, I shut the door almost closed.
She went nigh nigh. In the living room. Like a good bitch should.
Stupid smells. Mama needs her sleep.
Stream of Consciousness Saturday — SoCS ‘smell’ is brought to you by LindaGHill